Oh sweet love and joy, will be gone by the morn
She had put the children to bed, had cleaned up the kitchen and the living room, had put the presents underneath the Christmas tree and had escorted Robert from the couch to his bed upstairs. The small, packed bag stood next to the door and all she had to do was to leave.
Cersei stood in front of the mirror, looking at her own reflection and the room behind her. It had become quiet. The children's laughter, the Christmas music and the natural sounds of the heat and the dish washer had fallen silent. Only the fridge was still humming in the kitchen while the lamps in the living room where the only source of light in the house. She could feel her aorta pounding hard in her neck. Her knees weakened. She had been waiting for this for so long, nervousness was taking over her body, making her feel weird in every single part of it.
She walked around the house one more time. Tommen and Myrcella were long asleep in their beds and when she opened Joffrey's door, even her oldest son had fallen asleep, his smart phone still in his hand. Robert was the least of her problems. Every Christmas Eve, he drank one glass of his ridiculously expensive Scotch and every 23rd of December, she prepared two ice cubes mainly holding Zolpidem that would knock him out until the next morning. The children, however, took after their father and even on Christmas Day, they would sleep in late if no one woke them. Just like her twin.
Still, it was a risk she took every year. So far, only once had one of the children been up before she had returned home again. She had once found Myrcella in the kitchen, still half asleep and probably searching for something to drink. The girl could later not remember encountering her mother in a thick winter jacket, coming back home in the early morning hours of Christmas Day.
She quietly closed the door behind herself when she stepped out into the cold air. It had started to snow when she had sent the children to bed after watching a Disney movie (not Joff of course, Joff was texting and pretending not to listen to either the movie or his mother). Now, the air was filled with while flakes of cotton, slowly floating down from the sky.
It was a one hour drive from the suburbs of Washington out to the countryside. Soon the radio channel changed and she found herself surrounded with cheesy Christmas music and the loneliness of the road. As she drove further, the landscape became more and more rural and the snow stopped. The road in front of her was white and only now and then another car passed her by.
She did this every year. Always and only on Christmas Eve. When Robert and the children were fast asleep she would leave and she would return every Christmas morning before they woke. It was the only time of year she could see Jaime alone, away from their families, their parents and ordinary lives. He had begged her to meet him more often, to come to his flat when the children were at school or to let him come to her place like they used to when they were younger. He missed her as much as she missed him. But times had changed, things had changed, they were older now, less adventurous and had more to lose. No one could know they were having this relationship. That was why Jaime rented the cabin every year. Out there in the countryside, no one was looking for them and no one would recognize them. Cersei had always felt safe there. Jaime would pick up the keys at the owner's place in Washington every year before he drove out here in the morning hours of the 24th to spend some time alone with his she-dog Isis and he would return them on the 25th just before arriving at Cersei's place to celebrate Christmas with the whole family.
Their time in the cabin was always bittersweet. From the moment she drove away from home, she knew she would eventually leave her twin again, not being reunited with him for another year. She started to feel an aching pain in her chest. She missed him so much at every time of the day. Every fiber of her being missed him and every little cell in her body was screaming for him whenever she was lonely or even when she was surrounded by friends and family.
He was hers and she was his, no other woman would ever have a right to him and Robert had no right to her. She had successfully chased away ever single of Jaime's girlfriends, knowing how unfair it was, that he had to be alone while she had the kids. Still, she could not bear it; imagining another woman in his bed, leading the life that was supposed to be hers. She took a deep breath and swallowed the tears the thought alone had brought to her eyes. He wasn't far now.
When the cabin came into eye sight, she drove more slowly. Inside she could see the lights burning as she parked her car next to his Lexus. The air was crisp and turned her breath into small, white clouds. When she grabbed her bag from the backseat and closed the car, she could not see any movement inside. As she walked through the snow to the deck, she could hear quiet bells from afar and then a barking. Isis was running through the snow towards her. She had two little bells around her neck when she joyfully surrounded Cersei a few times and then jumped her. Cersei actually did not like dogs. A big husky had once bitten Joffrey when he had been younger. But Isis was Jaime's she was well educated and polite and had never done anything to anybody except licking their faces to death. As soon as the dog had settled a little, Cersei looked up.
She could see a figure moving about 30 yards away from her, walking towards her as well. Her heart started to pound against her chest and her fingers got sweaty inside her gloves. She wanted to run but she was frozen to the ground and couldn't move. He was here, he was here for her. He was hers again.
She dropped her bag into the snow and hugged him tightly as soon as he stood in front of her, burying her face in his neck.
"Perfect timing sister." Jaime said and kissed her lightly.
"What have you been doing out here so late? You could get lost or slip and fall."
"Worried for me already Cersei? Isis needed to get out one more time, or do you want her to bark and run around tonight?" He showed a cocky smile that made Cersei roll her eyes.
"That really is the only thing you can think of, is it?"
"As if you came here to talk and hang out on the couch." He replied masterfully.
Cersei was shivering. His arms were warm around her but it had been cold in the car too and the warm cabin was waiting for them. Jaime took her by the hand and together they walked up the steps to the door.
It smelled like good food inside. Jaime had made lasagna for her, just as every year. Still, as soon as he had closed the door behind them and Isis had trudged to her basket, Cersei could feel his hands under her pullover and his breath hot against her neck.
"I've missed you."
"I've missed you too."
He would have fucked her on the table right away but she insisted they would use the warm bed instead. It didn't take long until their clothes were on the ground, forgotten and only traces of their lovemaking.
"It's been too long." Jaime whispered in her ear when they were done, exhausted – for now – and still panting a little. Cersei kissed his neck in response, not able to speak yet.
"You could have come to my room on Thanksgiving." He went on.
Cersei did not reply but inhaled his wonderful scent, as if it was getting her high. In some way it was.
"Or just visited me last month." He was speaking more quietly now.
"Jaime, let's not have this discussion again, please. You're ruining it." She mumbled, eyes closed and with a husky voice.
He possessively tugged her deeper into his embrace until she was pressed to his skin, half on top of him half next to him, legs entangled, and nothing else would have fit in between them.
"You are mine." He said, "That fool of your husband doesn't even know how to touch you, when was the last time you two did it?"
It was a rhetorical question, followed by several sweet kisses.
"We could go away." He said. As every year.
She nodded. As every year.
"I won't let you go tomorrow morning."
"I won't leave, I promise."
"You better."
"I love you."
"I love you too."
They ate the lasagna in bed, while an old cassette was playing Dickens' Christmas Carol for Children. They did not listen to it but it was nice to have something else than silence fill the room.
They made love again after the lasagna and then again and again until Cersei was dizzy with sleep and no energy was left in their limbs.
They said the same things every year. Let's go away. Let's take the children and go live in Australia. Let's just leave together, leaving everything else behind. Just the five of us. And every time they did, it broke her heart. She wanted this so badly, wanted to go away with him, flee this life of only having him for herself once a year. She had not allowed Jaime to be close with the children but she knew Myrcella admired him and Joffrey preferred talking to him when he was in trouble.
"The kids miss you." She whispered.
"Do they?"
"Myrcella asked for you today. She crafted you a little heart from clay and painted it red. Robert thought it was for him but she pressed it to her chest and claimed it would be for you." She looked up to him. Jaime was smiling.
"You would have been a great father for them, Jaime, I know it. Every time I look at them I see you."
"What a coincidence."
"Joffrey looks just like you, he speaks like you, it's incredible." She mused.
They spoke for another hour or so, having longer breaks of sweet caressing and kissing or just doing nothing but lying next to each other.
A blinking star in the sky was the last thing Cersei saw before she fell asleep in her twin's arms. The Christmas Carol was still playing.
Morning came all too soon. Jaime had wraped them into a woolen blanket somewhere in the night. Cersei felt sore between her legs, only evidence of him being there. She would carry it with her proudly for a few days, missing him the moment it would fade. She looked over to the other side of the bed. Jaime was still asleep, lightly snoring.
Cersei smiled. She wanted to wake up like this every morning of the year.
It was only quarter past six, so she snuggled back up to him. Jaime, certainly still at least half a sleep, protectively put an arm around her.
She left, as she always did, in silence.
"I see you later." She told him after she had dressed herself.
"Stay." He said, opening his beautiful green eyes, "Stay and we take the car and drive away."
She caressed his cheek.
"I love you." A small tear appeared in her left eyes. She brushed it away in the matter of a second, "I love you, Jaime. There is nothing I love more than you and the kids." She smiled.
"Until next year."
"Until next year."