Without a Gun
By: White Rain
Disclaimer: I do not own South Park.
Genre: Humor
Character/Pairing: Kyle/Cartman
Word Count: 616
Rating: PG-13 for implications of teenage sex
Notes: Title taking from Lady GaGa's Poke Face. For the record, Cartman's bigotry is not condoned by the author.
Summary: Cartman and Kyle's magic.
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"Kyle - "
"I thought we agreed not to talk at all during these times," Kyle said.
Cartman watched him put his pants on, eyes half lidded, "Kyle, this is more important than your dumb Jewish gay rules."
"These rules," Kyle snapped, "are the only reason you're getting any!"
"Touche," Cartman said, easily, and Kyle knew that meant that he wasn't going to get out of this conversation. Anytime Cartman sounded anywhere near reasonable at any level meant that Kyle, in good conscience, could not ignore him.
Kyle plopped down back on Cartman's bed with his arms folded and tried not to think about how it felt when Cartman licked the shell of his ear.
Cartman reached over and grabbed his notebook and pen off his nightstand. "I was thinking about running for student body president next year." He hugged his notebook and sighed, "I was student body president in elementary school, after all, so I do have experience. And everyone always says I'm a good leader. And it'd look good on my resume..."
Kyle closed his eyes tightly and took a deep breath. He had a good idea of what was coming.
"But," Cartman continued, "I'm not all that great at the stupid detail work. You know, the type of things Jews are good at and why they're always accountants and lawyers." Kyle twitched. "So I thought you could be my campaign manger."
"Okay," Kyle said, figuring it would be less stressful and save more time if he just agreed. It would also get his mom off his back about getting more things on his resume since he was pretty sure you could be campaign manger would count as an extracurricular activity.
Cartman stared at him. And then he threw his notebook at him. It bounced against his forehead before dropping on the floor. "Owe!" Kyle said with a hiss as he rubbed the spot where his head had been hit. "What the hell was that for, fat ass?"
"You know what?" Cartman said, jumping off the bed and pacing across his room. Naked, much to Kyle's horror and interest. "I try so hard. So, so, so damn hard. And then, what do you do? You go and fucking ruin it!" He turned around, stomped over to stand right in front of him, and jerked his index finger at Kyle's face. "What is your goddamn problem?"
"I have no idea what the fuck you're talking about," Kyle snapped through gritted teeth. "You ask me to help you, and I agreed, and then you turn all psycho on me!"
"You're not supposed to say yes until I harass you about it for a least a month!" Cartman said, as if it was the most obvious thing in the world.
"What the fuck are you talking about?"
"I just don't want us to lose the magic," Cartman said, as if Kyle hadn't spoken. "So I set this all up so we could fight and fuck about it!" He shoved Kyle back with so much force he fell on top of him. Kyle let out a soft grunt of pain, but Cartman's ranting was too loud for either of them to hear it. "And then you go and agree right away! Now I have to come up with a new plan! I hate you so -"
"Um, Cartman," Kyle said, wiggling a little.
"What?"
"You are naked and on top of me," Kyle said. "And talking about sex."
"So?"
"And," Kyle continued, sounding as if the very words he was speaking were causing him actual physical pain, "you're also kind of being romantic."
Cartman looked down at Kyle, confused. "I'm not sure where you're going with this, Kyle."
"This," Kyle said in a low voice and pulled Cartman down in order to kiss him, open mouthed.