Doctor Kennen House sighed, content in just enjoying the evening, carefully sipping some of his black sugarless coffee while leaning back on his chair, feet tossed on top of his superior's office. The door suddenly burst open only to reveal director Soraka, quaking with silent furry, murder clearly written in her beautiful golden eyes.
"You used Brand's forehead to heat your coffee! What the fuck is wrong with you?!"
Kennen just smiled, taking another sip from his fragrant coffee before bothering to reply to the agitated goat-woman.
"Oh come on Raka, the guy is in a coma and no one else noticed anything, aaaaaand Brand isn't going to sue as anyway, not after burning Shen's eyebrows off during his latest little outburst."
"Shen was injured while protecting you, you monster! That fireball was obviously aimed at your face, but you hid behind an elderly woman asking for directions and so Shen had no choice but to take the hit in order to save her! And of course they are going to sue us, you freaking bastard since you forgot to take the damn pot out of Brand's forehead! Little Annie finally decided to visit her grandpa only to find him unconscious with a molten pot stuck on top of his forehead and the charred remains of your coffee bubbling and sizzling all over his face!"
Another long and loud sip of coffee later and Kennen growls in annoyance, eyes narrowing dangerously.
"Well, then I hope she brought her own beverage because there is no way I am going to share my coffee with her, or anyone for that matter."
Soraka nearly facepalmed, before screaming in frustration agitatedly pointing at the door whilst still trying to contain her anger. And for the tenth time in the day Soraka has to remind herself that no, she can't just shove a banana down Kennen's throat and sent him to hell. The yordle is a brilliant doctor that have saved countless lives with his furry little paws, even if he is slowly dragging her soul out of her nostrils. She has to keep him on the field at all cost. For humanity and science!
"Out!"
Kennen just nodes silently, he gets up and then walks past Soraka taking a big sip from his coffee mug, making sure to suck the liquid as noisily as he can before disappearing into the hallway, limping around the corner. And Soraka stays still, waiting until the sound of the yordle's cane fades in the distance before allowing herself to relax and slump down on her chair. Only to fall down, collapsing on the floor as the chair's backrest splits from the black leather cushion of the seat. Soraka groans lifting herself from the floor, her eyes landing on the screwdriver and the missing bolts placed innocently on top of her desk, scattered all over the various documents.
"Kenneeeeeeen!"
Kennen smiles to himself perched against a wall a few hallways away wandering if he should use Lissandra's bosom to have some ice-cold water or just steal some beverages from one of the patients.
0000
Screams of terror permeated the air, the tantalizing scent of despair reaching the void-dweller's nostrils making his mouth water, but Cho'Gath ignored his lingering feeling of hunger. The humans around him might be looking mighty tasty right now but Cho'Gath is trying to put his days of gluttony behind him and no one has time for trials. He is a civilized beast after all and no high class gentleman worth his salt would feast on defenseless children playing in the park, not before tea time at least. So he keeps walking forward continuing his morning stroll, top hat bouncing with every humongous step and polished walking cane resting inside his pincers while he smiles politely at the pedestrians.
A man in front of him gasps in freight for merely a second before diving into the bushes and Cho'Gath scowls, his alien features twisting in an expression of mild distaste and indignation. The man's suit was a really expensive one, what kind of uncivilized brute would just dart into the local fauna dressed like that? He should liberate the poor suit right this instant and lecture the tactless man, inform him about the social norms of society and widely acceptable forms of conduct. Yes, yes that's probably his duty as a gentleman!
The void-dweller is about to stomp his foot on the ground, a crude but necessary motion needed to impair the man in place with the help of his trusty void spikes when a terrible rumbling noise suddenly escapes from his enormous stomach. Cho'Gath pauses, absentmindedly raising his top hat in order to greet a wailing woman passing him by, a faint blush making its way to his face. Not even a second later he hears the sound again.
Is it the orphan he had for dinner the previous night? He knew he should have eaten the elderly woman instead, but he just couldn't end the old waiter's life. Cho'Gath is a kind soul after all and he can't stomach tragedy. That's why he ate the child and only half of the elderly lady, leaving her in a puddle of her own blood. Cho'Gath smirks, his facial muscles twisting in a feral grin, the thought of the child's fate lighting his eyes like a Snowdown present in Brand's shaky arms.
Cho was still daydreaming about the little tasty morsel when he suddenly feels a terrible pain in his stomach and he collapses on the floor writhing in agony, mattering curses and hollow threats about the League's balancing team, and then everything goes black. Like really black, blacker than a bronze support's fate and Cho'Gath passes out while howling in pain. Like the support we mentioned...
0000
One, two Three!
Volibear and Trundle lifted the unconscious void-dweller from the stretcher before unceremoniously dumping him on top of his bed, or what were actually three individual beds joined together with hot glue and duct tape. Cho'Gath growled in his sleep and Soraka eyed the two paramedics angrily.
"What's his condition?"
"He doesn't have hair Ma'am"
Soraka facepalmed.
"Condition, Trundle, not conditioner. I meant to ask what happened to him."
The troll scratched its head thinking deeply before smiling widely.
"Someone called for an ambulance and then we brought him here."
The healer rolled her eyes while Akali rushed to examine the patient.
"And what are his symptoms?"
"I don't watch The Simpsons, Ma'am, I am too old for that. My mother told me so."
She closed her eyes, taking a few deep breaths, desperately trying to refrain from strangling her dumb employer since that would certainly ruin her image, and the hospital needs her if it is to survive Doctor Kennen's madness.
"Mister Volibear?"
The Ursine stiffened, straightening its back, a small tinge of pink spilling under his fuzzy white cheeks.
"I-I, watch it sometimes, when the shifts are slow and I have nothing else to do... I-It's good fun, Ma'am."
"BOTH OF YOU GET THE HELL OUT OF MY SIGHT!"
The two males proceeded to run away screaming in fear like underfarmed marksmen stumbling on a fed enemy Riven, disturbing the other patients and shoving people out of their way and Volibear actually drops to the ground and starts running in all fours in order to escape the fury of the Starchild. Soraka keeps observing them until they leave the vicinity of the building and then she sighs, turning to face the still preoccupied nurse.
"So, Akali, what do you think?"
"Hmm? Oh sorry, I am more of an anime kind of person."
Soraka facepalmed, impaling her hand into her banana scented horn.
0000
Dr. Kennen paced inside the room, his eyes darting across his fellow colleagues, trusty black marker clenched on his furry fist, eyebrows furrowed, or in his case, furry-ed (heh) in concentration.
"Ok, people what do we know about the patient?"
Akali crossed her arms in front of her chest, hiding the sizeable orbs from the yordle's greedy eyes, Kennen pouted cutely.
" The patient passed out while in the middle of a stroll, no copious physical activity was involved. Trundle and Volibear reached the scene in a matter of minutes and then took a lunch break while transporting the voiddweller to the hospital. The patient had already started hyperventilating when they returned to the vehicle."
Kennen nodded, he turned around and tried to jump on top of the chair strategically placed next to the old writing board. He managed to land high enough, his upper body pressed against the seat's leather. An uncomfortable silence ensued as Kennen threw his cane away while struggling to climb on top of the furniture, his furry paws whipping the air behind him. Shen discreetly pulled the lever attached to the chair's causing the seat to descend low enough for the yordle's toes to touch the floor and Kennen had no trouble climbing on top of the chair after that. The yordle cleared its throat, to hide its embarrassment, nodding silently at Shen before he starts writing words at the bottom of the white board.
"So, we have sudden weakness and hyperventilation, what else, Shen?"
Shen was about to answer when Akali beat him to it.
"The patient started puking rainbows a little while ago."
Kennen nodded writing 'puking rainbows' right next to a small doodle of Cho'Gath spitting curved lines and flowers.
"So Cho'brah, turned into an arcade skin, are you sure he is not just a hipster?"
"It's Cho'Gath, Sir and that wouldn't explain the weakness and hyperventilation."
Shen raised his hand before speaking, always the gentleman.
"It would if he took something at a party."
Kennen nodded.
"Ok, Shen and Soraka will visit the patient's friends and find out if Chuck lives at his parent's basement. I will be buzy watching porn in my office, and Akali?"
The nurse eyed the tiny doctor curiously.
"Shouldn't you be chained to a stove or something?"
The doctor had to jump back in order to avoid a flurry of flying syringes and medical supplies until Shen managed to restrain the rampaging nurse.
0000
"Soooo, miss Lulu.. is Cho'Gath doing drugs?"
The excited yordle shook its head furiously causing a bit of fake stars and glitter to rain down from her hair and ears only to get stack on the male doctor's clothes.
"Noooo! And it's such a shaaame really, mushrooms taste sooo purple!"
Soraka smiled politely, shooting Shen a quick glance. The surgeon was frantically dusting himself trying to get rid of all the 'fairydust', as Lulu called the silverish glitter.
"Have you noticed anything out of the ordinary lately?"
Lulu though about it for a moment until her face lit with recognition, she dashed inside the house only to reappear moments later holding a basket. The female yordle shoved the basket in Shen's hands smiling widely.
"Chogy forgot his cookies!"
Soraka's smile faltered.
"O-Okay miss Lulu, thank you for your time. Feel free to contact us in case you remember anything."
"Oh, but I do remember things like aaall the time! Like yesterday, I was having a staring contest with Pix and then.."
Shen, raised an eyebrow "Ehm.. Pix?"
"My own domesticated magical fairy you silly butterflower! So, like I was saying, Pix and I were having this really intense staring contest and Pix's irises are purple like the sky and that reminded me of..."
Soraka cleared her throat in order to get the little yordle's attention.
"I am terribly sorry, but I have to return to the hospital immediately. There is a pressing matter that requires my urgent attention. But Shen here will be happy to listen to your, no doubt breathtaking story and help you with all the problems that are no doubt plaguing your mind."
Shen shot her a dirty glare and Soraka actually cringed a little.
"Oh well, tell Chogy to get well soon!"
"I will, farewell mis Lulu, Shen."
And then Soraka hurriedly walked away, leaving Shen alone with the crazy yordle and its "magical' fairydust and addictive mushrooms.
0000
"So, you have the hots for the Goat doctor?"
Kennen nodded and the other doctor busted into a fit of mad laughter.
"It's not funny, Shaco."
The clown of a doctor just nodded in amusement.
"Oh, but it is my friend, it's just that no one has found the body yet."
Kennen sighed, his tiny heart heavy with sadness.
"You are so much of an ass, you should have become a proctologist."
Shako smiled a bit, until his gaze traveled back to his depressed friend and he suddenly felt like cheering the poor fuzzy guy.
"Hey, Kennen?"
The yordle sighed again, its stormy eyes still locked in the office's floor.
"Yes?"
The demon doctors raised his hands in order to cap the big scars extending from either side of his torn lips, the ones that always made him look like he was smiling.
"Have I ever told you of how I got these scars?"
"You tried to remove your teeth to get some pocket money out of the Tooth Fairy, but you didn't think it through and used a saw and a pair of scissors in order to remove said teeth. You then tried to sue the fairy for taking advantage of your young, moldable mind, but your lawyer wasn't Leesin-ing to you and Judge Syndra sucked balls, so you were forced to become a doctor and steal teeth from your patients just to stay alive. Paying the Tooth Fairy's compensation, one tooth at a time."
Kennen didn't even wait to think of his answer, being a jerk meant that his mind was always working overtime in order to construct clever comments and caustic answers. The yordle blinked in surprise when after a few moments Shako started crying.
"Y-Yes, s-so can I please have one of your molars?"
"Yeah, sure."
And then shako started approaching him and Kennen did a double take.
"Wait, seriously?!"