I did it. I ruined everything. Everything's so awkward now. How could I have been so stupid? Of course she doesn't love me. We could have never been anything more than friends. I thought something could happen. I thought we could be together. Boy was I wrong.
I told her I loved her. I wanted us to be together. Being friends wasn't enough anymore. Now I don't even have that. She rejected me. She said she was sorry. She just didn't feel the same.
We haven't talked much since then. Why did I screw things up? Why! I just had to go and ruin things with the best friend I ever had. Ugh. I'm so stupid!
Now it's Christmas once again. I was invited to a Christmas party. I don't really want to go. I know she'll be there. She'll be there to remind me of my mistake. Mom and Dad say I should go. They say I'm too sad and uninvolved with the holiday cheer. If only they knew the whole truth. They don't though. They can't.
I hope it snows this week
A snowflake on your cheek
Would make this Christmas so beautiful
But that would just bring the pain
Cause things can't stay the same
These holidays won't be wonderful
There was no way out. I went to the party. The decorations were beautiful. It would have felt so warm, cozy, and comforting being with all these familiar faces. Faces of close friends. But I only felt a cold chill and a heavy heart.
I look under the tree
But there's nothing to see
Cause it's a broken heart that you're giving me
I can't figure you out
Is this what Christmas is all about
Cause it's a broken heart that you're giving me
There she was. "Hey Phil, about last week...and the conversation we had..."
I don't wanna talk
I'm sick of all this talking
A broken heart wrapped up in a box
There's teardrops in my stocking
"It's fine, Keely. I get it. Just…I don't want to talk about it." With that, I walked away.
I look under the tree
But there's nothing to see
Cause it's a broken heart that you're giving me
I can't figure you out
Is this what Christmas is all about
Cause it's a broken heart that you're giving me
I wandered around for a bit. I couldn't leave yet. I had nowhere to go. No one to see. The only person I wanted to see was here. We could have had a great time. Instead, she was the source of all my misery. I took a seat next to a table with desserts on it. Again she spotted me and began walking in my direction. There was no point in running now. Maybe, just maybe, she wouldn't mention it.
"Hey Phil," she said taking the seat next to me.
"Hey," I replied, staring straight ahead.
"So, how's your vacation been?" she asked with what sounded like great interest.
I hate Christmas parties
You offer me some punch but I just shrug
I hate Christmas parties
You and the cookie tray
Both hear me say "Bah humbug"
"Oh it's been grand," I replied sarcastically. She looked sad. I could tell she didn't want things to be like this. But how was I supposed to act? She broke my heart that day. She could never fathom how much that hurt me.
I look under the tree
But there's nothing to see
Cause it's a broken heart that you're giving me
I can't figure you out
Is this what Christmas is all about
Cause it's a broken heart that you're giving me
I look under the tree
But there's nothing to see
Cause it's a broken heart that you're giving me
It's not her fault, I guess. I took my chances. She was just responding the only way she could.
"Is this how it's going to be?" she asked suddenly.
"I don't know, Keel. You tell me."
"Look Phil, I was scared okay. I didn't know how to react."
"Keely, what are you talking ab--"
"Just hear me out, okay?" she said interrupting me. "Like I said, I was scared. I was scared of what would happen. I was scared that you were feeling a little off that day and didn't mean what you said. I was scared that I misunderstood you. I was scared of all the uncertainties of the situation." I was now looking directly at her. Her glance was down in her lap focusing on the ring she was twirling around her finger. She looked up, locking her gaze onto mine and said, "And most importantly, I was scared because I love you too."
I saw the sincerity in her eyes. She looked so exposed, so vulnerable. I could tell she was uncertain about what my reaction would be and what was to follow. I brought my hand to the side of her face. I lightly brushed my thumb against the smooth skin of her cheek. Then I leaned forward and gave the slightest kiss on her soft lips. As I began to pull away, I felt her project forward as she touched her lips back to mine. She gave a sweet but passionate kiss, which I gladly returned. As we parted she said, "I immediately knew my mistake when we had a sudden lack of communication. I knew you would never ignore me like that unless I had done something completely terrible. I missed you. And tonight, you wouldn't even talk to me. I think you were avoiding me. I was feeling miserable. Our unbelievable friendship was crumbling. I knew I could not let that happen. You mean way too much to me for us to stop being friends because I had a few doubts."
I stopped her with another kiss. "I forgive you," I whispered in her ear.
We stayed at the party for only a little while longer. "You ready to go, Keel?"
"Yeah, just a sec. I have to grab my coat."
As we were saying goodbye to everyone, Keely glanced out a window and noticed the huge, fluffy, white snowflakes gracefully falling from the sky. "Oh Phil! Look!" she called to me. "It's snowing outside!"
We walked out the door hand-in-hand. She pulled me down the walkway and onto the sidewalk. We began to dance in the fresh falling snow. I couldn't help but notice how adorable she looked carelessly dancing next to me.
Could this be real? I had my best friend back and things were better than ever before. As I stood there watching her, she noticed and stood still herself. "Why are you just standing there watching me with that goofy smirk on your face?"
"Just because I can," I replied smoothly. She gave my arm a small shove and then returned her attention to the frozen precipitation surrounding her. She tilted her head back and stuck out her tongue. "What are you doing now?" I asked curiously.
"Catching snowflakes, duh!" she replied as if it was the most obvious thing in the world. It was pretty obvious actually, oh well.
"Well I happen to think you look quite silly."
"Oh, I bet," she said with a small laugh. "Now join in on the fun!"
"I think the real fun is watching you. It's quite entertaining; I'll have you know. The catcher of all things flaky!"
"You're such a weird-o!"
"I'll take that as a compliment," I said with a wink.
She shivered a bit. I walked over to her and wrapped my arms around her shoulders. It felt so right. "Come on I'll take you home."
"Okay, but only if I can have another kiss first."
"I don't know. I think you'd be getting too much out of me. A ride home and a kiss goodnight?" I said jokingly. "I might have to leave you here."
"You and I both know fairly well that you don't have it in you to just leave me here. Plus you definitely want that kiss as much as I do."
She knows me all too well. "Oh I guess you got me." We shared another unbelievably amazing kiss then got in my car and I drove her home. After we finally reached her house and parted for the night, I drove myself home.
As I walked through the front door, I bet I had the biggest, craziest grin on my face. Mom came to the front hall to ask how my evening went, took one look at me, and said, "I guess someone enjoyed themselves."
If only she knew exactly how much.
"I love Christmas parties."