Chris' voiceover:
I should of seen it coming, it didn't take long after the Resident Evil Franchises would make another suckier game that didn't involve zombies anymore and after Resident Evil 4 they handed the Resident Evil 5 project to a bunch of terrorists that created it to release throughout vulnerable countries that wanted their eyes raped slowly into the game.
As Chris was driving in his vehicle he was too busy listening to his own voice that he almost ran over a black man but swerved sharply away from him and it became a near miss.
When he jumped out of his vehicle he tried to hide the numerous amount of Jill Valentine hentai and Yuri picks from the African woman walking toward him
"Welcome to Africa" the woman greeted politely
"THEY'RE NOT MINE I SWEAR!" Chris blurted.
She game him a bizarre look
"My, my name's Shanay-nay Alomar"
"Wait, why do you have an English accent and Excella has a South African one? By the way the names Chris I mean, Rambo, Rambo Redfield"
"How do you know about Excella Gionne?"
"Numerous trailers and promos for Resident Evil 3 at Comicon and E3, it's pretty much one big cleavage fest."
"I see, I wouldn't know really I'm pretty useless throughout the game; if you give me a grenade I'll never use it, if give me a first aid spray I'll use it at the lousiest time."
"I see, must be the the extra set of boobs in this big sausage fest"
"Welcome to Africa"
Chris observed his scenery and saw the man suspiciously moving behind the gate, the people in horribly rugged clothes, dusty paths and wild, stray animals passing as he drove by.
"Right, welcome."
"Since your obviously white, big and muscular I'll be the black, short wimpier looking girl...too help put them at ease."
"Riiiiiight...BSAA puts so much logic into these things...partner" Chris rolled his eyes back.
A flashback appeared of Jill Valentines headstone until Shanay-nay aimed a rock at Chris's head and he fainted.
"Yoo-hoo...wake-up, sleepyhead....." As Shanay-nay poked chris with a stick
When Chris awoke and before they reached the first checkpoint, some militant black guy began frisking at Shanay-nays butt.
"Bitch, don't make me go Chris Brown on yo ass...I'd hate to break that Hannah Montana figure of yours."
The man quickly let go of her ass and preceded to let Chris go Frisk-free
"Like I said, BSAA put's so much logic into these things." Chris mumbled.
"Sometimes I find myself wondering if it's all worth fighting for with all these new characters in all these Resident Evil games."