Disclaimer: I don't own any of this, blah, blah, blah , you all know how it is.

Dedication: To every one who reads =))

Note from the author: This isn't my first story, but I deleted the others because I became tired of them. I am a B/S shipper, but if you want to see that in this story, you may have to wait, because I like the crazy banter and suspense more then the Idea of them ever really getting together. I hope you like, and I don't mind constructive criticism, but please don't be rude. Thank you!

PS: some chapters may come quickly, while others may take a while.



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Chapter One

Buffy sat with Willow in her morning lit kitchen. The blond bit her lip while a tired Willow moved mechanically about the stove in red and white pokadot pajamas. Buffy toyed nervously with the neckline of her linen blouse as she let a mental conflict rule her mind. Ever since she and Willow had the heart to heart the night before, Buffy felt like she couldn't hold back her secrets any longer.

"Buffy, I think I've known you long enough to notice when your not telling me something." Willow let a small smile play on her lips. Buffy just sighed. She knew she could tell her some of it…that she had too.

"Wills", she began. She really didn't want to bring it up, it was this nagging something that always reminded her of how imperfect her life was. She started again at an encouraging nod from Willow. "I…a couple nights ago, there was the diamond heist from the trio of evil, you remember? Yeah, well around then, the night after, when we all forgot about Dawn? What happened… I was leaving the magic shop. And there, umm, was Spike. And he was all grouchy, and bad moody and rude, and he kept doing that thing with his head, ya' know? Which is so annoying and that stupid smile thing is even worse, and…and He kept saying all this stuff that didn't make any sense and…" Buffy stood up and started to pace, willow watching with expressions of confusion, concern and curiosity on her face. Buffy continued on with her semi-tangent. "So, right, he was acting like that, and I wasn't going to take it! No way, so I hit him." Buffy paused when Willow's eyes flashed with surprise, and she began again defensively. "Well, he goaded me into it! And I kind of wanted too…But that is not the point! So anyways, I hit him, and he smiled, and probably threw in some witty jest or something, I cant really remember…because then he hit me!

"He hit you! That big stupid bleached…guy." Willow said in indignation. "Well what did you do?"

"Well, I hit him back, and then I did it again and again, and then I got him really good, but no, that is not the point either." Buffy shook her head as though to clear it. Then she leaned across the counter towards Willow, waiting for their eyes to lock and for the quiet to settle in before she began again.

"The point is that he hit me. Real hard, and solid. And then nothing."

"Nothing?" Willow repeated.

"Nothing. Nada. Zilch." Buffy sat down heavily, the Tuesday morning sun shining on her cropped hair. "The chip didn't go off."

"Are you sure, I mean, it didn't just malfunction that once?

"Oh believe me, he tested it several times"

"Then is he safe to be around? Why am I asking, you seem to think so, he was just here the other day." Willows voice was rising high. "But how did he get it out? Who did he-"

"It wasn't the chip," Buffy interrupted. "It was me."

"It was you?"

"Yeah. We kept fighting and yelling and such, and anyways, I am the only one it doesn't work on, he said I came back wrong."

"And you think he might be right?"

Glad to have most of the story out, though she wasn't about to tell the rest, Buffy sighed and looked away. "Yes. I think he might be right." Neither one of them said a word, there was only silence and the smell of burnt toast.

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A while later, they decided that Buffy's situation was a possible crisis, and something that would be best to be dealt with soon. It was decided that every night before Buffy went on patrol, the two of them would devote at least an hour to figuring the issue out.

"I don't want any one else to know. At least not right away. Maybe after we find some answers."

"But Buffy, why not?" Willow asked, confused.

"Because, I don't want everyone else to worry about another one of 'Buffy Summer's dilemmas'. She swept about her living room, moving random things, adjusting pictures and looking under and behind the furniture. "Xander and Anya have their wedding to take care of, and Dawn, well she already thinks I am absorbed in my own world, she doesn't need to know."

"Well, what about Spike?" Willow asked as Buffy sped past her from the kitchen to place some flowers and a bible on the coffee table.

"What about him." She muttered.

"He already knows. Maybe we should ask him to come tonight. And since when do you read the bible?"

"Since another Social Worker is coming tomorrow morning, and I want to get it right this time. And no, he is not coming."

"But-"

"No, no, no, no, no." Buffy threw her hands up in the air, and grabbed a couple pillows before jogging up the stairs.

Willow followed her up. "Why not? I mean, I'm not a big marcher in the Spike parade or anything, but he is the reason you know that you are not ok."

Buffy walked into her room with Willow on her tail. "Don't I know it." Buffy said as she took a seat in the chair by her vanity.

"Face it Buff. We need him. He is the only lead we have."

"No Will, we don't need him." Buffy said in exasperation, putting away a pair of scissors that were lying on the floor. "What we need…"

"Is Spike." Willow finished. "It's not like we are asking you to marry him, or carry his child! All we need is his help. He has helped before. Its not a big deal. But for all we know, whatever is up with you, is a huge deal."

"Well…I'm not asking him." She responded with a defiant toss of her head.

"Fine" Willow raised her eyebrow, studying her curiously. "I will."

"Fine."

"Fine." And then Willow left to do just that.