The Real Reasons
When I was 15 I won the Instant Star contest.
I had my best friends by my side.
I did the show for them.
And for my dad.
At 19, my dad had wanted a record deal but was turned down.
He wanted me to live his dream.
So I did.
When I was 15 , I fell in love, or so I thought.
Shay was my first boyfriend.
He was S to the -H-to the A-to the Y.
I was just that chick who sings that song about a guitar.
"The Big Shay is macking on me." I had laughed.
But soon, I took him up on an offer for a date.
We fell in love, or I thought we did.
But, he dumped me for... Eden.
I beat her in Instant Star but all around, people were thinking of Eden as a "diva" and I...
Was a "Poser."
But, by my 16th birthday party, I was becoming more known as "Jude Harrison."
I would rather be called the "Sexy Red Haired Guitar Godess."
But, I'll stick with Jude.
At 16, I lost "love" from Shay, which he stole and gave to Eden.
Heart broken and feeling alone, I when to the alley, seeking comfort from the rain drops falling from the sky.
I looked over quickly and saw that Tommy had followed me out here.
Feeling a blast of humiliation and bitterness I utter a, "Go ahead. Tell me I told you so."
"For what it's worth, Shay is a kid and an idiot."
"Yeah."
"And he maybe the wrong choice." Tommy finished.
"That's not much coming from you." I fight.
"What's that suppose to mean?" Tommy asked annoyed.
"I am so tired of falling for guys that don't fall back, it hurts."
"Jude, I-" Tommy started.
"Your so great your so nice but no you can't date me. So you wanna help me, Tommy? Tell me what I do wrong! Tell me why I'm so easy to give up and maybe I can fix it!" I screamed.
"You are asking the wrong guy!" Tommy answered and placed a forceful kiss on my lips.
I kissed him back but had no idea what was going on.
When we broke apart, I looked at him, shocked.
"You should go Jude." Tommy told me.
"Tommy, don't."
"I'll see you inside okay? Just go." Tommy commanded.
I left the comfort of the rain and went inside to face him.
Tommy told me to pretend it didn't happen...
But it did.
I wanted to believe it.
After sulking in heart break at home.
I ran to my sister.
We finally got close.
We had a great time and then Sadie went on a date and I went home alone.
"Jude.."
When I saw Tommy I rolled my eyes.
"Get in."
Tommy commanded.
"What part of I hate you right now are you not getting?" I continued to fight with Tommy.
I stormed inside and found my dad...
CHEATING.
I left my keys in the door and ran.
"I changed my mind!" I yelled after Tommy.
"Take me with you!" I yelled.
"Okay, Jude, okay." Tommy said and sped off.
My dad was a liar.
Just like Tommy and Shay.
My dad came to the studio.
I was upset as I had ever been and couldn't nail "Your Eyes." a.k.a Shay's song.
"You left these at the house." My dad said holding up my keys.
I stood there with my arms crossed.
"You rememeber what happened when I tought you how to ride a bike?" Dad asked.
I didn't look at him.
"All the other kids had training wheels but I swore you were ready. You were so scared." Dad told me.
"But I promised you I wouldn't let you go- but I did."
I nodded.
"And you fell. You broke your wrist. I kept that cast as a reminder that I can hurt you even if it is the last thing I wanted to do."
"Yeah dad. But that time was an accident and this wasn't." I spoke for the first time.
I played the show and two other guys thought "Skin" was for them.
Tommy, Shay. They thought they inspired that song.
It was my dad.
He left that night, my parents were divorced but, that helped me gain trust in my dad again.
When I was 16, I lost my record contract.
Then I got it back.
But, it wasn't the way I wanted it.
I felt like a "Stupid Girl."
I had to sing his material.
Not mine.
It was stupid.
But, I did a demo.
It changed everything.
I had it back, I could write again.
And then, Speid came along.
I really loved the kid, as a brother.
But, he was a way out.
Kat had left and Jamie wasn;t there.
I needed that kid.
Sadie had Tommy.
Who did I have?
Him.
I would dance around my feeling with Tommy for now.