You all asked for it. Twenty of you voted for it in the poll. One sad, lonely soul voted no. Well, in the sheer disappointment of that sad, sad person, I present to you, drumroll please... A NOT-SO-NORMAL WEEK 4!
Please attempt to read the chapter before you die of excitement and happiness.
BLUESABER3 IS BACK, AND IN FULL FORCE!
Disclaimer: I do not own Star Wars! :)
Additional credit: A couple of the ideas in this chapter were given to me from other sources, including Liv (my wonderful bff/sister) and some old reviewer ideas I dug up from the archive. Thank you all!
So now, without further ado, I present to you once again, A Not-So-Normal Week 4!
A Not-So-Normal Week 4
Chapter 1: They're Back
"Ahsoka. Wake up."
No reply from the sleeping Padawan.
"Ahsokaaaaaaaa."
Still nothing.
"AHSOKA MATILDA TANO, GET OUT OF BED THIS INSTANCE!"
Next thing he knew, there was a pillow flying at top speed straight into his face. "My middle name is NOT Matilda!"
Ahsoka looked to her crazy master, who was flat on his back on the floor with the pillow on top of his face.
"Muhrnin' Snips," Anakin mumbled from under the pillow.
This wasn't actually the typical morning, as usually it was Anakin who slept until he was practically dragged out of bed by one person or another. One time he just fell off the bed and woke himself up.
"Master, just because you're up before me for once doesn't mean you can come and shout in my face," Ahsoka said to him as she slid off the bed. She took the pillow in her hands and smacked him with it again, then proceeded to leave the room.
Anakin tossed the pillow aside and went back to the kitchen, where he was attempting to prepare breakfast.
Ahsoka leaned her elbows on the kitchen counter as she watched him. "Have you decided to cook something other than unicorn pancakes and frozen tater tots?"
"For the record," Anakin remarked, stirring something in a pan on the stove, "frozen tater tots are the best invention since sliced bread, and that's not even counting all the things you can do with the sliced bread." His face broke into a grin.
A slight groan escaped Ahsoka's lips. "Sandwiches again?"
"Why yes, but at the moment, I'm making snail gumbo!" Anakin smiled wider and added something labeled 'powdered jellyfish' into his pan.
"Say what?" Ahsoka peered into the pan. "Snail gumbo?" She leaned back at the smell and put her hands on her hips. "Have you been reading weird internet articles again?"
"Every day!" Anakin added the snails.
Ahsoka's eye twitched. "Are you supposed to add them with the shells on…?"
"Well duh," Anakin replied. "The recipe only said 'one pound snails, shells taken off'. So that means I add five pounds with the shell on. See, I don't believe everything I hear on the internet!"
Ahsoka face palmed, and went to the cupboard to get something else for breakfast.
Ever since Obi-Wan and Satine's wedding, things haven't changed much. After the honeymoon, Obi-Wan helped Satine move a lot of her stuff into his quarters in the Jedi Temple, and the two of them now live together.
Mace and Aayla's "date" didn't last long that wedding night. After Mace ordered a corndog for dinner and Aayla accused him of being "one of them," she smacked him in the face with an indoor tree and walked away.
As for Ahsoka and Bob, well, they haven't seen each other much outside of training sessions lately. He still has a love for her in his heart, but he tries his hardest to honor her word that it would "not work between them." And by that I mean he sends her text messages only every three days, and gives her flowers during the group Padawan training sessions Yoda had recently planned.
Cad Bane has fallen in love with a lovely woman named Sue. He met her at an intergalactic bank. It happened somewhere along the lines of this…
Cad Bane walked up to the bank counter. "I'm here to rob your money."
Sue was at the counter and looked at him. "SECURITY!"
Then Bane got hearts in his eyes and passed out.
That's how it happened.
Anyway, where was I… oh right. Kit has started a school for intelligent zoo animals, and now owns three giraffes, five sea cucumbers, a handful of colorful parrots, an inchworm, sixty-five butterflies, a couple cats, a hippo, and a rock, along with his twenty-two monkeys- Jimmy, Rutha, Sebastian, Iggy, Ziggy, Fifi, Lulu, Jessie, Georgio, Pete, Harry, Freddie, Bobby, Ned, Arthur, Larry, Eddie, Walter, Quincy, Denny, Oliver, and Penny. He has a carnival every month on the second-to-last Wednesday, and plays talent show with his animals once a week.
Montana (Bob's cousin, for those of you who are too cruel to remember her) has moved into an apartment on Coruscant as close to the Jedi Temple as she can get, so she can spend more time with Bob, since he is practically her only family. After all, everyone else had deserted Montana quite a while back. What's that? I've never told you Montana's history? Well then.
Montanna was born about six years before Bob in a little town known as The South on a random planet so far out in the outer rim that it isn't even the outer rim. It's like, the outer, outer rim. Or, the way-far-out-there rim. Anyways, when she was eighteen she decided she liked puppies and moved very far away to a different planet and lived in a cave making sharpening rocks with her bare hands. No one ever kept touch with her, and when she finally decided to go and see how long she had been there, she found out that it had only been five minutes. So she went back home. That's when she found that everyone had decided to move away while she was gone, and only dust remained. But then they all came back and laughed because it had just been a prank.
Anywho, Montana moved back with her family and eventually decided to go visit Bob as we've already discussed, and now lives in the apartment by the Jedi Temple.
Barriss built a greenhouse on the balcony of her and Luminara's quarters and likes to farm her pretty little kiwi trees. Luminara hates kiwis but she tries just to not care.
Anakin and Ahsoka have been doing many random things as well. Anakin has mostly gotten over his unicorn obsession, (emphasis on MOSTLY.), and has moved onto sandwiches. He makes them every day for lunch and for snacks and unless Ahsoka begs him to make something else, he makes them for dinner too. Usually Ahsoka just gets herself something to eat and doesn't let him anywhere near it. One time, Ahsoka went to the grocery store and realized how much she loved pomegranate flavored yogurt. It went like this:
Ahsoka walks into the store and sees a sign for cereal. She walks by and finds pomegranate yogurt. She buys it and goes home. She eats it. She LOVES IT! Tada!
Ever since the attachment rule had been obliterated, Padme and Anakin have been switching off between staying at Padme's apartment and staying at Anakin and Ahsoka's quarters. Ahsoka usually came with Anakin when they stayed at Padme's place, and they all stayed up late and had hot chocolate and cookies while watching TV and playing "which commercial thinks I'm dumber" during commercial breaks. Anakin once saw a commercial for duct tape flavored toothpaste and insisted they buy some.
Yoda has started a club for people who like corndogs. So far he has three members: a fairy puppet, a can of cherry soda, and a rock.
Shaak Ti took a vacation to The Great Place with Lots of Beaches (and I know it's not really called that).
Rex buys a new video game every three days and often gets together with other clones and plays group games on the TV.
With that being said, back to Anakin and Ahsoka.
After finishing his big bowl of snail gumbo, shells and all, Anakin went to go poke Obi-Wan with a stick.
Ahsoka thought that sounded like fun and came with him.
Knock, knock, knock!
Obi-Wan opened the door and saw the two of them standing there.
"HI OBI DEAR!" Anakin shouted at the stop of his lungs, and then started laughing hysterically. He poked Obi-Wan's shoulder with the stick.
Obi-Wan just stared at him blankly, and closed the door.
"Wow," Ahsoka murmured. "THAT WAS AWESOME!"
"I know right? Hey let's go to a haunted house!" Anakin suggested.
"Alrighty!" Ahsoka replied.
The two of them went to the hanger and got in a random ship that they were given permission to borrow. At least that's what Anakin said.
But right as they were about to leave, Kit ran over to them being followed by his entire entourage of animals. "Hey, wait for me! I wanna come to wherever you're going!"
"We're going to a haunted house!" Anakin said with a grin.
"Ohhhh I hate haunted houses, they remind me too much of my grandma's house," said Kit. "I'll stay here."
"Ok!"
Anakin and Ahsoka flew away and eventually came to a tiny little house that was painted purple and pink and had bunnies in the yard.
"This is a haunted house?" Ahsoka asked.
"The scariest of them all," Anakin said shakily as he crept up to the house. One of the bunnies hopped over to him. "AAAHHH!" he screamed.
"Master, it's a bunny."
"Oh. I knew that." Anakin went inside the tiny house.
Ahsoka followed him.
As soon as they entered, they noticed that the house was much bigger on the inside. All the rooms were completely dark, and they could hear scary music playing in the background.
The two of them walked further into the first room, and the music grew spookier. Then, all of a sudden, they saw a creepy man standing there in the dark, staring at them!
"AAAAHHHH!" Anakin screamed at the top of his lungs and hid behind Ahsoka.
Ahsoka stared at the guy, too frightened to move.
The scary man took one step closer, and then all the lights went on, and they saw that the spooky man was actually just a janitor with a broom, holding a music player that was playing scary music.
"AAAAAAHHHH IT'S A JANITOR!" Anakin wailed. He ran into the closet and crashed into a ladder. The ladder toppled over and knocked into a shelf which sent four cans of glow in the dark paint on top of him. He fainted from shock.
Ahsoka stared at him, too shocked to move. After overcoming the shock, she ran over to him. "Master, are you alright?"
Anakin didn't move.
The janitor walked over. "Duuuude. What are you two doing in Jim's house?"
"Anakin said it was a haunted house," Ahsoka replied, rolling her eyes at the stupidity of the idea.
The light flickered a little. "Oh, but it is," the janitor replied. This house is haunted by ghost bananas." The light flickered again, and Ahsoka watched as the janitor kept flicking the switch on and off like an idiot trying to scare people.
"Uh, yeah. Whatever," she replied. She tried to revive Anakin from his unconscious state, but had no success.
"I can show you around while you're waiting for your friend to wake up, if you'd like," said the janitor. "They say the ghost bananas only show up when you're wearing pink."
Ahsoka looked down at the clothes she had decided to wear today. Blue and green shirt, green skirt, blue shoes, and a bracelet. "I'm not wearing pink, dude."
"That's ok, 'cause I am!" The janitor pointed to the tiny, tiny, tiny little pink words embroidered on his jacket that said 'janitor.'
"Uh… ok…"
"Let's go!" The janitor started walking down the hallway.
Ahsoka took one last look at Anakin and decided to follow the janitor.
The janitor showed her many nice things in the house, including the kangaroo room, the backyard which was indoors, an indoor-outdoor space port, and a bathtub. But after looking around for several hours, there was no sign of any "ghost bananas."
"Mr. janitor, sir, I don't think there really are any ghost bananas," said Ahsoka as they walked towards the kitchen for the third time.
"But there are! I've seen them," the janitor insisted.
They walked into the kitchen, and Ahsoka gasped at the sight. There were banana peels all over the floor, and they were glowing. "Ghost… bananas…" she whispered.
Then suddenly, a glowing figure approached them, eating one of the bananas!
Ahsoka and the janitor both screamed as loud as they possibly could. The janitor fainted.
The glowing figure just dropped the banana and screamed back.
Ahsoka recognized that scream… "Anakin?"
The figure turned on the lights in the kitchen, and it was indeed Anakin, covered in the glow in the dark paint. "SNIPPIES! YOU'RE ALIVE!" He hugged Ahsoka tightly and got paint on her too. "I thought you just like DISAPPEARED because I woke up and you were just GONE and I only cried for about five minutes but then I decided to look for you but all I found was a really nice bottle of glue but then I came to the kitchen and ate all the bananas and then you showed up with the- CREEPY JANITOR AAAHHH I HATE JANITORS LET'S GET OUT OF HERE NOW!" He ran out of the room, out of the house, back to the ship, and flew away without Ahsoka.
Ahsoka just stared at the door, wondering what in the galaxy just happened.
…
"TOUR GROUP TIME!" Kit shouted into a microphone. He was currently standing on the podium in the auditorium, surrounded by all his animals, and in the audience was a crowd of over five hundred people who had traveled the galaxy to come on one of Kit's tours. "TODAY, WE WILL BE OBSERVING MANY SPECTACULAR THINGS LIKE ROCKS AND POND SCUM, AS WELL AS COUNTLESS ORGANISMS AND THINGIES! IT'S GONNA ROCK!" He set down the microphone and the crowd erupted in deafening applause, cheering and screaming.
Kit began to walk out of the room and went outside. He climbed up into the driver's seat of the double-decker bus which was attached to five other busses behind it, as well as fifteen cages for all his animals.
People crowded out the door in a huge mob, fighting each other over who got to sit on the first bus where Kit actually was. After thirty minutes of figuring it out, everyone was on board, including the animals.
"Alright, everyone ready?" Kit said through his microphone. The microphone he used went to speakers at all points of each bus, and there were even headphones that would translate what he said into any other language, including Pig Latin.
He entered the hanger with the giant bus-train, and spotted Anakin who was returning from the haunted house. He was still screaming about creepy janitors.
"And there, my wonderful friends, is the Dorkius Ani-kinous. The Dorkius Ani-kinous is an omnivore, and will eat anything you put in front of him. If you ever come across one of these horrific creatures, do not let him anywhere near your refrigerator. Or your pets, or your kids."
Anakin looked up at the giant bus. "AAAAAAHHHH! GIANT FREAKY BUS WITH KIT DRIVING IT! BILLIONS OF PEOPLE! SEA CUCUMBERS!" He passed out right there in the hanger.
"Don't let his outward appearance and foolish tactics trick you, he is a deadly killer." Kit drove away into a large hallway of the Jedi Temple which had been installed because Mace likes to drive semi trucks through the Temple on Saturdays for fun.
Obi-Wan saw the giant bus coming and set out a cardboard rancor for him to run over.
Kit ran over the rancor. "To your left is the Obeyone Kanobe. His daily activities include watching romantic comedies, playing with fire, and eating popsicles. No one knows where this strange creature has originated from, but if we knew, we'd be sure to release him back into his natural habitat."
Obi-Wan waved to them. Kit, along with all the people and the intelligent animals, waved back.
Obi-Wan then noticed that Kit had giraffes. "I want a giraffe!" he shouted to Kit.
Kit couldn't hear him. "Shh, everyone quiet down. The Obeyone Kanobe is attempting to make contact."
Obi-Wan shouted again.
"I am going out into the wild to try and communicate with the creature. Stand by." Kit exited the bus and walked over to Obi-Wan. "What is it you said?"
"I want a giraffe," he repeated quietly and sadly.
"Ohhh. Well I've got three of them. You can have Sally if you want," Kit said to him.
Obi-Wan's eyes got big and sparkly. "I CAN?"
"Sure." Kit went into the back and got Sally from the animal cage. "Say your goodbyes, sweet Sally!"
Sally made whatever kind of noise a giraffe makes and walked out of the cage.
"Here ya go, Obi-Wan." Kit gave him the giraffe.
"FINALLY! MY VERY OWN GIRAFFE!" Obi-Wan screamed at the top of his lungs. He hugged Sally and dragged her away to his quarters.
Kit brushed off his hands, knowing he resolved that matter well, and went back into his bus.
…
"CORNDOG LOVERS OF GALAXY, UNITE WE DO!" Yoda screamed. He waited for his other club members to say something too, but they didn't. He sat back down and pouted.
…
Sidious walked up to a hair salon. It had been AGES since he did anything to his hair, which was white and falling out. "I need a new hairdo. The Republic will definitely be terrified of me then."
So he sat down and read a magazine about home improvement while he waited.
"Mesa bein' ready to help yousa now!" a voice said.
Sidious looked up and saw none other than Jar Jar Binks standing in front of him with scissors and a spray bottle of water. "YOU are the hair dresser? You can't even talk right, why in the GALAXY would I let you touch my precious hair?"
"Becuz mesa been trained for dis-sa workin'!" Jar Jar replied. "Mesa fail all da tests, but theysa let me workin' here anyway!"
Sidious decided that even if more harm than good could come out of this, that kind of was what he was going for anyway, so he sat in the chair and let Jar Jar drape the protective thingy around his neck. It was pink and had bubbles on it.
"Now, whatsa are wesa doin' here todaysa? Just a muoi muoi trim, or sum'thin biggah?" Jar Jar asked.
"Anything is fine as long as it will terrify the republic scum!" Sidious exclaimed.
"Okiedai!" Jar Jar dumped jars of hair dye on his head and clumsily chopped away with the scissors. He then put Sidious under one of those weird looking dryer things with the giant upside-down bowl on top.
An elderly woman sitting next to him looked at him and smiled sweetly.
"What are you looking at, lady?" Sidious snapped.
"Humph!" The woman looked back at her magazine.
Sidious sat there boredly for what felt like days. "Am I done in this stupid chair or what! I've got people to destroy!"
Jar Jar removed the top and took off the metallic thingies he had put in Sidious's hair. "Yousa bein' in a muoi muoi bombad mood today, do yousa be needin' a hug?" He hugged Sidious.
Sidious then realized- his life's purpose wasn't to make people miserable, it was to make people happy! He looked at his hair in the mirror. It was all poofy and was green and pink. "I… LOVE IT!" he exclaimed, and hugged Jar Jar again. "Thank you freaky tall frog man!" He paid Jar Jar extra for the hair cut and put on a top hat over his hair.
He walked over to the woman who had smiled at him earlier. "I apologize for my exceedingly rude comment, ma'am. Your hair looks absolutely stunning, by the way." He tipped his hat.
The woman's heart melted and she fainted.
Sidious then walked away cheerfully. He bought an ice cream cone (grape flavored, of course,) and skipped along.
…
After walking across town, Ahsoka finally reached the Jedi Temple again and decided to go see what Obi-Wan was doing.
Obi-Wan was in his quarters, petting his giraffe and going on and on to Satine about how much he's always wanted a giraffe. "Ahsoka! Look at my cutie little giraffe isn't she wonderful!"
"Whoa, a giraffe? Don't they like, eat jelly or something?" Ahsoka asked.
"I dunno! Let's find out!" Obi-Wan got some peach jam from the refrigerator.
"Obi-Wan, that's jam. I said jelly," Ahsoka told him.
"Oh. Aren't they the same thing?"
"No! Go fix it!"
"Ok, ok!" Obi-Wan got some strawberry jelly and gave it to the giraffe. The giraffe ate it and started dancing. "Yippee! Let's all dance with Sally!"
So they all danced with the giraffe.
…
Later, Anakin came home and found Ahsoka frantically typing away on the computer. "Hi Ahsoka! What'cha doing?"
"I'm on this AWESOME new website I just found! It's called HeadNovel!" Ahsoka exclaimed excitedly, and proceeded to post a ridiculous picture of herself on her HeadNovel page.
"What the… You said 'HeadNovel'?" Anakin said confusedly.
"YES. HEADNOVEL. IT'S TOTALLY AWESOME." Ahsoka continued typing and posted her HeadNovel status as: "HELLO WONDERFUL GALAXY!"
Anakin just stood there and watched, wondering what on earth would come of this…
I very much hope you enjoyed the very first chapter of A Not-So-Normal Week 4! Review, stay tuned, leave an idea, and don't die of excitement! :D