AN: So this is a thing that happened. It's been itching my brain for the past couple of weeks and I just had to try it. This is unbeta'd, any mistakes (and there are likely many) are completely my own. Check out my profile for a link to the 'invitation'. :)
Thanks to lostdaemon on tumblr for all the help bouncing around ideas and helping me figure out wtf I'm doing! Wouldn't have been able to do it without you!
Steve Rogers was gone
The day the war was won
But he told us where we stand
Tony stared at the invitation on his hand, turning it over carefully.
GIVE YOURSELF OVER TO ABSOLUTE PLEASURE
A showing of The Rocky Horror Picture Show you'll never forget!
THE ROCKY HORROR AVENGER SHOW
"TONY STARK (aka IRON MAN)" as BRAD MAJORS
"STEVE ROGERS (aka CAPTAIN AMERICA)" as JANET WEISS
"THOR" as ROCKY
"CLINT BARTON (aka HAWKEYE)" as RIFF RAFF
"NATASHA ROMANOFF (aka BLACK WIDOW)" as MAGENTA
feat.
a very special guest as DR. FRANK-N-FURTER
"How 'bout that?" He murmured thoughtfully. Tony remembered the movie. He remembered the friend he'd had in college that had dragged him (after stripping him to his underthings) to the theater at midnight. He remembered the yelling, the dancing, the throwing of rice and he definitely remembered ending up in bed with a man in very convincing drag.
And Bruce Banner was there
In no underwear
He tapped his chest absently while he stood there, reminiscing with a slight smile on his face. The smile shifted into a full-blown grin when a new thought broke free of the memories. The invitation was for tonight- movie night- the Captain America enforced "team building" and Tony was hoping they wouldn't mind a slight change in venue.
Tony Stark was the Iron Man
"Rocky Horror, Tony? Really?" Bruce lifted an eyebrow.
"Bruce," he drew out the word, verging on a whine, and handed him the invitation. "Look! With us as the cast! Or, you know, not us obviously... but people who are supposed to be us, I imagine. Actors playing us disguised as them, you know? It'll be great!"
"I don't see my name on there." Bruce said as he looked over the invitation, a soft smile on his lips. Tony snatched the invitation out of his hands and looked at it again.
"Oh. Well, they probably couldn't find anyone with skin the right shade of green, you know how it is."
"Yeah, yeah," Bruce nodded slightly, "that's good... actually. Maybe this could be fun."
"Oh, yeah. Now that we won't be seeing our little Brucey-wucey in drag, you're all happy to see how the rest of 'us' look." Tony grinned salaciously.
"I'm not going to lie, that's a major bonus. But mainly," he paused and shrugged, "I just want to see how Steve reacts to it all."
"Bruce! You devil, you!" Tony said with exaggerated shock.
Then something went wrong
For Odin (and for Thor's Mom)
They got caught in a secretive plan
"What are you talking about, Tony? English, please." Steve asked, continuing his attempt to beat the punching bag into submission.
"Let's do a change of scenery tonight, yeah? Movie nights are a great idea, team building, good for morale, blah blah, but why don't we get out of the tower tonight? We're all going a little stir crazy in here. There hasn't been a need to assemble in ages and everyone just kind of sits around looking lost. We need to get out. How about a play? They're just like movies- it's still in the spirit of things- and I've heard about this new one tonight and I think it'll be right up our alley." Steve looked unconvinced and tired but before he could negate the idea Tony rushed to say, "Besides Bruce already agreed, he thinks it'll be great."
He saw the shift in Steve's shoulders and knew before he turned around to face him that he had won. People had a hard time saying no to Bruce. He grinned.
"Great! 11:30. Assemble in the garage. Happy will drive us!" He clapped Steve on the back and turned around to leave.
"Wait! Tony-" Steve sighed as Tony swiftly exited the room.
11:30? What kind of play started at 11:30 at night? Steve shook his head and walked over to the bench to unwrap his hands.
Then at a deadly pace
It came from outer space
And this is how the message ran
"Huh. Well.. obviously I didn't think this through entirely." Tony stared at the mass of people standing around his limo chatting. A demigod, a giant slab of muscle known as Captain America, two assassins, a quiet science geek, and a smart mouthed intern- wait a second.
"You," Tony pointed at her, "You are not an Avenger."
"Thor pretty much dragged me along," Darcy shrugged, "and I've got nothing better to do."
"Nothing better to do?" Tony feigned outrage, "Little girl, hanging out with the Avengers on Friday night is not something most people would consider a last resort." He narrowed his eyes at her, still pointing. She smirked at him and pressed herself into Thor's side.
"Well most people have probably never cleaned up the kitchen and livingroom after you guys get back from a mission and absolutely ransack them both." She crossed her arms under her chest, chin jutting out in defiance.
"I've got bots for that."
"Are your bots able to get peanut butter out of the nooks and crannies in the ceiling?"
"...point taken. Alright, you can come. Your lap sitting privileges have been revoked, though. You'll have to find someone else's if there isn't enough room in the car."
A Fan Fiction - Double Feature
Dr. Doom will build a creature
See Green Goblin fighting Spider-Man
Hugh Jackman stars in The Last Stand
Oh-oh at the late night, double feature, fiction show
It turned out, despite the overwhelming amount of muscle, there was just enough room for Darcy to squeeze between Clint and Thor.
"Where is it we're going, exactly?" Clint asked as he stared out the window. Tony grinned and pulled the invitation out of his jacket, handing it over. Clint's eyebrows became more and more familiar with his hairline as he read over the glossy cardstock. Darcy read over his shoulder and snorted.
"The Rocky Horror Avenger Show? Really?" She snatched the invitation from Clint's hands and read aloud, "Tony Stark as Brad Majors and Steve Rogers as Janet Weiss?" She looked over her glasses at Tony, "No offense but I think there's a better argument to be made for you as Frank and Steve as Rocky. I mean," she glanced over at Steve, who looked utterly lost at this, "building a perfect man?"
"With blonde hair and a tan, no less." Natasha piped up from the other side of Bruce, looking as unflappable as ever. Darcy snorted.
"He sure looks like he'd be good for relieving some 'tension.'" She added. Tony coughed, ignoring to two women, and grabbed the invitation before they could say anything else.
"Wait a second," Steve finally seemed to be able to put together a sentence, "I'm playing a dam- a girl?"
"I am afraid I do not understand what is going on," Thor added, "Are we in some sort of play tonight? If so I was not informed."
Tony shook his head.
I knew Johnny Blaze
Was in a haze
When the devil came and claimed his soul
"No," he waved the invitation around as he spoke, "you guys are utterly incapable of drawing your own conclusions, aren't you?" He sighed, "Since, obviously, none of us are actually in the damn thing," he eyed Thor, "they most likely hired actors who looked like us to play the roles. It's a meta thing. Dudes playing dudes disguised as other dudes. We're just going to sit back and watch. And laugh."
Steve still didn't look terribly convinced.
"But why am I a girl?"
"I don't know, Cap. Let's just wait and see. If it affects your delicate sensibilities too much we can always leave." Steve glared at Tony before rolling his eyes and looking at the rest of the car's occupants.
"Will someone at least tell me what The Rocky Horror Picture Show is?"
Darcy snickered. She couldn't wait for "Sweet Transvestite."
And I really got sore
When the Mighty Thor
Fought a robot that spit fire and killed
The limo arrived at the address indicated on the invitation. As the members of their party clamored out of the car, Tony walked up to the wrought-iron gate and stared up in wonder at the veritable castle behind it. This couldn't be right. Where on earth were they? There was no possible way they were still in New York City. And why was no one else here? Something didn't feel right about all of this.
The slamming of the car door drew Tony out of his reverie and focused his attention back on his teammates who were, apparently, just as awe-stricken by the sight as he was.
"Uh. Woah. Whose creepy ass place is this? Did we wander into a horror movie or something?" Darcy, asking no one in particular, took a couple of steps back, body checking the good Captain who put his hands on her shoulders to steady her.
"Uh, yeah, Tony... this doesn't feel right."
"Yeah. Yeah, for once I'm going to agree with you, Cap. Maybe this wasn't such a bright idea. Let's just get back in the car." Tony started to walk back towards them, not quite facing them entirely, always keeping an eye on the castle like it might suddenly sprout wings and breathe fire. The rest of the group had turned around, ready to get the hell out of there as Steve reached for the door handle.
"Oh, shit!" Clint let out a strangled noise and jumped backwards, knocking into Natasha, as the limo just disappeared. No frills, no smoke, no noise. The limo was there and then it just simply... wasn't. Thor let out a growl that sent a shiver up even Tony's spine.
"Loki."
His brother Loki heard "No"
And then he let go
And came down to the earth and killed Phil
"Very good, Brother," the sneer in Loki's last word was heard if not seen, as the six of them glanced around them, eyes wide.
"Loki, stop with these games. Come out and face me." The look on Thor's face was a tumult of emotions. Negatives and positives dancing around in his eyes, for though they may have their differences, Thor loved his brother dearly and always felt a brief moment of happiness to know that Loki was still alive and well. The relief was short lived, clouded over as he wondered what nefarious plot his brother could be up to now.
"Ah. I think not." Loki's voice played around them in stereo as the five Avengers formed a loose circle around Darcy, all too aware of her frailty in this particular situation. Tony wished he was in that circle with her, rather than a part of it. He should've known better than to leave the tower without the suit or, at the very least, the cuffs that could call his suit to him.
But when egos conflict
Agent Fury gets pissed
He's gonna give you some terrible thrills, like a-
"Do not worry, dear Brother. You will be seeing me shortly. After all, I have big plans for all of you." Loki's voice faded away with his last sentence, leaving them all weary and slightly shell-shocked.
"I don't like this."
"No one likes this, Tony. We need to find a way out of here."
"No, Cap. I really don't like this. That invitation- that must have been him, right? What on earth is going on in that brain of his?"
"Bag of cats, remember?" Bruce sounded unusually calm which meant he was struggling more than usual to stay that way. Thor's face darkened.
"I remind you-"
"Yeah, yeah, big guy," Tony cut him off, "we feel you, we really do, but right now we don't have time for your brother issues. We need to-" The ground started to vibrate beneath them.
"Uh, dudes," Darcy squeaked, "anyone else feel like they're standing on the world's worst vibrating bed?" Tony nodded.
Fan Fiction - Double Feature
Dr. Doom will build a creature
See Green Goblin fighting Spider-Man
Hugh Jackman stars in The Last Stand
Oh-oh at the late night, double feature,
Fiction show
You'll love it too, ooh-ooh
At the late night, double feature
Fiction show
The MCU, ooh-ooh
At the late night, double feature
Fiction show.
In the back row
At the late night, double feature
Fiction show
I want to go
"This is not-" and before Tony could even register the fact that there was yet another sentence he wasn't allowed to finish, the ground shifted and cracked open, the darkness swallowing the group whole.
Had anyone been paying attention, they would have heard the sound of wedding bells chiming off in the distance.
To the late night, double feature
Fiction show
To be continued..