Puck spends a lot of time daydreaming. Let's face it, it's better than learning how to conjugate verbs or write papers or take notes. Sometimes he imagines the ladies he'd like to be with. Sometimes, that's enough. It used to be enough.
Now, somehow, no matter what he starts out thinking about, his mind goes to the worst place possible. He thinks of Beth. It's not that raising her would be so awful or anything. In fact, he really wants to be a part of her life. If he hadn't screwed things up with Shelby - Miss Corcoran - that might still be possible. Now, he's stuck counting down the months until his daughter's second birthday and wondering if he and Quinn will even be a part of it. He thinks about Rachel, too. Is it weird for her to know that her real mother gave her up, but adopted his own daughter? He wonders who will be invited to Beth's party. He tries to imagine what words she can say. But that leads him to thinking how she has no use for the word Daddy, and that's just depressing.
He tries to clear his head of his daughter, but it's literally not possible. So, he figures, why the hell not just go there? And he does. He imagines a picture-perfect life with himself, Quinn, and Beth. He's not delusional enough to think that they wouldn't have any problems. Financially, it'd be rough for a while, but Puck knows he could make it work. Just being together would be awesome. Right now, it's so weird to see the connection Beth has with someone that isn't him. With someone that isn't Quinn.
He wonders if Shelby will tell her who her parents are someday…if, like Rachel, Beth will grow up and try to find him and Quinn to ask the really hard questions. He promises that he will never tell her about how messed up Quinn was at the time. He won't tell Beth about the lying or the fact that Quinn didn't even want to see the baby when she was born. He'll tell her the good stuff. How much she's loved. How he'd have given anything for them to all be able to be a family, even if he knows that's ridiculous.
He's on his way to Glee rehearsal when he runs into Rachel in the hallway. "Hey," he says, and pulls her aside. For once, he's not thinking about how hot she looks in her unicorn sweater and headband. He just wants to talk to her. Just wants to ask her what it might be like for Beth someday.
"Puck, I'm sorry, I'm very busy. I've got important life choices to consider." She says the words like she is lost in some other world. She thinks no one knows about Finn's proposal, but everyone knows. There are no such things as secrets at McKinley, especially when they involve wedding bells, or the possibility of wedding bells. Mr. Schuester's proposal to Ms. Pillsbury dropped several points in gossip-worthy information, if Kurt tells it right, in light of Rachel and Finn's announcement.
"Okay, just one second," he asks, trying to keep it cool. He tries not to sound like he's begging.
"What?" she asks, and finally, the love haze she's in seems to lift.
"I need you to do something for me," he says and Rachel's immediately on high alert.
"I'm not doing your Spanish homework. I got in enough trouble for stuffing the ballot boxes. If I want a prayer of getting into NYADA, I need to be focused on my future."
"It's not about Spanish…or anything illegal," he says, checking to be sure no one's hanging around, listening to them talk. "It's about Beth."
Rachel's hurt, Puck can see that. It comes with the territory of having your mom give you away and take some other kid later on - like a replacement. But the hurt comes later. After the question, "Is she okay?"
"Yeah…I mean…I think so. I haven't seen her. I was just wondering if you'd be willing to do something for her. I'm asking as family here." At her confused look, Puck elaborates. "With your mom raising my daughter. I don't know. It makes us, like, uncle and niece or something…" He takes a deep breath. He needs to stop rambling and freaking Rachel out. But he can't. Not as long as he knows what a big deal this is. "Someday, if Beth has questions…or feelings…or whatever, about the whole adoption thing… Could help her out with that?"
"Of course, but Noah, that's assuming that she would even want to discuss it with me," Rachel pauses, dropping her voice. "I'm the one her mother didn't keep."
"Couldn't." The word is out of Puck's mouth before he knows it's coming.
"Excuse me?"
"Quinn was a hot mess when she signed those papers, Rachel, but I stared at them for a long-ass time before I could bring myself to put the pen to paper. I wanted Beth. I still want her. I just couldn't raise her. You gotta believe the same was true for Miss Corcoran, right?" he asks.
"I guess…" she says, not quite believing him.
He hates himself for doing this, but he has no choice. There's so little he can do for Beth now. And fantasizing about some perfect life for himself, Quinn and Beth isn't going to do anything but bring him down. He wants to do something. He wants to protect her from the feelings she might experience later on. Since he can't do that, this is the next best thing.
"I get that it's awkward. But you're the only person I know who's dealt with this. I know it's weird and it sucks and all of that, but if she needed you… If she needed to talk to you…would you be there?"
"Noah, I already said yes. Of course I will. I'll take that call even if I'm about to go onstage to accept my Tony. On one condition..." she says, and the smile on her face lets Puck know she's kidding around.
"What?" he asks.
"You never refer to yourself as my uncle again. Ever." She smiles again and it lights up her entire face, but it doesn't quite take away the pain in her eyes.
If she said yes, Finn is one hell of a lucky guy.