Grow Tall, Sugarcane
A/N: Again, posted ages ago, in honor of jellytea's b-day. 'Cause she's awesome.
Carlos loves James.
It shouldn't really be a surprise. James is gorgeous. James is funny. James is awesome in bed.
Probably. Carlos doesn't exactly have any firsthand experience in that area, because James has no idea that Carlos feels any which way about him.
Not for lack of trying. Carlos has used every weapon in his arsenal to try to grab James's attention. Only, see, Carlos has had James's attention since they built a supertastic fortress in James's backyard when they were five. There hasn't been a single day they've spent apart since then. And when you spend that much time with a person?
Well. Carlos's tactics aren't having much of an impact. Every time he directly hits on James, James acts blissfully oblivious to it.
Maybe James is just really, really dense…or maybe it's Carlos. He doesn't exactly have a lot of experience with love. He's not sure his pick up lines actually even count as pick up lines.
Like his latest attempt:
They're at the studio, being yelled at for the umpteenth time. It all started when Kendall lobbied for a half day. It's gorgeous out, and there's nothing any of them want more than to lounge by the Palm Woods pool and soak it all in. But Gustavo is having none of it. He's been ranting for close to half an hour. It's verging on brain-numbingly boring.
"You think that you have it hard? You boys don't understand what it is I do all day." Gustavo launches into a detailed explanation of what goes into producing records when they're lazing around in the sound booth, singing until their throats go raw.
None of them are particularly impressed with this explanation.
Especially not Kendall.
"Whelp, now we know. You sit in an office and, uh, write things. This has all been very educational."
"That is not all I do."
"Sometimes he draws stick figures having sex with each other," Kelly says in an undertone, and Carlos snickers.
"Seriously, thanks, Gustavo. This has been incredibly enlightening-"
"Kendall-"
"- but we've got places to be, people to-" he cut off with an abrupt grunt when Logan practically body checks him, "-I mean things to do, and you know, stuff."
Kendall begins backing out of Gustavo's office, making frantic hand signals for the rest of them to follow. In the midst of the melee, Carlos turns to James and says, "Hey, um. You wanna go grab lunch?"
Which he thinks sounds way better than Hey, bro, let's hit up the corndog stand. This invite reeks of romance!
James blinks, and for a second Carlos is caught; hypnotized by the fan of his pretty eyelashes and the way his shiny hair catches the light. Then James says, "Nah. Not hungry."
So that fails, epically.
Carlos is never going to even get to first base at this rate.
It's not that he's desperate. But. He kind of is. He's seventeen years old, and the only practice he's even had with kissing involves the back of his hand and Lightning the TV Wonder Dog getting a little overeager with the licking. He'd really appreciate some lip action, if not the great, wide, somewhat scary world that is more. But Carlos doesn't just want to hook up with some girl. He wants James; gorgeous, strong, sweet James, who he trusts more than anyone else ever.
If only James would just realize it already.
When they get home, instead of going straight to the pool with James or straight to…somewhere, with Kendall and Logan, Carlos hides out in the room he shares with James. He's not ready to face anyone in the harsh light of such failure. None of his friends are exactly…sensitive.
Carlos slumps back onto James's bed, breathing in the scent of him; spicy-sweet, intoxicating.
"Why do you hate me?" Carlos asks the heavens, "Why, why, why?"
He's sick of this. He is so, so sick and tired of being James's invisible best friend, of being the guy that beautiful, dazzling, brilliant James Diamond doesn't even consider being attracted to, and he's-
Talking to the ceiling, is what he's doing. This cannot be allowed to go on.
Carlos has learned from Logan that a good way to get what you want in life is to project your goal out into the universe.
And be organized about it. Logan likes to make graphs and flow charts and occasionally Excel spreadsheets, just to really get the universe's attention. Carlos is entirely too lazy for all that, but he does grab a notepad and one of Katie's rainbow highlighters. Then he begins to make a list.
Lists are official looking. Everyone likes a good list.
Carlos creates a very professional header in bubble letters that he dubs Things James Likes. It takes him five full minutes to think that one up, but he's pretty proud of it.
Item Number One.
James likes girls- wait. Carlos scowls and crosses that one off the list.
Item Number One And One Half.
James likes pie.
Carlos can totally make a pie. He's not very good with cookies, but cookies have all those ingredients. Pies are just like, fruit and crust. How hard can it be?
Pleased, Carlos jumps to his feet.
Pie is obviously the solution here. He will bake the most delicious pie in the history of the universe, and serve it up to James with a big smile and a really emotional confession (that Carlos will think up once the pie is complete). James will fall head over heels into bed- er. Into love. With him.
And hopefully into bed after that.
Carlos really is super sick of being the only virgin in the apartment, okay?
It's a great plan, except pie doesn't go so well. Apparently more goes into baking than fresh fruit and crust. Carlos ends up scrapping the project after he burns his fourth attempt into something resembling charcoal. He opts for making fish sticks instead, which he chews while he pores over his list.
Item Number Two. Hmmm.
"What are you doing?" James demands, plopping down on the couch and grabbing a fish stick.
Carlos is torn between making a play for his food or covering the list. The list wins out. Barely. "It's a secret."
James cocks an eyebrow. "Can I see?"
"That would defeat the purpose of it being a secret," Carlos splutters. James is all up in his space, looking good, smelling good, and smiling. It's super distracting.
"Oh." James grabs another fish stick. Then he shrugs, ruffles Carlos's hair with his fishy hands, and goes to fix his hair.
He's so dreamy. Carlos sighs and rolls his eyes.
James has a lot of down sides. He's shallow, inconsiderate, and more often than not he thinks the world revolves around himself. He has all the common sense of a small child, and sometimes, he can be really, really demanding. He's got a lot of flaws.
So what? James makes Carlos smile. He makes him feel like anything's possible, whenever he's close. Isn't that kind of happiness the entire point of being in love?
Carlos tries to think of other things that James likes.
Item Number Two.
James likes shopping.
Carlos likes shoe shopping. They could totally go out together and…shop. Carlos's forehead furrows. He wonders if it would be really gay of him to ask James out on a shopping date. Then he realizes that, okay, wanting to date James is pretty gay in the first place. Carlos shoves the rest of the fish sticks in his mouth and runs down the hall to ask James if he wants to hit up a shoe store.
Since James likes spending money and having comfortable feet, James deigns to agree. The look he gives Carlos right then is pure happiness; brilliant and beautiful.
But shoe shopping ends up being a major failure.
The salesgirl, a perky redhead with a really low cut shirt like, throws herself at James. She's all helpful and nice and normally Carlos would think it was awesome making such a sweet new friend.
Actually, he does, at first. He has all these ideas about inviting her on his next shopping expedition for the perfect Italian leather dress shoe. James has got an arm wrapped around Carlos's shoulder, and everything's right with the world.
Then she slips James her phone number, pressing her cleavage up against his arm. James barely bats an eyelash, because James gets a new girl's number like, every other day. He graciously accepts it, punching it into his phone.
Meanwhile Carlos is suddenly feeling violent. He wants to kick over a display of loafers in a vindictive rage, but at the last second he stops himself. What if he makes a mess for someone other than the slutty salesgirl? That wouldn't' be very nice.
Still. He sulks the entire way home while James chats his ear off about the new kind of holding Mousse Fekkai just released. Like Carlos even cares.
Okay, he does care. He cares about everything James cares about, just by virtue of it having to do with James.
Carlos has got it bad.
The second he gets home, he burrows beneath the covers of his bed and is back to work on the list. There, in a cocoon of darkness that makes the late afternoon light feel fairytale and faraway, Carlos jots down Item Number Three.
James likes bandanas.
…but Kendall might actually kill Carlos if he enables James's rampant, fervent delusion that he's a superhero. Carlos crosses that one off the list.
Onto Item Number Three Point Five.
James likes video games.
Carlos frowns. He's already pounded James's ass at every game ever and been pounded in return.
Unfortunately, there was no real life ass-pounding. Video games aren't as analogous to foreplay as all those geeky indie movies would lead a person to believe.
Carlos crosses video games out and writes down Item Number Three Point…Eight.
James like the park.
Well.
It's a Hail Mary pass and Carlos knows it, but he's running out of ideas. He throws back the covers, basking in the sudden glow of sunlight filtering into the room for a beat. Then he runs out into the hall.
"James? James! James?" James is nowhere to be found. He must be down at the pool.
Or maybe he's calling that superskank from the shoe store. Carlos swallows something slimy that's crawling up the back of his throat.
He makes it poolside in record time and finds James deep in conversation with Guitar Dude. There's no hint of his phone or redheaded shoe salesgirls anywhere. Appeased, Carlos asks James to join him in a game of ultimate flying disk.
Once that Frisbee is flying through the air, though, Carlos realizes that this feels a lot like what they usually do. It's a good opportunity to see James all sweaty and panting, a hard, competitive edge in his eyes, but. It's not exactly romantic, is it?
The second James loses the upper hand he tackles Carlos to the ground and tickles him until he begs for mercy. Carlos is left breathless; laughter caught in his lungs like a physical thing that he nearly chokes on. But James doesn't look like he's considering doing something brash because of it, like say, kissing his best friend.
Damn.
Afterwards, Carlos is forced to head back to the apartment, defeated once more.
He settles down in front of his list, disheartened by all the tiny black scribbles x-ing out his great ideas. Clutching his pen tight, he writes Item Number Four.
James likes singing.
This is actually a good idea. Carlos thinks about writing him a song.
But.
Um.
There are a lot of words involved in songs.
Also, he'd have to learn how to play an instrument.
Carlos tries to recruit Kelly into helping him with that the next morning, at the studio, but when he tells her it's to impress James she pinches his cheek and just says aw a lot.
Carlos isn't sure how to tell her that he's not actually a puppy. Although the scratches behind the ear and the pets on the head do feel nice.
After a grueling day of formulating half hearted song lyrics that really are just plagiarized old Boys II Men songs, Carlos gives up. He sits down in front of his list and is just about to write down Item Number Five when he realizes that Logan is full of shit.
Lists aren't helping anything.
Carlos is a man. He can do manly things. Like ask his best friend out on a date.
There's a thud near his elbow. Carlos has been so absorbed in the dumb list that he didn't notice James enter the room.
"Carlos?" James smiles his stunning smile and angles his body down, trying to sneak a peek at the paper, sitting neglected on Carlos's desk. Carlos covers it with his hand.
"What?"
"Do you wanna watch a movie?"
"I'm busy now," Carlos says automatically.
"Oh." James's lips press together, but then he shrugs. His smile turns sunny again and he says, "I'll just ask Kendall."
Carlos frowns. He's not busy. Why did he just say that? James was asking him to watch a movie; not Kendall or Logan.
Carlos.
He's been so obsessed with getting James to like him that he just missed a golden opportunity to actually spend time with James.
"Wait," Carlos calls out. James pauses near the doorframe. "You should ask out that girl we met yesterday. At the shoe store?"
Carlos hates himself right now. This was not the plan! But. James should be happy. And if Carlos isn't the one that makes him happy…
"Can't."
"What do you mean, you can't?"
"I didn't take her number." James takes out his phone and shows Carlos his phone book, scrolling down to where the girl's name should be.
"What? But I saw-"
"I didn't want to hurt her feelings, man." James shrugs.
"You not calling her will probably hurt her feelings."
"Yeah, but." James bites his lip. "At least I won't have to watch."
Carlos snorts. "Wimp."
James hates disappointing women. It probably has something to do with his mommy complex.
Mrs. Diamond is terrifying when she's disappointed.
"Whatever. I know I'm a stud, but she'll get over it." James puts his hands on his hips, all haughty-like. "Why do you even care? You've been acting weird all day. All week, actually. What's going on?"
Quickly, Carlos says, "Nothing."
"Carlos." James steeples his fingers together, like he's trying to lord his dating wisdom over Carlos's head.
"I don't know. I'm really bad at this." Carlos groans. He flops back on James's bed, crossing his arms over his eyes.
"Bad at what?" He hears James walk towards him, his feet whispering against the thin carpet. When he looks up, all six feet something of James is looming over head. He's what Carlos's mom calls a strapping young man.
She never calls Carlos that. Probably because Carlos still hasn't broken average when it comes to his height.
But still. Now he sees it; James is huge and when he settles down on the bed next to Carlos, it's hard to ignore the weight of him; his presence and his shadow falling across Carlos's body.
"Bad at what?" James prompts again.
Carlos groans. This is going to be humiliating. He peeks over his forearm and mutters, "Seducing you."
James doesn't say anything, his eyes flashing hot and dark. Carlos thinks maybe he's angry. Well, shit. "I'm sorry. I know you don't like me like that."
James blinks. Then he laughs, "Ha ha, very funny."
Carlos feels his heart sink. The idea of him liking James is actually hilarious. Alright then.
James is still snorting with laughter, but he falters at something he sees on Carlos's face, "Dude. Wait. You're serious?"
"Of course I am!"
"Carlos," James leans forward and settles his hands on Carlos's shoulders, and Carlos is acutely aware that he's basically pinning him down to the bed. "We're already dating."
That is not what Carlos expects. At all. His first instinct is to snort, "What? No we're not."
That's not the kind of thing that happens without you knowing. It just isn't.
"Yes. Yes we are. At least, I thought we were."
Incredulous, Carlos demands, "Since when?"
"Since you gave me a corndog at lunch that one time."
"That- was six months ago."
James shrugs and says a little fondly, "Yeah."
"I don't- what? How could you have thought that constituted a- we haven't even kissed! Didn't that seem a little weird to you?"
James shrugs again, "Dunno. Just thought you wanted to take it slow. Because you can be, you know. Slow."
"I am not! Take that back."
"Some would even say mentally deficient."
"Am not!" Carlos protests, his voice getting lost beneath the sound of James's laughter.
"If you're so desperate for a kiss," James leans in really, really close, "We could…y'know."
Carlos can feel James's breath tickle across his lips. All he has to do is lean in.
He doesn't.
Carlos shoves up off the bed, narrowly avoiding James's mouth. "You can kiss me. After we go on a real date. That you organize." He pauses. "Make it something romantic."
"Wai- but- where are you going?" James yelps, flustered, and oh, Carlos likes that. It's about time that James is the one on his toes.
"I'm going to go watch a movie with Kendall while you plan our date. Have fun!"
"Carlos! Hey!"
Carlos grins. Tonight, he's going to watch that movie with Kendall and let James sweat it out. But tomorrow, and the day after that, and the day after that; all of it will be filled with James.
His boyfriend.
He likes the sound of that.