Guardian Angel

By: MissLunaMoonheart

South Park Fanfiction: I do not own South Park….Matt and Trey do.

Based on a true story.

Couple: Stenny (StanXKenny)

(Don't like shonen ai? Homophobic? Then please don't read it.)

(Stan's P.o.V.)

I was too late.

"Hey Stan do you wanna hangout after school?"

Seven months have past in the blink of an eye and I have never visited you.

"Dude I'm telling you she's totally hott I have to get her number!"

It was unfair of me to ignore you, but it was never my choice.

"I win again! Dude you suck at this game!"

If only I had noticed it sooner. If I had acknowledged my own feelings and the ones you may have also had.

"Stan? Do you think I could spend the weekend at your house?"

Those words you never said. The words that you were afraid would make all of us look at you differently. The words that would isolate you and cause you to be truly alone.

"Cartman's an asshole, I don't live in the ghetto!"

Those words that you thought would change things.

"You and Kyle had a fight? Well do you wanna hangout and play video games? Maybe talk about it?"

Your smiles and the sound of your laughter. The way your hand felt as you reassured me that everything would be okay and no one would get hurt. I never said just how nice it was to have you as a friend.

"Hey could you hold this for a second? I think the hook got caught on the other side I need to go untangle it!"

I never told you.

"Good morning, Stan!"

Dark clouds blocked out the sun banishing any light and the scarce warmth it might have offered otherwise. Snow lay thick on the ground giving everything a pure white, but unforgiving, icy touch. Each element of the scenery caused the atmosphere in the cemetery to feel more forbidding than usual.

He stood at the edge of the cemetery not daring to disturb the pure white blanket that feigned to love the occupants that lay just below its surface. His gloved hands were shoved into his jacket pockets in a vain attempt to keep them warm. How long? He had no idea just how long he had been standing there staring out at the various headstones. A gust of wind brushed past him its frigid fingers nipped at his exposed cheeks and nose. Deep ocean blue eyes were glassy with unshed tears as he squinted against the cold. Finally he took a step forward the snow compressed beneath his feet as he walked.

With every step caused the snow to make a crunching sound as ice crystals collided with each other. It cut through the eerie silence causing the teen's chest to tighten. His heart ached as if he was committing some crime just by being there, or perhaps for only arriving there now. Seven months.

Statues of angels and tall cross shaped tombstones cast long shadows across the snow covered ground. The faces of the angels held blank expressions and their eyes were cold. It was as if they knew his sin.

He slowly maneuvered through the cemetery his eyes glancing over the inscribed names. Somewhere in this place he knew he would find the name he didn't want to see. One of the identical stones was the headstone of someone dear to his heart. Someone he had never had the courage to tell just how he felt about them. It was the tombstone of the person he loved.

The moment his gaze landed on the name Stan's heart stopped. He body froze as he clenched his hands into fists in his pockets. As if mother nature had read his mind snow began to descend from the sky. Stan barely noticed the soft white flakes that began to cling to his raven black hair and clothes. It didn't matter to him anyway. His mind had gone numb and his heart felt as if it could break.

"H-hey dude…." he whispered. His eyes were filled with unshed tears as he read the inscription of the tombstone. So it was true. Sure he had seen the casket at the funeral and that alone had been proof enough for him, but he hadn't seen his friend laid in the ground. His mother wouldn't let him go to the burial.

Stan glared at the computer screen. It was the first day of his freshman year winter break and so far it sucked. Once more his cold eyes read the words and his

temper flared even more. Without hesitating he quickly typed back irritated and infuriated with his so called 'friends'. After typing the message he turned his attention back to his cellphone.

"Dude I keep telling you! I'm not interested in your girlfriend! You can have her!" he paused listening to Kyle go off on another tirade about how Stan had been flirting with his girlfriend for three months. Three months?

"For God's sake Kyle! You're supposed to be my best friend! If you had the faintest thought that I was hitting on your girlfriend you should have approached me when you first noticed! But as I've said this entire phone conversation I am NOT interest in your girlfriend!" Stan pinched the bridge of his nose. This was absolutely ridiculous! Seriously, since when did his indifferent answering a girl's question suddenly mean he was flirting with them?

"Dude you need to chill out and listen to me…" His gaze snapped back to the screen and he swore all kinds of negative feelings at both of his friends. "Hang on a sec." While Kyle continued to yell at him over the phone Stan typed back at Cartman. The jerk was accusing him of making passes at Wendy.

'Cartman for the last time I HATE Wendy. I congratulated you when you two started dating. I am so over her that quite frankly I find it hilarious that you think I'm into her! Now stop making accusations that aren't true and let me enjoy my winter break!'

"Alright, sorry about that…no Kyle I don't want to date her. No Kyle I don't want pictures of her. NO Kyle, but if it'll make you feel better I won't even acknowledge your girlfriend's existence at school. I will talk to you and I will completely ignore her. Will that make you feel any better?" Stan asked in exasperation. Honestly he wondered why he ever encouraged Kyle to date it was turning into a bigger headache than he would have imagined.

Cartman had nearly typed an entire page of text about how Stan acted all sweet and supportive, but would throw a fit if things didn't go his way. By this point, Stan was pretty much sick of both of his friends and just dying to call Kenny to hangout when his mom walked in.

Stan didn't turn around to look at her because he already knew it was her. The reason he knew it was her was: his sister never came into his room, and his parents had gotten divorced when he was ten. So narrowing down the people who would come into his room it had to be his mom. He sighed in frustration pulling the burning cellphone away from his ear and placing the receiver against his shirt to muffle his voice from Kyle.

"Mom I'm kind of busy right now can this wait until later?" he snapped. He was currently reading everything that Cartman had typed when he heard a muffled sob from behind him. Stan snapped his head in his mother's direction as his jaw dropped. Her eyes were puffy and red from crying and she had a tissue pressed against her nose.

"Mom what's wrong?" he asked a knot forming in his stomach. "O-oh Stanley I'm so sorry…" she whispered tears streaming down her face as she hiccupped and tried to blow her nose. Stan sat there his heart pounding in his chest. "I-it's your friend Kenny, he died in a hunting accident today," her voice broke at the end and she start sobbing again. She turned and left Stan's room before the teen could react.

At the time, a part of Stan had hated her for running out on him. How could she just leave him after dropping such a terrible reality onto his plate? But maybe it was because she wasn't strong enough to handle it for both of them. Maybe she couldn't stand to see that hurt, heart broken expression that had crossed his face the second her words had sunk in. Maybe it was killing her too.

Stan slowly looked back at the computer screen. With shaking hands he typed a quick message to Cartman and then sat back in his chair lifting the phone to his ear. His vision was blurry as he swallowed his heart aching with each beat.

"K-kyle….it…K-Kenny's dead," he whispered before breaking down and screaming out in pain.

With gloveless hands he traced the engraved words as he knelt in front of the simple gravestone. It wasn't more than three feet high, five inches thick and was rounded at the top. The simple words didn't give any clue as to what kind of person the owner of the stone was. It simply had his name, his birthday and date of death, and then described him as a brother, a son, a friend. These words did not do Kenny any justice. He was more than these words.

Kenny had been an angel that no one in South Park deserved in their life. He was too good for them. Even though he was picked on relentlessly by Cartman for being poor he had been Mysterion in order to help others. Kenny loved everyone, sure at points he was a little perverted, but who wasn't? His father was a good for nothing drunk and beat Kenny time and again but the boy always smiled. How could he smile so purely and so sincerely after all of the unfair hardships God had made him face?

How could he have? Stan's vision blurred as tears filled his eyes before spilling down his cheeks. "I'm sorry…I-I'm so sorry…I wan-anted to come sooner Kenny," he whispered. Stan leaned his forehead against the cold stone and let the tears fall. "I wan-nted to come sooner. I w-wanted to come see you. Kenny…I miss you, so much it hurts dude." Stan ran his sleeve over his face trying to wipe away the tears but they kept falling.

"You w-were suppose to teach me how t-to fish this s-summer! We…w-we were going to hang-gout and play-y video games unt-till the sun came up. We we-ere going to sleep all day-y and stay up all n-night dude." He leaned back on his heels and threw his head back as he stared at the sky. "Kenny…..G-god Kenny….I ne-never told you…" Stan sobbed. Every muscle in his body ached, his heart ached twice as bad as everything else, and his head was pounding.

"I-I never-r…I th-thought I had-d time…"

The sun rose bringing with it bright light and warmth. Neither felt fitting today. Stan sat on the edge of his bed clad all in black. He wore a was a black button up dress shirt, black skinny jeans, black dress shoes, and a black tie. Sleep had eluded the raven haired teen but he over looked that fact without a thought. There was a mirror in front of him and the contrast of all the black made his blue eyes stand out in an unnatural way. Today was going to be painful. It would be even more painful than the Saturday he found out Kenny had died.

Today was Kenny's funeral.

His mother walked into his room and ran her hand over his hair smoothing it slightly. "Stan, you don't have to go you know…" He looked up at her with a blank expression. Everything just felt numb. "I know, but I want to be there…for Kenny." She smiled down at him her eyes already watering. "Okay." "Don't cry mom, you'll ruin your make up…" he cautioned as he stood up and wiped her tears away before they could spill. Over the summer he had hit a growth spurt and now when he stood he was almost as tall as his mother. Stan took one of her hands in his own and laced his fingers with hers. "Come on, we should go," he coaxed her before leading her out of his bedroom.

The ride to the church was painfully silent. Stan gazed dully out of the car window his chin propped on his palm. The two didn't speak but Stan was glad for the silence. Shelly had gone to stay at a friend's house so she would be riding with them to the funeral, but Stan didn't care. He couldn't care. He didn't care that Kyle and Cartman would be there. He didn't care that Kenny's family would be there. He didn't care that anyone would be there.

He cared that Kenny wouldn't be there. He cared that Kenny would never be waiting at the bus stop with them in the mornings. He cared that Kenny wouldn't be at school to make some perverted joke. He cared that he would never get to see, hear, or feel Kenny ever again.

They parked on the side of the street. The road was lined with tons of cars but Stan didn't notice. He followed his mother into the church and watched her hug her friends and start to cry. He watched as other people cried and talked amongst themselves. He could feel hands patting his back as he walked deeper into the church. It felt as if he had cement blocks on his feet and as if everything was moving in slow motion. Down the aisle he walked, completely alone, and at the very front of the church he saw the casket. Stan's feet carried him towards the casket but he stopped when he was even with the first aisle. His mind was numb and his body wouldn't move as he stared at it's closed lid.

Everything seemed to be frozen in time. Inside that closed casket was Kenny. He was suffocating! A part of Stan wanted to rush forward and yank the lid open but a hand stopped him. He turned to see Butters, Pip, and Jimmy. For a moment he was confused but then he felt Butters brush his index finger under Stan's eyes and only then did the boy even realize he had been crying. "Sit with us my good friend, we've room for one more," Pip encouraged as Butters made room for Stan to squeeze in. Stan past Butters and took a seat beside Pip. Jimmy smiled at Stan, "G-g-gee Stan, I'm surpri-….surpriiiii-…su….su….sup-p-prised you aren't sitting with Kyle and Eric." Stan glanced over his shoulder to see Cartman holding a sobbing Wendy and Kyle holding Rebecca's hand.. He turned and glanced back at Kenny's casket and closed his eyes. "I would rather sit with you guys….."

The service was perfect but Stan didn't notice. The Pastor read some verses out of the Bible, the gathered people prayed, and there was some music played. Every word fell mute to Stan's ears because the moment the service began his strength gave out and he cried. Butters and Pip supported him from either side letting him cry his heart out. It was just too painful. This feeling, this place. Stan hated everyone of his peers that he knew had tormented, bullied, and relentlessly beaten Kenny time after time. He wanted to call them out on all their wrongs and have them burned for their lies.

But Kenny wouldn't have wanted that. Kenny would have forgiven them, as he always had. He would have laughed it off even as blood ran down his face. He would have given them a piece of his light and forgiven the wrongs performed against him.

It broke Stan's heart.

"Now if anyone has something, a memory, a quote, anything about Kenny McCormick, please come forward and share."

People filed to the stand one by one. Stan stood there being slowly ripping apart with each word spoken by the bullies and liars about how wonderful Kenny was. His whole body shook with the muffled sobs and he swore his heart was broke and would never heal again.

Just when the line of speakers seemed to dwindle down to nothing Butters stood up and slowly walked towards the podium. He pulled a folded piece of notebook paper out of his pocket as he walked and he nervously bit his lip. When he reached the wooden stand he unfolded the paper and set it down before him. His gaze wandered the crowd and he rubbed his fists together in his usual nervous habit he had had since grade school.

"U-uhhh he-hello…" Butters cleared his throat uncomfortably. His voice sounded small, youthful, and nervous coming through the speakers the microphone was attached to. "I uh…I-I was a friend of Kenny's and well uh….wh-when I foun-nd out he had died I was uh….beside m-mahself with a sadness…"

Stan ran his sleeve over his eyes before trying to focus on Butters. His eyes stung and his face felt swollen from crying so much but he managed to keep fresh tears from falling as he listened to the nervous blonde.

"S-so I said to m-my self…'now Butters y-you can't be a-all sad an…and stuff so f-find some-ething constructive to do'. So I t-thought and I t-thought and then wo-words just started flowin' out of my fingers….so I wrote 'um down….a-and this is-s the poem t-that I wrote that was I-inspired by Kenny…"

He sat forward in his seat hands shaking. Butters' words seemed to strike a cord in Stan's heart and he felt a lump form in his throat. Butters cleared his throat once more his gaze wandering around the room and landed on Stan once more. He gave a gentle smile to the raven haired teen before looking down at the notebook paper.

"My best friend went to heaven today.

It's so unfair that God took him away.

He was so young and so bold,

a true friend with a heart of gold.

He always knew just what to say

to make things right, to make it okay.

He was too young to leave us so,

a blond angel who had too many woes."

Stan felt himself choke back a sob. He knew that Butters and Kenny had been close, but the blonde's words felt as if he had peered into Kenny's very soul. Did Butters know Kenny's secret life that he wouldn't admit to even Stan? How close had the two been before Kenny died?

"His blue eyes were brighter than the sky,

and he had the most beautiful voice! It could make you cry.

But God decided it was his time to depart,

and I know he will forever be near to our hearts.

He saved us all time and again,

and I'm honored I can him my friend.

He protected others and kept them safe,

but when it was our turn we were a little too late.

We've lost someone special today,

but I know he'll watch over all of us in his own special way.

So shed your tears and weep for our dear friend,

just remember that one day we will see him again."

There were a number of sobs heard from the room mixing in with the respectful silence that followed Butters' poem. The blonde boy smiled as the pastor thanked him and took the poem, folding it back up carefully, and stuck it in his pocket. He made his way over to his friends and when he saw Stan staring at him with tears streaming down his face Butters wrapped his arms around the raven haired teen. "O-oh hamburgers…Stan…d-don't cry," he whispered as the jock broke down and clung to him.

The rest of the service went by in a teary blur. Before Stan knew it he was standing outside with Jimmy, Butters, and Pip. His mother was waiting by their car and talking to a few of her lady friends. Stan had managed to compose himself slightly as he looked at his three friends. "T-thanks guys…for…you know…being there and…stuff." He felt so awkward like he didn't know what to say to them but the three didn't seem to mind.

"It's alright Stan, best wishes to you and we're here for you." Pip gave Stan a hug and smiled his eyes were equally as red as Stan's from crying.

"Y-y-y-y-yeah Stan…that's what…..that's what….that's what frien-n-nds are for," Jimmy added placing a hand on Stan's back.

He finally turned his attention to Butters and gave him a weak smile. "Dude…you're poem…K-Kenny would have loved it…." It took so much not to break down over the name but Stan was trying to stay strong. He had to be strong because if he cried anymore he was sure he was going to blow his brains out his nose.

"G-golly Stan…do you thi-think so? I'm sorry I made ya cry…." he added apologetically before Stan pulled him into a tight hug.

"It's cool dude…." he whispered before releasing the blonde. "I….I'll see you guys a-after the break….we'll hangout and-d stuff…right?"

"Of course S-s-s-s-stan, see you at the burial," Jimmy replied before turning to walk away. Pip followed him and Butters gave Stan a slight smile. "Have a g-great Christmas Stan."

"I-I'll try Butters…" Stan replied trying to smile back. He turned then and headed towards his mother. Without a word he got into the car and leaned his head against the cold glass. After a minute or two his mother got into the car and started the engine. They drove away from the church. It took Stan a minute or two before h lifted his head and gazed behind them then at his mom.

"Mom we're going the wrong way, the cemetery's back that way." "I know Stan, we aren't going to the cemetery."

"WHAT? B-but mom! We have t-I HAVE to be there! I have to be there for Kenny!" Stan shouted as he began to panic.

"No Stan. You aren't ready for that. You barely made it through the service. Seeing them burry Kenny would kill you!" she snapped back.

"No it wou-."

"End of discussion!"

Stan felt his heart sinking even farther into darkness. He sat back in his seat and crossed his arms over his chest. He narrowed his gaze out the passenger window as tears strung his eyes. For the moment he hated his mother. He hated how unfair she was being and how she refused to listen to him. He wanted to tell her just how much he heated her but his mind was gone again focused on Kenny. Would he be forgiven for not being there?

The snow fell heavier, large flakes danced through the air as the wind picked up. Stan felt the flakes melt as they landed on his face and then the water rolled down his cheeks like tears.

He had no more tears.

His eyes were dry as he squinted against the cold wind that blew snow around the cemetery. He had run out of things to talk to Kenny about a while ago but he wasn't ready to leave. Even if he did leave now he knew he would only go home to an empty house and it would be just as cold as sitting out here.

Stan carefully dusted snow off the top of Kenny's grave stone. He smiled slightly as he ran his hand down the front of the stone and recalled all the stupid things they had done together. He remembered being jealous that Kenny was god at hunting to the point that his Uncle Jimbo started calling Kenny his nephew. He remembered Kenny playing video games at his house and how many times Kenny thanked his mom for home cooked meals. He remembered Kenny trying to hide the bruises on his arms when Stan walked in on him changing shirts one morning. He remembered Kenny making him hold his fishing rod as he went the long way around to get to the other side of the creek because the hook got stuck on a tree root. He remember how warm Kenny's hugs were and how comfortable it felt to sleep next to him in the same bed. He remembered Kenny's angelic eyes and long blonde eyelashes.

He remembered Kenny.

The sky was almost pitch black and lamp lights slowly began to flicker on before Stan stood up. His whole body was stiff, but his knees ached the most. The cold temperature didn't help. Stan tugged his gloves back on to his numb fingers before shoving his hands into his pockets. His eyes lingered on the headstone whose writing was hard to read in the dim light. He glanced in the direction of his house and let out a sigh his breath crystallizing before him.

"Kenny….I guess I have to go for now…but I'll come back again…"

He turned to leave but stopped feeling his chest constrict painfully and his eyes sting threateningly. Slowly he turned back around to face the tombstone and for a moment he pictured Kenny leaning against it casually looking away from him.

"H-hey dude?" he asked softly watching imaginary Kenny glance his way in curiosity. Stan felt his breath catch as he stared into those bright sky blue eyes. For a moment he felt as if Kenny could read his mind but he swallowed back his fear and smiled weakly.

"I loved you…" he whispered. The imaginary Kenny smiled under his hood before closing his eyes and disappearing. Stan stared at the spot where he thought Kenny had stood before turning away. He ran his hand over his face before shoving it back into his pocket. "…g-goodbye…" Stan started walking causing snow to crunch under his boots. He felt somehow lighter even though his heart was still numb as it had been the day he had been told of Kenny's death. Seven months. Maybe it would never feel love again. Either way Stan didn't care. He had finally told Kenny how he felt and that's all that mattered to him.

"Wait for me Kenny….I'm going to live my life for both of us…." Stan smiled at the thought feeling his heart flutter a little. One day maybe he'd find love again, but for right now Kenny would watch over his heart.

"Watch over me-watch over all of us…..just like a guardian angel…"

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