For my dear Karyn, for March GGE 2k17.
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"Please don't go," Regulus says, his voice quiet and high and far too broken for a ten-year old.
Sirius closes the door to Regulus' bedroom, but he doesn't move any farther into the room. He came to say goodbye, but he knew this wouldn't be easy.
"Hogwarts is a good thing, Regulus. I'm going to learn how to control magic. And besides, it's just for a year, and then you'll be there, too."
His little brother looks up at him, eyes wide and dark.
"I don't want to be here alone."
It's the closest Regulus has ever come to saying something negative about the House of Black. Sirius suddenly isn't sure that's a good thing. Sure, he hates it here, has never felt at home here, feels out of place and lonely and adrift, but Regulus doesn't. Regulus loves their mother and respects their father and epitomizes all that the heir of Black should. Sirius pulls pranks that make his mother's eyes narrow in rage and never keeps his mouth shut when he should and wonders if he's even fit to be a Black.
He crosses the room and sits on the edge of Regulus' bed.
"You're going to be fine." It doesn't even feel like a lie.
"I'm going to miss you," Regulus admits in a near-whisper.
Sirius ruffles Regulus' hair.
"I'm going to miss you, too, kid."
Regulus looks down at where his hands are intertwined with his comforter.
"You're going to forget me. You'll make new friends in Slytherin and you won't need me anymore."
"Don't be stupid. It doesn't suit you."
Regulus looks up at him, and Sirius cracks a grin, then stands.
"Go to sleep, Reg. I'll see you in the morning."
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When Sirius is sorted into Gryffindor, he figures it's best to owl his family personally, before one of his cousins does it. He sends one letter to his parents, and one letter to Regulus.
He gets a Howler from his mum.
He gets nothing at all from Regulus.
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Sirius doesn't go home for any of the school holidays that year.
His parents have made it quite clear that he isn't welcome.
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He sends Regulus three letters in the first month of school. The next month he sends two. Then just one.
After the last two return unopened, he stops sending them.
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When he goes home, he steps through the Floo from King's Cross to find no one in his family has bothered to welcome him home. After the contact he's had in the last year, he is bitterly unsurprised, but that doesn't stop the way something in his chest seems to twist.
He lugs his trunk up the stairs, and stops when he reaches the landing. He hesitates, and then strides over to Regulus' door, knocking sharply. The door opens and Regulus peers out.
"What do you want?" Sirius can tell it's meant to come out sharp, but instead it comes out small.
"Regulus…" he says, but Regulus is already glaring at him.
"Go away."
"Reg, please!"
But whatever he would've said, he clearly isn't going to get the chance.
"No! You left. What happened to only for a year? I can't join you in Gryffindor."
"I never meant-"
"Are you glad?"
Sirius is startled into stopping.
"What?" he asks.
"Are you glad you're in Gryffindor?"
Sirius thinks about James and Remus and Peter, and the truth of his answer must show in Regulus' eyes.
He slams the door shut in Sirius' face.
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When Regulus comes to Hogwarts the next September, he is sorted into Slytherin.
Sirius is fairly sure he's the only one who can tell Regulus looks simultaneously pleased and crushed.
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Sirius only tries to speak to Regulus at Hogwarts once. He gets a glare so thorough it feels like Regulus may be attempting to melt his soul with its force.
He stops trying.
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He's twenty and living in a small apartment when he finally receives an owl from Regulus. The letter contains only two words, and a signature.
I'm sorry.
-RAB
He tries to send a reply with the owl, but the owl won't go. Sirius thinks about the letter, and about why an owl wouldn't return to her owner, and he sinks down to the kitchen floor, parchment clutched in his hand.
Remus finds him there, sitting against the kitchen cabinets in the dark. Bless him, but he doesn't even ask, just helps Sirius up and toward his bedroom. When he's deposited Sirius firmly in bed, Remus says only, "You know I'm available if you ever want to talk."
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Sirius can't help but wonder if there was ever, in all that time, a way that he could've saved his brother. He thinks of ten year old dark eyes looking up at him, begging him to stay, and he finally cries.