We Were Just Having a Bit of Fun
Gaius was bent over his lab table creating new potions when Merlin came walking down the stairs from his small room in the back of the physician's chambers. His eyes barely gave a flickered look of recognition when he said "Merlin, I'm out of fresh Stinging Nettles and I am going to need you to collect some from the forest today before going to do work for Arthur. The anti-inflammatory properties will work better for Sir Colfax's swollen knees.
"But, Gaius, I haven't eaten yet", Merlin replied weakly. His stomach rumbled just to make a point. The noise was very loud and more vicious sounding than that last hideous beast that attacked Camelot last week.
Startled, Gaius nearly dropped the vial of new potion he was brewing for Sir Percival. "Merlin, when was the last time you have eaten?" he asked when the shock wore off.
Merlin just shrugged his shoulders and replied in a small voice, "a few days, maybe".
"Merlin!" Gaius shouted' "How many days? You can't keep doing this to your body." He threw him a hunk of bread that was sitting on his table. "Eat this now". But just as Merlin caught the bread, in walked King Arthur.
"Oh thank you," he said, taking the bread from Merlin. The king then ate the food in one big bite.
Merlin started cursing under his breath as he stormed out of the physician's chambers. Gaius didn't look too pleased but the king had a cheeky smile on his face.
"Just having a bit of fun, Gaius," he said.
Gaius scowled at him, "Sire, he hasn't eaten in days …"
"I'm sure that's not true. It's just payback for all the times he calls me fat" Arthur smirked and followed Merlin out the door.
Gaius started to wonder just how many times this has happened and how often Merlin went without a meal. They have not eaten together for a few days now, due to their schedules, and it just occurred to Gaius just how ill Merlin looked. The hand that caught the bread was just like a skeleton and he was shaky all over. His face was very drawn and his cheekbones were very prominent with very little skin. Merlin's pallor was actually a little gray while his skin was looking dry. His eyes were sunken into his skull and looked glassy but dead.
He was going to make sure that when Merlin gets back from whatever impossible task the king set out for him, Merlin was going to start eating regular meals. Gaius decided he would ask around Camelot and see if he couldn't find more suitable employment for his ward. Employment that did not put Merlin's life at risk all the time. Surely destiny did not mean Merlin had to put up with being starved and abused.
King Arthur, his four closest knights and his lowly manservant, Merlin, were out on the hunt for a wild boar that was starting to terrorize the lower town. Arthur always felt the need to bring Merlin along even though the boy was never armed or wore any protective chain mail or armor. The more Arthur belittled the man for cowardice, the more important Arthur feels. He looked over to where the manservant was standing with shaking legs and watched him reach for a big stick on the ground to use as a weapon. His tunic rose up a little and Arthur caught a glimpse of a protruding stomach. "If you lay off the extra food, Merlin, your stomach wouldn't be so big and your legs wouldn't be too shaky from the fear of the wild boar." Arthur laughed and the knights all joined him.
Merlin's face flushed with anger and embarrassment at the king's comments. He accidently thought about a branch falling down on the king's head. The branch almost hit the king. Being hungry threw his focus with magic off.
Shaking the king said, "We'd better ride up for another mile and make to make camp. The trees are a little weak over here."
Along the way Merlin found different berry bushes but every time he would grab a handful, one of the knights or the king would grab them and quickly put them in their mouth and chewing them or knock them out of his hand and trample them. Everyone but Merlin would laugh and say how they were just having fun but they would keep repeating this pattern until they finally came upon the place where they set up their camp site for the night. He gave up trying to find anything to eat after that and just started making the stew that would be the King and his knights' supper.
After Merlin collected more firewood that would be used for the rest of the night, he came back into the campsite and started serving up the stew. All the knights were there with their bowls but Arthur pushed ahead and said, "I'm the king and I'll be first" and he kept indicating to Merlin to keep dishing stew into it his bowl until it was over-flowing. Arthur also grabbed a whole loaf of bread and snickered at the look on everyone's face. "I'm the king! That's got to mean something," he scoffed. The knights all followed his example and the next thing Merlin knew, all the stew and bread was gone and the only thing left to do was to wash the pot and dishes.
"Hey, Merlin, are you all right?" Gwaine asked. Besides the concern showing in his eyes, Merlin thought maybe he'd seen a hint of guilt.
"I'm just tired I guess," Merlin replied. He gave Gwaine a small smile, "Arthur is being exceptionally mean to me lately and I get tired trying to figure out why." Gwaine gave him a sympathetic smile.
"What are whining about now, Merlin?" Arthur asked. He gave Merlin an extra hard clap on the left shoulder when he asked that. There was a loud snap that the knights a few yards away could hear.
"Ouch! What the hell do you think you're doing, you stupid, Prat!?' Merlin ground out painfully.
"Stop being such a girl, Merlin," Arthur said as he walked off.
"See what I mean?" Merlin asked Gwaine.
Gwaine had noticed this for a long time and his guilt increased because he too had participated in the pranks and mean spirited horseplay. He vowed to himself that his part in the behavior towards his best friend was going to change. No more pranks and teasing or taking food that Merlin obviously needs. To Merlin he said, "Get some rest, Merlin. Tomorrow will be better, I promise."
Since there was no room around the fire, Merlin grabbed his threadbare blanket with his good arm and walked over to a tree that had a lot of fallen leaves. At least the ground would not be that hard. It was too painful to lift his left arm so he had to lay out the blanket with one hand. His stomach ached to the point of being nauseous and he no longer had the strength to stand. He slid down the tree trunk until he was in a semi-inclined position and he wondered where in the prophecy did it say his destiny was to suffer at the hands of a spoiled, arrogant, mean-spirited brat. Not for the first time did Merlin wonder what happened to the Arthur who was starting to treat people humanely and not with disdain.
Back at the campsite Gwaine brought up their treatment of Merlin to the attention of the others.
"Don't you guys think our behavior towards Merlin is more mean than playful?" The other knights agreed but the King just scoffed.
"It's Merlin. He can take it." The King said. "He knows that being my servant has it's …"
"Arthur, you are not listening!" Gwaine almost shouted. "You have been more mean and arrogant lately and Merlin is taking the brunt of your behavior and you just laugh like he has no feelings. He is probably the most loyal person you have ever had and he has put his life in danger more times than we can count just to save your royal backside." Gwaine paused for a breath. "Arthur, you just slapped him harder on the back than you would your knights and you heard his shoulder pop out of place. You did not even bother to ask if he was okay. As usual you called him a girl and left. Seriously, has he been leaving rocks in your socks or something?"
Even though the other knights agreed with Gwaine and felt terrible about the pranks that were just getting harsher and have gone on too long. No one else dared take Arthur to task for his behavior. And each felt guilty about that. Each, in their own way, decided that tomorrow it was all going to change and they were going to treat Merlin better. Nobody knew why it all went wrong but Merlin, even though he was not a knight, was a brother and it was about time he was treated like one again.
"Merlin is a lot stronger than he looks, even if he does look a little tired. Just having a bit of fun." Arthur stated. When he seen the thunderous looks starting on his knights faces he tried to look and sound contrite, "In the morning I'll apologize and you guys will see everything will be back to normal." With that, he went to lie on his bed role. Soon after, all the knights but Gwaine did the same thing. Gwaine stood on guard duty until morning.
Arthur was thinking about the way he was treating Merlin lately. He really does feel guilty about the way he treats Merlin, but he also feels that he really isn't doing things all that wrong. Sure the mean way he throws the goblet at his head every morning seems to be more and more vindictive but it's really not. Is it? The way he grabs Merlin's food when he sees him about to eat. Just a little retaliation for Merlin always calling Arthur fat. Has Merlin even checked out his own stomach? It protrudes over his trousers in way Arthur's never had.
They used to have fun with their bantering. Arthur knew that he was a bully and a brat and that Merlin would call him out on it. Merlin always treated Arthur as an equal and was never submissive to him. He always put the Prince/King in his place if his behavior became callous or outrageous to him or the population of Camelot. So when did it all change? The more Merlin stopped fighting back, the more the King would push and he did get meaner. He realized he was just trying to get the old Merlin back. He just wanted things the way they were. But lately he realized that Merlin had his focus on other things. Like he was waiting for something and getting ready to fight whatever it was. He refused Arthurs queries on what was wrong. So Arthur retaliated out of frustration. The more he retaliated, the more Merlin withdrew from him.
The last thing Arthur was hearing before sleep claimed him was the weird way in which Merlin was snoring. He rarely snored on these outing, usually if he was overly tired, but this noise sounded almost like a soft choking.
Morning came soundlessly and Arthur woke up without the aid of his useless servant. All the knights were awake and complaining about breakfast. Or the lack of it.
"Where is my useless servant?" Arthur asked. The uncomfortable look he received from his knights reminded him of their conversation the night before. "Sorry, men, just a habit." He smiled. "There he is, still sleeping against the tree."
Arthur walked over to where Merlin was propped against the tree and tried to rouse him. When he did not wake just by calling his name, Arthur kicked against Merlin's feet calling his name. When he still didn't wake up; Arthur looked up at the knights, kicked harder and said with a smirk, "Still won't wake up? Okay, I'll just keep kicking you" And he did just that.
"Arthur! STOP!" Gwaine yelled. His voiced quivered, "Just look at him." He said more quietly as he looked at the stiff body the King was still kicking, "Just…look…" Gwaine could not stop the sobs coming from his throat.
Arthur looked down at Merlin's body in horror. His mind couldn't process the fact that he was dead. He was having a hard time processing Gwaine's cries of, "NO!…no…nooo" as he reached down and felt for a pulse on Merlin's neck. There was none. Merlin had died shortly after sitting by the tree. His body was stiff and his skin felt like leather.
"Merlin!, please, talk to us", the king was frantic and was praying that what he was seeing was a nightmare. Leon and Elyan grabbed the struggling king and pulled him away from Merlin's body. Gwaine was still there, hunched over Merlin and trying to hug the stiff body. Percival, despite his massive size and strength, was trying to remove Gwaine from Merlin's body. Percival failed. After a bit of time and much pleading with Gwaine, he succeeded.
"We did this!" Gwaine snarled. "We should have paid attention. We should have stopped. We should have…" His voice broke and he couldn't finish the sentence.
"Protected him better," Arthur completed. "I, should have taken care of him better. How can I be King and watch out for my people when I couldn't see any problems and protect the one closest to me." Arthur was too choked up to continue.
Gwaine was angry and really, really, reeeeeally wanted to kill Arthur. The other knights held him back until he could compose himself more. He stormed away to ready the horses. Elyan followed him with the purpose of helping. The tense silence was felt by the horses and it took a bit to get them ready but after a while they walked to the rest of the group with the horses.
Leon and Percival picked up the camp site while Arthur stood vigil over Merlin's body. The guilt he felt was so palatable that it thickened the air and made it difficult for him to breath or talk.
Gwaine approached Merlin with his horse. Percival picked Merlin up and put him over his horse. Because Merlin died in a semi inclined position, his body fit over the back of the horse and only required minimal tying down. With this last heartbreaking task, they all headed for Camelot.
The ride to Camelot was quiet and tense. Gwaine refused anybody else to guide the horse carrying Merlin. Arthur ordered that they ride straight thru and of course the knights agreed. Each was lost in their own thoughts of Merlin. The good times, bad times and times that could fall in between. But mostly each knight was thinking how they could have prevented this. They were each responsible for what happened. Each recognized how they had treated him unfairly for the last couple of months. The overwhelming guilt they felt, because there was nothing that they could do to change this tragedy, made them want to turn around and go the opposite of Camelot and never return to face the music.
As they rode thru the lower town, people starred and started to recognize the body draped over the horse. Sorrow filled the air and crying women and men tried to touch the body. When they entered the court yard of the castle, the guards alerted Gaius. He ran down the stairs as fast and agile as his advanced age allowed and made it over to Merlin to check him over.
Gaius' overwhelming grief made it impossible for him to make it back to his chambers so Percival carried him. Gwaine refused to let anyone, even Arthur to carry Merlin to Gaius' chambers. Everyone thought that the two would fight but Queen Guinevere came running down the long stairs crying out for her fallen friend. She ran to the King and he embraced her in a tight hug and the two of them cried together, ignoring all the people gathering and starring.
Back in Gaius' chambers:
The old physician was trying very hard to keep his emotions in check, but having to check over the body of the boy he came to love like a son was taking its toll on him. He had to keep shooing the knights and King from the table Merlin lay on so he could remove his clothes and do an examination.
"Sire,' he said in a frail voice, "I need to strip the body and examine it so could you all please go away and leave him with some dignity."
"Of course, Gaius." Arthur said. But still they just went to the opposite end of the room and stood waited quietly. Nobody would speak because they all were in their own little world of grief.
What seemed like an eternity but probably just a half an hour, Gaius called the King and his knights over to tell them what he discovered. Merlin's bent body had a sheet draped over his lower body but most of the rest of his body could be seen and it was not pleasant. Merlin was a skeleton. Every bone could be seen through skin that looked like thin parchment paper. His ribs were so defined that you could actually see were his internal organs were at. His face was so sunken in that his cheekbones were more defined than ever. His dark hair on top of his head looked like a crude wig placed on top of a skeleton.
"Your Majesty," Gaius would only address Arthur by his proper title now, "Merlin, your manservant, died of starvation." Gaius just had to goad the king with the emphasis on your, and felt a perverse sense of satisfaction at the collective gasp he heard from the king and knights in his chambers.
"How is this possible? Don't you get enough food sent to this chamber for the two of you?" Arthur asked in shock and anger. Just thinking of his practical jokes was now gnawing at him and filling him with such guilt he started to feel nauseous.
Gaius scoffed, "Of course we do but when has he had the time to eat? You-always working him 'til odd hours of the night so he never has the chance to eat. You are always volunteering his services to every visiting noble that shows up and they keep him busy doing their bidding at odd hours never giving him a chance to eat or rest. Believe it or not, Your Majesty, many of them are cruel and kept him running around for their own perverse pleasure and didn't care about his health." Gaius took a deep breath and yelled, "Aren't there any other servants that work in this kingdom whose services you could have volunteered!?" He swallowed and said more softly, "You are the one that called him 'you're worthless servant' but still handed him over to their very whims and beck and call. So we apparently don't care about quality service to visitors. And he still had to work for you on top of that!" Gaius swallowed deeply.
"Gaius, "Arthur asked, "He could not have been starving too much because his stomach protruded…"
Gaius interrupted, "Your Majesty, people suffering from malnutrition are afflicted with protruding stomachs. It's almost as if the body is trying to ingest itself to stay alive" Again Gaius took a perverse pleasure at seeing Arthur cringe at his graphic description. He no longer felt the need to protect the king's sensibilities or feelings.
"Gaius, malnutrition like that takes place over time" Gwaine spoke up for the first time.
"Yes, Gwaine, this has been going on for a long time. When was the last time any of you actually seen Merlin eat? I would say he probably only ate three or four days a week. Even less when he went hunting or on a mission with you guys." There was a collective gasp from the group. "Yes he told me about your little prank of eating all the food he'd make or fruit he could find and pick. Lack of nutrition is why his should is dislocated. Injuries and Illnesses occur when the body can't take in enough food to help it heal better"
The guilt everyone felt was thick in the air, making it harder to breathe. They all contributed to this tragedy. Lives were going to be changed now because nobody in the room felt worthy of their titles. If they could not protect one man, how can they protect an entire kingdom?
"We were just having a bit of fun," Arthur said in a loud whisper.
"And I'm sure Merlin is finding it most hilarious," Gaius choked. "Everyone, please leave."
At that demand everyone filed out of the physician's chambers.
Arthur made up his mind and told Guinevere that night his intentions. "I'm not fit to rule or lead…"
"Arthur," she pleaded. "Think…"
"No, Guinevere, I am not worthy of the throne and plan to abdicate immediately. I am going to leave the kingdom for good. You can stay or stay, the decision is up to you."
By morning, Camelot had a new ruler, the most trusted knights-of-the-round-table had disbanded and left for parts all over the globe. The former 'Once and Future King' Arthur rode out of Camelot, never to be heard from again.
A/N: I realize this is a dark story and I apologize if it upsets anyone. I prefer stories with happy endings but there are times when the dark stuff needs to be released too so the good stuff can get out. I recently lost an uncle to cancer and two days before his memorial, another uncle died of cancer. I have a family to raise so I can't get lost in 'the Dark Side', so my release is a dark story. So again I apologize if this story upsets anyone.