He sighed sadly as he shut his camera off. The best part of the day over. He spun in his chair and stood. Heading out of his recording room, padding softly to the kitchen. He grabbed his mug and started the water for tea. With another sigh he looked out the window. It was pouring, again. He'd have to go out in it and to the shop he had next to nothing, not like it would be the first time he had gone without, but as he filled his cup he gave a slight smile. Returning back to his recording studio he popped the headphones back on and flipped to one of the people's, who he could honestly say he cared for, videos and let the warm voice of the German Korean was over him.
"Hello everybody my names Markiplier and welcome to..."
He leaned back into his chair with a soft smile. Mark could always help, Mark made things better in this shitty hell. He opened his eyes when the 'ding' of skype went off, he almost ignored it, but at the last second paused the video and opened the skype window, accepting the call with a soft smile. It was Mark.
{Skype call}
"Dude! Hey it's been a while!" He called with a happy face, never letting on that it was forced.
"Jack, dude! It's been forever! What have you been up to?" Mark asked cheerfully.
"Nothing man! haha just the usual recording thing!" Jack said, wincing slightly as he leaned on his right arm.
Marks face twisted in concern.
"Sean, what's going on? Are you ok?" Mark asked worry lacing his every word.
Sean laughed lightly, sadly, and shook his head at Mark.
"Nope, im not, but what else is new?" He asked with a small frown.
Mark looked at him for a couple seconds, then his face took on a determined look.
"Then come to L.A. Clear your head and get away from it all for a while." Mark said.
Sean slowly shook his head, not wanting to be a burden on his friend.
"I would, but I just, I can't afford it." Sean said softly.
"I'll pay for your trip and you can stay here." Mark said.
Sean sighed, he nodded maybe it would be good to go?
"Alright man, how long should I pack for and when should I be at the airport?" He asked softly.
"umm at least a month and tomorrow morning, umm ten your time." Mark said with a happy smile
"Alright, alright but if that's the case then I better get packing, I'll see you the day after tomorrow Mark." Sean said with a smile happy to have made Mark happy.
The skype call ended a few minutes later and Sean backed away from the desk with a sigh. He stood up and walked down to his room. Once there he grabbed a bag and started stuffing cloths into it. When he figured he had enough he zipped it closed and grabbed another bag, this one he took with him to the bathroom. He gave another sigh when he opened the medicine cabinet. He pulled out his travel toothbrush and his toothpaste and travel mouthwash. Then he looked to the top shelf.
"Anxiety, panic, sleep, anti-depressant, adhd...might as well take them all, heh." Sean said with a small sad smile.
He grabbed the pill bottles and a zip lock bag and put them into the bag then the bag into his smaller toiletries bag. After that was done he turned to look at the clock hung on the wall.
"Mid-night...eight hours, alright. Bedtime." Sean said with another sigh.
He headed back to his bedroom and changed into his pj's. Hoping that tonight he'd be able to actually sleep without the medication. He awoke with a start from a nightmare a few short hours later. He sat up with a sigh and looked at the clock.
"Four am...shit." He sighed as he stood up and flicked on the lamp.
He walked through the room flicking on the lights as he went, needing as much light as possible to help drive the terrors away. He stepped into the bathroom and looked into the mirror.
"Come on, let's just face it...at this point I mine as well stay up..." Sean said after he splashed water on his face.
He looked at the clock again counting backwards.
"four, three, two, one, eight...should I risk it?" Sean thought as he stepped out of the bathroom.
He walked over to his studio and sat in his chair. Starting his computer up, he turned on the overly bright recording lamps hoping they would help him be less jumpy. When his computer finished booting he loaded up skype and looked to see who was on. A message came within seconds of him signing in.
'You should be asleep. I know it's only four.'
That was from Mark, he should have known, that man is about as good at getting to sleep before midnight as a goldfish is at breathing air.
'I can't sleep...' Sean typed the 'anymore' left un-typed.
'Want to video?' Mark asked.
Sean hesitated for a second then sighed, he knew he would always accept a call from Mark.
'Sure.' Was the simple answer he sent.
Within seconds his skype was ringing and he answered the call.
{Skype call}
"What happened? You look like you just saw a ghost." Mark said with a small concerned smile.
"Well, that's one way of putting it." Sean said looking off to the side for a second.
"Another nightmare?" Mark asked.
He was the only one who knew some of the stuff that had happened, and the nightmares Sean suffered from.
Sighing Sean nodded his head.
"Yeah, I...jeaysus Mark I just don't know." Sean said running a hand threw his hair.
"You'll be here soon enough Sean, then you can relax, rest up." Mark said with a small smile.
"I hope so, Mark, I really do." Sean said with a sigh.
"Do you think you'll be able to sleep at all anymore tonight?" Mark asked softly.
Sean shook his head.
"Not tonight no, but its ok, I only had about four more hours possible anyways." Sean said softly.
"Well, then how about we play some games and kill some time?" Mark asked with a smile.
Sean smiled and nodded. They ended up playing random multiplayer games for the next three hours.
"Alright Mark, I should go get dressed and head to the airport." Sean said with a smile.
"Haha, alright I'll see you at noon! We'll do lunch, I'll pick you up from the airport." Mark said happily.
They finished up and said there goodbyes and see you laters and signed off skype. Sean leaned back in his chair, with a small smile. Leave it to Mark to turn a nightmare riddled night into a wonderful time.
Sean stood up and with a small bounce jumped in the shower real quick since it was really only about seven am and he didn't have to leave until eight.
He felt the sting before he remembered, he looked down at his right arm and sighed. Bandages, he'd need to clean and re-wrap his arm. With a soft sigh and wince of pain he scrubbed the long slice down his arm.
'stupid assholes!' He thought with a glare as he thought about how he was cornered a couple days ago heading home from the shops.
A couple minutes later he stepped out of the shower and grabbed a towel. Drying off he settled on his bed and re-wrapped his arm, then stood and turned slightly in the mirror.
'well at least that one's healing nicely.' He thought glancing at the longer cut going from his right shoulder down to his left hip.
He stood up and grabbed a pair of jeans a 'septiceye' t-shirt and a hoodie and threw it on before grabbing his socks and shoes. Slipping them on as he stepped back into the bathroom, he grabbed his brush and ran it threw his hair a couple of times. Then slipped the brush into the his toiletries bag, taking the bag of pills out he opened it and took one of the anxiety meds then slid the bag into his carry on.
'Maybe I can sleep on the plane.' He thought as he grabbed his bags and headed out the door when he heard the honk of a cab. Before he stepped out the door he grabbed his hat and slid it on.
"Where to?" the cabbie asked.
"Airport." Sean said simply.
The drive to the airport was quiet and short. When they got to the airport, Sean grabbed his bags and walked into the building then to the counter.
"Hi, how can I help you?" the women behind the counter asked.
"Hi, one of my friends booked me a flight to L.A. for ten today." Sean told her.
"Yes, do you have the name it would have been booked under?" She asked typing away.
"Uhm, either Fischbach or McLoughlin." He told her.
She tapped away at the keyboard and then paused.
"You sir, must have a very influential friend. Or one with money to spare!" She said with a small laugh.
Sean tilted his head with a confused look.
"He got you a private jet." She told him simply.
Sean just stared.
'Damn it Mark!' he thought with a fond smile and a small laugh.
"Anyways you're an hour early so go ahead threw security at gate twenty three, and relax a little before you flight. And thank you for flying with us!" She said then turned back to her computer.
As Sean turned to walk away he heard something very familiar. So he turned to look, and had to hold back a small laugh, she was watching one of his videos, but she hadn't recognized him or at least hadn't made a fuss about it.
He made it over to the gate and threw security in about half an hour's worth of time, then he sat in the seats outside his gate and waited the last half hour. When they finally called for the jet, he stood and grabbed his carry on. Getting onto the jet and settled was easy and within minutes the twelve hour flight had begun and he took out the bottle of sleeping meds, so he could get a couple more hours.
He was shaken awake hours later by the flight attendant.
"Sorry, but we've landed." He told Sean softly.
Sean sighed and nodded, standing up and grabbing his carry on. He walked off the ramp and started for baggage claim. Once there he grabbed his other two bags and turned to look for Mark.
'Where is he?' he thought to himself as he scanned the crowd.
His phone buzzed and he set his one bag on the ground and grabbed his phone from his pocket. He unlocked it and looked at the screen, seeing a text from Mark.
{Texts}
'Sorry! Running late, damn traffic. I should be there in maybe five minutes.'
Sean quickly sent a reply back to Mark.
'It's alright just drive careful.' Sean slipped his phone back into his pocket and went to wait for Mark outside.
He found a bench and sat down. Pulling out his earbuds he popped them into his phone and slipped on some music, pulling his hat down a little to block the sun as he leaned back against the building.
What felt like seconds, but must have been minutes, he felt a hand settle softly on his shoulder. He still jumped though, both from shock and minor pain, quickly pulling the headphones from his ears he looked up. Seeing Mark he sighed softly, standing quickly, with a smile.
"Mark hey!" Sean said with a small smile.
Mark smiled back.
"Hey Sean! How was your flight?" Mark asked as he leaned down slightly to grab Sean's bags.
"My flight was good Mark, then again with it being a privet jet, it was bound to be." Sean said with a small laugh as he and Mark walked over to Marks car.
Mark laughed.
"Sorry, I just figured it would be a nicer ride if you didn't have to fight the masses." Mark said rubbing the back of his neck.
Sean just shook his head with a laugh as he settled into the front seat.
"Its fine, haha it was nice actually. So what's the plan?" Sean asked as he leaned back into his seat.
"There isn't really a set plan, just relax and hang out. Kind of a recharge?" Mark said with a laugh.
Sean nodded and closed his eyes with a sigh, not tired any more but slowly relaxing. The rest of the ride passed in a fairly quiet manor, but it was a nice silence. When they got to Marks house and Mark got the car parked, they both grabbed Sean's bags and headed into the house.
"Kitchen, feel free to use it whenever you want haha. Down here is the bathroom and your room for the duration of your stay. At the end of the hall is the master or my room, and the only room I didn't point out was the living room, and my recording room. Recording room is here and the living room is across from the kitchen." Mark said laughing slightly settling the bag he was carrying inside the door to the guest room.
'My room?' Sean thought to himself, as he settled his bags in the room he was given.
"I'll let you get settled I'll be In the recording room editing, just come on in when your done getting settled." Mark told him as he headed out of the room.
He had to say something.
"Mark!" Sean called as Mark stepped out of the door.
"Yeah?" Mark asked popping his head back into the room.
"Thank you, really." Sean told him softly.
"Your welcome man! I'll see you in a couple minutes." Mark said.
Sean nodded and turned to un-pack. He pulled the cloths from his bag and slipped them into the dresser, the meds went into the bedside table.
He sighed when he saw that he only had two of his sleeping pills left.
He slipped the bag into the bedside table, and slid his passport and id into the top drawer the meds being in the second drawer. After doing that he slid his bags into his suitcase and slid the suitcase under his bed.
He sat on the bed for a minute, taking his hat off and scratching his head softly, with a sigh.
'Fuck, this is gonna be...interesting.' Sean thought to himself as he stood back up and slipped his hat back on over his brown-grey hair.
He stepped out of the room and looked down the hall towards the recording room. With another sigh he headed towards the room that contained his host. He got to the door and knocked softly. He heard a come in, and opened the door, stepping inside and closing the door behind him, he turned to look at Mark, who waved him over. Mark patted the seat next to him, and Sean took the remaining ten steps to the seat, settling softly into the seat.
"So what are you working on?" Sean asked.
"Hmm? Oh! Just a vlog." Mark replied.
Sean nodded and settled back, waiting for Mark to finish, simply keeping him company as he worked. An hour later when Mark was done editing he set it to render, hoping it would render right. Then he spun in his chair to face Sean.
"So! Whatcha wanna do now?" Mark asked him with a smile.
Sean returned the smile, although his seemed a little tense.
"It's up to you, Mark. I don't really care what we do." Sean told him.
Mark gave a thoughtful look, then with a laugh he jumped up and grabbed Sean's hand.
"Come on! We're gonna play the Wii!" Mark called happily.
Sean laughed along with Mark, walking with him down the hall.
'He's still is holding my hand...' Sean thought with a smile.
They walked into the living room, and grabbed two Wii remotes and nunchakus, then looked threw the games.
"So Wii sports? Or Wii sports resort? There's also Mario Kart?" Mark said thoughtfully.
"Hmm how about Mario Kart then Wii sports resort?" Sean said.
Mark smiled and nodded. Popping open the Mario Kart case and sliding the disk into the machine. They both grabbed their Wii remotes and started the game.
"MARK! THAT'S CHEATING!" Sean called.
"NO ITS NOT!" Mark replied.
Both boys where laughing loudly at the silliness happening in the game.
"YESSS! I WIN!" Sean called, doing a little victory dance.
"REMATCH!" Mark demanded with a laugh.
"Alright, alright!" Sean laughed and they started a new game.
A couple minutes later.
"DAMN IT!" Sean yelled.
"I WON! I WON!" Mark yelled bouncing like a hyper-active puppy.
"Tie-breaker!" Sean demanded with a small pout.
"Sure, then Wii resort." Mark said with a smile.
They played that round and Sean won. They laughed and switched the game out. They played that game for about two hours, then they fell onto the couch laughing.
"That was great!" Mark said happily, smiling largely.
"Haha, yeah it was!" Sean said agreeing.
They sat there for a little while just trying to catch their breathes. They watched some movies on tv. A little bit after the fifth movie, Mark glanced at the clock.
"Two am...we should probably go to sleep...or we could have food?" Mark said with a little yawn at the end.
"Nah...let's get some sleep, then we can have breakfast in the morning...well later in the morning anyways." Sean said with a laugh.
"Right! Off we go then!" Mark said as he stood with a stretch, and another yawn.
Sean fallowed and stood stretching as well. He and Mark walked down the hall separating at the guest room.
"Good night Mark." Sean said, trying to suppress another sigh.
"Good night Sean, if you need anything just come and get me ok?" Mark said with a soft smile.
"Yeah, no problem Mark." Sean said returning his smile.
With that Sean stepped into his room and closed the door softly. After he heard Mark shut his door he stepped over to the night stand and pulled open the second drawer pulling out the bottle of sleeping pills.
"Shit!" He cursed softly as he re-read the bottle.
'don't take more than one every twenty four hours.' Sean thought, with a sigh.
He put the unopened bottle back into the bag and slid the bag back into the drawer.
"What now?" He asked himself.
He pulled his shirt off and changed his pants so he was in a set of sleeping pants. He laid back on the bed and closed his eyes.
'Maybe a little nap without the pails will work?' He thought.
{Dream start}
He looked around, quickly making his way into the store, knowing he'd have to be quick. He walked over to grab a basket and walked around the shop grabbing what he needed as quickly as possible. He had managed to get everything and was all cashed out, stepping out of the store he glanced around quickly and took off at a slight run. His building came within site a couple minutes later and he slowed to a walk. That was a mistake.
"AAAAAAHHHHH!" he yelled as he was grabbed and tugged into an alley.
His back made sharp contact with the alley wall. He managed to look up from the ground and look at those who surrounded him. Three guys all much taller and stronger looking then him. He looked to the exit of the alley, if he could just get past these three he could get out.
"Don't even think on it, you aren't getting away this time!" One of the three probably the self-appointed leader said as he stepped forward.
The other two laughed and stepped closer as well closing the gap.
He brought his fists up, he had to defend himself somehow. The three guys just laughed, each of them pulling out a pocket knife. They closed in on him even more all three of them taking swings at him with their knifes. The guy on his right made first contact and sliced his back as he went to duck and spin away. The guy on the left got his arm as he went to block, the leader tried to stab him in the neck. He missed, mostly. But that was all he needed. As the three were swinging blindly he ducked between the swinging arms and took off. Somehow he managed to keep his bags in one piece, probably because they had been dropped outside of the alley. He got back to his apartment and locked the door quickly.
With a sigh he pulled off his, now ruined shirt and tossed it in the trash he quickly put his purchases away and then headed into the bathroom. He looked at the cuts and sighed again. He managed to wrap the one on his arm and most of the one on his back, both would scar but not horribly. The cut on his neck and cheek would hopefully not scar because it wasn't deep, thankfully, but he still covered that one as best he could...
{End of dream}
"An...Ean...Sean!" Mark called.
Sean sat bolt upright with a small yell. Sean looked around wildly for a second until Mark put his hands on either side of his face and turned his head to look at him.
"Damn it Sean! Are you ok? That was one of the worst ones that I've seen." Mark said softly.
Sean shook his head not sure if he could talk yet. Mark sighed at that and pulled him close in a hug.
"Sean, its ok. You don't have to tell me if you don't want to, but I am here if you change your mind." Mark said softly.
That's all it took, Sean broke down and started crying. The whole story came spewing out of him. Mark held him the whole time, only shifting to lay them down. When Sean was done, Mark just pulled him closer to him, holding him as he continued to cry.
"Damn it, Sean" Mark said softly.
He continued to hold Sean tightly. With a sigh Mark tugged Sean up.
"Come on." Mark said softly.
Sean looked at him worriedly.
'Great, now he's probably going to kick me out.' Sean thought sadly.
"Loose whatever negative thoughts you have Sean, you're stuck with me. I wanna see the cuts so I can if they need to be cleaned again." Mark said when he saw the look on Sean's face.
Sean gave him a nervous look, not really wanting to show Mark his back. They got to master bathroom, which was far larger than the hall bathroom. Sean tried to stall, however when Mark pulled him to a stop in front of the mirror he realized it was futile. He wasn't wearing a shirt after all. So with a big sigh and his eyes squeezed shut he allowed Mark to spin him around.
He heard a gasp, and felt Marks hands ghosting softly over his back.
"Damn...it doesn't need to be cleaned, and its healing nicely." Mark said trying to catch himself from his gasped out damn.
He grabbed Sean's arm and pulled it so he could see it. Smiled slightly and let it drop.
"Nice wrap and cleaning job." Mark said.
Sean smiled back a little bit. Mark pulled him close again. Sean hugged him back and buried his face in Marks shoulder. Mark sighed again.
"Well you're not going back anytime soon. That's already decided and you can stay until you want, or feel safe enough to go back." Mark told him softly.
Sean smiled into Marks shoulder, glad he wouldn't have to leave. Mark pulled back slightly and tugged Sean into the Master bedroom.
"Come on, let's try that sleep thing again." Mark said softly.
"Mark..." Sean started, but Mark just tugged him down and pulled the covers over them.
"It's ok Sean, I'll fight the nightmares off. Get some sleep." Mark told him with a soft smile as he pulled Sean closer to him.
Sean sighed, but snuggled into Marks warmth.
'Maybe the nightmares will stay away now.' Sean thought as he yawned.
Mark wrapped his arms around Sean, keeping him close. He fought and kept his eyes open until he heard Sean's breathing even out. Only then did he allow sleep to claim him as well.
Mark awoke to the smell of bacon and eggs being cooked in the kitchen, with a soft smile and an even softer sigh he sat up with a yawn and a stretch. He pulled the blankets off of himself and slid out of bed. Grabbing a t-shirt that he pulled on as he headed out of his room. As he walked down the stairs he ran his hand threw his hair. When he reached the bottom of the stairs he stopped and took another deep breath, now able the smell the tea and coffee and toast. With another soft smile he walked into the kitchen. He stopped at the entrance and just watched as Sean moved through his kitchen, like a trained professional.
Sean did a little spin and ended up facing the entrance. When he opened his eyes he saw Mark standing there and he froze. Mark clapped with a little laugh, his expression turning serious a few seconds later.
"How long have you been up?" Mark asked in concern, as he glanced at the clock seeing it read ten thirty he was glad that he had set his morning video to upload.
"I've only been up since ten. I decided to make breakfast, I was going to bring it up but now your down here so that's kind of pointless.." Sean said rambling a little.
Mark gave a little laugh stepping closer to the Irishman, he pulled him close in another hug.
"No more nightmares last night?" Mark asked softly.
"No, I slept great the rest of the night." Sean said with a soft smile.
"That's great!" Mark said pulling back slightly to be able to see Sean's face better, making sure he looked as good as he sounded, he was looking better.
Sean nodded still smiling happily, as he pulled back from Mark to step back over to the food. Mark smiled stepping over to the table and sitting at it. When Sean went to grab the plates Mark stood up to help.
"No, sit back down mister! Im serving breakfast today." Sean said with a glance over his shoulder to Mark.
"But...I..." Mark stuttered out confused.
"Take it as a thank you if nothing else." Sean said with a smile as he plated the food and brought it to the table.
Once the plates were sat down, he walked back over to the counter were he grabbed a tray already set up with different things for tea, and brought that over to the table as well. He sat the tray in-between Mark and himself so they could both easily reach it, then he sat down at the table.
"This looks and smells amazing!" Mark said with a large grin.
They quickly and quietly made there tea then settled in to eat.
"Oh my god! This is AMAZING!" Mark exclaimed with a huge grin.
Sean laughed with a big smile, wondering if Marks face was going to split. They continued to eat breakfast, then when they were done, Mark jumped up.
"You made breakfast, I'll do the dishes. Why don't you go get ready for the day or watch tv." Mark said with another smile.
"Haha alright alright im going im going." Sean said with smile.
Sean headed out of the kitchen heading towards his room quickly.
'My room...I kinda like the sound of that.' Sean thought with a smile.
When he got to his room he opened the door and walked inside. He pulled open the dresser drawers and grabbed his grey t-shirt and a pair of jeans. He quickly got dressed and then stepped over to his bedside table where he grabbed his brush, his hat, and his hoodie. Than he headed across the hall to the bathroom, he walked in and closed the door softly. Turning to the mirror with a sigh.
'Stupid hair.' He thought running the brush threw it a couple times before sliding the hoodie on, that followed closely by the hat.
He stepped back out of the bathroom and into his room. Settling the brush down on the night stand again he sat down on the bed, pulling open the second drawer of the night stand taking out the bag, contemplating the bag in his hands. Then he slid the un-opened bag back into the nightstand, closing the drawer softly after it was tucked inside.
'Whatever happens, happens. No more hiding, at least not from Mark.' Sean thought as he stood back up.
He headed back to the living room, where he saw Mark already on the couch watching some random cartoons. Sean settled softly next to Mark and tried to get comfortable. Sean gasped a little when Mark reached over and pulled him against his side, never looking away from the tv. Sean sighed softly snuggling into the warmth provided, allowing his eyes to slowly drift closed as he listened to Mark laugh at the cartoons.
He must have fallen asleep because the next thing he knew he was being gently shaken awake by Mark.
"Sorry, I really wanted to let you sleep more, but if you don't wake up now you probably won't sleep tonight." Mark said sheepishly.
Sean just smiled with a small yawn.
"Mmm. Its ok. Haha I should say sorry...im not being much fun right now." Sean said as he stretched scratching the back of his head.
"What? No! You're fine!" Mark rushed to tell Sean.
Sean just shook his head with another yawn. He stood and stretched.
"Mmm, what time is it?" Sean asked with a soft smile at Mark.
"Almost noon." Mark told him taking him by the hand again and leading him into the kitchen.
Mark softly pushed Sean to sit at the table, placing a steaming cup in front of him along with a plate of food. He settled himself across from Sean with his own plate and cup.
'I know that smell...but he doesn't drink coffee!' Sean thought with minor shock, as he looked into his cup, taking a small sip.
He sighed softly, perfectly made how he likes it.
'How did Mark know?' Sean wondered with a soft smile directed towards Mark.
Mark smiled taking a sip of his tea.
"I went to the corner store and picked some up while you were napping...I hope you like it I guessed." Mark said while he rubbed the back of his neck.
"It's perfect, and so is this!" Sean said with a happy smile as he took a bite of the pasta in front of him.
"It's just a little chicken alfredo. Nothing special." Mark said kind of shyly.
Sean shook his head because his mouth was full, he swallowed his food.
"No Mark, this is completely amazing!" Sean told him again, trying to convince him.
Mark just laughed softly with a shake of his head.
"Alright, alright. You made breakfast, I made lunch. Do you wanna both make dinner, order in, or go out?" Mark asked him.
Sean thought for a minute. Then shook his head.
"Why don't we both make dinner tonight." Sean said softly.
Mark nodded softly then went to stand, and grab the dishes.
"You did them this morning, let me do them now." Sean said as he to stood up.
"But your my guest..." Mark said with a really confused look on his face.
Sean just shook his head and grabbed the plate and cup from Mark.
"Don't be a silly. We take turns it's only fair. Whoever cooks the other one will do the dishes, and if we both cook then we both do the dishes." Sean said as he stepped to the sink.
Mark just laughed and nodded.
"Im going to go to the recording room for a second. if im not back before you finish come find me ok?" Mark said.
Sean nodded, as he washed the plates from lunch. Mark laughed again and headed towards the stairs.
When Sean heard Marks steps going up the stairs he settled the plate into the sink and slid slowly and carefully down to the ground. Once there he pulled his knees to his chest, resting his face in his arms that he had crossed over his legs.
'This...is really hard...' Sean thought with a sigh, trying desperately to get the mental demons to quiet down so he could breathe normally without forcing it.
The nightmare from last night came back full force, and Sean grabbed his head in both hands trying to will it to go away. That nightmare was joined by the many others and the memories as well. He tried to stop the tears that he felt welling up. He gripped his head tighter, trying to breath, but it felt like the room was closing in on him. He felt his breaths come in short pants and sharp inhales and realized that he was really in trouble. He gathered what air he could and yelled as loudly as he could.
"MARK!" Sean yelled, but when he did that he felt his world begin to spin.
*With Mark*
As he entered the recording room, he sighed deeply.
'What am I gonna do?' Mark thought as he sat in his chair, the door left propped open.
He crossed his arms on the desk laying his head on them. With another sigh he closed his eyes to contemplate the situation.
'I...I can't do anything about it, I've offered him a place to stay here, and he seemed receptive to it...but did I offer it to him for him? or...or for me?' Mark thought with a small frown.
'Damn it Fischbach! Get your damn head together! He's been through too much for you to be pinning after him!' Mark thought slowly slipping into his memories of PAX east and Indie pop con.
'I can't help that I get lost in his eyes...or that his smile is gorgeous...or that his laugh is so contagious I can't help but laugh when he does...shit...damn it!' Mark thought and beat his head softly against his arms.
'I love him...shit...I love him and have no fucking chance with him...shit.' Mark thought with a sigh, trying to hold in the frustrated tears.
A few escaped and he sighed again, trying to wipe them away, but more just replaced them.
'Damn it! Pull yourself together Mark! You have to be strong...for him...because Sean needs you...because he needs a friend...not a love sick puppy man.' Mark sighed as he thought to himself.
Mark sat up straight in his chair, then leaned his head back still with his eyes closed. That didn't last long.
"MARK!" he heard Sean yell in a voice that had Mark up and running out of the recording room before the last sound had left the Irishman's lips.
*with both Mark and Sean*
Mark made it to the kitchen in mere seconds. He ran over to where he saw Sean on the floor, and pulled him into a hug. Rocking gently back and forth.
"Sean, come on, give me a deep breath." Mark whispered to the man he only recently realized he loves with his whole heart.
Sean gasped out and shook his head. Mark gathered him closer and stood up with him in his arms. Walking quickly, taking the stairs two at a time, he made it to the landing and made a beeline to Sean's room.
"Sean focus! Come on." Mark pleaded desperately, gently taking his hand and placing it on his own chest, trying to get him to fallow his breathing. He held the hand there and kicked the door open.
Stepping inside he settled onto the bed, holding Sean tightly.
"Sean I need you to try and focus! Do you have anything that can help?" Mark asked desperate to help him.
Sean nodded as best he could. Pointing with a shaky hand to the nightstand. Mark jumped up and pulled open the top drawer not seeing anything he closed that and pulled open the second drawer seeing the bag of meds he pulled it out, dumping it out on the bed. He sorted through the bottles quickly, finding one marked 'panic' and another marked 'anxiety' he held them up so Sean could see them. Sean pointed at the bottle labeled panic, and Mark dropped the one marked anxiety and read the one for panic, popping it open and grabbing the water bottle from on top of the bedside table he helped sit Sean up and helped him take the medication.
When Mark was sure that he had swallowed the pill, and the water, he set the bottle down then sat down on the bed. Pulling Sean towards him, he resituated his hand back on his chest to help him focus then settled Sean more securely into his side and started to run his fingers through Sean's hair.
It took a little while, but eventually Sean's breathing began to slow down to a normal rate.
"Mark?" Sean asked quietly.
"Yeah?" Mark asked back, just as softly.
"Thanks...really, thank you." Sean said with a sigh.
"No problem, if you don't want to tell me...I understand, but what brought that on?" Mark asked.
With a sigh, Sean tried to move to sit up, but Mark held on to him even tighter. With a smaller sigh Sean settled back against Mark, getting comfortable again.
"That...was probably...because...I didn't take the pills this morning..." Sean said.
"Not...not quite what I meant...I meant what was going on...mentally...to cause that.." Mark said carefully.
Sean sighed again.
"I know...I may not have told you...everything last night." Sean said softly.
Mark looked down at him, though he could really only see the top of his head with the way they were laying. He started running his hand threw Sean's hair again, to help keep him calm.
"It's ok, you don't have to tell me anything more then you want to. Just know I will always be here for you no matter what you tell me or don't tell me." Mark told him softly but determined to make Sean understand that he wasn't going anywhere.
Sean sighed again and buried his face deeper into Marks side, hiding his face completely from view. With another soft sigh he launched into the tale.
"You know how me and my ex-girlfriend broke up?" Sean asked Mark softly.
"Uh...yeah, didn't you two have this big blow up fight?" Mark asked back just as softly.
Sean nodded his head, trying to gather what little courage he had to finish the, admittedly short for this part at least, story.
"Well, unlike what I said the fight wasn't about me spending too much time on YouTube or with the fans, that was a fight we had had a few weeks before, this one was about something I realized relatively recently..." Sean trailed off.
Mark kept quiet, simply running his hand through Sean's hair, knowing he would continue when he was able.
"We fought that time because I was, I was actually trying to break it off."
"What? But I thought...I thought you liked her?" Mark asked him.
"I did, I probably could have even said I loved her, if I did...as it was I think it was more the relationship was expected after a while? Like it's been so long why not keep it that way? Something like that, but the truth is, I think I stopped seeing her as more than a friend...two maybe three years in. She just was never there for me, we always fought. It just wasn't a good mix. Besides that before, like a month or so before PAX east, I uh...I took a good look at what...what I wanted. So after East...I broke it off with her, or tried...she wanted to fight me on it." Sean told him.
"Can I, can I ask why? Or rather what made you change your mind on her?" Mark asked softly.
"Uh, yeah, yeah...just I got to thinking...and it didn't feel right...like just felt wrong for me somehow...so I thought longer on it...and I realized...thatilovesomeoneelseandimostdefinitelyamnotstraight." Sean said finishing the last part really fast.
Mark slowed his hand a little as he tried to decipher what it was that just came spewing out of the Irishman's mouth, between the accent and the speed it was kind of difficult. Mark looked down at Sean when he felt eyes on him.
"I'm not entirely sure what you said at the end there..." Mark admitted sheepishly.
Sean huffed out a sigh mixed with a laugh.
'I can tell him, right? He already said nothing would change...fuck it, suck it up, slow down, deep breath and spill.' Sean thought to himself.
"I said...I realized...I loved someone else...and that...im...most definitely...not...straight..." Sean said slower looking away from Mark when he finished.
Mark's hand never stilled its path through Sean's hair as he thought over what was said.
'He loves someone else? He's, in his words, most definitely not straight...still I probably still don't have a chance...' Mark thought sadly to himself.
"Sean, look at me please." Mark said softly.
Sean shook his head, not wanting to see the look on Marks face that he saw on his neighbors and even...his own family, the look that haunts his nightmares. Mark sighed softly, loosening his hold slightly so he could reach over and tilt Sean's face up to look at him. When his face was tilted so he was looking at Mark, Mark took a deep breath.
"Sean, I don't want you to worry like you have been like you are, honestly...it would be pretty hypocritical to be upset about what you just told me." Mark said with a look that meant he was dead serious.
"Wha...?" Sean asked softly, not sure what Mark was saying.
Mark took a deep breath trying to think of a slightly funny but still serious way to say the next thing he was going to say.
"im...well let's just say...imma circle." Mark said.
Sean looked at him confused for a couple seconds.
'He's a circle? What's that supposed to mean? Unless...no...couldn't be...' Sean thought to himself.
"What are you saying Mark?" Sean asked not allowing his hopes to rise.
"Ok here, how'd you word it? Oh! Im most definitely not straight, also." Mark said softly.
"Really? You're not just messing with me?" Sean asked feeling despite his best efforts, his hope rising.
'Maybe...maybe he could...like me...too? Doubtful...' Sean thought.
"I would NEVER joke around about something like this." Mark said with a voice that made Sean believe his every word, not that he didn't before.
Sean just looked at Mark for a couple minutes, trying to make up his mind.
'I don't want to do anything...that might ruin it, but...I don't know...I think I need to do something.' Sean thought to himself.
'I wonder what he's thinking...this person he loves...I hope he knows how special Sean is...' Mark thought sadly to himself.
Sean wiggled loose of Marks arms while Mark was lost in his thoughts. Sean looked at Mark and with a sigh, leaned over him. Marks eyes where still glazed in thought.
'Here goes nothing.' Sean thought.
Sean closed the distance between him and Mark, laying his lips gently on Marks. Mark gave a slight jump of surprise, and Sean started to pull back.
'Oh great, I fucked up...wait...what...?' Sean thought to himself.
Marks arms wound around Sean's waist, pulling him closer. With little hesitation Sean allowed himself to be pulled closer, feeling Mark return the kiss and initiate a new one, it was all almost too much. He was almost deliriously happy.
A few seconds later they separated. Settled down and snuggled back up to each other.
"So wait...the other person you love..." Mark began slowly.
"You, it's always been you." Sean said softly with a small happy sigh.
"Good." Mark said simply placing a kiss on the top of Sean's head.
They both released soft sighs as they got comfortable, they relaxed in each other's embrace. Sean felt Mark move a bit and he turned to look at him.
"What are you doing?" Sean asked softly with a little yawn.
"Hmm? Oh! Setting an alarm, in case we fall asleep." Mark said suppressing his own yawn.
Mark settled his phone on the bedside table. Then slipped his arm back around Sean, his other hand still running through Sean's hair. Sean wrapped both his arms around Mark, and they just snuggled there for a while. Mark managed to keep his eyes open long enough to hear Sean's breathing even out. With one last thought he to dozed off.
'He really hadn't been sleeping much at all...that's all...he seems...to be...doing.' Mark thought as his eyes closed and he fallowed Sean into dreamland.
They both jumped a few hours later when the alarm went off.
"Hmmm..." Sean whined softly as he snuggled his face into Marks side.
Mark reached over and shut the alarm off. With a sigh he looked to Sean.
"Come on...it's time to get up." Mark said softly, as he moved to sit up.
Sean just grumbled another complaint this time burying his face in the pillows. Mark laughed at that.
"Come on, if you don't get up now, you won't sleep later." Mark said with a laugh.
When Sean made no move to even sit up, Mark sighed.
"it's almost four Sean, it's almost dinner time." Mark said as he reached over and tugged at the blanket.
"Five...more...minutes...Mark!" Sean complained as the blanket was tugged off him and the cooler air hit him.
Mark with a sigh stood up, walking over to Sean's side of the bed, he leaned down and picked the Irishman up. Heading to the door he smiled slightly when all Sean did was cuddle his face into Marks neck and wrap his arms around Mark. Mark carefully made his way downstairs and into the living room, where he settled Sean onto the couch. Then he headed into the kitchen and, using the Keurig made Sean a cup of coffee. When the coffee finished he made it exactly how he made it that morning, little cream and some sugar. Brining the cup to the living room he paused to just look at Sean.
'He...looks so cute cuddled up like that...I wish I could let him sleep more. He needs it...but I can't...' with a sigh Mark stepped over to the couch.
He settled onto the coffee table in front of Sean and setting the coffee aside he gently shook Sean's shoulder to wake him up again.
"Sean come on, I got some coffee for you." Mark said softly.
Sean yawned, and sat up slowly.
"Mmm, coffee...then dinner..." Sean said tiredly holding back another yawn.
'His yawn is soo adorable.' Mark thought to himself.
Mark passed Sean the coffee with a small smile. With a smile Sean took the coffee, instantly taking a sip of the hot drink. Sean gave a happy smile as the hot drink warmed him slowly from the inside out.
"So! What do you want for dinner?" Mark asked with a smile and a clap.
Sean laughed, and took another sip of his coffee before he answered.
"Mmm...Maybe something light? I don't know...hmm..." Sean said trailing off as he stood up, cup in hand, and walked into the kitchen.
Mark stood and fallowed him, leaning against the doorframe he watched as Sean dug through the cabinets and fridge/freezer. Sean dug through all the cupboards and the fridge/freezer looking for something that would be easy. He spun around to face Mark after digging through the freezer.
"Soup!" Sean said with a smile.
"Soup?" Mark asked confused.
"Yeah, we can make a homemade soup, you have all the ingredients. It would take a little bit of work...but after how, surprisingly busy today was, even though we didn't go anywhere, it might be nice." Sean said in explanation.
"That sounds wonderful. You'll have to be patient with me...I've never made soup before...besides out of a can." Mark told him.
Sean scratched the back of his head.
"I've only made soup, twice before...so it'll be a learning experience for both of us!" Sean said with a laugh.
With that they got to work. Mark started by cooking the chicken and turkey chunks he had in the freezer. Sean went to work on the veggies and, they had a pot of water set to boil on the stove.
"Sean?" Mark asked from the stove.
"Yeah?" Sean answered from where he was over at the counter.
"Rice? Or pasta?" Mark asked as he flipped the last pieces of chicken in the pan.
"Hmm...maybe both?" Sean said contemplating it as he kept cutting the bell peppers.
"Abc's?" Mark asked with a small smile as he grabbed the turkey after pulling the chicken out.
"Yeah!" Sean said happily.
With that they got back to work. Mark finished off the turkey and brought both the chicken and the turkey over to Sean. Then he headed to the boiling pots putting rice in the small one and the abc's in the bigger one. A couple minutes later and Sean was bringing all the cut ingredients over to the counter by the stove.
"You wanna drain the pasta? While I start adding the other stuff?" Sean asked Mark.
"Sure!" Mark said with a smile.
Mark grabbed the pan and went to the sink. When he started to pour the water off the pasta, he glanced over at Sean quickly.
'He looks soo much better then yesterday.' Mark thought.
While Mark was lost in his thoughts he wasn't paying attention to the pot of boiling water.
"AH FUCK!" Mark yelped, as he dropped the pan into the sink.
"Mark! What happened?" Sean called running over to him.
"I'm fine...just spilled some hot water on my hands is all." Mark told him as he turned the cold water on to go over his burning hands.
"That doesn't look good Mark." Sean said worriedly.
"Don't worry, it's not the first time I've done this." Mark told him with a small smile.
"Jeaysus Mark! Your hands are lobster red and they look like they're already starting to blister!" Sean said to him.
Mark looked at his hands. They indeed did look like they were starting to blister. He turned his head to look at Sean.
"That's...uh...probably because they are. I've got some burn cream and bandages in the first aid kit in the cabinet in the master bathroom. Can you go grab that? Please?" Mark asked him softly.
With that said Sean ran out of the room and up the stairs. Down the hall and into the master bedroom, through the master bedroom into the bathroom. He dropped to his knees and opened the cabinet looking for the first aid kit. He found it after a couple minutes pulling it out with shaky hands.
'Come on! Get your head together! He'll be fine just grab the stuff and bring it down to him!' Sean thought after he dropped the burn cream for the third time.
He grabbed the burn cream and bandages, along with the small roll of medical tape and the mini scissors. With all that in hand he ran out of the master and down the hall, taking the stairs two at a time he made it back to the kitchen fast.
"Here Mark, come over to the table, I'll wrap your hands." Sean said as he walked over and sat the stuff on the table.
Mark carefully shut the water off and stepped over to the table where he sat and held his hands out for Sean to take and wrap. With care and slightly shaking hands Sean set to work. Carefully rubbing the burn ointment onto Marks hands, then taking and wrapping them carefully with the bandages, Sean made quick work of Marks injured hands. When he cut and taped the bandages. Mark reached over and carefully gripped Sean's hands.
"Hey, take a deep breath relax! Im fine really!" Mark told Sean carefully but seriously.
Sean tried to take a deep breath but it came out shaky. His shaking got worse as he sat there, so Mark pulled him close in a hug.
"I...should...have just...kept my mouth shut! We could have ordered out! Then...then your hands wouldn't be all burnt!" Sean sobbed out quietly.
Mark sighed and pulled Sean out of his chair to stand, he briefly released his hold on him to step over to the stove and shut the soup off. Walking back over to Sean he wrapped his arms back around him, then carefully led him to the couch. Settling them both onto the couch, Mark made sure that Sean was comfortable then looked down at the crying Irishman.
"Sean, this isn't your fault at all. It was my own stupidity! You don't have to cry like this. The soup was, and still will be good, great even." Mark told him softly.
"But...your hands..." Sean said still crying but much softer now.
Mark sighed softly, glancing at his wrapped up hands.
"Like I said this isn't the first time, it probably won't be the last either. I've never actually been able to pour water out of a pan without burning myself." Mark told him softly, running his less injured hand through Sean's hair.
"Why didn't you say something then?" Sean asked him softly.
"I...I don't know, maybe it's because I didn't want to risk you burning yourself...maybe it's because you asked and I was all too happy to do as asked, Maybe it was just me...being stupid, I honestly don't know..." Mark told him softly.
"You...big goober!" Sean said with a small laugh.
"Wha...?" Mark asked confused.
"You should have said something, never ever do something where you've gotten hurt before just because I asked you to or your worried about me getting hurt! I know where to grab a pan so I don't get burnt...that being said...I still feel bad that your hands are hurt." Sean told him starting loudly, and ending softly.
Mark laughed softly and wrapped both arms around Sean.
"Yeah, but like you said im just a big goober." Mark said with a small chuckle.
"No, you're not JUST a goober! You just did a silly. That's all." Sean said with a determined look on his face.
"Alright alright alright. I'll take your word for it." Mark told him In response.
Sean opened his mouth to say something but was cut off by Mark leaning down and gently placing his lips on Sean's. After a minute maybe a little longer Mark pulled back and looked into the dazed blue eyes of Sean.
"How about we go finish that soup?" Mark said softly.
Sean just nodded and Mark laughed softly. Pulling Sean to his feet, being careful of his hands, Mark lead Sean to the kitchen. However when they got there Sean gently pushed Mark into a seat at the table.
"Nope, im finishing the soup myself you just relax a little bit." Sean told him as he walked over to the stove to turn the soup back on.
Sean walked over to the sink to grab the pasta, which shockingly hadn't been completely ruined during the accident. Returning to the soup pot he dumped in the pasta, adding the last of the cut up ingredients he lowered the heat to a medium so everything could come together then he turned around to look at Mark.
"Maybe five or ten minutes." Sean told him softly with a smile.
"Sounds fantastic." Mark said with a smile of his own.
Sean turned back to stir the soup, and Marks eyes fallowed his every move.
'That booty though! His eyes...mmm...' Mark thought to himself.
Mark was pulled out of his thoughts when Sean placed a bowl of soup in front of him, moving to sit in the seat by him. Dinner was a quiet affair, both either lost in thoughts or concentrating on the food.
"This really is delicious." Mark said after a few minutes of quiet eating.
"Yeah, it is." Sean said looking up from his bowl, a small smile gracing his face.
The rest of dinner was quiet. Small smiles shared occasionally, and when dinner was done they settled the dishes into the sink to wash later and headed into the living room to watch some tv. They settled onto the couch and cuddled up to each other. putting a random show on tv they spent the rest of the evening talking softly and watching random things on tv. Heading to bed around midnight.
"Nope, come on." Mark said gently tugging Sean gently with him towards the master.
"Mark...no come on." Sean said softly trying to fight, not that he was actually trying.
"No, we've both had a busy, rough day. We need a good night of sleep. So just come on." Mark said softly leading Sean to his door.
"Alright, alright. You're right." Sean said with a smile as he fallowed Mark into his room.