Title: Why Didn't You Answer?
Warnings: Rated M for language and suicide attempt.
A huge Thank You to my wonderfull beta Emily, cumberbitchh on twitter!
-X-
Blaine rolled over his bed, mean thoughts about himself filling his mind.
'You're worthless, did you know that?' his mind told him. 'In fact, you're worse than worthless; you're a fucking no one! Remember when you used to be someone, Blaine? When you used to be a Warbler? You had every-fucking-thing: you had the looks; you had the charisma; you had the friends; you had the power; you had Kurt.'
"SHUT THE FUCK UP" he screamed in response.
He had no problem having a loud chat with himself; its not like anyone was home to listen to him anyway.
'Uuunh, I wish I could, but you don't want me to. I know that you wanna remember what you've done to fuck up everything. You wanna feel this way. You wanna remember how much you hurt other people. Think about how much Kurt must've cried the night you two broke-up…'
"Shut up, please, please, SHUT UP" he ordered, putting his hands on his head, covering his ears, trying to stop those memories somehow.
It was like the voice in his mind filled the whole room and there was no escape.
He was trying his best to hold back his tears, but sometimes your best just isn't good enough. It wouldn't take much more to push him over the edge.
'Remember that? He was about to break down in front of you when you told him. But he didn't; he was strong, for you, just so you wouldn't be so hurt, knowing what you did to him. Despite his best efforts, you knew how badly you hurt him. You heard him crying during the night. You two barely even slept, didn't you? You hurt him so bad…'
"P-please, don't do that…" he begged, tears now rolling freely down his face.
'Such a shame. He's such a beautiful boy and he was so in love with you… But you did the right thing. You didn't deserve him anyway. He's perfect and you… You're just some fucked-up guy, trying to act normal.'
Blaine rolled from his bed to the floor and pressed his hands harder against his ears, but it didn't help. There was nothing he could do to drown himself out.
'You knew he was in love with you since the beginning and what did you do? Oh, yeah, you serenaded another guy...in front of him. You made he believe that the whole 'Valentine's thing' was for him. The first Valentine of his life! The first time in so long he actually believed that someone could give a shit about him! And you made he help you to sing to Jeremiah. He must've cried so hard.'
'Remember the cuts you once saw in his arms? He said it was an accident, from when he was cooking. And they were so small you actually believed him, but, deep down, you knew. It was from that night. 'Cause he felt so bad, so ugly, so…unwanted. Just like you do now. The difference is: he's perfect. You are all of those things, not him.'
"I know, I know, please, stop it!" His pleading did nothing; it didn't stop the voice in his head, it didn't stop the tears and it certainly didn't stop the pain.
'You cheated on him, 'cause he didn't call you back. You know how stupid that is? And now you're trying to get him back, by proposing to him? You should just let him live his life with that Adam guy. They seem to really like each other.'
"No. No, Kurt doesn't like Adam." His voice was weak now, "he can't like Adam, he can't..."
'Oh, but he does. And admit it, Adam is a much better guy then you: he's older, wiser, better looking and an realise all of Kurt's dreams. While you… What can you do? You haven't even graduated High School!'
"It's just another stupid year! And then I'll make Kurt's life a living dream," he argued, but even he doubted what he was saying.
'But what if he doesn't want to? What if, by then, he has settled down with Adam? Forget it, Blaine.'
"No. I'll… I'll never forget Kurt."
'But he has forgotten you.'
"NO! No he hasn't! I'll… I'll prove you!"
With shaking hands, Blaine picked up his cellphone from the nightstand and dialed Kurt's number slowly, finger hovering above the green button. He finally clicked on it and let it call. And call. And call. Until it went to voicemail.
"Hey, this is Kurt Hummel! I can't answer right now, so… Leave a message!"
Hearing Kurt's voice made it even worse. He broke down crying loudly, his neighbours were probably worried. He shouldn't sound good…
'Your neighbors? Worried? Ha, kid, they don't give a flying shit about you! No one does. Kurt won't answer his phone. Your parents are out the whole day. Tina's with her new boyfriend. And you know you're just Sam's pity case. So why even bother calling one of them? Just kill yourself already. I bet no one will even notice it.'
Blaine got up, tears blurring his vision. He went to his parent's bedroom, and then to their en-suite. He opened the medicine cabinet and grabbed all the pills he could. He went to the bedroom and dropped them on the bed.
He stood there, beside the bed. Watching. Trying to be courageous, just this one time.
'Oh, so you're really gonna do it? Great. Give the world a break from you, Blaine, they deserve it.'
He took one bottle in his hands.
'What did you used to say to Kurt? Oh, yeah. Courage. Courage, Blaine. Do it.'
He sobbed violently and the bottle almost fell from his hands. He opened it, and dropped a few of it's content in his hands.
'Do it.'
He watched the pills for a little longer, trying to contain his tears.
'You're not even writing a suicide note. You're just gonna be gone. 'Cause you know that no one cares about why you're gone. They just care whether you're gone or not.'
He sobbed one more time and put the pills in his mouth. He picked another bottle from the bed and opened it too, doing the same. He did it with all the bottles that were there.
He could hear his phone ringing in the background. But he was way too dizy to even think about it now.
He was gonna be gone in a couple of moments.
And that's all that matters.