Annie

I hold the signage a little bit higher than everyone else's. That is because I feel like he wouldn't see me out of the tall men surrounding me also holding on with their own signboards. I am nervous. I have to admit to myself that I am feeling this way, a little bit lightheaded and at edge, but at the same time, energy starts flowing right back to my veins which I assume is caused by excitement. I was having a yoyo effect of emotions as I stood with these strangers in the waiting area at the airport. Perhaps that is the reason why I struggle, or pretend I am struggling, with how I am going to make my signboard stick out from everybody else's because I don't want to aggravate myself with anxiety and/or adrenaline rush.

People start coming out of the building slowly and I hold my breath. Any second now and I will see him again. I feel my heart thumping. I start scrutinizing every men that comes out to see if it is him, he told me he has become taller over the years but that's about the only description that I have about him, which is stupid to say the least. Of course, he got taller, everybody gets taller as years pass by or maybe most men and some women while as for me, I am stuck to 5'5 ever since I was eighteen. Still, I strain my neck to see each and every male species that comes out of the building to check if it is him.

Then I see him. I hate to admit that my eyes have passed him for like three times before I realized that it is him. But then he sees me, smiles and starts walking towards my direction. Up at this moment, I am still not sure if it really is him or maybe he's just someone else whose name is printed on one of the signs these men have beside me. But it has to be him. I couldn't look away and I am pretty sure he is holding my gaze too.

"Annie." He said with a smile as he hug me. As for me I am still a little bit in shock. He has changed, he's changed a lot.

"Mo. Oh my, look at you. I actually wasn't sure if it's really you walking towards me until now." I feel like my eyes are bulging from shock and amazement as I examined him from head to toe. "Wow! You're a man now Mo. Look at you!" Emphasizing the 'wow'. I can't help but smile the widest smile and scan every bit of him with my eyes. I couldn't remember the last time I felt like this, full of energy and nervousness to see someone. I saw him examining me as well. "I'm sorry, I just said 'look at you' twice now."

"You're not bad yourself Annie. What I mean is, you've grown as well. What can I say, you're a woman now." He said awkwardly, contemplating hard on what to say. But I'm glad he ignored my outburst of silly words. "Anyway, I missed you so much." This time, he put down his bag and hug me so tight I don't feel the ground under me anymore.

"I missed you too Mo, words can't even express." I close my eyes as I hug him back. I do miss him. I never stop missing him since he went back to Jordan. Truth be told, there were a lot of times I fantasized on how things would have gone if we stuck to the plan. However, at the end of every single train of thoughts about this subject, I always tell myself that we did the right thing. That the separation was for the best, ignoring the hollow feeling inside me.

Besides from his tallness, he has also become sturdy. Like a gym buff kind of guy. He is now pure muscles everywhere that is why it's effortless for him to bear hug me as it's difficult for me to wrap my arms around him. He then let go after a minute or two.

"So where's me chariot m'lady?" I laughed. Although it was not ridiculously funny but it feels like that. Even though anyone can pull a lame line like that, it's always different if he makes the joke. It's always funnier.

"Right this way me sir." He takes his bag up and pull his stroller as he follow me.

"So it's still the Explorer." He says as he put his stroller and bag in the trunk. "Although I am not as emotionally attached to this car as I am with your old truck but I still miss it, surprisingly."

"Well then I suggest you get in and buckle yourself up to experience the awesomeness of my baby. Unlike my old truck, this car never lend me any problem not even once even after 5 years of existence." I rev up to emphasize my point before rearing out of the parking lot and into the main road.

"So it has been that long. Five years." Although I am looking at the road, I know he is contemplating. Possibly, mentally encapsulating his life for the last five years. Although it hasn't been that long, but it feels like it has been that long. The world is still the same, but it feels like it has changed too. "So how have you been?" He said looking at me. I look back for a glimpse. I didn't realize he's always had that very kind eyes.

"Im fine.. so far. Nothing's really changed in my life really. I mean I'm still here." The thing is, it is the truth, partially. A lot has changed in me. Over the last few years, I finally found a way to work out my art. It wasn't easy to get the perfect place to do my painting. When Mo was still here, I've always felt discouraged in taking my paintings seriously. What with all my issues with myself, family and Lena. That's why I'm so grateful to have him beside me.

But at the same time, I am grateful as well that we parted ways. Our relationship back then wasn't healthy. We were not growing as individuals and we were hurting everyone around us. It wasn't fair but we knew we had to part ways. All our lives we wanted to be treated as mature individuals. But we just proved to everyone that we were immature the moment we decided to get married. Thinking that we were invincible like we're on drugs. We were selfish and stupid. And we both knew it but we didn't had the guts to admit it.

But no matter how many bullshit I say to convince myself that I am happy and stronger now, there is still that hollow feeling inside me that keeps me from falling asleep every night; keeps me from laughing so hard it makes it hard to breathe. It's that emptiness that keeps me from meeting new people, particularly men. It is because of him. He is half of my existence but he's halfway across the planet. But not anymore. I smiled. "How 'bout you?"

"I'm... how do I say this? It's just that one ride home isn't enough to tell my story. Which reminds me, where are we going?"

"Just sit back and relax Mo, you'll know when we get there." It seems like I'm reminding him but it is more like I'm reminding myself to control myself from squealing out of euphoria.

"By the way, Annie, I don't answer to Mo anymore. Just call me Mohammed."