Jhonen Turns Thirty
By Mileena
AN: Forgive me...I have nothing to drink and eat for a few days..cept Cinnamon Mints and kool Aid (which I especially made with 2 1/2 cups of sugar!) I don't own Jhonen. He is stingy and owns himself...oh and I don't know the time Jhonen was born, I just made it up--plot development, j00 understand, right? RIGHT?!
Jhonen Vasquez, creator of Invader Zim and the Johnny Series among other fantabulous comics sat at his breakfast table, staring at his cereal. Today was his birthday, Today at 6pm he turned 30. His mind flashed back to the night before.
*Flashback*
His friends at slavelabor threw him a birthday party. It was all fun until they started talking about the dangers of being thirty....
SlaveLabor Guy1: When you turn thirty...your mind goes to mush....
Jhonen: REALLY?!
SlaveLabor Guy2: You know the Big Head President Man of Slave Labor?
Jhonen:....Yes.....
SL Guy1: He's that way because he is *gasp* 31
Sl Guy2: He also has chronic baldness. Those miracle things wont even work on him
Jhonen: O.O
SlGuy1: Yeah. It all starts happening on the SECOND you were born....your hair starts falling out...your mind just blanks out, you fall to the ground in a seizure screaming "MOOSE MOOOSE GIVE ME MY MOOOSE" *giggles*
SLGuy2: Yeah...*heh* and your eyes get all sleepy and veiny and you get LIVER SPOTS on your head.
SL GIRL: And AND!! Before you know it, all those little fangirls have no use for you...You wont have sex for yeaaaarrrrsss and thats only because you're thirty. The only sex you will get will be self lovin..and If you DO find a girlfriend or wife...she will be *gasp* a soccor mom!
Jhonen: DEAR GOD NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
and as they sang The Happy Birthday Song, watching all their demon faces from the flame of the candles, he starting thinking of his fate. His moosey fate.
*End Flashback*
"Must try to stay young..." Jhonen muttered getting up quickly and looking into his closet. "What's young? WHAT IS YOUNG?! MY GOD IT'S STARTING EARLY!! MY MIND!!"
Jhonen flipped the tv on in his room.
Vh1 he saw first. The show "I love the 70s" was on.
"The 70's....dear lord I REMEMBER THE 70's!!" He changed it to Mtv. "This is bound to show me a fine example of young and hipness..."
Jhonen watched as billions upon billions of videos featured boys and girls in baggy pants, backwards hats and big jerseys. They were all talking...talking in that weird style. A commercial soon came on, and it was for Pepsi. "Drink young, think young!"
"Thats it!" Jhonen screamed with excitement. He grabbed his car keys and he was off to the mall.
As Jhonen pulled into the parking lot he looked at his watch. There was only a few hours til 6! A thought came across his mind, "I wonder if they were lying?"
"OF COURSE NOT, STUPID THEY ARE YOUR FRIENDS!" He screamed, people in the parking lot looked at him. He suddenly felt very Johnny-ish talking to himself loudly. He dismissed his thoughts and entered the mall.
*6pm* Johnny threw on his new attire, with only five minutes left on the clock. He sat in silence, staring....wth his gallons and gallons of pepsi, and his new wardrobe it had worked...no mind mushing, no moose, no hair loss....
*Next day at Slave Labor Meeting*
The Big Scary Boss Man was seated at the end of the table, some of the artists were there, but they were to discuss big important Slave Labor things. (*You know that kind of corperate stuff*)
Roman's ear twitched up, and he looked toward the door. "What in the world?! What is that music coming from!?" Soon all the artists and the Big Scary Boss man heard it....it sounded like....Jay Z or 50 Cent or something along that kind of crap.
All the sudden, the big doors leading into the room burst open. Jhonen smiled, he was wearing a blue North Carolina team beanie, a jersey matching the beanie, and blue jeans that hung entirely too low. Lots of gold and platinum necklaces adorned his neck, a huge ring on his left hand read JTHM LUV. In one hand he had a liter of Pepsi, and in one of his pockets a cd player with enormous headphones rang out lyrics to the latest rap song.
"Yo Yo Yo! J to the C to the V is in the houseeeee."
They looked at him in shock...that couldn't be Jhonen.
"Hey...Jhon-"
"I now be Death-Dawg Rome-Dawg, how you be feelins' Dirge doggy?!"
"Uhh. Did you have a good birthday, Jhonen?"
"It was good, got me all this flashy bling bling."
"I see."
Two of the Slave Labor guys started laughing. "Hey you! Don't be hatin. I worked up me a little diddy would like to hear it? Holla at me?!"
"No...Jhonen, please sit."
"Look I dun told you what to call me, dont make me come and bust a cap in yo fat ass Big Scary Boss-G."
"s-Sorry, Death-Dawg."
"s'okay. Shizzle to my nizzle."
Jhonen sat, his friends and co-workers unsure of what to expect from this Jhonen...He was very strange.
"Jhonen...have you been sniffing those ink fumes again..You know the ones that induced you to pitch a show to Nick?"
"No dawg...I gots some whispers from my brotha's over there," He did a flashy piont towards the Slave Labor guys. "And they told me all this shizzit that happens on your B-day. So I be trippin, and I decided I need to stay young."
Everyone looked at the Slave Labor guys, they explained wht they had said...
"Jhonen. It was just a joke. That stuff doesnt start to happen til you're 35."
Jhonen's lips quivered...."Oh...."
The End
Yes. Shoot me. Muahhahahahahhahhahahjlaa. Valerie would be so proud of me.
Dear lord this took me forty minutes to write.
By Mileena
AN: Forgive me...I have nothing to drink and eat for a few days..cept Cinnamon Mints and kool Aid (which I especially made with 2 1/2 cups of sugar!) I don't own Jhonen. He is stingy and owns himself...oh and I don't know the time Jhonen was born, I just made it up--plot development, j00 understand, right? RIGHT?!
Jhonen Vasquez, creator of Invader Zim and the Johnny Series among other fantabulous comics sat at his breakfast table, staring at his cereal. Today was his birthday, Today at 6pm he turned 30. His mind flashed back to the night before.
*Flashback*
His friends at slavelabor threw him a birthday party. It was all fun until they started talking about the dangers of being thirty....
SlaveLabor Guy1: When you turn thirty...your mind goes to mush....
Jhonen: REALLY?!
SlaveLabor Guy2: You know the Big Head President Man of Slave Labor?
Jhonen:....Yes.....
SL Guy1: He's that way because he is *gasp* 31
Sl Guy2: He also has chronic baldness. Those miracle things wont even work on him
Jhonen: O.O
SlGuy1: Yeah. It all starts happening on the SECOND you were born....your hair starts falling out...your mind just blanks out, you fall to the ground in a seizure screaming "MOOSE MOOOSE GIVE ME MY MOOOSE" *giggles*
SLGuy2: Yeah...*heh* and your eyes get all sleepy and veiny and you get LIVER SPOTS on your head.
SL GIRL: And AND!! Before you know it, all those little fangirls have no use for you...You wont have sex for yeaaaarrrrsss and thats only because you're thirty. The only sex you will get will be self lovin..and If you DO find a girlfriend or wife...she will be *gasp* a soccor mom!
Jhonen: DEAR GOD NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
and as they sang The Happy Birthday Song, watching all their demon faces from the flame of the candles, he starting thinking of his fate. His moosey fate.
*End Flashback*
"Must try to stay young..." Jhonen muttered getting up quickly and looking into his closet. "What's young? WHAT IS YOUNG?! MY GOD IT'S STARTING EARLY!! MY MIND!!"
Jhonen flipped the tv on in his room.
Vh1 he saw first. The show "I love the 70s" was on.
"The 70's....dear lord I REMEMBER THE 70's!!" He changed it to Mtv. "This is bound to show me a fine example of young and hipness..."
Jhonen watched as billions upon billions of videos featured boys and girls in baggy pants, backwards hats and big jerseys. They were all talking...talking in that weird style. A commercial soon came on, and it was for Pepsi. "Drink young, think young!"
"Thats it!" Jhonen screamed with excitement. He grabbed his car keys and he was off to the mall.
As Jhonen pulled into the parking lot he looked at his watch. There was only a few hours til 6! A thought came across his mind, "I wonder if they were lying?"
"OF COURSE NOT, STUPID THEY ARE YOUR FRIENDS!" He screamed, people in the parking lot looked at him. He suddenly felt very Johnny-ish talking to himself loudly. He dismissed his thoughts and entered the mall.
*6pm* Johnny threw on his new attire, with only five minutes left on the clock. He sat in silence, staring....wth his gallons and gallons of pepsi, and his new wardrobe it had worked...no mind mushing, no moose, no hair loss....
*Next day at Slave Labor Meeting*
The Big Scary Boss Man was seated at the end of the table, some of the artists were there, but they were to discuss big important Slave Labor things. (*You know that kind of corperate stuff*)
Roman's ear twitched up, and he looked toward the door. "What in the world?! What is that music coming from!?" Soon all the artists and the Big Scary Boss man heard it....it sounded like....Jay Z or 50 Cent or something along that kind of crap.
All the sudden, the big doors leading into the room burst open. Jhonen smiled, he was wearing a blue North Carolina team beanie, a jersey matching the beanie, and blue jeans that hung entirely too low. Lots of gold and platinum necklaces adorned his neck, a huge ring on his left hand read JTHM LUV. In one hand he had a liter of Pepsi, and in one of his pockets a cd player with enormous headphones rang out lyrics to the latest rap song.
"Yo Yo Yo! J to the C to the V is in the houseeeee."
They looked at him in shock...that couldn't be Jhonen.
"Hey...Jhon-"
"I now be Death-Dawg Rome-Dawg, how you be feelins' Dirge doggy?!"
"Uhh. Did you have a good birthday, Jhonen?"
"It was good, got me all this flashy bling bling."
"I see."
Two of the Slave Labor guys started laughing. "Hey you! Don't be hatin. I worked up me a little diddy would like to hear it? Holla at me?!"
"No...Jhonen, please sit."
"Look I dun told you what to call me, dont make me come and bust a cap in yo fat ass Big Scary Boss-G."
"s-Sorry, Death-Dawg."
"s'okay. Shizzle to my nizzle."
Jhonen sat, his friends and co-workers unsure of what to expect from this Jhonen...He was very strange.
"Jhonen...have you been sniffing those ink fumes again..You know the ones that induced you to pitch a show to Nick?"
"No dawg...I gots some whispers from my brotha's over there," He did a flashy piont towards the Slave Labor guys. "And they told me all this shizzit that happens on your B-day. So I be trippin, and I decided I need to stay young."
Everyone looked at the Slave Labor guys, they explained wht they had said...
"Jhonen. It was just a joke. That stuff doesnt start to happen til you're 35."
Jhonen's lips quivered...."Oh...."
The End
Yes. Shoot me. Muahhahahahahhahhahahjlaa. Valerie would be so proud of me.
Dear lord this took me forty minutes to write.