Kagome never could've believed that her greatest trial would come to her later in life, a time when she had always imagined would be blissful and at peace, not a time with turmoil that surpassed any other time of her life.
Everything that Naraku had done could never amount to the hurt that he had caused. 'He' was an idiot! 'He' wanted forever, but was afraid of what that would mean. 'He' took away Kagome's soul because he was afraid that he'd lose it if he didn't.
Inuyasha was too afraid to live without her.
Thirty three years ago, she chose him and the feudal era, chose to marry the man that she loved in sacrifice of her own time's people. The decision was much easier than it should have now that she thought about it, giving up seeing her mother and the rest of her family to be with a hanyou, but even when she told her mother of her plans, there was never a part of that regretted it.
Forty seven years later, she had three grown children whom all moved away to start their own lives and adventures. They didn't know of the situation at home and even now, she had a hard time writing to them, letting them know that their father waited for the right time do what he did. She wanted to tell them to not be angry, and that their father loved his family with all his heart, but even with all those fanciful words, she couldn't put it on paper, not if she didn't believe it herself.
"What he did," a deep voice spoke from behind her, a safe distance, cold yet not emotionless. The voice belonged to Sesshomaru.
Kagome didn't turn around, afraid that seeing him would bring her back to tears. "Pl-Please don't say it was because he loved me too much!..." She paused as she thought about how Sesshomaru must've felt having lost Rin only a month before losing his brother. "Everyone wants to comfort me saying that's why it happened because he LOVED ME too much!"
There was silence. The wind blew past the both of them, carrying the pain in all their hearts, carrying the blood of a man whom died only twenty-four hours ago. It carried the scent of Inuyasha's blood and all the bitterness left behind with his suicide.
"He was weak." Sesshomaru finally finished his statement. "He came to a realization that I came upon with Rin long before he began to think about the future. As a hanyou, we can never live forever with a human… they will age and we will stay young for so long, watching their aches and pains, watching their bodies break down with each passing day as we become stronger then dying. These ideas…"
Kagome thought about her husband and how he must've felt, watching her. He still looked close to the same age as he was when they first married, maybe even more handsome, and he was watching her, her face only a shadow of the girl she used to be. His smooth youthful hands would still hold her aged wrinkly hands, using his strong body for her support for her weak boy.
Could it have hurt that much?
"Priestess," Sesshomaru said as he walked over to her, "He was weak, and yes, he loved you but not too much. He loved you enough to not want to watch you suffer, but not too much."
Kagome could see that Sesshomaru was trying to cheer her up in his own despair. Even if Sesshomaru could never admit it, he had become just like his father, loving humans all the same, caring for his sister-in-law, loving his obnoxious little brother, watching over the little girl Rin until her dying day.
She could remember the day when Rin died and how Sesshomaru had stayed in the village with her, knowing that she was on her last breaths. That day, it was the first time that she had seen a tear in his eyes, a tear that no one was meant to see.
Rin had been suffering for so long off a sickness that in Kagome's old time would've been healed with a simple doctor's visit. It had been so long that Kagome wasn't even sure what they called it in her own time, but even so, she remembered that day clearly because Sesshomaru had been there suffering with her.
For a week, he transferred his own energy into her, trying to make her body stronger, more resistant, maybe even become younger with this brand new source of life going through her but her body was rejecting it. He never said that was what he was doing but Kagome, even in her age, could feel the energy being released.
'Sesshomaru-papa… please stop…. You'll weaken yourself.' Kagome could remember standing out the tent, Rin's weak elderly voice reaching out to a person that she once considered like a father.
'You know that's not true. Now stay still.'
'Sesshomaru, please don't. You've already done so much for me. I can never live the way that you live and I have so many memories that are so precious to me. Let me die so that my last thoughts could be you and how you cared so much that even now, after forty seven years, you stood by me.'
Sesshomaru had stayed quiet as the younger woman had started speaking to him with life and hope in her voice, love that was surely enough to break down all barriers. Kagome could remember that she had opened the door to where Rin was staying to give her some food but stayed in the background watching her and the Western Lord say their last good bye.
'You have no need to feel sorry for me. I have so many friends whom have left before me and I can tell Kohaku, in heaven, of how you came to see me. You came to see me! You still cared about me after forty seven years! I can tell Kaede and Kikyo… I may even see Kagura, and I can tell them all the things that I've felt about you all this time! If I live for thousands of years like you, I'm afraid that all these emotions and memories will fade, they will mean less to me,' Rin had begun to cry and when she began to cry, he began to silently cry.
'Sesshomaru-papa, I want people to love you the way that I do so that you can finally feel the happiness that you've brought to me. I want to watch over you like you've watched over me even if I'm not sure about what happens after death. If there's a chance that I can really protect you while you're still around, I want to do that… I want to see… you happy…'
'Rin, I am very happy. You have always made me happy.' Sesshomaru had responded.
Rin smiled then expired.
Kagome thoughts came back to present time as she walked away from the spot where she stood and walked over to the area where Inuyasha had killed himself. Inside the hut, she stood by then walked inside where his hanging body hung like the meat in a meat shop.
He had waited until the new moon to kill himself. Before hanging himself, she could remember him stabbing himself over and over again, saying that he wouldn't be here to watch her die. It was strange because although she had been in the room when the entire situation occurred but she couldn't remember much of it. All she remembered were his eyes were so dark and so angry, so sad and there was nothing she could do to stop him.
She could remember that he did this without knowing that she would find him and even then, it didn't stop him. She could remember that they were both yelling and then upon seeing all the blood, her husband's blood, she threw up and passed out. When she had awakened, he had already hung himself and left a note, saying, "I'm sorry… but I love you too much to watch you suffer. Live long and tell the kids that I love them.'
She grabbed onto the knife that he had used and then began to thrust it into her own body but found that she was stopped.
"Priestess, mother of my nephews and nieces, the woman whose love transcended time, you are not this weak. You are stronger than my brother. You are stronger than Rin. Do not make your children… or your village suffer any more than it already has."
Kagome winced as she tried again but the knife didn't move from its spot, his aura holding it back. She didn't want this life anymore! She didn't want these stupid memories! All she could see were the moments where her and Inuyasha were so happy, and it made her still love him! She didn't want to love him; hate was what she wanted to feel! Is this how Kikyou felt?
This pain that she felt, she wanted it gone! If she were able to hate him then she could stop feeling this pain!
"Sesshomaru, why?!" She screamed as she let go of the knife. "Why did they have to leave us? Why did they do that to us? Why did they both think death was better? Am I selfish for wanting them to be here? Am I selfish for wanting my husband to be able to see any of our future grandchildren? Am I selfish for wanting Rin to still be here, smiling and acting younger than all the other elderly women?!"
The Western Lord nearly lost himself, nearly started crying himself as every memory of his entire life with both Rin and Inuyasha came rushing through him. Every memory that he had of Kagura before she died, all the times that he would see Kaede and how she would care for 'his little girl,' they were all precious memories.
"I don't want to be strong anymore! I was strong when I came here from my era and fought Naraku! I'm old now! I'm sixty five years old now; my body is weak and my mind is weaker." Tears fell hard and she was choking on her own angst, her heart felt heavy and she wished it would fall out and prove that it was still beating even though half of her was gone.
Before she knew it, she was in Sesshomaru's embrace, her face dug into his chest, his arms tight and powerful. She could feel his tears fall freely onto her own face. "Rin was wrong… with every year, my memories of everyone don't seem distant. They seem closer, and then they change and become more beautiful. Simple things become the most powerful things." Sesshomaru started then looked into the sky, "please, if you can't strong for yourself, stay strong for me."
Kagome listened to his calm voice and allowed it to release her. If she couldn't be strong for herself then she'd be strong for him. Yes, she'd stay strong for him and her children. They were a family and sometimes family needed to strong for each other.
The younger elderly woman cried again, this time because he had saved her and that made her happy.
Disclaimer: I do not any of the Inuyasha franchise. I do own the plot.
Author's Note: Thank you for reading! This is my second Inuyasha one-shot, the first was a songfic called "How Could An Angel Break My Heart" which I've always been quite proud of...
I wanted to do something different since I don't really read this section very much, I'm hoping that it didn't end up cliche although this was something that I was thinking would be totally different. It's also my first time doing anything that wasn't completely Kag/Inu as the pairing. Tell me what you thought and if the emotion was right.
Please review! Thank you!