Points of Experience

Summary:A conversation between Garak, Odo, and Kira, returning to DS9. Odo is suffering from the Founder's disease. Kira wants to help him. Odo is reluctant. And Garak has some advice. After all, he's seen this before, and seen how Odo deals. Of course, telling Kira how he gained his experience is liable to earn him a punch in the face. But it wouldn't be the first time. Set in season 7 after 'tacking into the Wind'. References to Season 3 'the die is cast'.

"Odo. How are you feeling?"

Kira paused in the doorway to the sickbay. Being a Dominion ship, it was equipped for dealing with injured Founders. Particularly ones suffering from the Shape-shifter's Disease. The disease Odo was suffering from.

They'd ensconced him in the sickbay as soon as they'd left Breen space, and were reasonably sure of outrunning the Jem-hadar. Garak had helped her locate a bed with extra padding, and some sort of gel-like substance that proved somewhat soothing to the Changeling's debilitated body. At least, it helped with the peeling, dehydrated skin, and eased his pain a bit.

Odo gave her a look. "I'm...alright." His mouth twisted in something she recognized as a pained grimace, even with the distortion caused by the disease. "It's not...too bad, really."

"That's good." For Odo, 'not too bad' translated into 'I really should be screaming, but it won't help, so why bother'. She knew that. Just as she knew he'd been concealing his condition for months. It wasn't that she'd ever seen him like this, before he'd lost control of his ability, but she knew him well enough to identify pain, and she'd seen that. With only a limited number of things he could do to himself, and the knowledge that their Cardassian allies weren't likely using him for constant target practice, it hadn't been hard to guess what was wrong.

She smiled and moved over to the bio-bed. "Thought you might like to know, we're making good time to DS9. And I've already contacted Bashir. He'll be waiting for you when we get there. He's already running tests and simulations to see what we can do to make you more comfortable, and looking for a cure."

She reached out, touched his hand gently. She knew it caused him agony, that every touch and breath was painful, but he also seemed to want contact. When he'd first collapsed, he'd begged her to stay with him, to hold on to him, even if it was for a moment. And she'd agreed, because he needed it. So she touched his hand, took it gently, felt his dessicated fingers curl over hers. "We'll have you good as new in no time."

"Hmm, that would be nice." There was doubt in his voice, and good reason for it. Julian was the best at what he did, but they both knew that his time was short, and his condition severe.

A faint shudder rippled through his frame, and he groaned. She reached out, touching his face gently. "Stay with me, Odo. It's okay. Just stay with me." She felt her throat tightening, and tears threatening her, but she wasn't going to give in. Of all the things that bothered him, she knew that seeing her hurt, and seeing her weep were in the top two.

He nodded, a short jerky movement because he lacked the strength for more. But he leaned into her hand, seeking her comfort, and she didn't pull away.

The door hissed open, and she turned to look. Garak stood there, his expression uncertain. "Colonel...Constable. I hope I'm not intruding."

Odo snorted. "Of course you are, Garak. But don't let it stop you." The rough quality of his voice was enough to make her wince, but at least there was a hint of his usual acidic humor.

She forced herself to be calm. "You needed to report something?"

"Not in particular. But Damar seems to have the bridge well in hand, and the ship is flying itself, as we intended. I seem to be at loose ends for the moment, so I thought I might come down and see how Odo was doing." He seemed to take the fact that they hadn't thrown him out as an invitation and stepped further into the room. "I have to say, you've looked better."

"Indeed. An astounding observation." More sarcasm. As much as she really wanted to throw Garak out, she could have thanked him for lifting Odo's spirits, even this far. Black humor was an excellent change from bleak despair, as far as she was concerned. "Don't you have anything useful to say? Or maybe someone else to bother?"

"Oh, no one else to bother." A ghost of a grin crossed Garak's face for a split second. "As for useful...I would say a little more gel would be useful. Perhaps some of that burn ointment I saw earlier. It's for a Vorta, but I doubt it would do you any harm. Also...there are certain types of radiation that affect shape-shifters. Perhaps, if I look around, I'll be able to rig something to help you." Another grin. "I'm afraid I'm a far cry from Dr. Bashir, but...I do know a few useful little tricks."

Odo snorted. "Don't trouble yourself on my account."

Garak only shook his head. "On the contrary, my dear Odo, I rather believe I owe you a little effort on your account." He tilted his head at the medical supply replicator. "About that gel, and burn cream, do you want to get it, or shall I?" His eyes took in their intertwined fingers. "Never mind. I'll be right back."

Kira watched the Cardassian move to other side of the room and begin tapping on the replicator screen. She looked back at Odo, settled against the bed. There was something going on between the two men that she didn't quite understand. She knew Garak had been aware of Odo's failing health, but this seemed like something else.

Garak interrupted her musings. "Ah. Here it is." He brought over a large amount of...something, some sort of gel. "This might just do the trick. As for the radiation...hmmm...it doesn't seem very possible to rig a field that we can use, however, there might be some chemicals that would work. Perhaps I ought to call Dr. Bashir while we're on the way, and see what he recommends. And perhaps Mr. O'Brien can suggest something, although, at the time we're making, we'd hardly be able to set it up, I suppose."

"Garak, wait." Kira caught his arm as the Cardassian started to turn away. He'd been babbling, or close to it, and she'd known him long enough to be aware that he never spoke without a purpose, but was likely to disguise that purpose with other things. And she'd caught one statement that made her inquisitive instincts snap into sharp focus. "How do you know what kinds of radiation could affect a shape-shifter's body?"

She saw the microsecond snap as he glanced at the bedridden figure beside them, and felt the tension in the room rise a few notches. Then Garak gave her one of his wide, insincere smiles. "It's just...a bit of a guess, I suppose, from observation."

"Like hell. You know exactly what you're doing." He'd been moving too fast, too sure for mere guesswork. Besides, it was Garak. She couldn't say he didn't take risks, but he didn't take them without a damn good foundation to work from.

You could break a Changeling's hold on his form with phaser fire, at a high enough level, but she didn't know of any ways to completely disrupt the morphing capabilities of a shape-shifter. The Founders had sealed Odo's ability at one point, but this was different. Even Bashir hadn't been entirely sure what they'd done, only that they'd forced a cell-by-cell stasis of his ability. And it hadn't involved radiation, but the merging of the Link. It was like they'd forcibly shocked his system into freezing into a human shape.

That wasn't the point. Garak knew something, something about Odo's condition that she didn't. Something that might mean life or death for the man she loved, or at least an easing of his suffering. "What is it you know, and how?"

Garak cocked his head and there was another of those quick exchanges between him and Odo. She was aware that there was a second conversation going on the room, a silent one of glances and expressions that she was only reading half of. But it couldn't be helped. She couldn't try to read both of them, and it was Garak she wanted to get information from. Then he shrugged. "The what...it's just as I said, radiation and alternative chemicals that might help the Constable. As for the how..." The smile was back. "I was telling the truth, dear Colonel. It's simply a matter of observation."

"Observation of what? It's not like you could simply walk up to the Founders and watch them for a month or so. Even if you're movements weren't accounted for, you'd have been killed on sight." She made the statement a challenge. Garak was mild-mannered, for a Cardassian, but he still responded to challenges like any other member of the race. He was just usually more subtle.

Garak's smile took on an edge. "You have a point there." He wasn't rising to the bait, but he was baiting her, choosing a counter-tactic rather than a head-on confrontation. It made her want to hit him.

She could only think of one alternative, and it hurt to think. "Did Odo tell you, before he told me? What his real condition was?" She'd noticed no real sense of collusion between the two, but then, they were both skilled spies. It made sense that she wouldn't, given how hard Odo had tried to hide his failing health. And it would explain how Garak had known enough to warn her, before the mission.

"No. It's not...it's not that." The words came from Odo, lying in the bed, and she knew he sensed her distress. "I didn't...Nerys..." She heard a rustle, as if he'd tried to move, and a groan.

Garak nodded, just a fraction. "Quite right. I only happened across Odo's true condition by accident, just before this mission. He did...ask me not to tell you, but he hardly volunteered the information. As a matter of fact, he accused me of sneaking up on him, for some reason."

There was a faint, pained snort from the Changeling. "I accused you...because you like...to sneak up on people. And because...you've done it before, Garak."

Garak smiled again, and there was a faint tinge of real humor, and honest respect, in his face. "Quite true." He gave Odo a mocking little quarter-bow, and Odo made another sound of disbelief.

She almost let it drop. If the situation hadn't been so dire, she would have. But Odo's life was on the line. She let the two men share their moment of humor, then asked again, more softly. "Garak. How do you know what types of radiation affect Changelings and their abilities to shift shape?"

The smile faded, and there was genuine discomfort in his angular, bony face. Then he shrugged. "As I said, observation. As to the circumstances...well, those I'd rather not discuss." He offered her another smile, this one with an edge that told her that, whatever else, he was being both completely honest and deadly serious. "We all have our little secrets."

She caught his arm again. "Your secrets could cost Odo his life. What if it isn't just some...radiation, or something? What if there's an environmental factor, or something you didn't see, or...well, anything, or even just something you don't tell Julian, and you do something that could kill him?" She felt anger stirring and tried to keep it under control. After all, Garak tended to lock down tighter than Quark's vault when in a confrontation.

That wintery smile reappeared, sharpened just an edge further. "I assure you, I didn't miss anything. I had a front row seat, as humans say. And I have an excellent memory."

"Garak..." She was on the verge of losing her temper, strained as her nerves were, and coming off the aftermath of such a high-tension mission. She could tell that he was similarly wound.

"Garak..." The soft, rasping voice from the bio-bed broke the stalemate between them, and they both turned to Odo. For a long moment, Cardassian and Changeling locked gazes, then Garak offered a tight, short nod. Odo sighed. "It was Tain. Garak's reference comes from when we were captured by Tain and his band of rogue Cardassians."

She moved back to him, took his hand, holding it gently to show that she was listening. "Okay." She knew the incident, it had driven all of them a little crazy worrying about the two men. She thought back to the report she'd read after the two men had been debriefed. "The report said you were...interrogated? Tain wanted information on the Founders, and you didn't give it to him."

Pain crossed Odo's battered visage, something more mental and emotional than physical. "The report is...essentially correct."

She swallowed. "But you left something out."

"Yes. Because I didn't want Starfleet to know. I didn't want the Klingons or the Romulans to know either. Besides, I didn't have all the details, and I never asked if Garak did, because I...I wasn't sure I wanted to know." He shifted, and groaned, pain robbing him of words.

Without comment, Garak looked at the pad in his hand, then stepped back over to the replicator and tapped out a few instructions. Seconds later, a small vial shimmered into view. He dug around, found a medical kit, and something that at least resembled a hypo-spray, and handed it to her. "This...ought to help him some. It should at least dull some of the internal pain he's feeling. It won't harm him."

She looked at Odo. He managed a tight nod. She reached down, emptied the contents of vial into his shoulder. Odo sighed. "Did it help?" She ran her hand over his shoulder gently, as if she could ease the pain of the injection.

"A bit." His gaze went to Garak. "Thank you."

"The least I could do." He made a quick note on his pad. "I'll be sure to tell Dr. Bashir when we arrive."

Odo nodded, then turned his attention back to her. "When Garak and I...when I was... interrogated..." He paused again.

She touched his face gently. "You don't have to tell me if you don't want to."

He shook his head, a fractional movement she felt more than saw. "I...do. Because...you're right. And...if I don't... you and Garak...will keep fighting. And you can't."

"Oh, I doubt telling her the full story is going to improve the situation much." There was a grim sort of humor in Garak's words. "Although, at least she'll be upset with me for the right reasons." The ever-present smile was almost a smirk now. "And it might be a relief to have someone properly irritated with me over that little incident."

Odo sighed. "You can tell her yourself."

Garak shook his head. "Oh, not more than I have to, I don't think. Besides, she actually believes you when you tell her things."

Odo almost...laughed. It sounded painful, but the humor in his tone was evident. "There is that."

Kira waited, letting him settle again. She knew this was hard for him. Not just his disease, but whatever it was he'd hidden from Starfleet. She waited until he relaxed. "So...Tain interrogated you..."

Odo nodded. "He had...an...experimental device. Hadn't even told his...Romulan partner. Not even...not even Lovak." Another brief snort of what could have been laughter, though it sounded more as if he were coughing up his own lungs. "Though, considering...Lovak was a...a Changeling spy...that was...probably wise."

Kira nodded, and brought him back to topic, though she'd guessed where it was going. "Tain's device, it did something to you? Inhibited your abilities, somehow?"

Odo's hand clenched on hers, remembered pain or current, she couldn't tell. "I...couldn't change. Quantum stasis field. Couldn't revert...to my liquid form. Couldn't change...at all. Like this, but it was...it was worse."

"Indeed." Garak spoke softly. "The change that is currently taking place...I believe Tain's device sped it up, exponentially. In fact, I'd venture to say Odo's current condition is no more than, oh, maybe ten percent worse than it was, at that time. But this is the result of months of exposure, if not years, and Tain's device caused similar results in hours."

Odo nodded. "About that." He looked at her. "That's why...I could keep...changing so long. Why I...was able to...to try and hide it. I've...done this...been here before. And it...it hurt...it was...different, I think."

"That's true." Garak sounded both thoughtful, and a touch...relieved. "At least, you aren't having convulsions this time. Apart from your little problem on the bridge. Though, that...I believe you said shifting caused adverse affects, in the little chat we had?" His gaze traveled over the shape-shifter. "No convulsions, no contractions, that I can see."

"Exactly." Odo sighed. "Anyway..."

Kira felt white hot fury erupt. She managed to remain gentle, as she set Odo's hand down. Then she whirled on Garak. "You...you saw what they were doing to him? While Tain did this..." She gestured at Odo, her movement taking in the bed, the skin peeling away and flaking off his body, the agony he was enduring. "What the hell were you doing? Chatting with your old friends? Did you even try to stop them, while they were torturing him? Or was he just not worth it, to you? Honestly, did you even say anything?"

She knew it was stupid to launch such a vehement attack. She fully expected Garak to stiffen, make some sharp, or nonsensical, remark and excuse himself. Instead, an almost bitter smile crossed his face. "You may not believe me, but yes, I did try to stop Tain. However, during the interrogation itself...I assure you, Colonel...I said a great deal." The bitterness, and what she almost would have classified as self-loathing, had he been a Bajoran or human, was sharp enough to draw blood. He took a step closer, and almost whispered into her ear, though the words were still loud enough for Odo to hear. "Oh yes. I spoke. In fact, Colonel...and I'm well aware you won't believe me when I say this, but I assure you it's quite true...before it was finished, I begged for it to end. I was a top interrogator, prior to my leaving Cardassia, but in that room, when Tain's device held him...oh yes, Colonel. I begged for it to end. Even though Odo did not."

She'd have been less shocked if Gul Dukat had announced that he was going into a life of servitude as a monk. Less shocked if the Pah-Wraiths had declared truce with the Prophets. In fact, she couldn't think of anything that might have shocked her more. Unless, perhaps, the Founder Female leading the Dominion had appeared and told the Jem-Hadar to lay down their weapons, then announced that she was volunteering peace, complete with repatriation to everyone who'd been harmed.

She couldn't help it. She turned to Odo and saw, to her surprise, regret in his gaze. He almost looked apologetic, as he met Garak's eyes. Then he met hers, and managed a stiff nod. "It's true. He did. In fact...he even...he even..." There was a rough, almost-laugh. "He even...told me to lie. As long as I...as I said something."

She had to fight back a snort of laughter of her own. Odo barely even lied when he wasn't being interrogated. At most, he managed a lie of omission. But the closest he'd ever come to lying was telling someone he was fine when he wasn't. A social lie at best, and he was rather bad at them, even then. She smiled gently at him. "You may be great at pretending to be something else, but you're not the best liar."

"No...but...I didn't exactly...give Tain any useful information, either." She saw the flash of pain, deeper than she'd expected, and something tightened in her gut. But she didn't want to pursue it. She knew Odo. Whatever it was, it touched a deeper wound than she was willing to deal with. Possibly deeper than he was willing to deal with.

She turned back to Garak. "I'm sorry." She wasn't sure she meant it, but, he had helped Odo. "That was a big risk to take."

"Oh, don't be." That self-deprecating look was still on his face. "It wasn't really all that great a risk. After all, the Constable has neglected to tell you the entire story, I think. For instance, I notice he hasn't yet revealed the name of his interrogator."

"You know him?" Kira blinked.

Garak's smile hardened. "Oh yes. I handled Odo's interrogation myself. It was supposed to be my way to prove to Tain that I was trustworthy, you know." He offered her a mocking half-bow.

He was trying to provoke her, and it worked, though she didn't quite know why. But before she could consider attacking him, kicking him or punching him, she felt the slightest pressure on her fingers, still interlinked with Odo's. She looked down.

He shook his head. "Don't. If it hadn't been...Garak...it would have been...one of Tain's. And they...they wouldn't have...ended it. Not when he did. They wouldn't...have believed me...when I told them that I...that I didn't know...anything." The pressure of his hand increased, enough that she could feel his fingers trembling. "Yes...Garak...tortured me. But he...it could have been...a lot worse. And if he hadn't...I might not...be here. I couldn't have...helped you...as long, as I did. I couldn't have...held on...so long. And I...because...of that...he can help. He can...tell Bashir...what he...needs to know."

There was an unspoken plea there, and she understood it. She nodded. "Garak and I will make sure Julian doesn't learn any more than he has to. I'm sure that together, he and I can think of some story to tell the good Doctor." She offered him a smile.

He nodded, and she saw gratitude in the anguished, hooded eyes. "I don't...mean to be rude...but I..."

"I understand. I've got to get back to the bridge. You should just rest. I'll be back to check on you in a couple of hours." She smiled again, laid his hand gently on his stomach, the position he seemed to prefer, then watched as his eyes closed. The pain lines didn't leave his ravaged countenance, but they smoothed somewhat, and he seemed to relax. She waited a few more moments, then left the infirmary. Garak followed on her heels.

She let the door shut, got half a dozen strides down the hall, then stopped and turned. "Garak."

"Yes?" His mask of cheerful, near-inanity was back in place. "If it's about that burn gel, Odo should be all right for a few hours, as should it. And it's best if we don't disturb the Constable's rest. I suspect he needs it."

"I know." She held up a hand to cut him off. For once, he fell silent. She hesitated a moment, then spoke softly. "He said something to you. When you interrogated him. He said he didn't give Tain any useful information, but he said something to you, didn't he?"

Garak studied her face for a moment. Then he nodded sharply, once. "He did. However, I also promised to never reveal what he said to me. And unlike my promise regarding informing you of his condition...that is one promise I believe I intend to keep."

Kira nodded "I understand. It's just...in there. He looked...like he was in pain. And...ashamed." She raked a hand through her hair, battling exhaustion and over-strained nerves. She hadn't liked seeing his pain. Liked seeing his shame even less. Only once had Odo ever let her down, ever disappointed her, really, and he'd apologized profusely. He'd also faced his mistake and come back to save several of them from dying, at his own people's hands. He'd turned down a godhood of sorts, among the Vorta. It had taken a lot of talking, and more than a few very long explanations, but she'd understood, and forgiven him.

Garak surveyed her, a moment. "The pain is rather a given, at this point in his illness."

"That isn't what I meant, and you know it. I just...wish I knew what bothered him so much. So I could tell him that it doesn't matter. Whatever the hell it is." She was fishing for information, and she knew it, and Garak knew it, and they both knew it was close as she would come to outright asking him for information.

There was a long silence. Then Garak spoke again. "He's rather a remarkable man, our dear Constable Odo. In all my experience, I can honestly say I've never met a more stubborn, loyal or honest individual. But you know, it's also been my experience that even stubborn, loyal, honest men have a chink in their armor." She stared at him. He gave her an odd, sideways grin. "It's also my experience that outcasts...tend to remain outcasts, and be aware of it. Whether they're outcasts by choice or by circumstance. It can be a little overwhelming, at times. Particularly when one is far from home, and any sense of stability."

For a moment, she thought he was rambling. Then she remembered Odo, facing the Female Shape-shifter on DS9, and some of the comments he'd made, during the several hour discussion they'd spent, mending matters between them. She remembered when he'd discovered the Founders were dying, of the disease that now afflicted him. The words he'd spoken. No matter who wins, I'm going to lose. "I think I understand."

Garak smiled, rather grimly. "I'm quite certain you do." he turned, started to walk away, then turned around. "Ah, but Colonel...there is one, other thing, perhaps." He met her eyes, and the expression on his face was, for once, completely serious, and calm. "It's also...my experience...a man like Constable Odo usually has a very good reason, to make the choices he has. Something he values, perhaps. Something, or someone, very precious to him." He looked at the corridors. "Ah. I meant to go and have a sneak peek at that Breen device, now that we've cleared the gas. But this is the wrong direction." He turned back around, started to head the other way, then slowed to stand behind her. "He really is rather remarkable, isn't he? The things that man can do...Be sure you don't forget to check in on him." Then he was gone, striding up the corridor.

She smirked. "I don't need you to tell me that." But she felt better. Even though she didn't need to be reminded that Odo had chosen her over his own people, that he loved her enough to fight for her, live for her, even suffer for her, it was somehow good to hear Garak say it. She looked back at the door. Odo would wake soon enough, and then she could reassure him that his fears were unfounded, that he didn't need to be ashamed of missing his people, or the weakness his disease caused. Then, she would tell him, as often as she could, that she loved him. Despite all his strength, Odo needed some positive re-enforcement. And she'd be there to give it to him.

She turned and headed back up the corridor. There was a lot of work to be done, and not nearly enough time. They needed a miracle to end this war and find a way to save Odo. And, in her experience, miracles didn't happen unless you worked for them. Just as well she had plenty of motivation. And experience.

Author's Note: I suppose you could classify this as a companion piece to 'Breaking Point'. But honestly...it just popped into my head and refused to go away. Why, I have absolutely no idea. But I suppose that is, at times, the essence of story-telling.