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A/N: This is for The Sacred and Profane! I really hope you like it!!! ;D
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Virtual Reality
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"Teef, tell me again why we're going over to Yuffie's place?" Reno pleaded as he dragged his feet behind his girlfriend, murmuring unintelligibly to himself all the while.
Tifa spared a brief glance over her shoulder at Reno. "She said there was something wrong with her TV. Don't you remember promising her that you would check it out with me to see if we could fix it?"
Reno shook his head stubbornly, his vivid red hair shining in the sun.
Tifa sighed. "Of course you don't," she muttered. "Yuffie needs our help, though, Reno. We're going."
Reno looked around the busy city of Edge. "Well, I figured that. We're already almost there."
Tifa smiled softly. "I knew you'd come around." She slowed her pace down a little so she could walk next to Reno, hand in hand.
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"The brat's not here," Reno said in surprise as he looked around Yuffie's apartment. He gave Tifa a confused look. "I was under the impression that she was actually going to be here when we fixed the damn TV." He scratched the back of his head.
Tifa nodded her head slowly. "Yeah, I thought so too. It's okay, though. We can try to fix it while we're waiting for her to get here." She tapped her chin in thought as Reno wandered around the apartment. "Where is her TV?" she pondered aloud.
"Already found it!" Reno's enthusiastic voice drifted in from the next room. Tifa followed the sound of it until she walked into the room with the television in it. She glanced at Reno to see him nodding appreciatively at all of Yuffie's various movies, videogame systems, and videogames.
He whistled. "Damn, she has every system that ever existed!"
Tifa rolled her eyes. "Maybe when we're done, you can ask her if she'll let you borrow one of them as a present for helping her out?"
Reno's brows shot up underneath his bangs. "Good idea!"
Tifa laughed at how easy it was to make Reno happy. "Let's get started on this." She walked over to the TV and knelt down so she could get a better look at it. "Nothing seems wrong with it…"
Reno shoved his face between the back of the TV and the wall it was leaning against. Through his muffled voice, he said, "The wires are all in the right spot." He removed his head from the awkward position to give Tifa a strange look. "Maybe if we turn it on?"
Tifa nodded, reaching her hand out to push the power button on the incredibly large screen of the television. The screen popped on, but all they saw was a bright white light. "Hmm…" Tifa stretched her hand out to touch the screen of the TV. Reno was doing the same thing next to her.
The very moment her skin came in contact with the screen, she felt an odd sensation tug at her arm. It was like something was pulling her into the television. "The hell!?" she heard Reno shout from next to her. He must've been feeling the same sensation.
Tifa slammed her eyes shut as the sensation came to a fearsome climax, sending her spiraling into the very heart of the television in front of her.
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Yuffie bounded through the doors of her apartment excitedly. "Singing do wah diddy diddy dum diddy doooo!" She continued to sing, off-key, locking the door to her apartment before skipping into the main room.
Her eyes widened when she saw that her TV was on…and fixed. "Yes!" She pumped her fist into the air excitedly. "Teef and Turkey must've come by and fixed it for me while I was gone!" She jumped onto the couch, pulling a remote control from one of the videogame systems up with her. "They left Street Fighter 2 on for me! How SWEET!"
She got to the character screen of the game and bit her lip in indecision. "Hmm…who should I be?" Her eyes scrolled across all the names and pictures of the characters. "Okay! Ken it is!"
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Tifa blinked her eyes open slowly. Once she did, she registered the fact that not only was she hunched over on her knees in a place she had never been before, but she was also in an immense amount of pain. 'Where am I?' She tried to voice, but her lips wouldn't move for her. 'What's going on?'
She looked up to see a fierce-looking man in front of her with shoulder-length blond hair, wearing red, sleeveless battle attire. Tifa was so low to the ground that she noticed he was bouncing from barefoot to barefoot in his battle stance. 'I'm supposed to fight him…'
A white hot surge of anger suddenly racked Tifa's whole body and she could not logically explain to herself what the reason for it was. She stood up slowly and dusted off her battle kimono, glaring daggers at the man in front of her.
"I will avenge my father." The words spewed out of her mouth before she even realized she was speaking. 'That's not my voice!' Tifa tried to scream, but no other words came out of her mouth.
"Yeah? Bring it!" the man in front of her retorted, bringing his fists in front of his face. Tifa could've sworn that she saw a slight look of confusion on the man's face before he charged towards her, fists drawn.
Tifa's body was on auto-pilot. It was like some omnipotent force was controlling her every punch, her every kick…her every dodge. She was the marionette and some unknown force was the puppeteer. Before she could comprehend what was happening, she exploded into a rage of spinning kicks at the blond man in front of her.
He fell to the ground in a heap of limbs, looking up at her with a dazed look on his face.
"DAMMIT! I lost?"
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"The computer always beats me! Especially when it's Chun-Li!" Yuffie threw her remote controller down angrily. "Time for a different game now!" She crawled over to the base of the television screen so she could switch the games inside the system.
She clapped her hands together excitedly. "Super SMASH!" She laughed at herself for getting so excited over a videogame…even if it was an awesome game.
When the main screen turned on, she put her controller over her favorite character. "Yeah, the best character for the best ninja! Let's go, Kirby!!"
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Reno liked to think of himself as a very sensible man. Sure he liked to kid around and have a good time every now and then, but he always had the sense to stop before things got too out of hand. So, after the many experiences that Reno had been through in his life, he considered himself a master of good sense.
'This,' Reno thought to himself, 'makes no sense.' A few minutes ago, he could've sworn that he was in the body of a brawny street fighter, getting beaten up mercilessly by an exotic beauty. 'What the hell…?'
Now Reno felt the weight of a heavy sword in his hand. He looked around to see bright colors everywhere, fluffy clouds in the sky, and a huge tree that looked like it had a smiley face on it. 'Where am I now?' And was that cheesy background music he was hearing…?
All of a sudden, Reno felt himself look up into the sky to see a pink ball coming down towards him. It made a high-pitched noise before darting towards the ground in the shape of a brick. Reno dodged it just in time, but his legs had moved of their own accord.
The "brick" retransformed into the pink ball, which also had a face…and arms and legs, now that Reno was looking closely.
"I am Ike. You will meet your end here." Was that Reno's voice? It sure didn't sound like it. He felt his lips moving, but he didn't remember trying to say anything.
The pink ball just stared at Reno with a cute expression on its face. Suddenly, the creature took out an oversized hammer from gods only knew where, swinging it towards him.
Again, he dodged the near-fatal attack, but he had no control over what he was doing. None whatsoever. 'What the hell is happening to me? Is this a dream?' He blasted into a flurry of parries, slashes, kicks, and punches at the poor little puffball, but he honestly had no control over what he was doing. It was like an invisible hand was guiding every single move he made.
Reno's heart nearly stopped when he remembered something really important. 'The TV!…Tifa! We got sucked into the TV!? HELL, THIS MAKES NO SENSE!'
He could only assume that if he was this "Ike" person, then Tifa was more probably than not the cute little puffball in front of him. He did everything in his power to hold back his attacks on her, but to no avail. He couldn't stop, regardless of how hard he was trying.
'Dammit! I'm sorry, Teef!'
Kirby flew backwards with an unimaginable speed before exploding into a pink light on the horizon.
"I LOST AGAIN!?"
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Yuffie sighed heavily. "Good thing no one is around to see this…I usually dominate at these games." She shrugged. "Oh, well. Maybe I should play a game that doesn't require melee style fights?" Her eyes brightened as she thought of the perfect game. "Right! It's a classic! What could go wrong this time!?"
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'Here we go again…' Tifa thought hopelessly as the scenery and background music changed before her. This time, she was in a place that looked suspiciously like a two-dimensional world. There were puffs of clouds in the sky, random turtles with wings flying around, and little angry-looking mushrooms walking towards her.
'Where am I this time!?' By that point, Tifa had figured out that there was something wrong with Yuffie's TV. It wasn't broken. No. The problem was that the TV was evil…or something. It had sucked her and Reno into its very core, forcing them to become whatever was displayed on the screen.
Tifa's legs started slowly jogging towards the oncoming barrage of mushrooms, jumping high into the air above them and landing on them with a loud plop. She continued her journey onward, passing through green pipes, eating the nice-looking mushrooms to become more powerful, and making it to the tip-top of a staircase-like landform. Once she reached the top, she saw a castle in the distance.
"Hoo-hoo! I must-ah rescue Princess Peach-ah!" her heavily-accented voice proclaimed determinedly. Tifa inwardly sighed. 'Whoever I am must not notice that monster over there.' If she had control of her body again, she would've rolled her eyes.
Sure enough, right as the suspender-wearing, mustached, plump little man jumped towards the castle, he gasped. "Oh no-ah! Bowser!?"
The ground reverberated noisily as the large creature made its way towards Tifa. It roared ferociously, turning its body slightly so Tifa could make out the slender form of a blonde woman in a bright pink dress standing behind it. She was holding her gloved hands over her mouth. "Mario!" she exclaimed worriedly.
"I'm the best!" Mario assured himself as he ran towards Bowser…
Suddenly, everything froze in place. It wasn't like Tifa could've done anything to move in the first place, but this time, she was sure that this "Mario" character couldn't move either. It was the same thing with Bowser and the Princess.
'What now!?'
"NOOO! Don't tell me this stupid old game just FROZE on me?" Tifa heard a very familiar voice shriek.
'I know that voice…'
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"URGH! I'm not playing any more videogames today! I'm not having too much luck with them." She blew her bangs out of her eyes. They had fallen over her face while she was having her mini-tantrum. "Let's just watch some TV…"
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"Gotta catch 'em all…gotta catch 'em ALLLL! PokéMON!"
Reno would've cursed every single god in existence…if he had the ability to talk.
'Damn. I'm in that stupid show that Marlene loves so much.' He was considerably shorter, with a little yellow pokémon at his side. He thought he remembered the name of the cute creature to be…Pikachu…or something like that. That was Marlene's favorite one.
"Pika-pikachu!" the little creature exclaimed happily, running ahead of him to a red-haired girl in the distance. 'Well,' Reno thought tiredly, 'that answers one thing.'
"Hey, Ash!" the mystery girl said with a small smile. "Wanna give our pokémon a little practice?" She cocked an eyebrow up suggestively.
"Misty!" Reno heard Ash's pre-pubescent voice come out of his mouth. "Yeah, let's go!" Reno felt his hand reach into his jacket to pull out a small pokéball. But then, he unconsciously made a grunt of indecision, putting the ball back on his belt. He pointed to the creature at his side. "Pikachu, I choose you!"
Misty smirked. "Go, Vaporeon!" She hurled a pokéball towards where Pikachu was crouched down on the ground.
'If I'm this Ash kid…then maybe Tifa is that Misty girl over there?' Reno sighed inwardly. 'At least I'm a guy this time. I wanted to punch myself in the face after crying out for that mustached guy in the princess' shrill voice…'
Reno figured that if Tifa could hear his thoughts, she would probably be laughing at him right now. She always seemed to think he was funny only when he wasn't trying to be funny. It drove him crazy. At the same time, though, he'd do anything to see the woman he loved smile, so he supposed that it all worked out for the best…
"Pikachu, you can do it!" Reno had stopped paying attention to the pokémon battle for a few minutes. There wasn't really a point to do so, seeing as he couldn't do anything to get himself out of this little predicament.
He finally took in the sight of the battle to see Pikachu struggling on the ground with Vaporeon charging up for a final attack. "Pikachu, use thunderbolt now!" He heard himself exclaim anxiously.
Pikachu managed to bring himself off the ground long enough to fire a bolt of electricity at Misty's water pokémon.
"No! Vaporeon, are you okay!?" Misty ran towards her pokémon with a worried look on her face. She pulled out her pokéball and called Vaporeon back inside it before she put her hands on her hips, fake-pouting at Reno. "No fair! My pokémon wasn't ready!" She walked closer.
'Man, if this guy can't tell that Misty likes him, then he's even dumber than I usually am…'
Ash cleared his throat as she approached him, putting her hand on his shoulder in a friendly gesture. "It's great to see you again, Ash." She sent her beautiful smile his way.
Reno was feeling all of Ash's inner emotions. The kid obviously liked Misty the same way as she liked him, but was too afraid to do anything about it. 'Feels just like right before I asked Teef out…'
"Uh…yeah, you too!" Ash stammered, putting on his trademark smile after he spit the words out. "I was just on my way to visit my mom. You wanna come?"
Misty nodded happily. "Of course!"
"HOW PREDICTABLE!! I'm changing the channel!"
'That voice…'
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"Is that your final answer?" the good-looking host asked Tifa with an attractive smile on his dashing young face. "Remember," he said slowly, "this question is worth one million gil."
Tifa felt herself nod slowly, which sent a rush of nervous tingles throughout her whole body. 'I hope this person gets the question right. She's so nervous! I feel bad for her.'
"Yes!" Tifa heard herself say, more confidently than she felt on the inside. She had to give some major props to whoever she currently was for keeping it all together at a nerve-wracking moment like this. "That's my final answer."
The host stared at the screen in front of him for a few moments of prolonged silence. He took a deep breath and sighed. "I'm sorry…you may have to change your lifestyle after this…" he trailed off absentmindedly.
Even though it wasn't actually Tifa who was on this game show, her mind was still screaming to 'Tell me if I won or not!'
The host sighed again. "That was the correct answer!!" The crowd in the background exploded into a chorus of cheering and applause. "You have just won one million gil, Ms. Parley!"
'If only…' Tifa would've sighed if she was in her own body. 'I wish this was really me.'
"I want a million gil too! No one ever wins this stupid show!! How did that girl actually win!?!? Urk, different channel now!"
'Yuffie…?'
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"This mission will have to include an incredibly in-depth surveillance team, several snipers, and of course, a lovely lady at your side, Mr. Bond." Reno truly wanted to gag at the flirtatious way he was explaining things to the other agent in front of him.
He had been through enough today already, hadn't he? He had gotten beaten up by a crazy woman, he beat up a pink puffball, screamed himself hoarse for some pudgy little man, had a pokémon battle with some random girl, told a beautiful woman she had just won herself a fortune in gil, and now he was explaining things to a man who, he thought, probably knew much, much more than he was letting on.
Oh, and that's not to mention the disturbing fact that Reno had been in a few women's bodies today, including the one he was in right now.
'Damn this shit…'
Mr. Bond shook his head slowly. "I believe you are mistaken, Ms. Bouche."
Reno felt himself cock his head to the side in a airhead-like manner. "What do you mean, Mr. Bond?" His hand moved down to his curvaceous hips, where he tried to accentuate the shape. It made Reno feel sick to his stomach. "I don't understand, James."
Bond smiled at Reno before aiming his gun at the building several yards away. "I work alone." He fired the gun at the building, which released a cord that attached itself to the building before pulling James away with it.
Reno put his hand over his heart as he gasped at the sight. "James…" he felt the feminine voice whisper dramatically.
'Oh gods…kill me now.'
"This is sooo ridiculous! Bond always gets ALL the girls in the end. There aren't any guys like that in this world! Well, except Vinnie…but he's not flirty with anyone…" Reno heard a groan. "That's a disturbing thought…Vinnie…flirting with someone…urgh."
'That's the brat!? Where the hell is she…?'
"I'm so changing the channel again!"
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"Oh. My. God. He so did not say that, right?" A blonde girl with two high pigtails was noisily chomping on some bubblegum as she interrogated Tifa. Well, actually the person that Tifa was currently inside, in a manner of speaking.
"Like, he so did! And I, like, told him that we were totally through if he wanted to think that about me!" Tifa was chomping on gum too. 'You have to be kidding me,' she thought hopelessly. 'Being that agent guy was more tolerable than being this ditzy high school girl!'
"Jason, like, totally likes you, Steffi. You know that, right?" The blonde just kept talking. She must've like hearing the sound of her voice or something. "Even though he said that awful thing to you!"
Tifa felt herself nod absentmindedly. "Yeah…like, I know. But Stacy…Jason just said he needed some time to, like, think…or something!" She huffed dramatically. "How stupid is that?"
Stacy nodded understandably. "So stupid."
Steffi sighed. 'I wonder who this Jason person is,' Tifa couldn't help but think. 'He's probably some stereotypical jock.'
Just then, a tall boy with red hair and bright blue eyes locked eyes with her. She flipped her dark hair over her shoulder nervously. 'Wow…Steffi must really like him if I'm feeling all these butterflies in my gut!'
"Uh, Stacy? He's, like, staring at me!" Tifa whisper-yelled.
Stacy stared at Steffi, dumbstruck, as she noticed that Jason was making his way towards them. "Can I talk to you for a minute, Steff?" he asked, not even sparing Stacy a glance. Steffi's best friend took offense to that tiny insult by gasping dramatically.
Steffi paid no mind to her friend's reaction. "Sure." He grabbed her hand and led her outside the cafeteria and into the empty hallway. He let go of her hand once the doors to the cafeteria were firmly shut.
Tifa felt her arms cross over her chest in a nervous gesture. "You…like, wanted to talk to me, Jason?'
He nodded, his red hair falling over his eyes for a brief second. "I…just wanted to apologize…about…yesterday, Steffi. That was a stupid thing for me to say."
All the tension and nervousness that had previously been waiting to explode inside Tifa instantly dissipated as Jason said those words. 'How can Steffi let him control her emotions so easily…'
She felt herself smile innocently back up at Jason. "It's okay." She took a step closer to him, biting her lip in brief hesitation. "I forgive you if you forgive me."
Jason nodded again, this time with a full toothy grin on his face. "Sure." He grabbed her by her hips and gently pulled her even closer to him. "I love you, Steffi." He leaned in closer.
His proximity was making Tifa feel lightheaded, but she had no idea why. 'This is the same way I felt with Reno when we first…'
Jason gently pressed his lips onto Tifa's, instantly silencing her thoughts. She didn't know what to say, or what to feel, or what to think. All she wanted to do was stay there, wrapped in his arms…forever.
"Ooooh, come ON! Can you say cliché? That's almost as sappy as Tifa and Reno when they first started dating. SO gross! Urgh…I feel sick just thinking about the time I walked in on them."
Jason and Steffi continued their passionate embrace, unaware of the ninja's voice in the other dimension.
"Waitaminute! Speaking of Tifa and Turkey…" A loud pound was heard as the ninja most probably jumped from the couch towards the TV for a better look.
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"That looks just like them!" She tilted her head to the side slightly to see if it would change what she was seeing.
It didn't.
"How can that be possible…?" She scooted even closer to the screen until her nose was nearly touching it. "Hmm…" She reached out her hand to touch the center of the TV…
KahPOW!
Yuffie was sent flying backwards onto the couch as a bright white light was emitted from the TV, encompassing the entire room and making it nearly impossible to see anything other than pure white. "GAWD, THAT HURT!" She rubbed her eyes painfully.
When she blinked them open carefully, testing them to the bright light that was no longer existent, her jaw dropped as she saw what was standing in the middle of the room.
Tifa and Reno, still joined together in a passionate embrace.
"WHAT THE HELL!?" Yuffie screamed. "What are you doing making-out in my house!?!?" She stood up to rip the two apart. "Explain!"
Tifa blinked rapidly, taking in her new surroundings. "Uh…I…" She couldn't form a sentence together to explain anything. She was still in a daze after everything that had happened in the last little while.
Reno looked star-struck as well. "We…uh…TV…fix."
Yuffie crossed her arms. "Yeah, I know you fixed my TV. What are you guys doing back here?" She started to tap her foot on the ground impatiently.
Tifa took a deep breath, finally readjusting to her surroundings. "Yuffie, we were trying to fix your TV…but something really weird happened…"
"And we were sucked inside," Reno finished, crossing his arms as well. "Every game you played, every show or movie you watched…we were the characters in them…but we couldn't do anything about it or say anything to get ourselves the hell outta there!"
Yuffie blinked, looking from Tifa to Reno…then back again. Then, she burst into laughter. "Gaia to Tifa and Turkey! April Fools Day isn't for another two months! Good try, though!" She clapped them both on their backs proudly. "But no one can fool the Great Ninja Yuffie!" She paused, pumping her fist into the air triumphantly.
Reno rolled his eyes as Tifa tried not to laugh. "Sure," Reno deadpanned, deciding to go along with the clueless ninja. "In that case…" He reached over to grab his girlfriend's hand. "We'll be leaving now!" He dragged Tifa out of Yuffie's apartment before the ninja could say or do anything to stop them.
Once they were quite a distance from the apartment, Reno turned to Tifa with a confused look on his face. "Did that…"
"…actually happen?" Tifa finished for him with a small laugh. She nodded her head slowly. "Yeah, if you and I both experienced the same thing, then I think it did happen!" She wrapped Reno's arm around her shoulders. He smiled, pulling her closer to himself.
"Let's make a deal," Reno suggested, kissing the top of Tifa's head.
"Hmm? What's the deal?" Tifa asked with a small smile on her face.
"I won't ever speak of you being in the body of that short, squat little plumber if you…never bring up my experiences in the Princess's body…and in that…" he shuddered, "agent's body. Ever again. Promise?" He gave Tifa a convincing look.
Tifa couldn't help but laugh at his facial expression. "Yeah, I promise." She stood on her tiptoes to plant another kiss on his lips. "On one condition."
Reno cocked an eyebrow. "What's the condition?" He had a slight smirk on his face at that point.
Tifa smiled. "You have to let me rescue you sometime! I never got to rescue my princess from the monster's clutches!"
Reno's eyes widened. "I thought we made a deal not to mention-"
"Please?" Tifa pleaded, jutting out her bottom lip slightly.
Reno sighed, easily giving in to his girlfriend's demands. "…Fine." Tifa sighed happily, burying her face into the crook of Reno's neck while she wrapped her arms around him. He returned the gesture.
'But only because I love you.'
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A/N: That was fun to write, but it was still a bit harder than I thought it would be. Feedback would be much appreciated!! Thanks in advance!!! XD
-koalababay