Of course I was hurt the whole time. I just didn't say anything. When I walked the dark streets home that night, the silent tears fell from my face. They were progressively getting harder to control the longer I walked. I wrapped my thin coat around myself to try to simulate a hug. A hug that I would never be able to feel again. I found a park bench next to a blooming Cherry Blossom tree that was oddly illuminating in the moon light. I sat down and began to quietly sob holding myself tighter and tighter as my sobs grew larger and larger. Never again would I be able to kiss his soft pink lips, hear his intoxicating heart beat through his warm embrace. Never again would I be able to feel his calloused, yet soft hands run through my hair and down my arm too tightly and gingerly grasp my hand. Everything that I had worked so hard for over the past few years was completely shattered. There was an immense emptiness in my heart. My soul felt like it had been ripped in two. My sobs had quickened as my mind subconsciously ran through every moment that we shared. My breath hitched in my throat as my brain over went the events of earlier tonight. I felt like I was being choked, I couldn't breathe. How could he do this to me? How could he look me in the face, and tell me that he doesn't love me anymore. You can't just stop loving someone for no reason. But that's what he told me, that there wasn't a reason that he loved me anymore, he just didn't.
Right after he told me, he just stood up, his face void of any emotion, as always. His dark onyx eyes showing no remorse at all. And he walked out, just like that, leaving me with questions and no answers. Once the shock overcame me, I ran out as fast as I could after him, screaming his name with no answer. The streets were black and there was no one around. But that didn't stop me, I ran to his home and burst in, no one. I ran to his best friend's house, and he wasn't there. I ran to the gates, the only way out of this godforsaken place, and he wasn't there. There was nowhere else to run to. Nowhere else to go. He was gone, and I would never see him again. So I turned on my heel slowly, and that's when the tears started.
I wasn't able to control my emotions, I never was able to I guess. That was something he always told me to do. Keep my emotions in check. Even when we were young, before he left me alone the first time, the only advice he would give me was to "Stay out of my way" and "Keep your emotions in check." A slight chuckle escaped my lips as I thought about what he might say if he saw me like this. Crying on a bench over him, again. He would probably scoff and call me pathetic or annoying. A shiver ran through my body at the memory of his voice.
I was under the impression that when he came back when we were 17 that he was here to stay permanently. That he would never leave again. Sure, I had doubts about him staying, but all of that disappeared after his 5th year back, all doubts were pushed aside. He had re-entered everything so nonchalantly. If was as if he never left. And now after 8 years back, and 2 years dating, he left, as if he never came back. As if he never rebuilt the relationships he had, as if he were no longer teaching at the Academy. As if we never shared so many intimate moments, especially our first.
It was a windless and cloudless summer night. The Milky Way Galaxy was completely visible from the roof of his flat. The stillness of the air sent peaceful vibrations through my heart. I looked to my left to see his beautiful dark eyes staring intensely into my green orbs. Moments that felt like hours passed. Nothing was said. Suddenly a cool breeze came, carrying the smell of the pine trees and campfires with it. My body shivered as the July midnight breeze hit my skin, revealing a set of goose bumps across my tan skin. The hair on my arms lifted. I closed my eyes at the sudden warm contact I felt around me.
I opened my eyes to the view of a light blue shirt that smelled of fresh rain and flowers. My body relaxed into his warm embrace, taking in all of my surroundings. His large arms wrapped tightly around my torso and shoulders, his light blue shirt tight against his skin, the smell of sweat, fresh rain, and flowers embraced me.
Even with the little light that the half-moon gave off, when I looked up I saw each and every detail in his face. His slight dimple on his right cheek, the small scar placed right above his eyebrow, the crinkle his chin makes when he smiles, and the wrinkles in his forehead when his eyebrows scrunch together, the way his jaw locks when he straightens his neck. The peaceful look that overcomes his face when he closes his eyes and brings his head to my shoulder. I lay there in his arms for what seemed like an eternity. But it was an eternity that I didn't mind having.
Laying there in his arms I felt whole, like nothing could ever go wrong in the world again. When we finally separated, I was brought back to reality. I took a deep breath and looked up. We locked eyes and I felt a strong desire come over me. My breath hitched in my throat. His face slowly started to approach mine.
When our lips finally touched I felt a jolt of electricity run through my body. My body felt like it was on fire, the cool concrete relaxed me. His arms loosened, one went to my waist and the other behind my head. I placed my hands behind his head and ran my fingers through his thick raven hair, my fingers ran through it like it was pure silk. The kiss started slow and powerful. While we battled for dominance the kiss deepened. His embrace tightened quickly, and I felt his strong arms lift me up. Passion and curiosity got a hold of me. After what seemed like hours of pure bliss, we broke apart. I looked into his orbs, his pupils dilated, full of lust and want. We were both panting heavily, our faces flushed.
"We should get off the roof." His barely audible, honey like voice called. I just nodded my head in agreement, unable to talk.
I slightly smiled and blushed, hopped off the car and went into his flat. I had my hand on the door handle, when I felt a warmness engulf it. I looked over to see his hand resting firmly on mine. A sly smile plastered its way onto his face. His hand gripped my tighter, and then let loose. I was at peace, a wave of happiness that I had never felt before swallowed my entire being.
We reached the door and he locked the wooden gate. He grabbed my hand and led me inside, the excitement and adrenaline putting a smile on my face. He led me to his room. When the light turned on I was surrounded by beautiful navy blue walls on all sides.
A folded up flag was propped on his dresser, an almost black comforter on the bed, and a spotless floor. We sat there awkwardly for a few minutes until he grabbed me a pulled me to him with an animalistic nature. Our lips pressed firmly together, no sound entered the house apart from out panting and lips moving smoothly against each other.
Our hands began to explore each other's clothed bodies. Fingers looking to grasp something, anything. A slight gasp escaped my lips when I felt his teeth nibble on my bottom lip. We broke away for air. When I looked back up his abs were visible, his blue shirt on the floor. As he reached over for me again, I had a complete view of his biceps twitch with each movement of his arms. His hands latched around my face as my arms hooked themselves around his neck.
We broke apart for air. I looked up into his eyes, now a blue hue surrounding his iris. A small smile found its way onto his flushed face. He silently breathed my name, sending shivers down my spine to my toes. A breathy smile found its way onto my face. My eyes closed I leaned into his chest for a warm embrace. His arms wrapped gently around my bare back, his face pressed into my hair, taking in the smell of my shampoo and conditioner. My face pressed to his chest, taking in his smooth skin, and his musky scent. All was quiet, the only sound I heard was that of his steady heartbeat. He lifted me up and lay me down on his bed. He started to kiss his way down from my neck, to my chest. Goosebumps made my skin feel erect and tight. His warm mouth made its way down my stomach. He paused at my shorts, unbuttoning them. As he shimmied them down my legs, his butterfly kisses made their way back to my mouth. The kiss long and full of passion. Our hands exploring, only to end up in each other. Our bodies shuddered, a thin sheet of sweat made our skin sticky and hot. With every movement our hands gave little squeezes. When the final squeeze came, nothing could be heard but our heavy breathing, and a dogs faint barks in the background. His head landed in the crook of my neck, his breath hot against my skin. When our breath had retuned to normal, he held me tightly in his arms, repeating words I couldn't understand. Large smiles over came both of our faces. For the first time in our relationship I was content.
The memory brought more tears to my eyes because I knew that we would never again be able to share such a perfect moment again. He was gone, and there was no way to get him back. Unlike last time he left, I have not the slightest clue as to where he could have gone.
All of my crying had made me feel like I had been knocked out. I curled up on the bench, if you had compared pictures of the night when he first left and this night, the only differences in the photos would be my hair and outfit. Instead of wearing my normal outfit, my body was covered in a dark red dress that cascaded over my body. My hair was now to my mid-back, and in this moment, it's soft curls lay over my face and shoulders. After about an hour of sleeping I was slightly awakened when I was lifted up by a strong and warm pair of arms.
"Tsk. Annoying. Like always."