Title: Resignation, as You Walk Away
Author: sexylemonface
Pairings: Yoochun/Junsu, Yunho/Jaejoong
Warnings: Lemon-y goodness (probably not in this chapter)
Chap Summary: Yoochun has fallen for one of his best friends and is afraid to say anything in case it might harm the friendship.
Note: Dongbangshinki fighting~
Extra Note: I've made it that Yoochun lives on his own, Jaejoong and Yunho are roomates and so are Junsu and Changmin :)
Part of a conversation with a good friend about starting to write this fic.
Me: I'm writing a fanfiction… of Yoochun… and Junsu
Friend: Oh! You mean pairing?
Me: Yeah, I feel like such a pervert -_-
Friend: You are… It's great!
I love this friend 3
(The main reason I feel like more of a pervert for this fic is because they're actually real people!)
Resignation, as You Walk Away
- Chapter One -
"Man you messed that up" Yoochun whispered to himself as Junsu walked away. He watched him out of the window until Junsu was completely out of sight. Running a hand through his hair he let out a sigh of frustration and sat down at his piano, starting to play. Once he had finished he was in higher spirits and he thought about what Junsu would be thinking at that very moment, he chuckled at what his mind came up with. For the romantic type, the stuff his mind was able to put together was astounding. Ever since Junsu had written that song, he couldn't look at cute Xiah the same.
"Intoxication alright,"
Yoochun sighed, remembering the turn of events that had just taken place. He had gotten so close to telling Junsu everything, down to the last tear; and now that it hadn't actually been said he was rather annoyed but yet still the slightest bit relieved. Though he did tell him he cared for him deeply and loved him, he obviously took it as if he was meaning as a friend and told him he felt the same. He looked down at his chest; he was wearing a very low-necked, black, three-quarter sleeved top, and there on his chest were the words "Always keep the faith". He smiled. Yes, it was the motto of DBSK but there were many hidden meanings behind the quote. The one that Yoochun was closest to was keeping his faith in Junsu, even if it never turned into something romantic like he had wanted for so long. He then thought of Jaejoong, he had also gotten the same tattoo. Yoochun wanted to talk to his best friend, get some advice and he trusted Jaejoong more than any other person.
"Yoochun-ah? Are you there?"
Yoochun jumped slightly at the sudden interruption then turned around to see the exact person he was thinking of. He stood up and gave him a warm smile before speaking.
"Hyung! What are you doing here? Actually I wanted to talk to you about something..."
Jaejoong walked inside and sat down on the piano stool where Yoochun had just freed and crossed his legs. He gave Yoochun a loving, trusting look and sighed quietly.
"What is it?"
"Jaejoong, this is hard for me. I don't know how to tell you." Yoochun pulled up a chair so that he was now facing his friend. "Well I've fallen for someone. Someone we know and are close to."
"Hmm… What does she look like?"
Yoochun blushed. "It's a 'he',"
Jaejoong sat back slightly and held the look of contemplation on his face. They sat like that for a while and Yoochun wished he knew what Jae was thinking.
"Ok..." Jaejoong spoke quietly. "Junsu,"
Yoochun stared in surprise. He was completely shocked that the first assumption Jaejoong made was right on the mark. "Is it really that obvious?" Yoochun averted his eyes and fiddled with his hands. Jae leaned forward and put a hand on his shoulder in a very comforting manner.
"Yoochun, it's obvious to me. But that doesn't say that much really, does it? I mean… I'm your best friend, I know you; your habits, why you act the way you do about things…" Jaejoong leaned back again and sighed, running a hand through his hair. "The way you act with Junsu is… not the same as the way you act with anyone. It's like… you'd do anything just so he's smiling. It's actually rather sweet. I had an assumption from a while ago, but never fully thought." Jae leaned forward to tilt Yoochun's head up so he was looking into his eyes again. "Thank you for telling me, I'm glad you trust me this much." Jae smiled his cute, sweet, innocent yet somehow sexy smile and Yoochun couldn't help but return it.
"Thanks Jaejoong, you make it all seem kind of better. I would say that I wish that I could take us back when we didn't know each other, but that's not entirely true. I love knowing him, and being around him. Life was just so much better before I fell for him. I became so persistent in wanting him - as more than a friend - but then whenever he calls me Hyung or even friend I realize that it can't happen. Just a friend" Yoochun sighed in an almost defeated manner.
"I may not know Junsu as well as you, but we're still fairly close. As all the members have become…" Jaejoong stood up and walked the short distance to the kitchen, grabbing necessities out of the cupboards he knew so well now. He started making something, Yoochun couldn't think what it was yet and honestly was rather wrapped up in his thoughts and what Jae was saying more than what he was doing. "But… the way he acts around you is also different than he acts around others. You can really tell that he cares about you and appreciates you. I know he has changed a lot since little 'Angel Xiah' but somehow when he's around you that side of him comes out more. He becomes bubbly and cute… loving." Jaejoong kept working in the kitchen.
"I was going to tell him today, it seems like every time I try… Something comes up that stops me, makes me worry immensely that I might lose his friendship. Maybe it's not too late… But then I try to keep in mind that no matter what I say can ever change the way he thinks of me. His mind is set so I won't be so selfish." Yoochun looked down again, blushing slightly.
"What are you meaning by 'His mind is set'?"
Yoochun looked up again, "Just a friend."
Jaejoong stopped what he was doing for a second; he leaned back on the bench and looked at Yoochun with an unreadable expression. "How are you so sure? I mean I'm not telling you to rush into anything but I've seen the way he acts around you…" Jae broke eye contact and a slightly spaced out expression crossed his features. "Though it could be just that he cares for you and loves you as a friend…" He looked back, and smiled mischievously. "Always keep the faith," Again, Jae kept on with what he was doing in the kitchen, cleaning everything up as he went.
"You know that I don't want to give up on him, my feelings have become so strong. But the only way I can be sure I won't completely loose him is that I don't say anything. I have to give up on him."
Jae held a bowl in one hand and dragged Yoochun over to the dining table with the other, making him sit down. He put the bowl in front of him. It was his homemade ramen. Yoochun smirked and looked up at his friend.
"Thank you."
Jaejoong only smiled and sat down on the opposite side after grabbing his own bowl. They sat there eating in silence for a while and once Yoochun finished he realized Jae still hadn't said anything after his previous comment. He cleared his throat.
"What do you think Hyung?"
Jae looked up. "It seems to me you have made up your mind."
"In my mind yes, but in my heart no… I just don't know what to do. I want him… need him to know. But it's so hard."
"It's ok, I understand…" Jaejoong trailed off, looking thoughtful. Yoochun kind of wanted to push for more but he was just so tired.
"Joongie-ah, I'm tired."
Jaejoong stood up and took their bowls up to the sink, washing them and putting them away. He went over to Yoochun and hugged him. "Try not to think about it too much, you're too handsome for that expression."
Yoochun smiled and returned the friendly hug. "We'll see, see you later."
Jaejoong left without another word and all Yoochun could do was lie on the couch, closing his eyes, yet unable to sleep.
Jae thought about Yoochun and how bad he must feel. It was obvious he wanted Junsu to know, he just couldn't bring himself to actually doing it. He walked through the park and decided to sit on a swing and collect his thoughts. He subconsciously started to swing slightly, getting higher every few swings. He saw Junsu out of the corner of his eye and tried hopelessly to slow himself, ending up with him stumbling and actually falling off onto his front. Junsu walked up to him and laughed, giving him a hand to stand up.
"That was hilarious, you should have seen it!"
"Care to do a re-enactment?" Jae poked his tongue out, making Junsu punch him playfully in the arm.
"What are you doing here anyway? Did you come from Yoochun's?" Junsu's face enlightened as the name crossed his lips and he smiled cutely.
Jae remembered about everything then, he knew what he had to do.
"Ah, yes I did. Actually there's something you should know." Junsu let thoughtful yet intrigued, it was almost a look of knowing and Jaejoong really wondered if he did already know. "Well when I went to Yoochun's he confessed something to me, he said he had fallen for someone. So I, being oh so slow asked what she looked like. He told me in wasn't a she…"
Junsu started laughing. "Ok, ok… So you're saying to me that our romantic, manly, sexy, muscular Yoochun is... gay?" Behind the look of hilarity, Junsu held an expression of knowledge. He knew exactly what Jaejoong was saying, he knew about Yoochun's feelings. The way Jaejoong explained it though, it made Junsu almost freak out at the truth, but not necessarily in a bad way.
"I really don't think he sees it in the way that he's gay. More that he's fallen for a guy, he's not attracted to anyone else, physically and emotionally." Jae refrained from actually saying who it was Yoochun had fallen for, yet he had the overpowering urge to. He went to speak but Junsu had started to walk away fairly quickly. "Wait! What are you doing?"
Junsu turned around. "I know it's me! I have to… talk to him." He sounded fairly frustrated, but his tone was reserved, caring.
"Don't do anything stupid."
Junsu turned back and kept going on his way to Yoochun's house. Why did his thoughts have to be confirmed by Jae, and not Yoochun himself? He was so mad, and hurt, but yes of course he returned the feelings, how couldn't he? This was Yoochun, anyone could love him. It was just so easy to.
Jaejoong let himself fall to the ground; he rolled over onto his back and stared up at the sky. "I better not have done something completely idiotic." He sighed.
Yoochun sat up quickly at the sudden loud intrusion, Junsu had just burst through the door, throwing a pillow at him.
"Junsu-ah! W-what are you doing here?"
"I know about your feelings ok, I know."
"Junsu… I'm so sorry. I know nothing can happen, it's ok, just forget it."
"Wait, what? I was happy during all those times with you, but it must have been hard for you." He looked down. "It's not like I didn't know your feelings, I felt it too, but letting you go… Letting you go is not something I'm used to. I despise you for having no choice but to do so…" He made eye contact with Yoochun again, "Why didn't you say anything? Or couldn't you? Didn't you think of me at least a little? If you like me… if you… love me…" Junsu's voice broke on the last two words. "Why did you say these things if you were going to end it like this?"
Yoochun felt tears coming to the surface and took a deep breath, trying miserably to collect himself.
"What things are you talking about?" Yoochun tried his hardest to sound strong, but the pain in his voice was so clear.
"You tell me you care for me, you would do anything for me and yet you keep the biggest secret from me. How did you know that I didn't feel the same? You know what... I DO! Do I have to hate YOU? Or am I supposed to blame myself? If only I could turn back time… I just want to go back to before…" Junsu walked over to Yoochun and sat on the couch next to him, still not fully looking him in the eye.
Yoochun sat there in silence, he had no idea what to say or do. He was generally good with words, he used to know what to do in every situation, but this… this was completely new to him.
"Fine, I won't ask anymore. If you want to leave me, go without turning back. I won't shed my tears because that'll just make my heart weaker. I can faintly see you going further away…" Junsu wiped at the tears in his eyes. "I think I will despise you a lot, I have to endure it so that I can forget. I won't ever do anything like love again… I wanted to give my last love to you who turned away… I hope you are happy. I hope you meet someone better than me" Junsu went to stand up but Yoochun grabbed his arm, forcing him to sit back down again. Junsu finally looked into Yoochun's eyes. The pain they held was outstanding, but then there was something else. Something unbelievably comforting and warming, he felt at home.
"You know, I can't stop falling in love with you; I'm losing my control, but… I'm afraid of losing a best friend…" Yoochun looked into Junsu's eyes and let his overpowering urge take over. He kissed him. It wasn't like anything else. It was warm and sweet and absolutely loving. He felt the feelings Junsu really had flow over him and he pulled him closer. He broke away and looked at his friend again. "I love you. I know, I shouldn't love you but someday we can let our love…" Yoochun was cut off by Junsu's lips, not only had he kissed him but now he had been kissed. This time it was different, more heated. Junsu pulled himself closer.
A/N: Holy mother of Jae… So proud of myself for this. Ah! I love it so much! Yoosu is amazing, and this is so sweet. Hope you liked (:
REVIEW REPLIES ((If you left a review look here!))
Grossology Fanatic: Omg I will asap! Just need to write it ^_^"
Sunny: You are way too cute! Ah! Hehe good bad, and yaaaaaaaay I make YOU shiver! Wow, Yoochun grunting is not the only one? :P
Taurus97: Oh god, I'm so slack... I've written more but I don't know where it is.. yeah I'll continue eventually