There is a fine line between love and hate; life and death. For those out there who are like me… we teeter more towards the latter. Every day, we cling onto the cliff face trying to maintain what little of ourselves that is left untouched by the insanity of it all. While we may have friends here and there, they will never understand what it is like. No one but one of our own can understand.

I had, in all, not even four people who I could consider close enough to call friends. Everyone else found me an annoying brat. They thought that I was loud, annoying, brash… But I still tried to add more to my little circle of 'friends'. I never wanted that hatred that they gave me and I wanted them to see me for who I am and look under the protective masks.

No one ever did; not even my friends. They never saw the hurt, the pain, the insanity… At times, I felt relieved. At others… it made everything worse. So much worse… I won't tell you how many times I tried to jump to one side of the cliff or another. My attempts were always halted.

Why can no one understand what it is like to be like us? Why can't they understand that we don't know any better than to be who we are? Why can't they see that we try…? Yes… we try and try but we never succeed. We can be the most talented person on the planet but we will never succeed.

Our minds prevent us. We're grasping at straws at the best of times and it leads us astray. We do things that if we were on top of the cliff, we would never even dream of doing.

I mean… how many people let the mask slip slightly and not realize they're losing it? How many people, when it's pointed out, think 'that isn't even close to blowing up'? We do. We're so far down the cliff that we… that we… I can't explain it. Not to those who aren't like us.

That scenario in the last paragraph… that happened to me. And I didn't realize it and I alienated one of my precious people. I can tell you, the guilt from doing that is overwhelming. I'm tempted to let the numbness set in, oh to tempted, but you must understand… If I let that numbness set in, I'd no longer be able to call myself human.

We have so few real emotions that any emotion, no matter how painful, I like to endure them just to remind me I'm not dead yet. Trust me, I've felt death. I've been in his clutches multiple times. When I wake up from the dreams he sends me, I realize that by going with him, I hurt my precious people. I can't hurt my precious people…

No matter how many times I say sorry, the meaning never gets across. I know sorry isn't enough but I don't know how to express what I'm feeling any other way… It's like I'm drowning, being pulled down by a current that I can't control. My mind goes blank and sorry comes up reflexively… After all, it is my fault things go bad.

So here I am writing this and dedicating it to that precious person I hurt, hoping that you will understand that I don't mean to hurt you. I know that sounds pathetic and I'm not asking for your forgiveness, never forgiveness, just your understanding that if I could change things, and I've tried, that I never would've blown up at you.

If you aren't my precious person, you won't understand why I am saying sorry. If you are not one of us, you won't understand that every word I've written here is true; you won't understand the meaning behind my words.

I just hope that, for those of you who are in neither category and are reading this, you can realize that your precious people… never hurt them. Even if it is unintentionally, never hurt them. You have more than you realize. Cherish every moment you have with them because you don't know when it will end. Even if they piss you off and you fight at every turn, tell them how glad you are that you have them. Don't make the same mistakes that I do repeatedly. And most importantly, never let them go. Without those precious people, life is awfully lonely and you wouldn't like lonely. It's one of the worst feelings in the world.

So I'll say it once more and hope that the meaning conveys: I am sorry beyond words and I never meant to hurt you.

Naruto Uzumaki, an undeserving friend

P.S. I really hope no one finds this because that'd be super embarrassing…