DISCLAIMER: I do not own anything but the plot.

It was a past that was almost forgotten, never really disappeared. He thought he already handled it, far before he became a vampire; but then again, he never really handled it, did he?

His breathing was short and ragged, as his mind replayed once more the nightmare that graced his dreams. No…It wasn't just a nightmare. It was a memory he never reminisce, kept away and locked behind thousands of doors inside his subconscious.

As a human, the fear would probably be categorized merely as paranoia, however as vampire, with his emotions enhanced thousands of folds, the fear was agonizing.

Trying to calm himself, he tried to look around his room, to regain his grip to the present, far away from the memories and the past. When he found his pen lying about at his desk, with a few sheets of paper, he decided to write as an act of calming himself.

|Stefan's Diary: The Unforgiven|

By Sapphire09

I. Nightmare

Sunday, (there was a date and a month here, but it was scribbled over, like an afterthought, so it could not be read), 2012

It had taken me more than one and a half century to finally write this down. A moment of my life, the one and only memory I tried to bury, to forget, among many others. What had transpired was not to be talked about, never to be said or told, a terrible taint for both the family history and himself, a degradation and a mocking gesture to her, to mother's, memory…

Perhaps, at the time, I had deserved what he forced upon me. I had disobeyed him, and it was within his right to be angry. It had been a mistake I made, and I accepted that. I led him to believe what was done was needed to be done for me to enforce my obedience. He couldn't stand to have me start on acting like Damon, so his words had said to me. The punishment was just, and I never again argue with his decisions.

At the time, I thought he was right.

What he had done… No one knew but us. It was the dark splotch that tainted and strained our relationship for days after. I hadn't even dared to look at him. My body would tremble in fear every time I hear his voice called my name.

It was unsightly, he said, for sons to act how I acted to their fathers. He commanded me to stop at once and start to act like the son that I am.

What he asked was almost impossible for me to be done. What he did… His punishment was still too fresh inside my mind. It was when he start threatening me that I forced my mind to forget.

It was almost like a compulsion, how my brain erased the details of that incident overnight. Perhaps it was trauma, or perhaps it was my prayers, but then again, it could also be a simple case of strong denial. Whatever it was, it helped to make me and my father return to our usual father-and-son dynamic. I became his good, obedient son, and he was delighted.

I listened to his words and commands without question, and the thought of saying 'no' never crossed my mind for a long while.

For two long years, until I 'died', I had managed…

However, now I find my nightmare haunting me once more. My memory of that day is clear inside my head, from beginning to end. Why now, I asked myself, as I was woken from my slumber last night by those nightmarish memory. For almost two centuries it never bothered me, the memories were locked away deep behind my subconscious, inside a Pandora's Box that never meant to be found, or opened. It had almost like I had forgotten.

I dared to hope writing this will make it go away, but I somehow doubt writing will help. I didn't even dare to write this inside my journal, but on a piece of paper that was lying about.

…I'm afraid if I write even more, the nightmare will be even more vivid…

Sapphire09: So, this is my first time trying my hand on TVD fandom. Of course, despite the title, I haven't read the novel. I just watched the show.

I got this idea while thinking: hey, if they feel love and hate ten-thousand folds or something along those numbers, what about fear? So, this was born.

This thing is short, since I write it like how Stefan or any other person write their nightmares, and future chapters could even be shorter. As for timeline, it should be around the end of season 3 or the beginning of season 4... I didn't really think about it, but it should be around then, since I'm contemplating a side story outside the diary, like-what would Damon or Elena do if they found this scripture? Or something like that. Of course, I can always put that in between, but then again... huh.

Of course, since this is only the beginning and there are still much to tell, I don't expect good reviews right away. Though, letting me know how I did this is always nice. I am aware that Stefan might be a little OOC, but I did try my best to reason and justify his actions along the chapter.

And, one more thing. This story is not beta'd, so every mistake is purely mine.