I'm not sure what I'm doing. I'm bursting with ideas and this just so happened to be the first. Anyway, I don't own anything that is recognizable (Parks and Rec/Harry Potter/anything really). This is for pure entertainment. This fic probably won't get a lot of traction anyhow.

Warnings: Severus is a bit OOC but he's nervous so give me a pass, uh bisexuality mentions and I'm not sure what else…

I hope you enjoy my first fan fiction!

He had to keep moving. Legs, arms, mind—all of it. It all had to keep moving. If any of it stopped, the entire machine would stop. It wouldn't be a grain of sand within the system to screw the microchip up—no, it would be a desert storm! Happiness, motivation, meaning to life and the ability to keep at least a hint of a smile on his face would all be wiped out. Completely obliterated. So, Chris hopped in place and moved his hands while waiting for the soy-vegan burger to be cooked and topped with all natural ingredients. Now, he didn't usually come to this place because it was a thirty minute drive away and gas had gone way up but he had figured that a twenty minute bike ride was just what he needed to stop the darkness from creeping upon him.

He couldn't sleep, not with the nightmares of slowly wasting away all alone and boy were they detailed. Chris almost slipped back into the nightmare, could feel it tickling the edge of his subconscious and well, he couldn't just let those kind of thoughts rule his waking hours so he launched forward. He distinctly remembered no one else being in this completely vegan heaven then again, he had blacked out for a few minutes without really realizing it so it wasn't so shocking when he launched his tip top shape body right into another person and the two of them went down like a sack of bricks.

Now Chris, he was fine. He had fallen much harder and from a greater distance plenty of times and it helped that he had something really soft to land on. The thing under him grunted and shifted, reminding the optimistic man who had really sad thoughts that he had, in reality, landed on a person that was probably not doing well under his weight (which was all muscle).

"I am so sorry. I have literally not been so embarrassed in my life," Chris apologized, hardly looking at the person as he pushed himself into the push-up stance to lift himself off. Then he looked down… into the most amazing dark, dark brown eyes he had ever seen. They were ringed by some sort of make-up that made them look ten times more beautiful and bigger and wow, he had bumped into quite the interesting person with a unique face that he couldn't help but to describe as—

"Gorgeous," Chris whispered without noticing. The person scoffed with a wry smile twisting pink lips. Thin hands that felt like delicate bird wings pushed at his chest, reminding him that he was still maintaining a stance that put them in each other's personal space. He jumped up and pulled the other person to their feet, dusting them off.

"I must apologize again, really sorry for knocking you down," Chris couldn't help but smile brightly, like the sun had come out and he was sure that it had. A part of him, the part with the rare blood disease that reminded him every day that one day, it would take him under the disgusting tar and smother him in its pain, whispered that this would only end in a broken heart once more. But Chris ignored it, as he always did. He ignored it.

"It is fine," the voice that came out was shocking but pleasing, deep and smooth like honey. Low-fat honey with a bit of dark, dark chocolate shavings on the side. He looked at the person before him, long black hair framing a pale face made up of such interesting features, he wondered if he would have the chance to run his fingers along every centimeter. No, he was jumping ahead of himself, he hadn't even gotten the person's name.

"Now, some may wonder why I'm not assigning gender and one will know that this person is very, very androgynous. A nice blend of feminine and masculine. Very nice, very complimenting."

"No, it's not. I must make up for it. How about I make up for it right now by paying for your dinner and we can eat here?" Chris suggested. The stranger looked hesitant, long fingers twitching and eyes looking around the restaurant as though to find the exit. Maybe he was standing too close, he was only a foot away and he towered over the beauty by a good head. He took a step back and, he wanted to hunch his shoulders to appear smaller but he had a feeling that his spine would snap and tell him that it was impossible. Yes, he was always standing straight. Good posture is very important.

"I have a penis," the stranger blurted out suddenly. Chris paused, ah a man. Or at least someone that was assigned male when born but might not agree or did agree and did not see the need to wear clothes that were 'appropriate'.

"That's great, as do I. Now, I do not want to make you feel pressured but I just ordered my food and I think Harold will make it for here if I change my mind quickly enough. He knows to cook my food especially slow as I love to mediate—this place has great feng shui," Chris explained in a bit of a line. It wasn't a big lie, just a small one. His food was already done, he could see it on the counter from where he stood but this stranger didn't know that and it wasn't like he wouldn't pay for it all over again. The stranger paused once more but seemed much less nervous as a grin pulled at pink lips.

"My name is Severus Prince," a hand so very thin was held out for him. Chris gripped it like it would break in his hand should he press too hard (and it was possible) and introduced himself with as much vigor as he could.

Not many people knew Ron Swanson and that was how he liked it. Then again, if he was being honest with himself, there wasn't much to know. He was a simple man that enjoyed the simple things in life. He ate meat, made money and had sex as any man should and not even in that particular order. Oh Ron felt his mustache twitch at the thought of slathering some rib sauce on the body of a sexy, brown haired woman who would moan as he licked every spot off. But that wasn't the point. Ron liked it when no one knew anything about him because that meant that they were minding their own business. And that was when Ron liked people the most. When the minded their own damn business. Which is why he minded his own. He never interfered in other people's lives unless it was more than absolutely, positively, someone was going to die necessary. He never asked anyone about anything—ever. There was no circumstance in which Ron would question someone on their personal life or even ponder about someone else's personal life.

Which is why he was not huddled around Donna's desk, whispering behind his hands about what had put the city manager back in a good mood. It didn't take an observant person to notice that something was off about the normally optimistic man but now something had happened to break the sad spell and he was glowing. Age had slipped away from his face and his smile was bright enough to blind dozens of small children.

Ron didn't particularly care because if they were gossiping then that meant that their work wasn't getting done and if their work wasn't getting done then his work was done. He figuratively rolled around in the lack of work being done around here.

"Ron Swanson!" a chipper voice called out. Ron tensed and looked around desperately for something to do. Something, anything. Please God, no. The man was in front of him, hands on hips and feet apart. He was a man on a mission. A mission to ruin Ron's lack of work, "I have the most wonderful news. It is so amazing, it will literally cause the hair to melt from your face. Literally. How about I tell you over lunch?"

"No." There. Short, sweet, simple. Ron was confident and firm in his answer. He didn't want to go to some shitty 'diner' that would cause him to weep. No, he would prefer to sit here and stare at the wall or drink an entire body of bleach. Either one would work. Chris was smiling. He could feel the heat coming from his pearly whites and then he was laughing. Ron tried to keep his eyes off the man, this had happened before when he refused lunch. Chris had smiled extra hard then laughed then Ron must have blanked for he had—

"Dammit," he cursed as he looked down at the menu that was suddenly in his hands. He looked around and noticed that they were in a place much too nice to be in Pawnee and much too clean to be any good for what Ron usually preferred. They were far away from their jobs and the town.

"Is he drugging me? How did I get here?"

"I have met the most amazing, beautiful person in the world. Her face literally causes the moon to stop shining in hopes of not disturbing her perfection. She is smart too and—wow, I feel so lucky to have bumped into the most amazing person," Chris sighed happily. Ron groaned almost inaudibly. He hated love lives that weren't his own. Hell, he hated his own love life which is why he didn't speak about it to himself. Or with anyone.

"Please do not share more," Ron sighed even though he knew it would not stop the chatterbox from continuing. He was worse than Leslie and Ann and Tom all mixed into one oddly hyperactive talking machine that did not understand that TMI stood for too much information. Actually, by knowing this man's name, it was too much information.

"Ron, you are hilarious but now is not time for jokes. I met her at a vegan place that serves literally the best food you could ever pay for. It literally adds ten years onto your life just by stepping through the door," Chris shared more.

"No, I do not want to go there with you one day," Ron intoned as brown eyes looked hard at him. His life was added on by gobbling down as much meat as five grown lions could handle. Hell, he'd eat the lions as well.

"Of course, I know how you like your meat and I want to thank you for coming with me on this lunch. Ben is in Washington and his line is busy—I assume that the new Councilwoman is making liberal calls to her boyfriend as I wish to make to my future boyfriend," Chris stated dreamily. Ron gave pause. Now, he wasn't one to get into anyone's business and even now, he had a very strong feeling that he shouldn't say anything but he was a stickler to sticking to someone's proper pronoun. It was rude not to.

"I thought she was a female," Ron said dryly and as the chiseled face lit up, he knew that he should have kept his mouth shut.

"Oh no, do not mistake me. My love interest was placed in the male category upon birth but sometimes he feels like a boy and sometimes she feels like a girl. Or sometimes both…" Chris dug in his pocket and pulled out his phone, a few flicks and a picture was on the surface that he practically shoved into Ron's mustache.

Now, Ron was old fashion about a lot of things. You should look your food in the eyes before killing and eating it. You should pay for the check when taking out a woman. You should know how to take care of yourself whether by stitching up your own wounds or cleaning your home. But the one thing that he wasn't old fashion about was gender or sexual orientation. He rather enjoyed the fact that people were comfortable enough to realize that the skin they were born in just wasn't quite right and, while he would never have that feeling of dysphoria, he knew that some did have it and aimed to change that by changing themselves. Frankly, he didn't very much care if the woman before him once had a penis. As long as she was strong of mind and not a blond, he was ready.

The woman/man on Chris's phone was pretty he supposed. It looked as though the picture had been taken without the other knowing (he found that a bit creepy but not creepy enough to comment on) but it was at a good angle and taken just as the sun was rising behind him/her. Large, extremely dark eyes with rings of blackness that hinted at the lack of sleep and a spark of sharpness that showed brightly, even in this picture. Thin lips covered in a slight shine. A crooked nose that had obviously been broken before and never set properly and long black hair that was knotted in places from the lack of combing it. Well then.

"His name is Severus Snape and she said she'd meet me for coffee!" Chris practically squealed. Ron remained silent, not wanting to encourage more talking but at the same time he felt as though he should encourage Chris in some way. After all, the man was soft. Delicate. Maybe not in the ways of body but in the ways of mind. Being alone had practically killed him last time and aged him nearly ten years. He'd have to be blind, deaf and stupid to not see the improvement right before him. So yeah, maybe reassuring him that this was a good idea or telling him to not get his hopes up too much.

"I—."

"Hello fellas, what can I get you today?" Brandi, their waitress, popped over and asked with an obnoxious smile on her face. Chris immediately began to chatter out his order in a way that made it seemed as though he were ordering the entire menu but Ron knew from experience that the man was ordering, perhaps, two things. Ron settled back in, glad to not have to comment on someone else's life, and prepared his order for the entire menu.

(**)

Severus was nervous. He didn't like to say that he was nervous but he certainly was. Today was a boy day and that was great because he didn't want to startle this man as he had done before. Severus winced as memories of broken ribs and shouted words echoed throughout his mind. He had been so very lucky that night that someone had thought him the gender he felt and sought to help him. He had never seen James so angry but that could be said the same for Brandon, Henry, and Martha. They were all so… harsh. They were terrible, threatening and all of them caused him so much pain.

No, he couldn't think about that. He had moved on and moved away. He was starting fresh in this little town in Indiana called Pawnee and it would be fine. He looked into the mirror and adjusted the tight bun he was sporting today. It was in styles these days which made it easier to tame his long hair but, with his slim build and slight make up, there were always dirty looks to be tossed his way and people to cross the street. He always turned his head the other way so as to not notice but he had a keen mind that didn't allow him to forget a single detail. Severus sighed, perhaps he shouldn't go. He should stay home until he had more of a feel for this Chris and this town.

*Bing*

Severus started at the sound of his phone, a frown crossing his lips for a brief moment. His sister had stated that she was working on something new which meant that she really didn't have time to text him these days. He knew she would apologize in a way that wasn't really apologizing by texting him nonstop and popping up on his doorstep with plans of recreational shopping and catching up. He smiled at the thought of his sister actually apologizing then frowned as he remembered the one time that she actually had and… no. Nope. He wasn't going there. Nope, nope, nope.

He snatched up his phone, ready to either be shocked that it was his sister or ready to fall down if it was either of his parents. After all they hadn't spoken to him in nearly… five years was it?

'Hello, this is Chris Traeger. I just wanted to remind you that I am SUPER excited to see you this afternoon. I am sure that you are going to look positively beautiful. However, please inform me if I should address you by female pronouns, male pronouns, or a colorful mixture of both.'

Severus wasn't sure what he should feel. The sense of happiness that filled his soul was unnatural, quick and too warm. He felt like he was being given a gift that no one else deemed him fit to have. And yet this person, this angel did think he was worthy and… he couldn't do it. He couldn't go out with this person who might expect him to change every other day or get too used to one gender or want him to be something he wasn't. What if he grew tired of Severus or thought him to be playing a game? No. No. He had to cancel. He couldn't get his hopes up like this, not again. Not ever again.

'Oh yes, I almost forgot. I was hoping to pick up some flowers that could never hope to be as beautiful as you. Are you allergic to anything?'

Severus didn't particularly like flowers, he actually hated them due to multiple reasons but he had a feeling that this man was already at the flower shop and bouncing on his toes. He was probably smiling at the assistant and telling him about the amazing non-binary entity he had met. He could see him chattering on in the way he did, glancing down at his phone and then glancing back at the array of flowers. That man was an open book, even the sadness he hid in his darkest depths were out in the open to one such as Severus.

'Him, he. And no. I have shown no allergies to specific flowers.'

Even if things did not go well, it would not be because of his gender identity. It would be due to incompatible traits or complete disinterest in each other.

TBC

I'm not really sure if this is a TBC. It might just stay a one-shot. Mind you, if you are upset by Severus being bigendered then you can take a sip of shut the fuck up. If you are upset because I am not representing Severus in a way that a non-binary person should then you can freely comment. I have no problem with fixing my mistakes.