The Songs Chippy
Or Various parodies composed by everyone's nicest squirrelkin!
Disclaimer: These parodies were written by Chippy, not by me. Chippy was the genius behind the work!
Just you Wait Old Jacob
Disclaimer: Chippy and I don't own My Fair Lady or Joseph and the Amazing Technicolor Dreamcoat
Author's note: I don't know how to spell Joseph's Egyptian name. In my defense, it's really long!
Performed by Eliza Doolittle:
Just you wait, Old Jacob,
Just you wait!
You'll wish you never gave that coat,
But it will be too late!
Joseph will work for the Egyptians,
They won't feed 'im,
And they'll bleed 'im,
Just you wait old Jacob,
Just you wait!
Just you wait, old Jacob,
'till he's gone,
And he has to work all day long,
He'll have to scrub the floors,
And oil all the doors,
Just you wait old Jacob,
Just you wait!
Ooo, old Jacob,
Just you wait until he's thrown in jail,
Ooo, old Jacob,
And no one will be there to pay the bail,
When he says, "Let me out!"
Will anyone hear him shout?
Oh, no, no! Old Jacob!
Ho, ho, ho! Old Jacob!
Just you wait!
But one day he'll be famous,
He'll be proper and prim,
And the Pharos will love him,
And call him 'Sonny Jim',
And one day the Pharos will say,
"Joseph, old thing,
I want all of Egypt your praises to sing!
Today in the arena,
You will be called Zophnotpanaha!"
"Thank you." Says Joseph,
In a manner well bred,
"But if I don't get to work,'
We won't have any bread!"
"Done!" says the king with a stroke,
"Let's get to work,
Or I will be broke!"
So they gather the grain from spring to fall,
And pile the husks from wall to wall,
Through the pile mounts higher,
The people never tire!
And They'll have food,
Old Jacob,
And call 'im 'Dude',
Old Jacob!
Just you wait!
The Four Stone Walls
Disclaimer: Chippy and I do not own Capricallie's The Four Stone Walls, nor do we own 'The Scarlet Pimpernel'!
Performed by the French Prisoners:
We are born of ancient families,
Livin' here all our days,
And though we love the Paris scene,
Wouldn't we love to escape the guillotine?
It's an order for execution,
And we can't believe we're seein' what we see!
But if it kills,
He will free us from these four stone walls,
Return us to our wealth,
Out from these four stone walls around us!
And they called to one and all,
"Trial's in the village hall!
They've been beaten and racked,
But still their heads must fall!"
Ne'er justice they seek,
Just wild killings week to week,
And blood and foam!
But if it kills,
He will free us from these four stone walls,
Return us to our wealth,
Out from these four stone walls around us!
To the Society of the Pimpernel,
Won't you help us out of this,
And caravan,
To the promise land,
Of the free?
But if it kills,
He will free us from these four stone walls,
Return us to our wealth,
Out from these four stone walls around us!
The Bonny Scottish Phantom
Disclaimer: Chippy and I don't own Loreena McKennitt's The Bonny Portmore or POTO or Allen Stivel's Brain Boru or Tomb Raider any more than we own the other things listed! (We've never even seen Tomb Raider!)
Performed by Chippy:
Oh, bonny Scottish Phantom,
I am sorry to sight,
Such a woeful destruction,
Of 'Music of the Night'!
For it did so outpour,
In a Celtic way,
That it seemed like the anthem,
Of the IRA.
Oh, bonny Scottish Phantom,
You'd sound better if you'd do,
A rousing rendition,
Of Brain Boru!
If they could re-cast now,
As they could once before,
The frenchie's role,
Would be yours no more!
All the fans in the crowd,
They bitterly cry,
Saying, "What the bloody heck!
It's the 'Tomb Raider' guy!
Who cast this kilt wearer,
As our mask-bearer,
And caused Erik's lines,
To have a bagpiper's sound?"
Oh, bonny Scottish Phantom,
You'd sound better if you'd do,
A rousing rendition,
Of Brain Boru!
If they could re-cast now,
As they could once before,
The frenchie's role,
Would be yours no more!
Evita and the Amazing Technicolor Argentinean Political Scheme: Any Speech Will Do
Disclaimer: No Joe. No Eva. No zilch.
Performed by: Eva Peron
I close my eyes,
To all the suffering,
And think only,
Of my political gain!
Far, far away,
Is Che pestering!
And the people are festering,
Any speech will do!
I wore my dress,
With the new lining,
Like a rainbow shining,
With problems to eschew,
And in the court,
The crowd is waiting,
Anticipating,
The president new!
A crash of drums,
A flash of light,
My praises sung,
From left to right,
The people love my 'Don't Cry for Me'!
I am featured on TV!
May I never return,
To my beginnings,
When all my winnings,
Were from an act or two,
The world for I,
Is ever waiting,
And at my approach, fainting,
Any speech will do,
Any speech will do!
The Wonderful Inspector of the Law
Disclaimer: We don't own the Wizard of Oz and Les Miz either!
Performed by Javert:
You're off to see the inspector,
The wonderful inspector of the law,
You hear he is a Jansenist,
If ever a Jansenist you saw,
If ever a Jansenist you saw,
Javert is one because,
Because, because, because, because, because!
Because of the cold blooded things he does!
You're off to see the inspector,
The wonderful inspector of the law!