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THE FACTS OF ROMANCE!
("The facts of romance" takes place after book 4 of twilight. I have taken a few liberties though.)
CHAPTER 1: TWILIGHT SUN
There once was a house in the middle of the city of Seattle, Washington. The house was nothing more then an apartment that housed two impeccable young peoples. Both were vampires.
"EDWARD? What's the square root of 5,229,119,192,412,038,914,726,152,100?" said Bella
"I'M RIGHT HERE! And I DON'T KNOW!" said Edward
"YO PEEPS!" said Jacob
"Hey man, well, I found this intergalactic hitchhiking bumblebee a day ago, stepped on." Said Edward
Jacob gave Bella the rubber chicken.
"Consider it a 2nd wedding present." He said
His first had been Joan Rivers- that didn't go really well.
What the two didn't know was that the chicken was cursed.
"The first babe who touches this shall die. And we don't mean hot girls. We mean babies." Said Bill and Ted, across town
Suddenly Renmay (their kid) started to convulse, and scream, a tell tale sign of Vampire death.
"OMG, CALL THE DOCTOR! THE KID'S SCREAMING AND CONVULSING! SHE'S GONNA DIE!" yelled Edward
So, Bella rushed to the phone.
"911, what's your needing to call this phone line?" said the phone operator
"My daughter, she's screaming and convulsing!" said Bella
"What's she saying?" the lady asked
"She's screaming. No words, just screams." Said Bella
The lady hung up.
Suddenly Renmay stopped convulsing and screaming, and said just 3 words.
"Remember the evil."
And she stopped breathing.
A young neighbor, who was in on it, heard the commotion and ran across the hall and flung open the door.
"MATT! Give her CPR! She started screaming and convulsing, and then she just died!!" said Bella with tears in her eyes
"Looks like she's gone, but I'll try." Said Matt
"Thank lord that you herd the screams. It was only a matter of time…" said Edward
Matt checks for breathing, pulse, and other things.
"She's in a preemptive coma. Only has 24 to 48 hours. I have to go to the lord. And you 2 have to come with me." Matt said
"OH THANK GOD! Wait, we can't die. So, we'd have to fake death… Wait! I know! GARLIC!" said Bella
Edward screamed at the word. Garlic kills vampires.
So, Matt pulled out some garlic.
"Nostrum abbas, quisnam professio in Olympus Sanctio exsisto thy nomen Thy regnum adveho Thy ero perfectus In terra ut is est in Olympus Tribuo nos is dies nostrum cotidie panis Quod indulgeo nos nostrum debitum Ut nos have venia nostrum debitum Quod plumbum nos non in tentatio Tamen vindico nos ex malum Pro macies est regnum Quod vox Quod palma Forever quod umquam amen" said Matt
"Amen" said Edward
"Padre Nuestro, que estás en los cielosSantificado sea tu Nombre Venga tu reino Hágase tu voluntad En la tierra como en el cielo Danos hoy nuestro pan de cada día Y perdona nuestras ofensas Como también nosotros perdonamos a los que nos ofenden Y no nos metas en tentació Y líbranos del mal Por tuyo es el reino y el poder y la Gloria para siempre jamás Amén." said Matt
"What'd you say that for?" asked Bella
"It's the lord's (debts) prayer in Latin and the Lord's Prayer (trespassers) in Spanish." Said Matt
They ate the garlic.
They suddenly feel like they were reversed inside and out.
They were on their way to heaven.