Until Forever Comes To Visit Us Again
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As the beams those freaky mini-dragons aimed for his body, hit after hit after hit, Gray was surprised he was thinking of something else—not panic that he might die, right then and there, with another shot fired, not shock that everything happened as swift as lightning could be and definitely not regret that he shoved Juvia out of the way to make sure she's safe from harm.
The ice mage knew that if it were to happen again, his actions wouldn't change. He'd still push her aside. He'd ensure she survived. He'd like to see her alive and well.
All it took was to have some courage to be her knight. And no knight wanted to see his queen die right before his very eyes.
He can be selfish or selfless depending on the situation thrown at him. But boy, it all happened too fast to assess the whole ordeal.
Gray, like most of his guild members, was selfless person. They were willing to offer their lives for their family, for someone they cared for. No questions asked. He had done it a few times—for Erza, Lucy, Natsu, hell, even for the whole damn Fairy Tail when it was attacked by Phantom Lord or from the hands of Laxus and his stupid excuse to be the next master back then! Who else did he fight for the sake of his friends? From Oracion Seis, from Faust in Edolas, from Grimoire Heart and Acnologia! Gray won't go easy on people who hurt his friends, even if it's his life that's on the line. Because he knew deep down, even if they won't say it, he knew his friends would do the same for him. The bond of their family was just too damn strong.
He was prepared to give his life, because they were precious to him and he wouldn't want to be on the receiving end of any kind of sacrifices anymore.
Until one day, when he was about to surrender his life just what like Ur did before for him, Natsu, the flame-brain he always called, opened his eyes and told him that death wasn't an answer and it's just the same as running away your troubles and declaring yourself as a loser.
From that day on, he still did the usual—saving his friends from danger, but he also fought for his life, for himself. Because his life was more than valuable than any other treasures combined. He liked to live a life with his friends, his family, because they were the force that made him breathe day by day.
But he was also a stubborn guy. No matter what other people say, the final decision was for him to make.
Besides, it was Juvia. She was his friend. She was the one who loves him even though he acted like an ass most of the times. She was the one who found a way to warm his heart and made him smile, nervous, scared, baffled and happy, all at the same time.
She was Juvia and she was always there.
So maybe, it's his turn to be there for her again.
Sometimes he can be selfish for his own ambitions too.
Slight selfishness, severe selfishness—he had them all.
Sometimes, it's just as light as following Cana and Lucy during the S-Class exam to search for the path which would lead them to the graveyard of the first master of the guild. It was just his strategy to go to the next level. He wanted to be S-Class and he's going to be a S-Class. Was it bad to fulfill his desires to have a title like that? Because Gray sometimes, you have to think of yourself also. He thought it was just fair of him to do that for himself.
Sometimes his egoism was severe. It was like that time he decided to take Deliora down all by himself because he was too confident with his ice make skills back then. His ego was telling him to go and defeat that creation of Zeref.
Too consumed by hate and anger, he faced the monster, not thinking of any consequences and led him to face and escape death by a thread because his mentor went to save him. Ur died and it was his fault. It was his selfishness that made her give up her life. If not for him, she could have seen her daughter again. She'd be alive and she'd punch the hell out of him and scold him for doing things like that. He was a selfish bastard.
And over the years he felt guilty because Ur exchanged her life for his egocentric lust to seal away his darkness and he never told Lyon the truth on that fated day. It paved the way for the silver-haired man to chase his greedy dreams. All of those things were his fault.
Those moments when he was selfish were not the best memories of his life. He learned from his experiences and told himself to never be selfish again.
But of course, promises of those kinds were broken by will.
For one last time, he allowed himself to be selfish. This time, for the right reasons.
Gray wished he had at least a few more seconds to tell her what he wanted to say. He thought it was too important to tell her things in the middle of a war, too important to let their guard down for a while, too important to tell it was "nothing important" to say. Somehow, he can't find his voice anymore and the memory of the words Gray wanted—no needed to hear started to fade away.
Does it matter anymore when he's losing his consciousness right now?
Maybe Juvia knew what he wanted to say. Maybe she had taken the hint. Maybe his actions showed it already for him.
And as his mind drifted away to somewhere else and all the filled his ears where Juvia's high-pitched and shattering screams, Gray thought once again how he can be selfish or selfless on different situations.
Right now, he chose to be both.
He was selfless enough to take the hit for her, to be her personal hero, to be her savior.
Yet he was selfish enough to let her see him in morbid pain and to let her cry over him instead of him crying over her.
One last thought came to his mind as he was stubbornly fighting to keep his eyes open.
Maybe I could tell her my shit some another lifetime.
Hi. I'm anxiously waiting for chapter 335. How about you?
I couldn't post my fluffy one-shot not unless I take this angst outta my system.
Let's go buy ourselves ice cream because I think we're gonna need it. :D
-superduperizee