My Crazy 'Ole Sis

What Not To Say To Her

R.OS: Ooh, a new story. Just some sick drabbles of that chick Temari and stuff. Not much point really, but I just write to please . How about a cookie?

Hello? Yea, it's me, Kankuro. You know, the weird sand dude who likes to play with dolls. They're technically not called dolls, more like warrior puppets, but you don't seem like the type smart enough to understand. No offense. Sand rules.

You see, at first I thought my little bro Gaara was a freak, but now I beg to differ. I've got two black eyes to show for it, and no, they're not from lack of sleep. (That's Gaara.) It's from my sister Temari.

I know what you're thinking, how can such a loyal, kind, generous fellow like me get beaten up by a crazy hag? Well you see, two words: Uzumaki Naruto.

I swear, that girl needs a break. The blond is obviously a dumbass, not that Temari's any different. He clearly doesn't know she likes him, yet she keeps on trying to come up with new ways to get into his pants.

Bang! Bang! "Kankuro!" Said guy looks around to hide.

Oops. I guess Temari found out that her diary's missing. Hehe. Better run for it. It was fun to read her journal at the beginning…but now I'm totally creeped out. You know the girl writes his name over and over again on every page?

"KANKURO!"

Oh shit.

Temari POV:

Damn! He got away. That teddy bear obviously does not respect his sister's rights. Yep, I said teddy bear. Don't you think he looks like one? With those two weird black things sticking out of his head. He looks like such a cute wee little tweddy – wait, hold on. Did I just call him cute? Like 'eew' with a double e. Anyways,he should go live with his dolls since he worships them so much. Then there'll be more room in this house. Yay, another shrine for my love!

But no matter how much I command him, plead him, ask him, and demand him, he just won't SCOOCH! That dude is such a selfish ass. He knows I need more room in here for Uzumaki and my kids, but he won't MOVE. Hell, Kankuro's doing this just to piss me off. I know he wants nothing much more than to get away from our scary kid bro Gaara, but he rather risk it with Gaara than give me a moments peace!

Sobs. Blows her nose hard on a wet, slimy tissue.

I didn't even have time for training. You know, birth control and stuff, and the tying of REAL tight KNOTS for things. I'll get him for this. Oh yeah, I WILL. (Horror music in the background)

"Temari shut that THING off!" Gaara comes in waving bunny slipper in the air. "I'm trying to go to sleep!"

Argh! See, I told you he was scary. I don't know why I live with them. I just hope that dirty bastard Kankuro didn't taint my diary.

"Hell yeah I did!"

"Kankuro! You shitty pile of –!"

Beep.

The following actions and activities were censored, due to the possibility of children lurking around and peeking in the background.

R.O.S: Naruto, get out!

(Naruto comes out from hiding with a pout on.)

Naruto: But I'm not a kid!

R.O.S: Too bad. Shoo.

(Said boy slumps and starts to walk off.)

R.O.S: Fine you can stay. But at one cost.

Naruto: What? I'll do anything!

R.O.S: Good but you can't get mad at me for what I'm going to do to you in the story.

Naruto: Gulp.

(A/N: Basically, what happened was Temari, being the woman that she was, tied Kankuro to a chair and started fixing him. No, not that way, though she really wanted to. Temari grabbed one of the early bathing suits that she wore as a kid and stuffed her brother into it, not to mention Karasu. (Is that what his puppet's called in the Jap version of the anime?) Well, anyway after that her bro suffered from identity crisis, while she ran off to ask Gaara if she was allowed to leave for Konoha. Though she threatened one of the Kazekage's subordinates into giving her a pass since her brother was napping, so if it was really Gaara's permission, I don't know.)

Cont. of Temari's POV:

Squeee! I'm going to see Naruto!

(Audience groans in background. Temari pulls out chainsaw. Audience quiets down.)

As I was saying, I'm going to see Naruto! It's been nearly three years since I saw him. Did you hear me? – Three LONG years! I hope he still remembers my name.

(Does a little dance.)

'He won't! He's got the Hyuuga, and maybe even the Haruno. If not, there are still a hundred other girls better than you! Why would he want some crazy-ass girl like you, Temari?'

"Shut up conscience!"

'You know what I said is true.'

"Lalala! I can't hear you! Lalala!" Temari jams her ears with her fingers, but quickly regretted that from the weird looks passing civilians gave her.

Said girl continues on her journey to the village hidden in the leaves, stopping every now and then to take a shit.

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Deep inside a cave, a fire was burning. Yeah, there were like FLAMES flying all over the place. 'Cause that's what happens when Sasuke's angry. You know how he usually has a stick up his ass? Well today he's got Oro's twig in him, and so he ain't feeling so chummy.

"Now, now my little Sasuke-kun. Settle down. You'll have this place ablaze if you don't STOP THAT RIGHT NOW." A fireball flew in the air and landed near Oro's feet.

"See, you could have hurt me with that."

"That was the point!"

"Lord Orochimaru, the soup is almost ready. But I have to say; it's a bit on the bland side. Would you like to – AHHH!" The Snake Man's groupie Kabuto's hair caught on fire. Yea, I said ON FIRE. There were like flames and stuff. Dude, he's practically being burned alive. And you know what our evil genius says?

"Hmmm. Kabuto's right. It needs some more seasoning. Wanna help me push him in the pot Sasuke-kun?"

End Chapter

Hehe. Personally, I think I went a little overboard on the attempt to put funny crap in the fic. It's a little bit on the lame/corny side, don't you think?

I'm not sure of the rating yet. But I'll keep it on teen 'cause I think teens have a right to read anything XD. Oh, and I hope you guys know that R.O.S. is short for remnantsofsanity, and that I usually don't write fics. I eat them.

0.0

Joking! Joking! Gosh, what a tough crowd. Well anyways, hope you enjoyed. This is my first attempt at a humor fic and I know I'm failing at it horribly :)

Anyways, I'm sort of dieing at my bedside, so if you are a kind, caring soul you'll know to send me some reviews. (Yeah, dieing from boredom.)

? Why do I get the feeling you think I'm an idiot? OO?