There he stood. Sauce stained shirt, greasy mop of hair- only the stench of garlic bread to mask his unshowered self. Breath mints only tainted the natural seduction of his being and soap was the bar of his beauty's Bain. For he was...
"Gai!? This is a- "
"Monumental occurrence i know, but so is every occurrence when it is graced with my presence!" The Leaf Jonin gave Kurenai the all famous thumbs up, accompanied by the trademark smile; with teeth so white they gave a proverbial ping. He presented a pitiable 'bouquet' of flowers – nothing more than a hurried raid upon the garden of the very women he stood before.
"Gai...um this is very-"
"Selfless? Thoughtful? Devilishly romantic? Call it what you may, my darling, but nothings too good for you." He performed some 'much needed stretching' from where he stood, flexing his muscles in every way imaginable, until... Rip "Oh my, this is certainly unfortunate isn't my sweet cherry blossom? Say no more, I'll head right on through!" A confident Gai barged past the bedazzled Jonin, making sure the highly conspicuous rip in his spandex was directly in her line of vision. He strutted up to the sofa, making it is own - slouching his body in such a way that his overly stuffed crotch was unmissable to all whom were present.
Before Kurenai could get a word in edge- "AHA! Perfect! THIS will bridge the gap in my stylishly profiling jumpsuit!" The enthusiastic shinobi grabbed the purple cloth beside him, "Kurenai, would you be so kind as to hand me the Needle of Youth! And its equally important counterpart The Thread of Prosperity! Then the stitching of Truth can commence!" another thumbs up was sent the addled ninja's way. The female Jonin's eyes widened even more so when the already confusing situation turned just plain awkward.
"Kurenai are you done yet? We've still to act out chapter 13 of Icha Icha Paradise," the voice paused, "...Gai...is there a reason my mask is attached to your arse?" Gai's face took on a manic look of despair when he met the eyes of the third person in the room.
"Kakashi..." Through gritted teeth, the Pudding Bowled Casanova narrowed his eyes to match that of his rival's – who was too busy transfixed upon the item he was once willing to wear on his face.
A bitter Gai hauled himself off the sofa, dusted his body of any 'unpleasentries' he may have been in contact with and solemnly left with his tail between his legs.
The next day was the day for Might Gai. His dastardly good looks and Olympian charisma would all contribute greatly to a truly Epic Notion. If he could smear the name of Kakashi...then Kurenai would be his for the taking! Flawless! Or so he thought...
Transformation Jutsu!
There he stood. Sauce stained shirt, greasy mop of hair- only the stench of garlic bread to mask his unshowered self. Breath mints only tainted the natural seduction of his being and soap was the bar of his beauty's Bain. For he was...
"Kakashi!? This is unexpect-"
"DYNAMIC EN-, cough ahem sorry I'm late Kurenai, i was too busy reading PORN to care about much else..." With a pick of his nose and an unpardoned belch he was set to cut the ties between the esteemed copy ninja and the ever so luscious Kurenai. 'Kakashi' displayed a very Gai like strut into the house, randomly stripped to his underwear and began thrusting the air.
"KAKASHI!?" Kurenai stammered, "Um...can't that possibly wait?" she questioned, a weak smile upon her face.
"No time! Must...get...better!" The Jonin replied with a distinctive OOMPH in his voice.
"...Are you on some form of hallucinating drug per chance?" The weak smile had morphed into a disbelieving frown.
"No drugs Kurenai! It's just word is spreading quickly around the village that Might Gai has created, perfected, and MASTERED the One Thousand Thrusts No Jutsu! Even an elite copy ninja like myself cannot hope to replicate such a technique. Then again that's not stopping me from copying everything else is it?" 'Kakashi' was interrupted by a random clunk from the doorway followed by the words...
"DYNAMIC FAILURE!!" A very different Might Gai stumbled into the room, sporting a Sharingan Kurenai was obviously oblivious to. 'Kakashi' however did not share the enthusiasm of his 'to be fiancée'.
"Gai? What a pleasant surprise, Kakashi and I were just talking of your new Jutsu, would you care to demonstrate?"
"Gee I'd love to my putrid, repulsive temptress, but i was struck pretty hard by the Door of Negligence, my feet –forsaken by the Gravity of Virtue, my face – thrusted into the Floor of Youth!"
"Um..."
"Indeed..." 'Gai' began, "It should also be noted that I spend my time cladding my team coughsex slavescough in the most ludicrously skin tight spandex imaginable, whilst my evenings involve watching my 'students' exhaust themselves, whilst i sit on my arse and fantasise on how great it would be to actually surpass Kakashi at anything."
'Kakashi' was fuming – a throbbing vein pulsating rapidly on his brow...but he was not a one to be silenced. "Hold on a minute 'Gai', i myself, the Great Bastarding Kakashi, am not without fault. It should be noted that i happen to be the most unfit teacher to genin ever. Out of more than fifty students that have been scholared by myself, only 3 have passed thusly. What's more, those same three, Naruto, Sakura and Sasuke, have pissed off to Jiraiya, Tsunade and Orochimaru respectively. Therefore, since i've nothing meaningful to do – i waste away my life upon trying to satisfy my sexual urges by relying on porno upon porno upon porno..."
"That's nothing! I crotch stuff and have about as much penetrative power as a tadpole!" scowled 'Gai'.
The bitter duo's bitter transfixion upon each other broke down to acknowledge the poof of smoke where Kurenai was supposed to be. Asuma was in hysterics "ROFLMAO Wait till Shikamaru and the others hear about this!"