Santana's pov.

The unfamiliar warmth her body radiated by my side was different from what I was used to. Even though I've been waking up to this peculiar being for... what? Two months now, everything was still so new and different. I peeled my eyes open to another day without her, and I resented every single second that passed. There was a shuffling by my side made by the warm body next to me, I faced the side it was coming from, and it almost surprised me that this girl beside me had green eyes and brown hair. I was half expecting a blonde and blue eyed chick beside me, with a silly grin plastered on her face, silently singing me a happy birthday, but no it was Ellie beside me, everything she wasn't. It was my birthday, you see it's hard now trying to remember such things that I could once remember with ease, though there is one date that I can still remember with ease. That was her birthday, now, I'll leave you to decide whether that's Ellie I'm talking about or... well you know. My birthday was more of a challenge to remember, let's face it, who wants to be reminded every year that you're getting older by the minute without your lover by your side?

"Happy Birthday!" I fought down a shiver and a scowl that was triggered by her unfamiliar voice. I forced a smile through gritted teeth.

"Thanks babe." If she was who I wanted her to be, I would've attacked her with a million sweet lady kisses right then and there, but she wasn't. So I just sunk into the mattress underneath us and waited until she made the move. Pretty soon she was straddling my hip, it felt different, almost wrong. Ellie couldn't read me, like, let's call her B, I had sort of made up a rule in my head not to mention her full name, even just in my head, to stop it hurting any more than necessary. She leaned down and hesitated a little before she pressed her lips into my own. I knew she didn't want to be by my side as much as I didn't want her to be by my side. She thinks I don't know, but when you spend the most of your childhood with an observant girl, just like B, you learn a trick or two. As soon as she pulled away, she got back onto her side of the bed, and jumped off the bed. I watched her every move as she crouched down and peered under our bed, there she took out 2 presents. She handed me the smallest one first, a book, I would presume. As I was about to open it she said

"I know how much you love auto-biographies!" She giggled a little; I gave her a jokey "urg." And rolled my eyes at her.

I tore the wrapping paper around the book carefully. Once I had all the wrapping paper off the book, I took a long look at the front cover. It read "A Dancers Regrets." It made my heart do a hundred loops as it reminded me of her. The background was all dark, and in the middle, there was a dancer wearing a light shade of pink. You couldn't quite see her face, she was doing a pirouette, I stared at her slight silhouette trying to make out the features of her face, but I couldn't see anything more than shapes that didn't make any sense. So I let my eyes wander down the book, it said "Brittany S. Pierce." I felt my head go all woozy, I wondered if I was dreaming. This wasn't real, this is some sick joke someone had played on me. And then I heard her voice, it sounded like it was coming from a distance...

"Santana? Santana?" Ellie. I looked up and met her eyes. "Are you alright? Come on, open the other present, I promise you'll like it."

She threw the box at me and I caught it. I tore off the wrapping paper and peered inside the box, they were shoes. High heels, they were beautiful, but I didn't care about the shoes, not as much as I would have if Ellie hadn't got me the book. I never told her about B; it almost felt wrong to speak of her, to someone "unworthy." Or maybe it just hurt to speak of her, in the past tense, like she was gone. She wasn't gone, or so I kept telling myself.

"I love it." I finally managed some words to escape from my mouth.

"Glad to hear so," She smiled, and then it quickly disappeared. "San... I'm really, really sorry but my friend, Jade, wants to meet with me and she's quite far away, and she won't let me skip this meeting, I'm afraid I'll be gone for the whole day I'm really sorry..."

She didn't even offer for me to come with her, but it was fine, I needed some alone time anyway. I didn't want to force out plastered smiles, at least I'll be able to relax. I decided to play along though, just for the fun of it, and also, I didn't want to hurt her feelings by saying it was totally fine.

"What?" I rolled my eyes, hate on my face. She gave me puppy dog eyes, that didn't work on me, but I played along with it. "Fine!" Then I leaned in and hugged her, genuinely. Then I whispered a silent thank you to her, for the book, and for the fact she was giving me space. Something I had wanted ever since we got together.

She got up and went to the shower. As soon as she was out of sight and I could hear the silent tapping of the water hitting the floor, I looked down at the book placed on my lap. I wasn't sure what to do; a million questions were planted into my brain. What was she doing making books? It kind of broke my heart even more, if that was even possible, that she was doing so well without me. Sure, I was happy for her. But it still hurt me. I wanted to pick up the book and read until I was crying so much at the words she wrote, but I couldn't move. Instead I found myself getting up to go down the stairs to prepare breakfast for me and Ellie. I wasn't sure if I was happy/anything remotely close to happy, or if I was just astounded or shocked. I cooked some omelettes, B's favourite. I didn't even realise what I was cooking and the connections it had to B, until I was nearly finished. I placed the omelettes on the plates and told Ellie that breakfast was ready.

Ellie was beautiful no doubt about that. I couldn't believe how she could have been so beautiful and look exactly nothing like B... My definition of beauty had always been B, and when I met Ellie, it surprised me that I could find her utterly beautiful. I loved Ellie, I did. But I wasn't in love with her. I couldn't force myself to let go of B, the grasp we had, it was too strong and I couldn't break it, no matter how much I tried.

Okay, go I want lots of thoughts and feedback.