They called again from the practice. Addison had to make a decision. She knew what she wanted but she had to talk to Derek first, he was her husband after all. But it seemed impossible to do it. He was always distant and was spending more and more time at the hospital.
"I made a vowel to save lives, Addison." he would say. "You're a doctor too, you should understand."
"You made a vowel to me as well, when we got married." she replied.
"I can't do this right now, Addison." he would respond then leave. Every time.
They didn't seem to have time to have any types of conversations anymore. Either he got home when Addison was already asleep, or left for a night shift when she came back from work. Derek was really always focused on work and avoided thinking about Addison and their marriage at all circumstances, but Addison couldn't do it. She constantly asked herself what happened with them, when things started going off track, if they were ever going to go back to what they were. She looked back on who they used to be and oh how she missed it.
At dinner, while Derek finished eating his plate of chinese, Addison just looked at hers, moving the chicken from one side to the other, her chin placed on her hand. She looked up at Derek and sighed. She felt invisible around him.
"Derek?" she asked and he raised his eyebrows at her.
"Hm?"
His blue eyes weren't the same she fell in love with. They looked empty, tired. Of course, as doctors, both of them worked hard, but he didn't look at her the same way anymore. She didn't feel like they were married anymore. It seemed more like they were roommates.
"I need to talk to you." she said.
"Can you make it fast? I have to be at the hospital in 15 minutes." he ordered, getting up from the table.
She opened her mouth to reply but closed it without speaking and looked down, shaking her head, as a cheerless smile formed on her lips
"What's so funny?" he asked, putting his plate in the sink.
"You know what, never mind Derek." she said, putting her hands up.
"What is it, Addison?" he asked, impatiently.
"I'll talk to you when you have time." she said and walked away.
Addison went upstairs and sat on the bed she shared with Derek, but that would soon change.
She picked up the phone and dialed her friend's number.
"Hello?"
"Hey, Callie, it's me."
"How are you, Addie?" she asked.
Addison sighed deeply.
"You know, same old." she replied.
"You haven't talked to him yet, have you?" Callie asked, but it seemed like a statement, because she knew it was true.
"I tried. I always try." Addison said.
"You have to decide, Addie." she told her.
"I- I think I'm gonna ask for a divorce." Addison stated. She had been considering it but she never, not once, said it out loud, and now that she did, she felt her heart sinking.
"What?" Callie asked, shocked. "Addison, you… are you sure?"
"Yeah."
"You've been together for 10 years, you need to talk to him before you decide to do something like that!" Callie stated.
"I know that! You have no idea how much it hurts me but… Ugh." Addie laid in bed and covered her face with her free hand.
"Do you want me to come over?"
"No, it's late, you have to work in the morning."
"You're my best friend, you're more important." Callie said and ended the call.
After listening to those words was even more sure about what she wanted. Wanted was the wrong word, if it was up to her, their marriage would still be whole, instead of falling to pieces. She loved Derek, Derek loved her, and they respected each other, but they were supposed to be each other's best friends, to care about each other, to see each other.. Their relationship was over. There was nothing else to be done. Of course, they could 'try' to make it work, Derek would definitely agree with it, he would do anything that helped him avoid making a decision in his life. He was a great surgeon and he always knew what to do in the OR, his moves were precise, but when it came to his personal life, it was quite the opposite; he ran away from anything and placed the blame on anyone around him.
He loved Addison. He was once very much in love with her, but today he didn't love her as his wife. He would never admit it to himself, though. Unless something happened and made him wake up and do something, he would keep going with this life he had with Addison, no matter how miserable both felt. He emerged himself at work and got lost in it.
Addison heard a knock on the glass door downstairs and she knew Callie would walk in her room at any time.
"Hey." she heard Callie's voice a few feet away. Addison was still lying down with her eyes closed.
"Hi." she replied.
"So, talk to me." Callie commanded.
Addison sighed and sat up in bed.
"I'm leaving." she said. "I'll accept that offer and I'll move to Los Angeles, and I'll ask Derek for a divorce."
"Addie, I do think that going to that practice in LA is a great opportunity, but…"
"No, Callie, I can't fool myself." she began. "If my marriage is inexistent while we live under the same roof, what will happen when I'm living across the country?"
"Are you sure that you want to move?" Callie asked, sitting beside Addison. "Your whole life is here."
"You were the one supporting me to go, what happened?" Addison asked.
"I just don't want you to go there because you're running from a bad moment in your marriage."
"A bad moment? Oh, we've had bad moments, and we got over them, this isn't a moment, it's for good."
"I'm sorry."
"It'll be better, you know? I'll start my life over in some place new, I'll feel like I have a reason to get up every morning… " Addison said. "I need that."
"If that's what you really want, I'll definitely support you." Callie said.
"Thank you."
"Of course. But talk to him. Tomorrow."
"Yeah, I won't run away in the middle of the night, Callie." Addison joked and Callie giggled.
"Do you want me to stay here with you?" Callie asked.
"No, it's ok, your house is closer to the hospital and I don't wanna disturb you even more."
"Sometimes you annoy me, you know." Callie started. "But now it's not one of those times."
Addison smiled.
"In fact, I can even go to the store down the street right now and buy you a bottle of vodka if that helps." Callie joked and Addison laughed. "I'm serious."
"Thank you, but I'll need a raincheck on that." Addison said, looking down at her hands.
"Anytime." Callie said and wrapped an arm around Addison's shoulders, as Addison rested her head on Callie's. Addison closed her eyes as she felt a lump forming in her throat and a tear escaping from her eye.
"Am I wrong?" Addison asked Callie after a few moments of silence.
"If this is how you feel, it's not wrong." Callie replied. "It's your life, your feelings."
Addison woke up in an empty bed, which wasn't unusual these past months. She got ready and went downstairs to prepare herself a cup of coffee. Usually she would go to a coffee shop near her house, because she liked being around more people, but this morning she wanted to reassure herself of her decisions and for that she needed to be alone.
Lost in her thoughts, she didn't hear the front door open and her - soon to be ex - husband walk in.
"Hey." he said and she jumped in her seat.
"Derek!" she exclaimed. "You startled me, Jesus." she put her hand on her chest, breathing in and out slowly.
"Sorry." he replied, quietly, with his back turned to her as he poured himself some of the coffee Addison had previously made.
"What are you doing home?" she asked.
"The chief told me to come home because I looked terrible and I needed to rest." Derek explained.
"You do need to rest." Addison stated. She contemplated if she should start the conversation right now, since he was home, or if it wasn't a good time since he was clearly too tired.
If she didn't do it now, she didn't know when she would be able to again, so she started talking.
"Derek, we need to- Actually, I have something to say."
"What?" he asked, without looking at her, even though he was sitting right across from her in the kitchen counter.
"I'm going to Los Angeles." she stated.
"For what? And when?" he asked, looking up.
"I meant I'm moving. To Los Angeles."
"What?!" he asked, furrowing his brows.
"You heard me."
"You're moving across the country?!" he asked. "How come?"
"I've been offered a job at a practice there, and it's a great opportunity." Addison explained, as calmly as she could, but she knew this conversation would go down soon.
"And you decided just like that? Without even bothering to talk to your husband about it?" Derek started to rise his tone.
"It wasn't just like that. And now you're my husband?" Addison got up from her seat and narrowed her eyes. "Derek, I tried to talk to you a thousand times, but you don't listen to me anymore! We don't talk! You're rarely home!"
"Sorry if I'm too busy saving lives to have time for your whims." he said and Addison felt her blood boil, but at the same time she felt a wave of sadness and disappointment rush through her.
"I'm a doctor, too, Derek." she said. "And I'm sorry if substantial parts of a marriage for you are just my 'whims'" she shook her head.
"What are you trying to say?" Derek asked, pretending not to know the obvious truth.
"You and I both know that this marriage is over." Addison said, turning her back to Derek.
"What? So you're just gonna walk out of this?" Derek asked and made Addison even angrier.
"Walking out of what? Derek, don't play dumb and don't play victim." she said. "You don't care about me or this marriage, you're just too coward to do anything about it."
"I'm the coward? You're the quitter here!" he yelled at her.
Addison threw her head back, breathing in and out trying to calm herself down before she spoke.
"Can't you just grow up and accept your mistakes? Just admit you're being a shitty husband, and I may be a shitty wife and we're not working out! You don't even want to work this out!" her voice got higher at each word. "You just wanna avoid make big decisions and place the blame on anyone else but yourself!"
"Get out of my house." he simply said and she laughed humorlessly. "What's so funny?"
"I actually had some hope, deep down, that after I told you I was leaving you were going to at least try to make me stay, even if it was bogus." she shook her head. "But don't worry, soon I'll be out of your house."
She grabbed her purse that was on the counter and stomped out of the house, slamming the door behind her.