The Incapability to Control Ones Heart

Chapter 1

Emily Fields sat on her patio with a luke warm cup of tea in her hand. She had been sitting for about twenty minutes thinking about Toby's note. Every so often tears would well up in her eyes. Then she would push them back into her mind.

The "What If"'s were overwhelming. What if I had listened? What if I hadn't ran away? She know these thoughts would make any same person question their own sanity. All the while knowing she was constantly questioning her own.

What's Wrong With Me? There's nothing wrong with you.

It was heartless for me to not listen. No, he was Ali's killer.

Her inner battles were interupted by foot steps she didn't have to turn to to recognize.

"Honey, are you okay?" Her mother sat down beside her.

Emily didn't speak. She couldn't, and hadn't since A's latest text on her Nokia. The words were mocking her. She had no control in this situation and it was agonizing. With out any control there was no way A would leave her alone.

"Emily, it's always better if you talk about."

"How will talking make anything better?" yelled Emily. "Talking isn't going to bring Toby back! It's not going to bring things back to normal." Tears were running down her cheeks.

"Oh hon'," her mom pushed the hair out of Emily's face, "Things will get better. It's just going to take some time."

Emily shook her heard and looked away. She just couldn't bring herself to vent out her feelings. if she did, she would have to tell her mother everything that happened that night, and soon enough, she would have to talk about A.

"Why don't you go hang out with your friends. You've been cooped up in this house for three days. I bet they miss you."

She suddenly remembered Maya.

When Emily walked up to the St. Germane's house, she didn't expect how hesitant she would become. The brick pathway seemed to say, Make up your mind now. The porch stairs said, You already broke her heart once. The door bell seemed to amplify her heart beat.

When Maya opened the door, all the sounds stopped.

Emily had to put her food in the path way of the quickly closing door. Is Maya really this upset? "In know you don't want to talk to me but just hear me out." Emily took a deep breath. "I miss you, and it was selfish for me to think you would be okay with me wanting space." Maya's face softened. "I guess I'm just scared of what things will be like if I choose you."

"Why do you care so much about what people think?" asked Maya. "They're gong to think what they want."
Emily thought of what Toby said weeks before homecoming, "Forget the idiots, they're gonna see what they want to see. Even if you changed, everything. They wouldn't be happy. They don't want you to change. They want you to go away." Would people want me to go away? Emily asked herself.

"May I come in?" Maya stepped to the side and motioned to the inside of the house.

The house felt the same as it had the times she'd spent with Ali, even though everything was different. The sweet smell of a pastry was surprising since Allison's family never cooked. All the DiLorentis' furniture was gone. Pictures that used to had along the wall were now of Maya and her family. The one ting that stayed the same: the feelings she had around Ali were the same with Maya.

As Emily walked towards the living room, she heard the door close behind her. "Want some cookies? I just made them." Emily wasn't sure if Maya had forgiven her or was just being a good host.

"Sure." They smelled good, but she wasn't hungry, she just wanted to talk. As Maya walked down the kitchen, Emily sat down on the couch consumed by her own thoughts.

After a few moments a loud bang came from the kitchen. Emily ran over to find Maya on the floor picking up spilled cookies. "Let me help." She bent down and started picking them up. Maya went for the metal tray and pulled back her had once she touched it. "Are you okay?"

"I'm fine. It was just hot." Emily grabbed Maya's had before realizing how close they were standing.

"You should got some cold water on it." Emily led her over to the sink still holding her hand. Maya stuck her had under the running water. "Does it hurt?"

"I'll be fine." For a moment the only sound was the water. "You never answered my question. Why do you care what people think?"

"I... I guess I'm just scared... to be different." Emily turned the water off and grabbed a towel. "Everything and everyone in Rosewood is the same."

"Then doesn't that make you want to be different? This town is boring, it needs something like us to spice it up." Both the girls smiled. "I'm gonna go get a broom for the crumbs. Ill be right back." Their arms brushed against each other as Maya left the room.

Emily's Nokia vibrated in her pocket. She reached to pull it out.

It was a text.

Oh Emily. Why don't u understand? first Ali, then Toby and just by looking at their fate, would you want the same thing to happen to Maya?

-A