A/N: Hi all well this Christmas story ended up being a little late, but this small little idea just ran away from me. I do hope you enjoy it! The Song is Decode by Paramore. Oh and Sara did leave but Warrick is still alive which I wish was still true on the show:( Anyway enjoy!
How did we get here?
When I used to know you so well.
But how did we get here?
Well, I think I know.
It was safe to say that Christmas was close but Greg Sanders had no reason to celebrate. Too many changes had happened in the past year and he was in no mood to celebrate. Not to mention Nick had up and decided things between them weren't working and now he was going to be alone for Christmas again this year when he was so sure this year was going to be different. Then Nick had to go and decide that he wanted to please his parents and pretend he had a girlfriend with the promise of marriage on the horizon. They had been separated for one month when Greg overheard Nick telling Warrick about the girl he had met, so Greg guessed he didn't have to lie to his mother anymore, but he had to break Greg's heart in the process. So this year he was finally taking leave and going away from Vegas and far away from Nick Stokes as possible. Thank God for Sara Sidle. Luckily Sara loved him enough to tell him where she lived for the moment when had called her at 4 in the morning drunk and sobbing into the phone when Nick had left him. Now he stood on her front porch ready to forget what had happened in Vegas.
"Glad to see you finally made it Greg."
"It's so good to see you Sara." Greg said as he engulfed her in a hug. "So good."
"You too." Sara said with a smile. "Come on I've got a cup of coffee with your name on it."
"I knew there was a reason I loved you."
Nick Stokes sighed as he pulled himself away from his girlfriend, the body heat not was not what he was used to, the body was way too dainty, but he supposed it was his fault to begin with.
"Nick? Where are you going?"
"You know I have to work tonight Tracy."
"But it's Christmas Eve Nicky." She pouted.
"I told you I had to work."
"I know." She sighed. "I just wish we could be together."
"Me too." It felt forced, but he didn't have time to dwell on it. "I'll see you in the morning." He said as he leaned in to kiss her. He pretended that the kiss meant something that he felt something more for her than what he really did. But at the end of the day he knew he was only lying to himself.
The lab was quiet and Nick wondered if there was even anyone there, any cases at all. He found Grissom in his office pouring over paperwork, or maybe it could have been a crossword.
"Hey Griss, got an assignment for me?"
"Warrick is already there, it's on the strip at the Bellagino. If something else comes in I'm pulling you off though."
"No one else is here?"
"Catherine is spending this time with Lindsey. And Greg took a rather sudden leave of absence."
"Oh, uh did he say why?"
"No he didn't."
"Oh." Nick wasn't stupid, he knew why but he wasn't going to tell Grissom that.
"Is there something else you wanted Nick?"
"No." Nick shook his head. "I'll just go meet Warrick now." Grissom didn't answer as Nick backed out the doorway.
"You were always right Sara."
"Now don't go bringing that up Greg."
"You always told me I was living in a fantasy world and that Nick would break my heart eventually. I should have listened to you then I could have got out before I fell in love with him."
"Oh Greg." Sara said as she touched his hand. "I…."
"It's ok, I knew it too, but I didn't want to let go. I needed him and I still do, I guess he just didn't need me."
Nick found Warrick hovering over the body; he turned when he heard Nick's footsteps.
"Hey man." Nick waved. "Some Christmas eve huh?"
"Yeah, listen Nick maybe you shouldn't look at the body."
"What? Why?"
"I'm telling you Nick…" But Nick didn't listen as he walked over to the body, his heart clenching. It was like he was staring straight into the eyes of Greg, this man could have been his double. Suddenly everything he ever was taught came crashing down around him, this man could have very well been Greg and Greg would have died without knowing the truth.
Sometimes Nick couldn't believe he got so lucky having a man like Greg in his life. A man who was so beautiful inside and out, and man who looked simply edible at the moment.
"Are you staring at me Nicky?" Greg asked with a smirk as he fixed his tie.
"I forgot just how good you looked in a suit."
"I do look pretty fine."
"Why don't you come over here?"
"Now Nicky you know what will happen if I go over there, Grissom won't be very happy if I'm late for court."
"I just want a kiss and maybe a kiss of what is yet to come after your case."
"Mmmm, I'm thinking maybe I will come over there." Greg said as he sauntered over to the bed letting Nick pull him down by the tie. "Now no wrinkling the tie."
"When did you ever care about that?" Nick asked but not giving Greg time to respond before he captured Greg's lips in a heated kiss. Greg let himself fall into the kiss, by also falling on top of Nick forgetting all about wrinkling his tie or the suit for that matter.
"You big cheat." Greg mumbled in between kisses. "You knew I could never resist you."
"Duh, but you better go baby before I really do make you late."
"Tease." Greg said as he sat up smoothing down his tie. "Thank God you're off tonight."
"And that is why you better hope court doesn't run long."
"Thanks for reminding me." Greg sighed as he stole one more kiss. "I'll see you later."
"Hey G?"
"Yeah?"
"Slam dunk ok?"
"Slam dunk." Greg grinned. Nick watched him walk out of the room and hit the pillow in frustration, why could he never tell Greg how much he loved him?
"Nick? Man snap out of it."
"I uh…I have to go." He looked at Warrick his best friend, the only one who ever knew about him and Greg. "Tell Grissom whatever you have to, I just…"
"Go on Nick, it's fine."
"Thank you Warrick, thank you."
"So how about some popcorn, beer and a funny movie?"
"You Sara Sidle are my angel, we'd be such a hot couple."
"Oh yes but you're gay and my heart belongs to someone else, so does yours for that matter."
"Oh but we make the hottest platonic couple I've ever seen." Greg said with a grin.
"That is true." Sara smiled. "So movie?"
"Old School defiantly. I need me some Frank the Tank."
"Good choice." Sara said as she curled into Greg's side.
Tracy was sitting on the couch when Nick barged into the apartment and he really wished she had not been home or that she would have gone back to her own apartment for a change.
"Nicky you're home early."
"I'm not staying I've got somewhere I have to be."
"But you need to be right here with me."
"No I don't, I'm tired of lying and pretending to be someone else and being with you when I'm in love with someone else."
"Nicky…"
"Don't call me that please. You can stay or whatever just I'm leaving because this is something I need to do."
"I can be better than her Nick; I'm the one you want."
"No you can't be. No one is better than him." And just like that she backed away from him; like his words were fire and she would get burned.
"So I was just some experiment, something to prove to your mommy that you really didn't like dick?"
"Tracy…"
"I have never been so insulted in my life." He braced himself because he knew the impending slap was coming and boy did causing him to stumble backward a few steps. He shook his head recovering from the slap hearing the door slam as he gained his wits. At least he didn't have to deal with her for long, now the hard part was finding out where Greg went.
Greta Sanders sighed as she wiped her hands on her apron, trying to get her son's phone call out her mind. It was hard being the mother of an only child and she knew Greg was grown up and could take care of himself, but hearing his broken voice over the phone had made her heart hurt.
"Hi momma." Greta smiled at the voice and put down her sewing needle as she talked to her son.
"How is everything? I'm missing you for Christmas this year, next year maybe you and Nicky can come."
"I don't think so mamma."
"Honey it's a whole year away I'm sure you and Nicky can swing it…"
"No mom I mean it would just be me."
"Well you could call him…"
"No mom you don't get it, he broke my heart."
"What honey…"
"He decided that he had to be the picture perfect straight son and he left me. I'm pretty sure he's dating some bimbo now."
"Oh baby, I honestly thought he was the one, the way he looked at you."
"I did too." His voice was choked. "I really did."
"You're not alone are you? Do you want me to fly out to Vegas?"
"No mom I'm fine. I'm visiting Sara in New York."
"Good, with her I know you'll be ok then."
"Not ok, but I will be."
"If I ever see Nick Stokes again he won't be happy to see me."
"That's why I love you mom. I'll call tomorrow."
"Goodbye sweetie, I love you."
"I love you too mom."
Greta shook her head of the sad thoughts and went back to chopping carrots until her husband walked in with the phone.
"Is it Greg?"
"No it's Nick." Paul Sanders said as he handed his wife the phone. "Don't be easy on him dear."
"Believe me I won't."
"Hello Mrs. Sanders."
"You have some nerve calling here after you broke my son's heart."
"I know, believe me I know."
"What do you want Nick?" Her voice was cold and she knew it, but how could she even try and be sweet to the man that had broken her baby's heart?
"I know I'm the last person you want to help, but I need to find Greg."
"What makes you think I would tell you where he is, so you can break his heart a little bit more?"
"I deserve everything you throw at me Mrs. Sanders, but I…." He took a deep breath knowing he was going to lose it soon, but he didn't care, he needed Mrs. Sanders to know how much Greg meant to him. "I…love your son. I know you probably won't believe me, but I made this biggest mistake of my life and I don't care if my family disowns me because I can't live without Greg, I've tried and I just can't do it. Please Mrs. Sanders all I'm asking for is a chance and I will never take Greg for granted again, because he truly is it and I'm tired of putting my happiness aside for the sake of my family."
Greta was silent for a moment, wondering if Nick was just feeding her a line or that he really meant it.
"I want to tell you to go to hell Nick, I want to just hang up on you and never hear your voice again because of how you broke Greg's heart, but for some reason I believe you Nick and if I do tell you where he is you better not hurt him again or next time I'll let you deal with Paul who is a perfect shot."
"Thank you Mrs. Sanders you have no idea how much this means to me, and you don't have to worry about me breaking Greg's heart again because he's everything to me."
"He's in New York with Sara."
Sara Sidle rubbed at her eyes as she went to answer the door wondering who the hell it could be. Greg had went out to catch up with an old friend and she knew who wouldn't be back for at least an hour.
"Nick?"
"Hi Sara long time no see."
"What are you doing here Nick?"
"I need to see Greg."
"What so you can crush him to pieces again? I'm not letting him go through that again."
"Please Sara…."
"You didn't see him Nick, you didn't see the hurt in his eyes, if you're here just to feed him lines then I'm gonna have to ask you to leave."
"I'm not here to hurt him Sara I swear, I need him."
"Believe me Sara, I know you want to kick my ass, I want to kick my ass."
"I'm trying hard not to Nick, but I can't believe how little you think of him."
"That's not it at all, and I know he might think that but god I know I made a mistake and I know I have a slim chance of ever getting him back but I'll take whatever I can get because I need him Sara I need him so fucking much, more than I ever imagined. I love him with my whole heart please let me see him Sara please." By the time he was done with his speech there were tears falling down his cheeks and Sara knew Nick was genuine.
"He's uh out catching up with an old friend at a deli in Little Italy."
Greg hadn't felt this good in weeks and seeing Danny again who was a CSI for the NY police had been just what he needed. Nick had not crossed his mind once and hearing about what had been going on Danny's life eased his mind. Of course the question was going to come up eventually he just hoped Danny forgot all about asking him if he was seeing someone.
"So Sanders did you finally find someone you could share your life with?" Damn, he should have known Danny wouldn't forget.
"No."
"No? What about that guy from your work you were always telling me about?"
"It turns out he didn't want the same things I did." Greg sighed, hoping Danny wouldn't question it any further.
"I'm sorry Greg."
"Yeah me too." There was silence between them and for a moment Greg let himself think about Nick, wishing to God it was different, wishing Nick didn't throw everything they had.
"Greg." He looked up knowing full well it wasn't Danny who had just spoken to him; he knew that voice so well.
"Greg." The voice whispered in his ear. "Greg."
"Go away, sleeping." Greg mumbled as he tried to burrow under the covers but was trapped by very strong arms.
"We have to get up baby."
"Don't wanna, wanna lie here with you all day."
"God how I would love that, but we're meeting your parent's for dinner remember?"
"Why did I invite them to visit again?"
"Cuz you wanted them to meet your oh so charming boyfriend?"
"Yep exactly right." Greg said as he moved to kiss Nick's lips softly. "They already love you."
"And if they didn't?"
"I'd never give you up, damn my parents."
"Good answer." Nick said as he kissed Greg again, only wishing he was that brave when it came to standing up to his own parents.
The truth is hiding in your eyes
And it's hanging on your tongue.
Just boiling in my blood.
But you think that I can't see
What kind of man that you are,
If you're a man at all
"Nick? Why are you here?"
"I made a mistake."
"And you came all the way to New York to tell me this? And how the hell did you find me?"
"I had some help."
"Fucking Sara." Greg grumbled. "Just go back to Vegas Nick and leave me alone."
"No not until you understand."
"Understand what Nick? That everything you ever said to me was a lie? I understand that perfectly clear."
"It wasn't a lie Greg." Nick whispered.
"It sure felt like a lie." Greg said as he stood from the table. "I'm sorry for the interruption Danny, I'll call you before I leave town. Go home Nick." And then he was out the door before Nick could say anything else.
"If I were you, I wouldn't just stand there." Danny said. "Or you will lose him forever."
"Not today." Nick said as he sprinted out of the shop hoping Greg hadn't gotten too far. He could see the figure in the distance and he knew he would fight with all he had but he was not leaving until Greg was in his arms again. "Greg! Please wait!"
"I told you to leave Nick."
"No, not this time, not again. You're going to listen to what I have to say and if after that you don't want anything I'll let you go and we'll go back to being nothing, just please hear me out."
"Five minutes Nick."
"We had this case and when I saw what the victim looked like I froze up. He was the spitting image of you Greg and saw everything pass before eyes in that moment. And I realized I was tired of living for everyone else but me and that no one else can make me happy but you. No one else has ever felt so right to me, and I knew the first time I kissed you that you were it, I was just damn afraid because it was so fucking perfect. I know I deserve nothing from you Greg, nothing at all. But I want it all because I love you Greg, I love with everything I have. And I know words are just petty but I mean it all."
Greg stared at Nick for a long time, the frozen winds of New York whipping around their faces and yet Greg said nothing.
"Please Greg say something tell me to get lost if you have too, just say something."
"I wasted a lot of tears on you Nicholas Stokes and a lot of time and I want to hate you with of my heart, in fact when you left I did. But god Nick you own half my heart if not all of it and no matter how hard I try to forget you, forget everything, the fact still remains the same...I need you in my life no matter how much I just want to tell you to go to hell I can't Nick, I can't." He broke off in sob as Nick's arms closed around him holding him close vowing to never let this man out of his life again.
"I'm so sorry baby, never again I promise. We'll get through this I swear."
"I love you Nick despite everything I still love you." And Nick took that moment to capture Greg's lips in a kiss full of hope and promise. It was like the world stopped and the only things that existed were them and the lights of New York City.
"Merry Christmas Greg."
"Merry Christmas Nick." Nick smiled and brushed away the tears that marred Greg's red cheeks.
"Let's go home baby."
"Home." Greg agreed as he twined their hands together.
Three days later
"Hi momma, no I'm fine. No I'm not getting married. When? When gay marriage becomes legal then I'll get married." He wasn't surprised to hear the dial tone, and in reality he knew she would come around eventually, but he felt like a weight had been lifted off his shoulders.
"So how did it go?" Greg asked as he slid his arms around Nick's waist.
"She hung up on me."
"Oh Nicky, I'm sorry." Greg said as he pulled away from his lover. "It's my fault you lost your family, no wonder you left."
"No baby don't you dare blame yourself you hear me." Nick said as he cupped Greg's face in his hands. "Never blame yourself Greg, it doesn't matter."
"But it does Nick, they're your family."
"No." Nick said as he shook his head. "It was never about them I realize that now. It's always been you Greg."
"Nicky, you can't mean that, you need your family."
"No." Nick whispered his lips inches away from Greg's'. "You're wrong, I don't need them because you are my life Greg and the only family I'll ever need."
"Oh Nicky…" Greg said as he felt the tears roll down his cheeks. "I love you."
"I love you too Greg, so much." And then he leaned in capturing Greg's lips with his own, knowing that given the choice he would choose Greg, every time.
There is something I see in you.
It might kill me.
I want it to be true.