Disclaimer: I do not own Torchwood. Blah blah blah. Purple nurples.
A/N: Post Cyperwoman. Which I had at first never thought I'd post a Cyperwoman fic. Why? Because I must say I was a tad confused. See, upon watching this certain episode, I had seen "Rise of the Cybermen" and "Age of Steel" of Doctor Who, but I had not seen "Army of Ghosts" or "Doomsday". But I have since rewatched Cyberwoman and I must say, it is an excellent episode. And then bam! This story is born. Do enjoy and if you feel the need, review.
Ianto's feet hung over the edge. The night sky before him, lightened up by the city lights. Really, it was a glorious sight. He took another drag from his cigarette, the smoke coating the nightscape for a mere second before moving on into the dark sky. He swallowed thickly, the fag lowered in his hand. Why was he still alive? Why didn't Jack retcon him? Or kill him? A suspension was it. The Welshman let out a scoff as he lifted the cigarette back up to his lips, a suspension. He couldn't believe it. He let his love kill two people, hurt his teammates, and gotten her killed. He couldn't save her. He couldn't fucking save her.
He heard a gasp behind him. Closing his eyes he cursed mentally. Apparently the universe hated him. Whoever was behind him was going to try and talk him down. Opening his blue orbs, Ianto looked down at the ground below. Very far below. He could make it so that they didn't have time. He could push himself over the edge right now. His gaze moved from the ground to the cigarette in his hand. It wasn't done yet. He couldn't let it go unsmoked.
The person behind him took a few hesitant steps forward. Ianto just took another drag, a longer one this time. Let the person try. Ianto didn't really have anything left. He had nothing. Lisa was gone, his friends hated him, his flat was a dump because after all, he hadn't been able to afford much while he was taking care of Lisa. All of it. Gone. His parents were even dead. He'd been an only child. No family to go to for support. Nothing.
"Ianto?" God, he knew that voice. Taking one last drag before flicking his cigarette out into the night, sending it down to the pavement, like he planned to do to himself soon enough, he sighed deeply.
"It figures that you happen to choose this roof tonight." Ianto said, thinking that if he pushed himself now, Jack wouldn't have time to catch him. And he'd be dead. But God, he didn't want to cause Jack more pain. Not the pain of witnessing his suicide. He'd just have to postpone.
Jack had never heard Ianto's voice so detached. The sound of it caught his breath. He was suddenly very, oh so very, glad he had randomly chose this roof to stand on and look out at the night. It wasn't his normal roof. Just on a whim he thought he'd like a different cityscape. He had not been expecting to see Ianto up and sitting too close to the edge. He was actually at a loss as to what to say at the moment. So he said the only thing he could even think of, "Didn't know you smoked."
The dead chuckle the escaped the young Welshman sent shivers up Jack's spine. "I don't. I quit years ago. Lisa didn't like it. Said it was like kissing an ashtray." He didn't turn around. Thinking that maybe he could go ahead and push himself in front of Jack. After all, it was Jack's fault that he was there. Mentally, he cursed himself again. It wasn't Jack's fault. Not really. It was his. His and only his fault.
"Ianto, could you please look at me?" Jack had to talk him down. And watch him more than planned during the suspension. He wasn't going to let Ianto kill himself. Not if he could stop it. But when Ianto turned around, Jack was taken aback by the look in Ianto's eyes.
Dead. They were already dead. They were a void of any emotion except for loss. In all of his years, he had never seen eyes like that on someone who was still living. Only on those who were no longer breathing. And as Ianto just stared at him, barely moving, he was worried that Ianto was no longer breathing himself. That he had suddenly died. Only the subtle moving of the chest kept Jack from panicking.
He had to save the young Welshman. Say those magic words that made it so that Ianto knew he had something to live for. To know that he would be missed. To know that he couldn't just throw his life away.
But Jack couldn't actually think of any magic words.
They stayed there in silence for a while. It felt heavy around them. So thick that the tension between them could almost be smelt. Neither knew how long they were there, on the roof top, not talking. Jack was so busy trying to think of those words. He knew he had to come up with them soon, because Ianto hadn't moved. Just continued to breath and blink.
"Ianto." Jack said, voice cracking slightly on the end of the name, "Could you please come away from the edge?" He swallowed thickly, figuring this wouldn't work.
Ianto didn't move away from the edge, if anything he had more of himself hanging over the edge as he looked down again, "I've nothing left." It was a statement. Through and through. He thought he had nothing.
Jack bit his bottom lip, "Sure you do." Thankfully this caused Ianto to look at him. Eyes still dead. The emptiness of them sending shivers through Jack's body. "You've got daylights. And sunsets. Midnights, cups of coffee. Inches, miles, laughter and strife-"
"You're quoting Rent." Ianto's head tilted to the side, staring at the older man. Though Jack could see some emotion flickering in Ianto's wastelandic eyes, he couldn't tell whether it was annoyance or amusement. But seeing that spark, that gave him hope.
And an idea.
He took a breath and nodded. "You're right. Not the correct thing to say." He walked up to the edge. He could see Ianto tense as he strode towards him. Sitting down next to the suicidal man, he too peered over the edge, "Alright. Let's do this."
Ianto's brow furrowed, another forgotten emotion showing through his dead exterior, "Sir?"
"Well, if you jump, then I'm going to jump." Jack said. He desperately wanted to look over and see Ianto's reaction, but that would probably ruin his plan. "If you kill yourself, I'll then kill myself."
There was a pregnant pause, "You're lying." Ianto knew Jack would never kill himself. He had no need. Jack still had reasons to live. Jack had a life. Jack would continue on without him easily.
But when he saw the look in Jack's eyes when the elder finally looked up. He knew that Jack would kill himself if Ianto ever did. His body froze. This couldn't happen. That would be four people he would have killed. Lisa, Dr. Tanizaki, Annie, and Jack. He couldn't. It would cause more pain for the others. He knew they wouldn't miss him, but they'd miss Jack.
Jack knew he was being cruel. He knew that if he did jump off the building and die, he wouldn't stay that way for very long. He also knew that Ianto did not know that. If Ianto knew that Jack couldn't die then his threat wouldn't be much of a threat. But Jack also knew that Ianto was very caring on the inside. The recent events just proved it. He risked his own life to save that of his love. He had tried almost everything to help her. Except tell Jack. True again, that Jack wouldn't have been able to help her and the only option would have been to kill her, if Ianto had came forward, chances are they wouldn't be sitting on the roof.
"Bastard." Ianto whispered as a gust of wind hit them. "Why would you follow me to death?" Voice sounding slightly mechanical as he had to speak louder, over the wind that howled in his ears.
Jack sighed and closed his eyes for a moment before looking at the Welshman. Trying to make his own eyes look full of life. Emotion. Full of love and worry. Of Caring and pain. "I have lived a very long time, Ianto. I've seen so many things. So many people I care about die." He paused, "I have seen many people kill themselves. I've never been able to stop them. I don't think I could stand to lose someone else. Especially not someone I care about so much." This caused Ianto to blink and tilt his head slightly. "So, I'm ready to die if you are." Jack knew that Ianto was ready to die, but not for Jack to die.
Ianto didn't say anything. He just turned his head and faced the cityscape. The cold wind causing his eyes to water. He breathed slowly, deliberately. Thinking things through. The way Jack was talking, he couldn't postpone his suicide. He had to cancel it. If he ever killed himself, Jack would follow. He swallowed and closed his eyes. He just wanted it to end. Why couldn't Jack let him end it? Why did Jack want to cause him more pain?
Jack's voice took Ianto from his thoughts, "Well, if we're not going to do this, I want some hot cocoa." He paused as Ianto looked at him, "It's cold up here, in the wind. It'd warm us up. You ever have real hot cocoa?"
"Only from the packets you put into heated water or milk that had been heated in the microwave." Ianto found himself answering. Was Jack trying to get him to make him hot cocoa?
Jack made a disgusted face, "That, my friend, is not hot cocoa. That is hospital coffee compared to your coffee." He nodded to himself, "I think I shall take you home and make us some real hot cocoa." Jack paused again and looked over the edge, "Unless you want to-?"
Ianto sighed, "Not if you're going to follow me." His voice slightly angry.
Jack was glad that he had stopped Ianto, now he just had to bring him back to life. He was still too dead for comfort. "You're place it is then. Trust me, you'll love the real stuff. It's to die for."