Coming Clean

The roar of the ocean envelopes my senses. I'm all too aware of the waves crashing none too gently on the sand. It's easy to see a storm is surging in, but I feel no inclination to search for a safe haven. Let the anger of the earth destroy me, I've let everyone down. I've let him down. Surely if he knew he'd wish I was dead. Everything will fall apart before my eyes because I had a weak will. How will I face him knowing what has been done?

Thunder crashes and rain begins to mingle with my tears. How will I tell my family? Its not like Alice could've seen it but I know she'll blame herself for not being able to like she always did claiming that she should've already found a way to get through the darkness that was my future. As thunder rolls again it seems as though it's calling my name, but as the thunder ceases momentarily my name keeps being called. I don't need to look back. I know who it is without sparing a glance. I'm surprised I was so caught up in my musings not to have heard him when he phased back into his human state. I can feel the heat radiating off him even with my back turned I know he's shirtless a clue that he had been in wolf form before he reached me. The fact that I knew he was shirtless would've made my breath hitch and my heart skip a beat under normal circumstances. But today I could only feel one overpowering emotion that numbed me to the core…Shame.

"Nessie!" this time Jacob's unmistakable timbre reached my ears. He is next to me in a flash his voice laced with relief then relieved panic, "Where have you been you were supposed to have been home hours ago! Everyone has been worried." I keep looking ahead and thank god for the rain as it has become a shield for my tears.

My relief is short-lived, this was Jacob for crying out loud, I should've known better. I knew the moment he figured out the signs of despair my face was showing.

"Ren? What's wrong? Are you hurt?" I could already see he was thinking of the gruesome things he was going to do to the person who had dared made me shed a tear let alone the many that were cascading down my face.

I forced a smile, "What do you mean Jake? Are you overreacting again? We both know how you can get." I almost winced at how dead and vacant my voice sounded to my own ears.

He looked at me incredulously, and …was that hurt in his eyes. This was the first time I had ever tried to lie to him, the first time. I realized the reason I never lied to him was …one I was a horrible liar…two he could probably see right through any act I tried to pull this one extremely included.

"Nessie…" he said finally a bit exasperated and sternly, his voice shaking my very being.

I turned my attention back to the ocean not wanting to meet his eyes for fear he would see through to the monster I had become in a matter of hours. Jacob was so sweet and sincere and perfect, how could I ever let him know what was tormenting me. A bitter laugh escaped me but it caught in my throat and came out as a suppressed sob.

"Don't you just love the rain?" my voice just as empty as it was before.

I could feel rather than see him move in front of me. His face soon obstructed my view of the angry waves slapping violently and relentlessly on the shore.

"Don't you try and avoid me Renesme Carlie Cullen!" It was the first time he had ever used my full name. He was seething now his hands clenched and unclenched. I was admittedly frightened even though I knew he was in control. Jake was always in control. The sign of his anger lay in his eyes, eyes that could rival any onyx stone in the face of the planet. But the angry fire brewing behind his orbs was unmistakable. "Nessie you are going to tell me this instant what happened!" he was shaking now and I knew he meant business.

I looked down the fire in his eyes becoming too much for me, and the dam finally broke, "Jake please…please drop it" I heard my choked reply.

His expression softened considerably a t the sight of my tears. He kept looking at me obviously at a loss of what to do. My teeth started chattering. I realized then that I was freezing. The numbness that had come so easily was now gone as Jacob made me face reality again. It left nothing but the sinister cold in it's wake. Nothing but…wait…pleasant warmth? Jacob.

Nessie what the hell is wrong with you! Are you trying to catch pneumonia?!" His strong arms were wrapped around me as he tried to restore my body heat. Before I knew it heart wrenching sobs were wracking my body, tears came unbidden, and my legs gave out from under me. Had Jacob's strong arms not been wrapped securely around me I'm sure I would have fallen to the ground.

"I could never hate you Nessie, please tell me what's wrong. I cant fix it if I don't know what it is." the last part was said in more desperation than what I had ever heard him express. I felt his warm full lips press against my forehead. Was he a mind reader? How did he know that I knew he would hate me?

His warmth spread through me warming me completely, in more ways than one. As I warmed I heard my hysterical whispered mantra the storm had deafened me to, "Please don't hate me…so sorry Jake…please" his vocal desperation was nothing compared to my own. I clung to him thinking how disappointed he would be when he found out. So I held on tighter memorizing his sweet smell; memorizing the way his arms held me and the safety net they provided. I knew he loved me but would his love surpass the monstrosity I had committed? I looked up meeting his gaze for the first time. I saw a tear roll down his cheek and fall to mine. He didn't even know what I had done and he was hurting. I had hurt him without revealing the thing he wanted me to. There was no fixing this!. I could feel my body still shaking, emotions coursing through me. Fear, guilt, regret for not regretting and most of all a horrible sense of loss. My heart wretched and it felt as though it had shattered into a million pieces. I was going to loose him forever and the mere thought made me ache physically and emotionally.

I had to be fair, "I slipped up Jake. " I whimpered barely audibly but loud enough his ears would catch my eyes downcast.

"The clumsiness you got from your mother. Is your ankle twisted?" he said smiling at me. Was he really that clueless, that simple-minded? One look into his eyes told me everything I needed. Anger welled up in me.

"NO! JAKE! UGH!" I cried in frustration, "Don't you get it I…Slipped…up…I…!"

He looked at me quizzically but I knew he knew what I meant. Agitated with his lack of reasonable reaction, especially since I knew, no, saw, that he had already figured it out but wanted to give me the benefit of the doubt. I sucked in a shaky breath, lifted my hands from his chest prepared to show him. My hands were shaking uncontrollably not because I was cold, Jacob had already taken care of that for me, but because I was terrified and nervous as well I should have been. My fingertips finally pressed to his temples gently and still shaking. I showed him everything that happened displaying every emotion I felt through the action , no stone left unturned His face was blank as I finished and pulled away awaiting his reaction.