Gaia's Hidden Craziness
OR
Never Buy Sugar Cubes From a Cute Moogle.
Rating: PG
Genre: Comedy
Setting: Alexandria, Treno, The Ice Cavern, Dali, Gizamalukes Grotto
Main Characters: Zidane, Garnett, Steiner, Blank, Eiko, Vivi, and Stiltzkin
Note from the Authoress: Erm, yeah, my brain has melted, making this completely pointless and lacking of any sort of sense. But hopefully amusing. I'm at a loss to see the resemblance to the games….
Part 1
In Which Stiltzkin Sells Sugar
OR
a Weird Wyrd!
Blank, Zidane, Garnett, Vivi, Eiko and Steiner were wandering vaguely through the ice cavern. Eiko was amusing herself by lobbing snowballs at Steiner's back, giggling whenever he got angry, and started jumping up and down in his rusty armour. As they wandered through the icy paths, which grew icier by the second, they slipped and slid from side to side, Vivi was finding it hard to keep his balance, and kept slipping over. Garnett didn't fare any better; she had now resorted to crawling along, unable to stand on the slippery floor. Blank held the feeling that Eiko was trying to get Steiner to fall over, just to see what would happen. And so, they very slowly made their way through the cavern. They were drawing near a small junction. Who knew where each passage led? They skated, crawled, skipped and jumped up to the crossroads. As they approached, a gust of wind blew through the cavern. Eiko shouted out indignantly.
"Really, Steiner! Was there any need for that?" Steiner jumped angrily, his rusty armour clanking.
"That wasn't me!" He jumped around a bit more before calming slightly and adding "Anyway, whoever smelt it dealt it!" Eiko shrugged her shoulders
"I didn't smell anything!" Angered, Steiner jumped around some more. A voice rang out in the midst of the wind, that was now going round in circles.
OUT OF MY WAY
Blank scratched his head; the voice had seemed to be directed at him. So he moved aside. The wind went past him and then…
SMACK.
The group winced. The wind had slammed right into the wall. They stared pityingly at the poor little gust of wind. Then Steiner jumped up and down again.
"This is stupid! Why are we feeling sorry for wind? It can't feel anything!" The others looked at Steiner as if he were crazy. Then Vivi pointed at the mass of whirling wind at the bottom of the wall.
"Look! The wind is clearing up!" they looked, and sure enough, the wind was indeed clearing. In its place was a rather mangled looking monster, with two fangs, sharp and pointy. It was a wyrd. Eiko gave a squeal.
"Awww, it's so cute! Let's keep it as a pet!" She ran up and hugged it. It gave a squeak and tried to struggle against her, desperate to escape. She merely hugged it tighter. "Come on blank! Hit it with that capture sword you stole from that Tidus guy!" Blank shrugged, and made to hit the monster with the sword. It gave another squeak before screaming out in a rush
PLEASE! DON'T CAPTURE ME!!! I CAN GIVE YOU IMPORTANT HINTS
OF HOW TO GET OUT OF HERE!!
Eiko made an annoyed sound.
"Dammit! There goes my new pet! And I was going to call him Cuddles!" Blank sheathed the sword.
"Ok, then! Talk. Unless you want to spend the rest of your life as Cuddles." The wyrd took a couple of steps backwards and started to talk.
OK THEN. YOU DON'T WANT TO GO RIGHT AT THIS JUNCTION UP
AHEAD! IT WILL LEAD TO HOT SPRINGS. YOU'LL NEVER WANT
TO LEAVE THE HOT SPRINGS. THEREFORE, YOU SHOULD GO…
Garnett interrupted the monster.
"Oh, goody! Hot springs! Let's go to the hot springs!" The others nodded in agreement, and they all ran to the right at the junction. The wyrd watched them go.
WELL, THEY CAN'T SAY I DIDN'T WARN THEM! AND HOW DID
SHE KNOW MY NAME WAS CUDDLES?
The group wandered down the passageway. It wasn't a long passageway. Soon, it came out in the Hot Springs. Lying in the middle of the springs was a moogle. Another stood just to the side, going through a little bag. The one in the springs was muttering to himself.
"So warm, so very, very warm." The one by the bag straightened, turning to face the group. It gave a squeal of happiness
"Yay, customers Kupo!!" He did a little skip and dance, before running up to the group. "Have I got a bargain for you Kupo!" Garnett waved her hands.
"Who are you?" The moogle stopped, and thought about this question for a while.
"I'm….Stiltzkin! Kupo, that's me. Your friendly neighbourhood sales moogle." Steiner stared for a moment.
"Neighbourhood? You're in the middle of a cavern which nobody ever goes in!" Stiltzkin stared at Steiner.
"You're crazy Kupo! Obviously people enter this cavern; otherwise you wouldn't be here telling me that nobody enters the cavern." The rest of the group nodded in agreement. Stiltzkin continued talking. "Anyways, my fuzz-less friends, this is the deal of a lifetime! For just 900,000 gil, I will give you each a sugar cube! You couldn't get a better deal than this!" The group nodded. It sounded like a complete bargain. And why on Gaia would something as cute as Stiltzkin lie to them? Zidane pulled out the money handing it over to the cute little moogle. Stiltzkin did a little dance of happiness.
"Kupo, you won't regret it! The sugary sweetness will put you in a good mood for days to come!" With that, he handed out the sugar, before giving a squeal and doing a cannonball into the hot springs. Unfortunately, Steiner was to close to the springs, and ended up getting soaked. He jumped up and down in anger. Blank leaned over and whispered to Zidane.
"Why do we keep him with us? He's got one hell of a temper!" Zidane whispered back
"Mreh, it's amusing to watch him jump up and down in his rusty armour." With that, he ate the sugar lump.
END OF PART 1