Written for the At the Close: A Harry Potter Wars Comment Ficathon on LJ organized by the lovely ~anythingbutgrey.
title: the only way up is down
character(s): Harry Potter and Hermione Granger
rating: PG
words: 535
prompt: harry/hermione - post war - i never expected to survive
summary: harry has these eyes that are searching. harry and hermione are broken and broken and broken and harry always goes back to hermione. war changes people.
i.
there was once upon a time hermione was consumed with befores.
before hogwarts, she didn't know what to do with her talent.
before hogwarts, she was getting used to the students in her before-hogwarts school sneering at her.
before hogwarts, she was alone. (now she has hogwarts and her teachers and her books and ginny and ron and harry.)
before hogwarts, she was Hermione Jean Granger (now she's hermione jean granger, co-saviour of the world, famous, bright, and -broken, broken, broken)
now she sits around a table at no. 12 grimmauld place, holding - clutching, she automatically corrects - her empty coffee mug, beside ron, whispering to harry, it'll be okay, it'll be okay, you're okay please be okay you're okay we're okay i'm okay it's okay and it's so easy to say but so hard to believe. the words are dry on her tongue and she can't figure out how she can say something so hollow, meaningless. but she files it into her because it is hollow and meaninglessexplanation folder while ron lays a hand on her shoulder. she ignores him, she has ignored him a lot these days, she says she's sorry but then she's so weary and exhausted and wonders why she has to hold it all together.
ii.
harry has these eyes that are searching.
searching for something, anything, for the truth, for the lie, for the escape. he passes his gaze through the room a few times a day and then it always lands on hermione.
they are so broken and he doesn't know what to do
hermione, of course, always catches his gaze. it's hard not to, when you've been best friends for seven years and counting. she notices his search and she says what do we do, harry?she says it without saying it and harry knows. harry knows instantly what she says.
i don't know.harry says honestly, directly, wearily.
iii.
ron cannot stay with them always. he is grieving too. he wants nothing more than to stay with harry and hermione but - his family, mum, dad, bill, charlie, percy, fred, george, ginny. they need him. harry and hermione must understand, he thinks. he says an i'm sorry, hoping it reaches them.
they do understand, they don't understand. it's hard keeping up with ron, who loves them so much but doesn't know what to do with them.
join the club.
iv.
they will perhaps never know what to do. that much is certain. hermione, ever so certain, ever so searching, ever so definitehas resigned herself to this fact.
harry is lost - his eyes keep searching but it always goes back to hermione.
perhaps that's it.
v.
harry is glad to be alive.
hermione is glad to be alive.
they are alive but they don't feel like it.