He would like to say that he is happy for both of them meaning it , really, he would like to say that the woman that betrayed him with his brother was now nothing but a love that is gone but he know that he has to say that, maybe not fooling everyone but he have to try, Elena seems happier when he confirm her that every time that he looks sad, and that happiness is worth any effort of faking a smile, that just weight too much, but simply it's not true. Of course she doesn't need to know about his really feelings, about how is heart break every time he saw her laughing at some creepy jokes of him, about the time he goes out just to give them some space cause he know that otherwise they would just try to make out and have sex quietly, not that it really matters if they scream or whisper when they do it, after all he could hear a pin fall on the other side of the house.
Sometimes he thinks that she knows how he really feels, and in those moment he hopes that maybe for them there is still a chance, cause if they still had their connection maybe nothing between them really changed, but he knows better than that, cause every time she suspects Stefan is suffering for her she looks at him for a while and in the end she just shook her head and go to hug Damon as if the black haired saw her looking at his brother and needed to reassure him about the fact that she did not love the younger Salvatore in that way, not anymore at least. There were times when the pain was so great that he thought about how good would he feel if he had the strength to hate her but he know that will never happen, and it seems that she knows her too. He remembered when he told Lexi that she wasn't like Katherine, that she cared, now that's changing, she's changing, day by day he loses her even more and she began to act just how Demon do, and it scares him more than a pack of hybrid. He would like to think she's changing because of the sire bond, cause he knows that if she is under Damon control maybe one day she will free herself an will come back to him. But he knows the true, and the true is that she loves Demon, she said it in his face when Rebekah had compelled them to sit and play the stupid game made just to make him suffer. And it worked, it still work.
Sometimes he thinks about leaving forever without them knowing, cause he knows that if they saw him packing his things they would try to stop him and in the end Elena would manage to convince him to stay. It's hard to choose between your own happiness and the one of the woman that you will never stop to love, but in the end he know what he would do, he would do whatever she wanted him to, like a puppet.
One day he just decide to do it, to leave, he already did it twice this month but this time he's sure it's different, he will go away and try to be happy by himself. He leave no letters, that's how he gave up the first time, 9 day ago, while writing he started to think and in the end he just couldn't leave her without seeing her one last time, but dawn was already there so he just thought "next time for sure I will leave", the second time he tried to leave behind him mystic falls and Elena he wrote the letter all over again cause the first time he burnt the letter fearing that she could find it, he managed to do it quickly and get in their room to see her for the last time, but he just couldn't, he stayed there staring at her until she woke up, he ran into his room knowing that it was too late and thinking "next time for sure I will leave". This time he doesn't even try to see her, he know that the sight of her sleeping would freeze him all over again and he doesn't know if he can found the strength to make this decision again. He's reaching for the handle whit his bag on the shoulder when someone call him "Stefan?" he breaths deeply knowing that he will not leave tonight either, not after hearing her voice, not after turning and see her face in verge of crying.
"Stefan?" she repeats in disbelief " what are you doing?" he want to scream to hurt himself when he see the tears that she couldn't control falling, knowing that he's making her cry, cause she already found the answer to her own question "Elena please…" is all he manages to say cause he knows that saying something else could make both of them break apart. He turn again towards the door hoping that for once he wouldn't have to be the stoic hero that everybody want him to be, he hopes that just one time she would not ask him to stay cause she couldn't decide which Salvatore she has to say goodbye.
He 's opening the door when she hugs him from behind telling him that she loved him and everything she already told him when she saw him in the corner of the Grill 3 days before, drinking alone and just wanting some peace. After all that's all he wants beside her, peace, maybe the eternal peace that he hopes will reach him one day. For now all he could do is hug her back and reassuring her while she curse herself and her selfishness, asking him to forgive her but to stay cause she can't live without him. So it starts all over again, and he, being the man that he is take her in her brother room, and make sure that Damon consul her while he goes in his room, knowing that in the end he will never leave her unless she tell him otherwise, like if he was under sire bond control.
The time he really leave come when he's making breakfast for himself and hear them laughing, his heart start to ache but for him now it is the routine. He hear Elena suggestion to play a certain game in the shower and Damon's reply "maybe later right now Stefan is cocking and I wouldn't want to traumatize my baby brother", he missed a beat when she insisted keeping up with the joke made by Damon "So? He's a big boy now, we can't wait for him to be ready" the pot he was holding fell loudly and suddenly they stopped talking as Elena realized that he was hearing all along, she whispered still in Damon arms "oh my god Stefan" she quickly come in the kitchen but it's too late, he's in his room taking his bag and his bike keys, he quit by the window, leading to the garage ignoring her running to get him, "I am done" he tell himself barely controlling a tear, he can't take more of that, of them.
She was standing in front of him as he turned on the engine of his bike on, "Stefan, please I didn't think you were listening us, please don't go", for a moment he even think about it, about forgiving her one last time, but he know that he can't allow himself to forgive her anymore, he had reached his breakeven, for the first time in his life he can't allow himself to bring someone else pain, "Elena, out of the way. Now!" she was almost scared by him and he hated himself for that but right now he could just feel a thing, pain, the worst pain he ever suffered, a pain that didn't leave space to other emotion maybe just his love for her. He growl as he notice that she's not moving from the garage entrance, "Elena! Get out the fucking way, I won't ask you a third time" he need to leave and if he has to do it asking the hard way he's going to do it. She's still there. She's shaking, not because she fear Stefan would have hurt her physically, he trust him way too much and Damon is looking by far ready to set in if the Ripper want to pay a visit, but because she can feel herself all the pain Stefan had gone through all the days he faked that he was alright, the days she ignored their connection just cause she wanted to be happy with Damon and didn't want to see what she had done to the one she promised he was going to be the only one. Now she understand why she's happy, because Stefan is taking all the sadness meant to be hers
He can't dominate himself anymore, he turn off the bike and simply run away, he knew he's faster, he's 165 years old and she's barely 18.
So he run, and run, and run, and run, and he keep running, till he's out mystic falls, till his legs betray his will to keep running away from the love of his live that he know that is being hugged by Damon, the brother he can no longer love, the brother that granted him the life of pain he promised, after all he just had to kill his best friend and mentor and take away from him Elena, the only thing that ever meant something to him.
And he stand there laying on the wet grass waiting, till the leg ache is no longer a problem, cause now all he has is the pain of his dead heart, , waiting, till the hunger is no more a problem, cause now all he has is the pain of his dead heart, waiting, till the bloodlust is no longer a problem, cause now all he has is the pain of his dead heart , waiting for the sun to raise again but he doesn't really hope that cause his sun was in his brother arms.