A/N: Hi! Um, I haven't written a fanfic in like, five years, so I might be a little rusty. Please bear with me. I did re-read all of the manga so at least I'm caught up on canon.
Warnings:
Some violence, some sex but nothing too explicit, foul language (cause, you know, Kanda), slight angst, and mild Allen abuse because he's just that fun to troll, and it is yaoi with Kanda/Lavi.
Takes place some time after they got the third uniform and moved headquarters.
You and Me and the Devil Makes Three
The trudge through the snow was painful and slow-going. Thunk, scrape, grunt. With each labored step Kanda dug Mugen deep into the icy ground. His broken right leg and twisted foot dragged uselessly behind the sword, scraping a dirt trail in the snow mixed with spots of blood. The weight on his back was heavy, feverish, and the winter wind bit against his face. The new Headquarters on the opposite side of the island seemed impossibly far away.
They were on their way back from a mission when they were attacked. Two level two akumas, nothing Kanda couldn't handle by himself, let along with Lavi and two Finders. The akumas didn't even take them by surprise, most likely to have stumbled upon the location while scouting. But Kanda didn't count on the sudden storm and the level three burrowed in the dirt below. Not until it had killed one of the Finders and with a flurry of its expanded limbs, grabbed the Junior Bookman and flung him, head first, into the trunk of a thick juniper tree.
Kanda was a ball of fury in the snowdrifts. He made short works of the first two akumas, but the higher level one managed to take out the last Finder and hid itself within the frozen ground. Kanda had to set himself as bait and let the monster break his leg before Mugen finally pierced through its misshapen skull. When all had settled he hobbled over to where Lavi had fallen, uncharacteristically and worryingly still. "Oi," Kanda had yelled, attempted to turn his fellow comrade over and discovered not only was there a large, deep gash spanning the redhead's entire torso, but a pool of blood had gathered under his head, leaking out of his ears and nose and mouth. Kanda felt a chill; it was not from the cold.
Thunk, scrape, a more strenuous grunt. Lavi's breath was shallow and uneven against the nape of Kanda's neck. Up ahead the Headquarters loomed, so close yet so far. Kanda groaned, his leg had grown numb but the pain was still there, not healing. He shifted Lavi's weight, cursing their lost golems destroyed in the fight. A clot of blood spilled out of Lavi's mouth. It dribbled down Kanda's collar, a brief stink of rust and warmth, and fell on the ground in a splatter of red.
"If you die on me I'm going to kill you," Kanda breathed, too tired to properly project. "Do you hear me, idiot? If you die I'll –"
He stopped abruptly when a sudden uptake of the howling wind drowned out his voice. Don't you dare, he thought instead. After all this time, Don't. You. Dare.
Six weeks ago they had sex for the first time. The move to the new Headquarters was finally complete, and Johnny had the new uniforms delivered to their rooms. Kanda had barely buttoned his coat before Bookman Jr. pounded down his door. "Look at this, Yu!" the redhead exclaimed, waving the red scarf and the studded black bandanna around like flags. "Neat, eh?"
What the hell is he doing? Kanda had thought then. How dare he comes in here, with that paper-thin shirt and that messy fuck-me hair, and just show off a fucking scarf? A fucking scarf! His hand twitched and the button he was holding popped free. "Yu!" Lavi exclaimed. "Careful there – those are new!"
Kanda had wanted to say "Who the fuck cares!" Kanda had wanted to say "You fucking idiot leaving me alone!" Kanda had wanted to do a lot of things that did not involve angrily throwing the button away, dragging the redhead into the room and kicking the door closed with his foot. Kanda had not planned to reach up and slam Lavi into the bare wall beside him, with his coat in disarray and the redhead staring at Kanda with such an idiotic, confused expression. Kanda definitely had not planned to lean his weight into Lavi and kiss him so hard that he felt Lavi's teeth on his tongue.
But he did, and he kept kissing until Lavi moaned, loudly, and thrust up against him. He let go of the redhead's mouth then, and moved onto the neck and the jaw and those annoyingly conspicuous earrings. When he had tasted enough Kanda slid down to his knees, felt Lavi's hands let loose the tight knot of his ponytail. A swift unbuttoning and the redhead's very erect cock was in his face, already dripping with anticipation. Kanda smirked to himself. He looked up briefly, saw the raw lust in that single green eye, and took Bookman Junior into his mouth.
He and Lavi had been keeping their calculated distance from each other ever since the Bookmen's arrival at the Order three years ago. Sparring partners, comrade-in-arms, a neutral nuisance and an agitated swordsman. They knew the stakes and the rules, unspoken but mutually agreed upon. At first they weren't on many missions together. But as the months passed Kanda found that the Bookmen became almost a staple in his trips (them and the damn moyashi, but that's neither here nor there). There was nothing out-of-line about their relationship. It was comfortable and familiar. (Friends. Only.) It was kept safe.
It was also slowly driving Kanda mad.
More than once he wanted to wipe the grin off the redhead's face and replace it with want. He wanted to see that face scrunch up in ecstasy, feel that body spasm under his hands and cock and mouth. He wanted to say "fuck it all" to the damn Order and the damn Rules and the damn Religion. Everything that was making Lavi staying just an inch too far from him while sitting in a train cabin, or making Kanda meditate on the cold inn floor on nights when all he wanted was some human warmth. Whenever the tension was too much Lavi would lock himself in a room with Bookman from sunup til moonrise, and Kanda would train outside in all weather until he collapsed from exhaustion. They avoided each other on days like those, their sanity held on by a thin thread, while Bookman watched from his own corner, silent and observant, a scale ready to tip.
Today, in this brand-new room at the brand-new Headquarters with brand-new everything but the same, fucking, rules, Kanda felt his self-control break. He sucked and licked until Lavi began to beg, a litany of "Yu no please don't I'm going to oh fuck" coming from that sensual mouth. He stopped then, stripped off the rest of his clothes and pushed the redhead onto the new, hard bed. A fumbling for the jar of oil used to soak Mugen's bindings and then he was inside Lavi, moving, thrusting, lost in the tightness and the feel of the grip on his cock. When he found Lavi's sweet spot the redhead's steady pants changed into long, drawn-out moans. Kanda felt dizzy, his knees shook and sweat dripped down his face, Lavi's scent permeating the air around him.
It was three years of build-up and five minutes of prep, but neither one cared as they engaged the afternoon in a thorough, satisfying fuck. They rolled on the bed and ruined the new sheets. Later Kanda discovered that Noise Marie's quarters was next door and spent the next week being thankful that Marie couldn't see his flushed cheeks every time they ran into each other. Lavi got a very stern lecture from Bookman, although from what he had told Kanda, the old man couldn't keep a straight face the entire time he was talking.
Kanda felt his remaining leg was about to give out. The snow had piled up more since his climb toward the Headquarters' front gate, and the last stretch was an uphill slant. You'd think someone would've noticed how late they were by now, Kanda seethed. Or that there had been no golem contact from either of the Exorcists for the past, how long had it been? The cloudy sky obscured the setting sun and Kanda lost the track of time. It didn't matter. He only needed to concentrate on moving; everything else could wait.
He finally reached the cursed gates when it was completely dark. Kanda wanted to break down the large wooden doors, but only had enough strength left to shout obscenities in its direction. Not a moment too soon the door slammed open, and Lenalee appeared in a puff of air, curtsey of her boots. She took one look at Kanda and gasped in horror. Kanda supposed he looked quite a mess, with the mangled leg and the tattered uniform, covered in red (Lavi's hair, Lavi's scarf, Lavi's blood) and trembling from cold fury.
"What the hell are you standing there for? Help me get him inside!" he hollered, a rare incident with Lenalee, but Kanda was at his limit. The girl nodded numbly and quickly ran up beside him. "Watch his head," he directed, as he eased Lavi down from his back. Together they hoisted the redhead up on their shoulders, and slowly made their way into the building.
The rest was a blur of nurses and antiseptic and Komui hovering uselessly like a bee in winter. Kanda ignored the many iterations of "what happened?" from various people, Lenalee included, and only said "akuma" and "concussion" to the head nurse. When Bookman showed up Kanda bowed his head briefly, to which the old man bowed back, before disappearing into the operating room to check on his pupil. Kanda sat on a bench outside, his leg finally starting to heal as they bound it with a splint. He felt the relief as bones re-grew and tendons realigned, although the sudden rush of blood was making his head ache something terrible. Lenalee settled beside him and leaned against his bandaged shoulder, her eyes dry and expression blank.
It was long into the night before Bookman re-emerged from the operating room. The old man looked as if he had been through a major battle, face haggard with panda makeup melted down his cheeks. He walked toward Kanda when he saw him, stopping a few feet away, their eyes level.
"He's not going to die," the old man stated.
Lenalee opened her mouth, a question on her lips, but Kanda cut her off before she uttered a syllable. "Thank you," he said, ignoring the surprise on her face as she stared at him with wide eyes. Of course she didn't know; they weren't exactly broadcasting their relationship, although it was surprising that Allen didn't tell her. Kanda had to begrudgingly admit even the moyashi had a few good points.
Bookman bowed once more before walking away. Kanda sank against the wall, and felt the tension of the past twelve hours drain away in one fell swoop.
Three weeks ago they were on a train bound for Belgium with Allen Walker in tow. Some mountainous villagers were seeing mirages in the middle of a frozen lake. There were also reports of possible Noah sightings, and so the three of them were dispatched as an extra precaution. Kanda didn't care. He spent most of the trip meditating and ignoring both of his teammates. The stupid moyashi had no idea anything was going on, and Kanda was determined to keep it that way.
Lavi joked with Allen as usual but kept from bothering Kanda. Allen ate tables of food and slept and annoyed Timcampy, once he had accepted that Kanda was not going to respond to any of his jabs. The train had slowly crawled along the tracks for two days before the early snow finally halted it, and the already long trip was delayed further by a stay in a small remote inn. Normally Kanda would start carping on the inefficiency and other acts of idiocy, but this time he only kept his pissed off demeanor and said nothing. It was so unusual that Allen began to worry if something was wrong.
"Hey, Lavi," the white-haired boy asked when they were walking to the inn. "Did something happen?"
"What do you mean?" Lavi said. Kanda could hear his faked ignorance from a mile away. But it looked like Lavi had the same idea as him concerning Allen's knowledge, or lack thereof, and that made the lie a smidge more tolerable in Kanda's mind.
"Kanda, he's…really quiet. It's kinda scary."
"He seems ok to me."
Allen gave Lavi a sideway glance. "Now you're being weird, too. Don't you usually pester him until he starts hitting you? What's going on, guys? Did you guys have a fight or something? Like, a real one?"
"Nah, you're just being paranoid." Lavi laughed and punched Allen in the shoulder. "Nothing weird has happened, ok? I'm sure Yu's just tired."
"Right…" Allen said, disbelief written all over his face. But he did stop asking questions as they reached the inn and checked in at the counter. The innkeeper was a supporter of the Order and had a fairly large room for the three of them. Unfortunately it only had two beds, so Lavi requested a futon and some extra blankets.
"I'll take the floor," the redhead volunteered. "The beds are a little small for me, I think."
"We're the same height, idiot," Kanda quipped.
"He speaks!" Allen gasped in mockery, which earned him a good hit on the head from Mugen. "He hits too! Welcome back to Earth, Kanda."
"Shut up, moyashi."
"What happened to you the entire time we were on the train?" Allen didn't give up. Really, it was a legitimate question. It just wasn't one that Kanda could answer. What would he say? That he was trying hard not to jump Lavi's bones the moment the door to the cabin closed? That he left his coat deliberately loose to hide his ever-present erection every time Lavi was within touching distance? That all these were only alleviated because the walk outside cooled down his libido and the inn room was big enough to give him some much needed personal space? No, of course not, so Kanda put Mugen down on a bed and ignored Allen's question.
Lavi, however, had an entirely different plan. He walked straight up to Kanda, who had just unbuttoned his coat, and wrapped himself around the man in a tight, intimate hug. Kanda stiffened in surprise, and the same stupid button that popped off his clothes three weeks ago was now again in his hand.
"What the fuck are you doing?" Kanda gritted his teeth. Beside him Allen's eyes were huge with confusion. Lavi chuckled, then put his chin down on Kanda's shoulder.
"Outing us, Yu," the redhead said, and turned Kanda around to capture his mouth with his own.
"Uh, um, uh…" Allen stammered.
It didn't even occurred to Kanda that he could refuse. He returned the kiss wholeheartedly, dick instantly hard and hands busy unbuttoning Lavi's jacket. When Lavi pulled away Kanda saw the flush on the redhead's cheeks and realized his own was probably the same, if not worse.
"You are so bad, Yu-chan," Lavi grinned, sparing a glance at Allen's direction before focusing on Kanda once more. "Two whole days in that tiny cramped compartment and you didn't even look at me? What're you trying to do, make me come from loneliness?"
Kanda narrowed his eyes. "That doesn't even make sense, idiot." He shrugged his coat onto the bed, but paused when he heard Allen's deliberate cough. "What?"
"Um, guys, I'm still here, in the room." Allen's voice turned indignant. "And I'm not leaving because it's cold outside and there's nowhere else to go."
"Do what you want," Kanda said. "We're going to fuck."
"Hey now–!"
"Allen," Lavi flashed the white-haired boy a sparkling smile. "Relax. Take the other bed. Make yourself comfortable. We'll be taking the floor."
Kanda fell asleep around daybreak. Exhaustion, relief, hunger, all crashed down on his body when the sun finally decided to peak from the east. He was vaguely aware of someone putting a blanket over him, and the weight of the splint preventing him from relaxing completely. But he was too tired to care.
He didn't wake until the call for lunch sounded around noon. When he opened his eyes again he saw that the operating rooms were empty, and the hallway had resumed its regular traffic. He sat up groggily, grabbed the first person that passed by and blurted out, "Where is he?"
"E-Exorcist-sama?" it was a Finder, a new one at that. "Who do you mean?"
"The idiot with the concussion. Came in last night. Red hair."
"Oh! Lavi-sama. He's been moved to the observational wing. I can help you get there." She gestured to Kanda's splinted leg.
Kanda would have refused had he not tried to move first. Pain shot up the base of his spine, and for the second time within a day he had to begrudgingly admit something else he was wrong about. His body was slowing down on its healing abilities, and this cursed broken leg had long outstayed its welcome. But there wasn't much he could do besides wait. Sighing, Kanda accepted the Finder's offered hand.
As he hobbled down the really long hallway, with Mugen as a crutch and the Finder holding him up, all Kanda could think about was the absurd thought that he had to get the fucking buttons on his uniform reattached, again. He would have laughed had not the motion brought a pain to his chest. Lavi should be the one laughing, not Kanda. Kanda Yu didn't know laughter, or compassion, or whatever that all-consuming thing raging inside him for the past three years was, ever since that boy with the fiery red hair and piercing green eye intruded on his life. No, Kanda just wanted to see him because he didn't like to lose. If he had spent that much effort making sure someone stayed alive, they better be alive and kicking, damn it.
They reached Lavi's room when they rounded the corner. The door was open, and Kanda immediately saw the spill of red hair on the pristine white pillow. Bandages replaced the bandanna on Lavi's head, and the eyepatch was now a gauze square. He didn't stir when they walked in. The Finder pulled up a chair for Kanda, then carefully closed the door on her way out.
Everything was quiet as Kanda sat down, adjusting his position to better accommodate the splint. Lavi was breathing evenly, hands twitched once on the sheets. Kanda stared at the redhead. There were many things he wanted to say; none seemed appropriate. So he just sat in silence, fingers absentmindedly tapping on Mugen's hilt.
Lavi looked…young. That was the word, Kanda decided. His face was never angular but the way his mouth was set had always given Lavi a very masculine edge. When they were younger Kanda had always thought that mouth looked annoying, all lopsided and happy, the exact opposite of Kanda's balance and stoicism. Now Lavi only looked vulnerable, with his lips slightly puffy and bruises on the cheekbones. Kanda didn't know when he had started to find that face attractive. Perhaps he had been hopelessly addicted since day one, never stood a chance as the Bookman apprentice slowly crept into the crevasse that Kanda reluctantly called a heart.
It really didn't matter now.
"How's your leg, Yu?" Lavi spoke, eye still closed but speech perfectly lucid. When Kanda didn't answer the green eye fluttered open, analyzing the facts instead.
"Looks like it's healing. Does it hurt?"
"No."
"Yu, come on."
"How's your head?" Kanda said.
"Working." Lavi grimaced as he shifted against the pillow. "I think. A little numb from the drugs, but working."
"Good." A pause. "I thought you were going to…"
He couldn't bring himself to say it. Not even in his own mind. Kanda leaned forward on the seat, the splint hit the bedframe with a clang. "I thought…" he started again, but this time couldn't even get past the third word.
Lavi smiled. A real genuine one. "Yu…" he drawled. "Thought I was gonna croak, didn't ya? Sorry to disappoint, but you can't get rid of me that easily."
Kanda felt a smirk tugging at his lip corner. "I do try." He said, watching Lavi's grin grew wider, his gaze soft. The redhead raised an unblemished hand from his side, fingers reaching for Kanda's own.
Kanda took it, and smiled back.