better off listening to mozart

by Coffee Detective

how would you like to die?

1. better off listening to mozart

better off listening to mozart

Summary: - Inspired by Puella Magi Madoka Magica. Some things are different, though. Drabble-ish. An idea that could've been a full out chapter story with delicious angst. Got lazy.

You have ten seconds left to live.

Ten seconds.

I told myself that.

I didn't do anything.

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Even though I could.

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I was a child out of two; the youngest. My parents weren't home all the time, and my popular, prettier sister had better things to do than hang out with a 'loser' like me. I always had free time on my hands, and it began when I was five.

The only things I could do alone to entertain myself were to think and draw. The loneliness was soon replaced by my thoughts and I grew up with a lot of things on my mind.

I always spent time outside whenever I could. I'd take a bicycle and see how far I could go, but never going farther than the train tracks outside of town. But, I never seemed to get any tanner; my skin always remained a soft olive; which wasn't a particularly bad thing, I guess.

But in my third year of elementary school, my ninth or so year of feeling alone, I met Kagamine Len.

Why does that name feel so bitter on my tongue now?

He was my first friend. Len was sunny and tan, bright and warm, just like the sun. He was funny and all those things that make up a wonderful person. He had his dark moments and I wanted to understand him; I hope I did just a good job as he had done to me.

But, the thing was, Len was a prodigy.

He was a child born genius. Amazing especially at the violin. He'd already graduated high school; but his parents (heartless they seemed in our opinion), wanted him to live a normal childhood.

Maybe it stifled him, I don't know. But, he continued on. He was an academic and musical genius; but no one ever really bullied him. Because he was that amazing. He was great at sports; he was almost as decent of a drawer as I was.

And I admired him for every single thing. There were times I was jealous, but in the end it never really mattered. It was part of who he was and I wanted to love every single thing about him.

We continued to be really, really good friends all the way to high school. He'd call me his 'favorite person' and in turn I'd call him, teasingly, the 'brother I'd never wanted'.

But, somewhere along ninth grade, he got into an accident.

Len lived and the little girl he saved was really thankful; but the car had so much impact… It destroyed his left hand; the one he uses to write with, draw, and play music on his violin.

I never saw him cry; but his eyes were always red rimmed. It took several months of rehab; but his hand would never work the way he would have wanted it to. I cried for him; visited him every day I could, snuck him his favorite snacks; anything to make him feel better.

But, you know, I think I just crossed the line, bringing those CDs…

XXXXXX

Hatsune Mikuo, Shion Kaito, and Megurine Luka.

They were quiet and composed people in my class. They never talked much, but everyone secretly admired them. They were all good looking (though, I held Len in better regard) and were rather smart, but not extreme prodigies. They all had talent in their own respective fields.

I often loathed Mikuo.

He was my rival in art and creativity. But, we were often paired up for activities in that class. "We complement each other." He told me one time.

He was siblings with Hatsune Miku. I don't talk to her often, but she's the most popular person in my grade as well as the prettiest. She had the voice of an angel and everyone loved her.

She did a few collaborations with Len. I heard them.

They stung at me.

But, anyways, one day, Mikuo came up to me; and this was after school, days before what was to happen.

"Rin! Wait up!"

That was my name. My other name, as I refer to it now.

I stopped at the gates and let him run up to me. "Yeah?"

He sucked in breath one moment and let it out the next second. "Er…I wanted to tell you- - I mean ask you- -erm- -." Mikuo's hand moved vigorously against the back of his head.

I purse my lips slightly. "…Yes?" Was this a love confession?

I honestly didn't know much about him then…

He sucked in another breath and sighed in exasperation. Mikuo straightened up. "Urgh…You know what, never mind. Another day." He walked away.

I resisted the urge to curse as it was nothing but a waste of time, to be put crudely.

Before I turned around, in the distance, I saw Megurine and Shion waiting for Hatsune as he walked towards them.

They were staring at me.

XXXXXX

I would have wished anything for Len's sake instead of mine.

Anything to stop that face.

It was such a sad, broken face; no hope but only regret and restraint showed in it. And everyone knew how much Len deserved to walk and stand tall again.

You know, I brought him CDs filled with classical music to rock music. Len always had such a wonderful voice. But, he was always so humble about it.

We'd listen to together in his hospital room, sharing ear buds and leaning into each other.

And that's how every afternoon went.

But, not anymore.

XXXXXX

I was working on a paper for math, which was somewhat senseless. It was two in the morning and I could hear the snoring of Lily, my sister, in the other room.

And then, there was a creak beside my window. As in, inside.

My windows were always shut tight at night. I made sure of that. I turn abruptly in my chair, facing towards the window.

A black cat adorned my window sill, its tongue raking over the fur of its left paw.

And it had a definite star on his forehead.

XXXXXX

"My, my, aren't you incredibly sharp? But I guess leaving the windows closed is a nightly routine for you."

"Y-you're talking."

"I know. Just one of the many pros of being a cat like me. Oh- but wait, I'm not a cat. I'm not even an earthling."

"W-why are you talking?"

"Did you just not hear me? I'm not an earthling, so that should provide enough reason."

"O-oh?"

"You're so confused. In turn, I'm amused. Child, you wouldn't have had to meet me had the teal one finished his sentence. Or rather, request. He and the others can also grant wishes to an extent."

"M-mikuo?"

"I suppose that's his name. Made such a stupid wish, he did."

"Wish?"

"Why, yes! A wish. They aren't easy to come by, you know. And these wishes are special. You don't need to be specific; it already knows what you mean. Isn't that convenient?"

"Y-you're offering me a wish?"

"You catch on quickly. Of course."

"A-and there's a catch?"

"Always, you see. We could be such great friends."

"W-what is it?"

"Ah, don't you want to know the details of the wish?"

"I g-guess."

"Mm. A wish; is hope and delectable power in one. You could use for anything, anyone, or if you want, everything. Your eyes lit up. Perhaps you want something…?"

"No."

"Someone."

"N-no."

"Faltered, you did. To falter; hesitate is perhaps the most deadly of things you can do in life. But, I see."

"N-no! I don't…I don't mean it like that- -."

"Instead, you'd wish for them, don't you?"

"…"

"The teal one did that too. Ah, you two are born from the same seed, I suppose."

"What is the catch?"

"Impatient? Oh well. If you receive this wish in good terms, then you do something for me in turn."

"W-what is it?"

XXXXXX

You know, I'd do anything for Len.

Even if it means dying.

He means that much to me.

XXXXXX

The next morning, when I came back to school, they were staring at me. Megurine, Shion, and especially Hatsune.

They were so intense that the teacher and several others had even gone up to them and asked what was on their minds.

They know.

It makes me wonder, turning every time to look at them, I wonder what they wished for. Shion and Megurine. Could they have wished for talents? Maybe for themselves?

My eyes met Hatsune's.

"Ah, you two are born from the same seed, I suppose."

What could he have wished for? No- -I wonder who he wished for. But, I guess we aren't all that different.

XXXXXX

It was several days after that day. Neither of them has approached me nor have they lessened their stares.

But, later on today, Megurine had tossed me a note in our second period. No one noticed. I was so surprised that I almost fell out of my seat.

It was all crinkled when I opened it.

You have a choice. I suggest not acting.

If you do, you could die. You know that.

If you decide to wish, just make sure the thing you're wishing for outweighs what you're about to take on.

XXXXXX

I used to believe in monsters.

And I probably still do. I never had anyone to console when I was younger. I was still frightened by the dark; just a little.

But, even in the back of my mind, I knew, just like everyone else, that they weren't real. That they really couldn't kill me. That in the end, you control the nightmare yourself. But, that was thinking then that they didn't have a mind of their own; they couldn't feel anything.

This is different.

They exist. Past remnants of sorrow and pain; born from the rage and agony of others. They used to feel and they have a mind. They know how to fight and they can feel every cut you give them. And they're powerful; one swipe and you're gone forever. They can kill thousands in a second and they can play tricks on you. Every single one varies.

It's scary- - no, frightening- - and it's no different than killing a human when you fight them. It feels so inhumane.

Fight them.

That was the catch. Having your soul ripped out and placed elsewhere. Allowing yourself the bestowing of great power and responsibility- -a lose-lose situation either way. Either you kill or you let yourself and others get killed.

But, it doesn't matter anymore. I'm inhumane now.

And I'm disgusting and filthy.

I don't care, though. I got what I wanted, and it hurt even more.

XXXXXX

"…"

"Len… What is it?"

"…just shut up, okay?"

"…What?"

One sided glaring with teary eyes. A hand grasped the CD player so tightly that the knuckles turned white.

"…Do you think you're funny?"

"…I'm sorry."

"Are you trying to torture me?" His voice raises and cracks and he tries to shift in bed.

"Len don't- -."

"Don't say my name!"

The CD player crashes to the ground and breaks. A shard is left on the bed and it strikes both of us.

"What the hell do you think you're trying to do, Rin? Bringing in stupid CDs, thinking I'll be comforted? Huh?!"

"…I…"

"This hand," He shook it wildly with his other, "will never heal! The nurse told me, my parents said so, the doctors told me; everyone has! Miracles don't fucking exist!"

"They do exist! You just don't know that! Why are you giving up hope?"

"Because there isn't any! Are you even listening?"

"You're wrong. Wishes and powers… Hope does exist and you… You're a goddamn prodigy- -."

"Not anymore."

"That's what you think! Now, why don't you look at it another way? Huh?! Hope isn't insignificant! It's what gives power to people to move on, to begin, and end! It gives people life - -."

"I'd rather die."

A shocked silence occurs between us.

"Y-you know, I used to believe in monsters and I still do. But, you know, I was always so lonely when I was younger. But, I always wished that someone would be there- -just one damn person- - to just hold my hand. And I got you."

"I was happy."

"I learned to hope. Because isn't that what every girl has; in the back of their mind, looking at someone?"

"I still have hope. Please don't let it go away."

Don't let me be wrong. Those words hung in the air.

I ran away, because I was often such a coward.

XXXXXX

"Here we are again."

The black cat is at my window and I haven't seen Len for a whole week. I was too embarrassed to confront anything with him. I hope he doesn't hate me.

"You never told me your name."

"I go by many. But, it seems most refer to me as 'Prophet'."

"Will you tell me about the histories of other mages?"

"All in due time. But, I may tell you that they had great impact on Earth's history and people."

"So vague."

"Many things are."

Silence occurred between us for a brief moment. I spin in my chair lazily.

"Have you thought of any, child?"

"A wish?"

"Yes."

"Y-yeah."

"But, the thing is, is it okay for me to, erm, do it tomorrow?"

"Where will I meet you?"

"The hospital gardens. Late in the afternoon."

"I dislike hospitals; too many monsters. But, I suppose I shall."

"Hey."

"Mm?" It licked its paw lazily. The weight of what I was about to do hadn't hit me yet.

"Why me?"

The Prophet's eyes shone brightly and its tongue ducked back into its mouth before stretching and standing on all four feet. It jumped from the window sill and strutted towards me where I let it lay comfortably in my lap.

"You reek of potential."

With that, it scampered away from me and jumped from the window sill to the wild.

I shuddered, but I think that was just the draft coming from my window.

XXXXXX

Maybe I was reckless and stupid.

But, you know, I got what I wanted.

And, I would've done it all over again.

XXXXXX

"The yellow one decided to wish." A black cat drawled sitting on the edge of a couch in a living room.

Three others were scattered about the room, absorbing the news.

A pink haired girl clenched her fists and shook uncontrollably. "How could she be stupid?! She had a choice- -she didn't need to wish for something so stupid- -."

"Wishing for someone else isn't stupid!"

She glared at a boy who sat adjacent to her. "Says the one who actually did it. But, I bet you regret it; wishing on a sister who never cared- -."

"Shut up!" He stood up flaring, knuckles paling. Another stood up and forced him down.

"Sit and calm down. You're getting pathetic. Her wish is none of our business. What matters is if she'll be ready to fight with us."

"Oh, she will. Don't worry." The Prophet slurred happily before walking into the room and settling on the coffee table. "She reeks of potential."

The girl growled. "I should have killed you the moment I met you."

"That would be worthless, considering my other bodies." The cat sighed and continued grooming.

XXXXXX

It was often I'd come home, after that day, and treat my wounds. I always got scratched up; thrown around. It wasn't unusual to pass out after fighting or faint.

I tried to fight on my own as much as possible because my teammates always had a tendency to stare. They didn't know what to think of me other than 'the girl who had a chance to live normally, but didn't'.

I felt almost hated and ashamed. But that was okay, really. Fighting was kind of fun.

Never mind. I shouldn't be lying to myself.

It was scary; it was always a life or death situation. Sometimes the situation was so gruesome that I'd throw up in the end. But, it was becoming a routine; hack up blood and continue fighting until you die.

XXXXXX

"Hey, Prophet."

"Mm?"

"When I become a mage, do I just get a set of powers or do we have to choose? Is it like getting a wand and shouting out incantations? Or it based on something?"

The cat smiled lazily before rolling in the bed of flowers and hopping onto a statue. "The last one you elicited. It's based on what you wished for and what stands out most about you."

"Oh."

It hopped onto the stone fountain, which ceased spouting water. The sun was dying out in the background and night was slowly melting into the orange sky. I was alone in the gardens, save for my companion.

"Are you ready?"

"I guess."

"It's painful to begin with."

"I'll get over it."

"Continue."

"I wish for- -."

XXXXXX

His right hand drifted through the window curtains.

Night was about to fall over the city. Soon, it would be a new day.

She didn't come again…

XXXXXX

You know, I was approached by Megurine before I made my wish.

It was during one of our free periods. I had gone up to the stairs to spend some time alone. She found me there.

"Why?"

"Why what, Megurine-san?"

"You have a choice. You don't need to do this. I don't care if it isn't for yourself or anything big, but you have a choice."

"You sound as if you didn't."

"I didn't. I didn't have a choice at that time. Either I'd die or live and fight against monsters. I was too young to understand the weight of my wish."

Some people didn't have a choice, after all. I wondered; had Len had potential to be a mage; and Prophet came to him in the accident; would Len have done the same as Megurine?

I know, very selfishly, I would have wanted him to. But, in the end, thinking over it again and again; I wouldn't have wished such a terrible fate on someone; anyone. Especially Len. And, I'm thankful that it was me, instead of him, who made this choice.

"Thank you, Megurine-san. I know that I'm taking on something too big for me. But, I'd rather this than see someone else suffer."

I stand up uncertainly and walk away.

XXXXXX

I decided to visit the hospital again, after making that wish. It was the next day. Maybe Len will be happier. I hoped so.

I walked the many flights of stairs, deciding to take the long way. I finally reached his room; the numbers scarred into my mind.

And then, I hear hushed talking on the inside.

I open the door just a tiny bit, curiosity claiming me.

"…thanks, Miku."

Soft, bubbly laughter. "Anything. When will you be discharged?"

"I don't know, but the doctors want to run tests to be sure. It's…like a mir- -magic."

I didn't stay long after that.

XXXXXX

First day on the job.

I was fighting alongside Kaito. He wanted to us to be on first name terms. But really, we called each other by mage name. It was insisted by Prophet to conceal identities in battle, should the monster ever get away.

The scythe in my hand rapidly shifted into a drill and I flew forward towards our enemy. Kaito rose behind me, his sabre in hand.

"MiNe! If you don't move now, you're going to die!" He shouted at me.

I know that.

I know.

But, I don't need to listen. Logic doesn't really make sense to me anymore. I'm sure Prophet would have agreed, too.

Besides, I'm already inhumane.

I leap forward.

XXXXXX

Luka tends to my wounds; albeit forlornly.

"Had you wished for something other than to heal someone; you could have really disappeared. You're lucky to have such a technique."

"Disappeared?" I stated out loud, ignoring her statement about my healing.

She sighed in frustration. "Prophet hasn't told you? No- -wait, in his words, it would be 'You didn't bother to ask'."

Feeling her anger by the way she stabbed at my wounds with the cotton ball, I tried to cover up my impatience, "Yes, yes. I wasn't informed."

Luka looked at me warily. "You won't resign yourself to depression?"

I smile bitterly and the thoughts of the hospital, Len, and Miku are a cacophony in my mind. "We'll see."

"We all know that, eventually, a mage is killed in battle or is overcome by the dirtiness of their stone. Mages who are killed aren't sent 'anywhere'; just in a lonely place, similar to limbo."

"Forever?"

"We'd have to wait and see, wouldn't we?" Luka spat as she gathered long wraps of bandages and ointment. "But, it's only your soul, of course. Your body becomes nothing more than a shell with a beating heart in it until it dies from the lack of nutrition. That is, if you don't find a way."

"Did Prophet tell you this?"

"No; I'm a veteran, aren't I?" Luka tightened her hold on my chin as she placed a gauge there.

She's seen more death than I have. Suffered.

"What about the dirtying of a stone?"

Luka pursed her lips in a bittersweet way, her eyes almost teary. "When the stone can't take anymore; you become the monster yourself."

…You become the monster yourself.

XXXXXX

Lying in bed, at night…

I don't wanna die.

XXXXXX

I'm already inhumane, what's more to come?

If I'm not careful with my stone, I become a monster?

If I get killed, I'm alone forever?

My body becomes nothing more than a broken shell?

I don't want to be alone anymore. The heat in my stomach goes stone cold. My guts twist and pull at my throat and I feel like throwing up. I wanna scream and cry, but I can't. It's like I can't even feel the pain anymore- -I just can't.

Even though, in the inside, I feel like I'm burning.

XXXXXX

If I go to school with too many bandages, then people will notice.

And suddenly, I understand the weight of being a mage. You can't live freely anymore. Life is suddenly nothing more than calculations. Predicting your monster's next move, when they'll come, and how they should die. Foreseeing your classmates' reactions and credibility. Counting the moments you have left before you die.

I can't even breathe.

Luka has to go through this every day. I'm just like her; and seeing that I have go through all this, makes me realize that she's been doing this way longer than I have.

I often find myself going to the nearest cosmetics store to cover up and look natural. I have to bear with the dull pain, because my regeneration skills work only when I'm in mage mode.

It hurts a lot. On the inside, that is.

But, I can bear with it; and maybe in time, it'll feel like nothing.

I wish I could say that without crying.

XXXXXX

"Why?"

"Why what?" Prophet was curled on top of my desk, waking up from his afternoon nap.

"Why do we have our souls ripped out? Why is dying so painful?"

"Dying, in no means is painful physically. But, is mentally dissatisfying and emotionally agonizing." The extraterrestrial being purred and I suddenly wanted to slap it. "There's a reason why your souls our placed in stones." He pawed at my softly glowing stone; amber in color.

"So we could die in the most pathetic way possible? So we could suffer?!"

His eyes snap towards me warily and I suddenly can't breathe. Intense pain overwhelms me slicing deeply into my skin, blooming and bursting in my abdomen. I can't scream; my voice is too hoarse in the dead silence of my house. Bile fills my throat. My eyesight was beginning to blur to silver.

"Had you not have had your soul taken away and placed elsewhere, you would have died as easily as any other mortal. This is fourth of the pain you would have felt if you had not have had regeneration skills and reconstructed body!"

The pain stopped. I lay on the floor, sweaty and teary. I suck in breath shakily. I looked at Prophet with disdain. "Reconstructed?"

"When your soul was placed in the stone, your body was reconstructed and built more durable. That was why you experienced pain in the transformation."

I stay crumpled on the floor as he left through my window. And now, I guess, I really wasn't human.

XXXXXX

Wet grass. Dewey flowers and bright, warm sunshine.

I felt the need to skip school.

I heard the other day that Len would be back to school today. I still didn't want to face him, even though we shared different schedules. I was still embarrassed and the Miku thing…

I think they're dating now.

I don't know, but I can feel it when I see her in the hallways. See the extra bounce in her step and how much brighter she seems than usual.

It burns. And it stings and stabs me in the gut- -I wanna be happy, not some pathetic, envious harpy who messes everything up in the end. Nobody wants to be that person. I don't either.

I'm at the local park, where no one seems to visit at noon time, where everything is actually at its most beautiful. Butterflies and dragonflies overhead, a mixture of trees around me, tall grasses acting as a barrier, and nothing but the sky and flowers for a view. I take the time to breathe and swallow before looking at my stone.

Its glow has darkened; just a little; and soon enough I'll have to find a way to fix that.

Monsters cause every single bad thing in this world. They cause everything from earthquakes to suicide. They have their own little realms, and from what I realized; were part of mixed emotions and things from their past. They used to be a mage. For every good thing we do in life, Prophet told me, there will enough bad things to compensate that.

When a monster is defeated, it leaves a remnant behind; something akin to pumice stones. And mages use that to get rid of the darkness in their stones. Usually, the Remnant, as we refer to it (with a capital R), is enough to cleanse two mages; which is ideal for working in partnerships.

But, I don't think I can do it. Partnerships. I know I'm isolating myself, forcing myself into a tiny corner and becoming alone. And the chances of me dying are increased; but what's the point if your teammate will always look at you as an outsider?

I've only fought a few monsters; all of which were with partners; mainly Mikuo. We work well, I guess, but it doesn't change his pitying look at me. Even though our wishes were similar.

XXXXXX

When the sky turned orange, I started heading for home. It was probably around five. My sundress, which was once white, had a few grass stains here and there and was crumpled. My hair was tangled and I picked at it reluctantly; gently getting small weeds out from the strands. I felt a little sticky from being in the dew all day; and I probably smelt as if Nature emptied herself on me.

My sandals stomped noiselessly with me as I reached the front door, only to find it unlocked. From the inside, I heard a mixture of voices.

"…Lily?" I called, not caring if she was with her newest boy toy.

Oh, she was there.

And so were Mikuo and particularly, Len.

Mikuo waved happily at me.

XXXXXX

Lily laughed falsely. I guess when put with two extremely attractive guys, Lily tries to turn up her charm.

"Where have you been all day? You weren't at school." Mikuo questioned me as Lily pulled me to sit beside her at the table.

"Erm, I was skipping?"

"Where at? Maybe I could join you sometime!" Mikuo's voice was just so god-awful sugary that I wanted to gag. But, understandably, he was probably irritated since we're 'almost' partners. Anything could happen when we're not fighting together.

Simultaneously, Len and Lily shoot a glare at both of us.

"Ah, Mikuo-kun, I might need to borrow Rin for a moment, excuse us? The tea kettle is probably boiling over." She smiled politely at Len who looked disdainfully at Mikuo.

"Sure."

I let Lily drag me away towards the kitchen.

"You brat, where the hell have you been all day? It's two hours late afterschool, and they're still here for you!"

"I was at the park," My tone got snarkier, "Playing the Easter rabbit. You should know such things are a sacred routine for me."

Lily glared harshly at me before fetching the kettle and pouring it into three cups. I guess none for me.

"You know what, who needs you?" Lily spat. "You can go back to the park and I can just tell them how retarded you're acting right now."

I smile at her in concealed angry pride. "You can tell them that I'll meet them when it's Easter!" I stomp away to the back door and slammed it behind me.

Lily and I never get along.

I hopped onto my bike, forgetting about my shoes.

XXXXXX

The site of the train tracks was always so pretty and calming.

I don't recall why I haven't been here lately. Honestly, it could have saved me the trouble of wanting to bury myself in a hole in my bedroom.

It was already nightfall, the stars twinkling overhead. The moon was peeking out from behind soft indigo clouds. The world had become darker, and it was fitting.

I discarded my bicycle somewhere near brushes and sat by the train tracks. The ground was dirty and cold, sharp rocks littering it. The metal of the tracks were ice cold; a contrast from this morning. I didn't feel so alone in this silence; but the lack of words was eating at me.

I recap.

Len visited today; the opposite of before, me visiting him. Lily said he came there for me.

It's enough to know that he still cares. And it makes something at the bottom of my stomach flutter and churn.

But, every emotion of hope and happiness I have crash down. Am I still me? Does he notice the changes? Is he suspicious? I just don't want him to hate me. After those long moments of separation, will he still want to be my friend, at least, even after I ran away from him?

It's kinda of stupid of me to say. After everything I've been through; fighting monsters, almost getting killed; I'm afraid of just not being accepted by him.

And he's a prodigy. He's sharper than regular people.

I draw my knees in and my sundress flutters at every slight breeze. "Hope…" I mutter bitterly as my nails dig into my calves.

Something attacks my head and muffles my scream.

"Pant…Hope…pant…does exist."

I feel like crying.

I turn around and look through narrowed eyes at Len. But, even then, I couldn't be harsh with him.

"I really…gasp... shouldn't be moving too much; but I'm sorry."

I turn away. Stupid, stupid, stupid- -

I speak anyways. "What for?" He sits down beside me and adjusts the heavy coat on me.

"For not believing in you when you said that miracles were real and that hope wasn't insignificant."

I look away even though his eyes are determined at looking at me.

"You didn't need to find me. How'd you find me anyways?"

"Bull crap, Rin. This was the first place you showed me when we became friends."

"I don't remember." Even though I do; ever single detail. But, he tells me about it.

"You took me out here; snuck me out of my house in the dead of the freaking night, in my dinosaur pajamas, and placed me hostage here. And it was snowing."

"I'm getting a vague idea." I murmur teasingly, and it's suddenly like before. He's chuckling while I smile at our banter.

And it burns.

It wrenches at my heart and I start to bite my lip to block out the tears and thoughts. But, I cry anyways.

"Hey…hey. What's wrong?" His hands reach towards my face, but I shake my head.

Stupid Len. Stupid life. Stupid Prophet. Stupid mages and monsters and feelings. Stupid me.

I want to be friends with you again. Yet I don't. I want to tell you how I feel. Yet I don't. I want to tell you everything that's happened, just like old times- -yet, I can't. I can't allow myself. In the end, feelings like these are going to crush the both of us and others.

"Tell me what's wrong."

I hold back a terrible, heart wrenching cry and I sob pathetically. I sucked in a shuddering breath and yell like the coward- - the idiot I am- - "I wanna be friends with you again!" I sob again. The one thing I say and it ends up being the most anticlimactic thing ever.

Len just looks at me confusedly. It's okay if he doesn't understand. I'd rather that he didn't. It was a lucky thing he wasn't a prodigy on girls anyways.

"Hey, hey, it's okay. Shh…" He hugs me awkwardly and comforts me the best he could. "We're always friends, right? It never ended to begin with."

"Stupid. Stupid." I mutter at him as he gently pulls at my leg and elicits from beside him - - one of my shoes. The ones I was wearing earlier today.

"I'm sorry, Rin. And thank you, for not losing hope in me." Len murmurs quietly to me as he starts lacing the straps- -a form of an apology- -around my ankles. His fingers glide gracefully over; and I repress the urge to shiver. When we were little; he'd tie my shoelaces for me since I didn't know how.

I felt like crying again at how sweet Len could be in turn.

I allowed myself the luxury, in those few minutes, to feel as if I was his only one- -his only girl and that it was reality.

XXXXXX

Len walked me back home last night.

I got it out from him that he was dating Miku.

XXXXXX

Lately, I've been fighting too much, too often. Even though I gained Remnants for cleaning, my body was beginning to wear down.

This was when I was I fighting by myself.

XXXXXX

"Are you a virgin?"

I spat my water out at Mikuo, who grimaced in response.

"What kind of question is that?" I blurt out in embarrassment and indignation.

It was gym, a class Mikuo and I shared as well. We had just finished warm ups and physical testing out under the sun, so we were taking a break now by the fountains. Exhaustion had claimed me and I rested with a towel over my head. Fighting every other night did not go fondly with physical education. I shifted sorely, hissing when I overstretched a muscle that was still healing.

"Don't think I don't know that you've been fighting by yourself."

I glare at him in utter dislike. "So. What."

He gazed at me coolly. "And apparently, you've been fighting too much." Mikuo plunks himself beside me.

"You're paler than usual and it's an eyesore to see you move between and in classes."

"And this has to do with being a virgin because…?" Mikuo was just so confusing at times.

"It's the blood. It drives monsters wild and attracts them to a mage like crazy. And it's probably why you're so sore all the time."

I flush. "I'm not losing my virginity until I'm fifty. Aren't there other ways to prevent them from smelling me or something?"

Mikuo laughs and it's dark and velvety. "Luka and Kaito most certainly are not virgins- -neither am I- -so what does that say to you, Miss Prudence?"

"But…"

"It might save your life~~"

"Why do you act as if it's a good thing?" I squirm in shame.

"Depends on who you fuck." He pushes his face right into mine with a dark smirk.

I reddened once more.

XXXXXX

You know, by now you should think you have the right to now our set of magic.

And you do.

Luka, I don't know what type of situation she was stuck in, but her powers gave her hypersensitivity and greater senses than others. When I fought with her, her powers kind of reminded me of Athena in battle. She could always predict what they were about to do next; and where and when they would exactly be, guns aimed. A cold and strong fighter with no nonsense.

Kaito never really said anything about his wish, and I suppose everyone's wish has nothing to do with me. And it isn't my place to say so. But, he had this overpowering smell of the sea - - salty and fresh. I heard from some girls talking about him that he used to live near the ocean. And maybe it has something to do with his power; I don't know. But that's what stands out most to me; besides the fact that he's constantly getting stronger in battle; improving.

Mikuo.

When I spent a night at his house, for nothing particularly special (it was just after a mission, and I was too tired to go back my own home), he told what his wish was. Even though he didn't live with Miku, he still cared about her. For some reason unknown, he was always excluded by his family.

Miku had always been a wonderful singer; from what he told me. However, at one point, she had contracted a tumor in her throat. Their family was keeping hush about it, since it'd be too troublesome to let anyone know. Mikuo heard about it anyways.

Prophet visited him.

And that was that. Miku never really talked to him, but I guess it was enough for him to see her alive and happy. He told me, "It's almost always that when you wish on someone and they don't know it, you're going to end up bittersweet."

Anyways. Mikuo had a Set, what we called our powers, dealing with regeneration and art. He'd paint some weapon, and it'd come alive for him.

You know, even though we were similar in many ways, our Sets only had one thing in common; regeneration. I don't really have much of a power; something pops into my head and I use it for a time span of ten minutes. Prophet thinks it something of value; I don't.

He said it was the way I wished.

I wish for Len to be able to be a prodigy again.

Something like that.

XXXXXX

Staff.

I twirled it in my arms as it took form. Resolute protector. That was what my name, the one at this moment, meant.

I needed to stop it soon. 'It', as in the monster in front of me. Its body loomed over me; its massive hands swiping at me. In its realm; every monster had one; lights danced crazily against the floor and the sky seem to always shift.

Nine minutes and I swallow. I've already switched weapons five times. It's been fifty minutes, and this monster still needs to be put down.

The staff breaks apart into two, a chain in between connecting them. It becomes lethal, on both ends having a blade.

I swing it and fly forwards, locking down the monster with the chain. The staff becomes a spear and I raise it high; the finishing kill.

…You become the monster yourself.

It used to be a mage. Just like me. It probably didn't think or knew that it was going to become like this. I can still see the pain and hate inside its eyes; mixing with confusion.

But, if I were to become something like this; I would have wanted someone to put me out of my misery.

I slam the spear down and I'm thrown back into a wall, fainting.

XXXXXX

I shudder.

I gently slide the cold clothes back on and Mikuo watches.

I feel like crying and slapping myself.

XXXXXX

When I wake up, I'm alone and it's raining in the alleyway.

I look into a puddle as I get up. There's a wide gash on my forehead and a couple of scratches on my arms. My back hurts.

I stumble blindly home; still in mage regalia; letting my powers heal me. I almost forget to take the Remnant with me.

No one sees.

XXXXXX

The next day I catch a cold.

And I have to stay home.

I honestly don't care anymore about school. Though, Mikuo tutors me sometimes after school. Len's too busy with Miku.

I'm happy for them. They're a happy couple; going out on dates all the time, holding hands and giving each other light pecks in between classes, and sitting with each other during lunch. Mikuo typically pulls me away to eat lunch with him, Kaito, and Luka. It used to garner a lot of stares, considering that I'm such an average person. But, it died down after a while. Len and I still talk, but I distance myself from him in order to not ruin his relationship.

And now, my life has suddenly become a routine.

Wake up and go to school. On your way home, kill a couple of monsters. Clean up wounds and bathe. Eat. Homework. Sleep and hope it isn't reality. I'm always tired now, and couple of times I had to sit out during gym because I fainted during warm ups. Being someone with powers isn't being amazing.

It's downright hell.

Luka was right; I had a choice and I chose to do it. I'm scared and tired. I feel like a wild animal who's about to die in a world nobody cares about. And the only thing that was worth it is starting to lose its weight. I'm only sixteen. Too young. Not mature. And there have been others before me who've started younger. I have yet to understand anything at all. We're forced to grow up. See things that we weren't supposed to see to begin with.

Nightmares every other night, throwing up after a good fight, and a good gash somewhere on the body every day. How many times have I woken up thinking I was in the afterworld, alone?

But, I don't want to regret. I don't want to forget why I made this choice in the first place. Who I did it for and why them. It's burnt into my mind. The one person I care most about, and that's who it was for. I think every so often to myself, to make- -to will- -myself to remember and think back on what made it worth it. And it hurts. And it burns and sears at my skin. And all I can do about it is cry.

XXXXXX

"When is this monster, a Witch precisely, going to land?" A pink haired girl asked, lifting her head.

"Wait- -Prophet, you didn't say anything about this being a Witch!" A blue one stood up, fiercely looking at the black cat.

"As it is, you never asked." The cat purred, and walked to wear the map was. It was a small scale of their city.

"We can't handle a Witch, dammit! Not even with Rin!" Kaito snapped. His finger jabbed at recordings of worldwide disasters on the television screen. The damage left in other areas by the Witch.

"You'd be surprised. She's already fighting and surviving by herself."

Luka looked towards the silent Mikuo. "…I thought you were fighting with her…?"

He shook his head. "She's a loner. Doesn't like the stares we give her in battle. The Witch is landing within a week. It's so powerful that it doesn't need a realm. It'll probably be written off as a massive earthquake, with aftershocks strong enough to being tsunamis in."

"Yet, she probably has the potential to fight it herself. You guys can help of course. If you're still not sure, then we can invite the Others." Prophet sighed and plopped himself onto the middle of the map, irking Kaito.

Luka wrinkled her nose. "They're so full of themselves; the Others, I mean. They won't like having to be the lackeys of the newbie mage. Miki especially."

"But that's mad to invite them. They're just as coordinated fighters as we are, but if one of them gets killed or doesn't have their stone cleaned up in time, you know what that means." Mikuo interjected.

"Rin can sacrifice, I suppose. Just dive in right when the monster's almost dead." Prophet yawned.

"That's a coward's way out." Luka displayed her gun at the cat.

"And if her stone isn't cleaned in time, she'll become a monster. And being how she is, she'll be just as powerful a monster as she was a mage."

"But, think about it like this, before her stone's completely dirty, kill her. It works out in the end- -you're not completely harmed, the Witch is dead, and your city is saved."

XXXXXX

Ten

Nine

Eight

Seven

Six

Five

Four

Three

Two

One

XXXXXX

"Urgh. I'm so sick." I drawl with a stuffy nose as Len throws a tissue box at me which I catch skillfully. My reflexes had sharpened from battling. Miku stands prettily in a corner, keeping her distance- -I don't know if it's because she just doesn't like me or doesn't want to get sick. Either way.

"You actually caught that."

"Yes, yes I did. Do not underestimate- -ah…AH…achoo!" I sneeze and turn, trying not to spread germs. The tissue box rolls away and I struggle to get it. How can a box roll anyways?

Len laughs and Miku elicits a small giggle. Miku has always been this dainty thing, glowing, pretty, and everything womanly. I, on the other hand, differ greatly.

"How'd you get the cold?" Len asked. It was afternoon, a couple of days after I got the sickness. Len and Miku were visiting me afterschool.

"I fell asleep in the park and it rained on me." I shrug nonchalantly, but he glances somewhat sharply at me. Stupid prodigy.

"Wouldn't you have woken up on the first drip?" He avoids looking at my forehead. He wants to believe me; wants me to prove every suspicion he has wrong. I don't know if I can.

"I had to walk home because I didn't have a cellphone or money. So I couldn't go back by bus and I couldn't call Mi- -." I stopped there. Sometimes, Mikuo would take me around if I was too lazy by bike.

Len didn't know that and he didn't have to either. He already dislikes him enough. Especially due to the fact that he's Miku's brother, I think. Len's eyes narrow.

"Call who, Rin?"

I swallow and take a go. I don't anyone else besides Miku and Mikuo that have a 'mi' in their name, so I try for an accent. I'm sick anyways. "'Meh sister, Len." Even if I had called Lily, she would've left me in the rain.

He backs off. I exhale quietly.

"Miku and I got you something; it's downstairs, so I'll be back." Len changes the subject and I nod dully.

Once we can't hear his footsteps anymore, Miku approaches me. "You and Mikuo talk."

I don't feel like lying. "Yeah."

"How…How is he?"

I smile gently at her. She does care. "He's fine. Maybe you should talk to him sometime. I'm sure he'd appreciate it if you talked to him."

Miku returns my grin. "I hope he won't mind. You know, he'd always been an artist. You remind me so much of him." She glances at the artwork around the room.

Mikuo and I are similar. Not in means of talent or anything, but I guess personality wise. "I…I get that lot." My smile turns a little ginger.

"Says who?"

"A lot of people. Say…if you don't mind me asking…why doesn't Mikuo live with you?"

She flattens visibly and the last thing I need is a pissed off Len. "Y-you don't have to answer, I'm just curious!"

"We came from the same womb and all…But, Mikuo has always been different from the rest of us… Our parents thought we would be better off with him elsewhere."

And she didn't do anything? And she dares to ask how he's doing now? It's just like Prophet said; to falter is to put yourself in a deadly situation. Or in an uncomfortable one, anyways.

It's silent for a little while. "…You like Len don't you?"

"I've always liked Len." I play dumb.

"You know what I mean."

"Yeah, I have." And always will.

Sadly.

"You were friends with him longer than I have been with him. Longer than I have known him. You had the right to go after him first, though."

I swing my legs out of bed. "Why are you telling me this?"

"I really like Len. But it comes down only to a matter of things. I just don't want to lose him. And I know I sound terrible, but I want to be with him."

"In the end, Len just happened to like you better than me. Is that what you're trying to say?"

"Do you understand?"

I felt like crying. The words felt utterly terrible in my mouth. But, I said them anyways. Let them flow out of my mouth just so Miku would know she had the upper hand. What she did wasn't mean, it stung though; but I understood. I understood that she cared so desperately about someone to want to put up barriers and see how far their territory reached. And I'm no better. I would've probably done the same.

"It doesn't matter anyways. Mikuo's really nice. Your brother knows how to please a girl." I spat, albeit gently, wondering if she understood what I meant at the end of my words.

She got it. Her eyes became larger and her mouth widened slightly. It was kind of funny and cute at the same time. "You…"

Len walks through the door, with a box and notices our expressions. "Erm…Nothing bad happened right?"

XXXXXX

I fell asleep in Miku's present. I don't want to talk about him anymore. It's this pretty, frilly dress, white with soft tones of pastel colors in it. Miku chose it and he bought it, they said. I guess this was Miku's way of saying 'truce'. Before they left, I tried it on for them.

Miku said it was cute on me.

I don't even want to think about what he said about it.

XXXXXX

I wake up in a cold sweat. Nothing but nightmares. Ignore that, and allow my head to swivel towards my drawer.

My stone is glowing.

A monster is nearby. Whenever a monster is close or in our region, our stone immediately wakes us up or alerts us. And it seems this one is important. My stone is so bright that it illuminates the whole room. And I can't allow people to get hurt by it.

My body moves about in routine. It's seven o' clock at night. I stumble almost blindly in the room to reach my bathroom. I feel dizzy and sick, probably from the cold I have. My face is pale and sweat can be seen at the top. I bind my hair tightly and shed the dress before adorning something more convenient.

Downstairs I hear the slamming of the door. Lily's home with a bad mood. I'd probably have to sneak out then. I wash my face, trying to refresh myself and block out all noises. Once I throw on my jacket and exit the bathroom, I find my bedroom is already occupied.

Lily's in here. Staring right at my stone.

"I thought we had agreement that we wouldn't touch each other's stuff or go into each other's rooms." I say in an even voice when she turns around.

She sneers. "Really? But, that only applies to you, loser." Lily looks back at the stone. "That's a really pretty stone, you know."

"I know. I'll be going out. I need the stone though. It's a present. For a friend." I walk past her to achieve it. She snatches it before I can reach it.

"And it's not even wrapped. Suspicious, maybe?" She looks at it closely.

I sigh in frustration. If she randomly drops it, I'll be done for. "Give me the stone."

Lily ignores me. "You know, I think I'll just keep this. Don't worry, Rin, I'll be real gentle with it too." Before I could run after her, she runs off and slams the door behind her. "I'll be gone for the rest of the night, partying!"

You know what, fuck this. That stone doesn't really help me fight.

I can do this. When I'm back, I coming for her going to be sorry ass next.

XXXXXX

I'm bloody.

I'm tired.

But, I don't want to die.

Every muscle is screaming for me to make my next move. How long has it been already? Four hours since I've been fighting this…this…thing? The monster just laughs at me. I'm scared. What if I can't defeat it? It doesn't even need a realm. It's already torn up five sky scrapers.

I don't even know how dirty my stone is.

Think Rin, think!

I think of every pathetic superpower there is the world, every anime that involves action, anything to do with fighting and overcoming something else. My head begins to burns, trying to make sure I think all at the same time.

In my hand, now, is a scythe. It's different than the one before. It's double edged, wicked and large. But, I can't even feel its weight. It's like it's made of feathers. In the light of the blade I can see everything to do with me. Memories, people, my thoughts…

I'm gonna die anyways.

I leapt forward towards the monster. My scythe was raised far behind me and it takes every nerve I have not to shout in fear. And then I see it, my chance. I think, maybe I will live.

My body freezes, but the scythe swipes at the monster, but not as deep as it should have been. I can't move; I'm paralyzed all of a sudden. The monster becomes weaker and falls down with me. I could have killed it, but for some reason I couldn't.

The shrunken monster recovers somewhat and pounces me and it takes every ounce of strength I have to move my scythe to protect myself.

It opens its mouth- -

All the dead souls in there screaming and wailing. So many have died by this monster's hand. I could have killed it. I could have stopped it…!

My body is struggling. It forces itself against me; my scythe is my last barrier. Kaito is suddenly there. Where the hell have you been?! My mind is struggling to keep my body awake and moving, but all I can do is blink and breathe.

"Rin! Rin!"

The monster is still there.

Why can't you see it?

It's right there!

But, Kaito keeps calling out my name and I start screaming.

It's going to eat me- -I'm going to die! I don't want to die! Not now! Please! Kaito! Luka! Mikuo! Anyone! Please, please, please, please- -

You have ten seconds to live, Rin.

You're going to die in the next ten seconds. Do something. Anything.

Tears blind my eyes and my body stops altogether.

XXXXXX

He just stares.

I walked out of the closet prematurely because I had trouble hooking the back together. I could've stayed in the closet, but Miku disliked the idea of tiny spaces.

And it makes me blush. Miku's fixing the front of the dress so she can't even see his face.

His eyes, sliding up and down my body, taking in my whole image. It's as if he finally recognizes me as someone other than his friend. A 'could be'.

He's so focused on me that he can't say anything. And he darts his eyes away when Miku turns around.

But, it's enough for me.

XXXXXX

"…I didn't know." Len whispers as he stares forlornly at the person in the coma. They're in Rin's room, gathering; Prophet is nowhere. Miku sits sobbing in a corner, holding tightly to Mikuo.

"Not a lot people are supposed to. Originally, it was part of the plan for Rin to die." Luka murmurs, gently sliding a finger from Rin's temple to her jaw.

Len snaps his head at her. "Die? What do you mean, 'die'?!"

Luka looks remorsefully at the blonde boy. "I didn't agree with the plan either. But, Rin ended up being a powerful mage. If mages aren't killed, then their stone gets dirty if they don't take care of it. Then, they become a monster. Had Rin become a monster, she could have brought an end to Earth. So the plan was to kill her in battle before her stone dirtied."

"That's not fair." Miku sobbed in the background.

"It isn't. But, Rin didn't really care in the end." By the window, Kaito sat; aged. "She was probably the only one who could kill it."

"But she didn't; so why?" Len looked helplessly at her.

"Because someone got a hold of her stone. When a mage's stone wanders too far, they automatically become paralyzed. Rin could've lived after fighting it... Mikuo had to take the finishing blow since the Witch was weakened enough for any other average mage to go after it."

His hands tightened around the bed sheets. "Where is her stone now?"

"We got it back. I think it was her sister that took it. Rin didn't know about the stone distance, because we never thought it would apply to her…" Luka's voice trembled.

Len's fist slammed against the table beside the bed.

"Why…why do people become mages, huh? Because then, they wouldn't have to fight anything because there were no monsters to begin with!" His shoulders shook as his head hung down, bangs blocking his expression.

"It deals with potential- -." The pinkette started softly, but Mikuo interrupted her.

"A wish."

"What?"

"It's composed of hopes and power. It's offered to us in exchange to fight." He croaked hoarsely, his teeth biting down on his lip.

"That's stupid- -why would anyone- -."

"It's not stupid!" Mikuo cut in sharply, body tense and panting. "Haven't you ever had feelings; compassion, asshole? Not everyone wishes for their goddamn self!"

"Some people don't even have a choice," Luka looked away, "Some people fix themselves for the sake of others," Kaito looked sharply over, "And some…wish for the sake of others." Mikuo sucked in a shuddering breath and looked towards the window, eyes becoming watery.

It was deathly silent. Miku cried harder and tightened her hold on Mikuo.

Len laughed.

"…Ha. HA. Ha, ha, ha. …Wha-why… Why? Why is…Why is this so stupid? Huh? Why are we so stupid?!" His fist banged against the table again and his shoulders shook more. "Rin. Rin. You fucking bitch." He looked at her body, it was as if she were- -

"WHY? Why did you do this?! HUH?!" His hands grasped her shoulders and shook her. "Why are you such an idiot?! Huh! This whole fucking time - - you think this makes me happy?!" He started crying. "We were better off listening to Mozart anyways! Idiot!"

He cries, and he feels the burn.

XXXXXX

Am I really anywhere anymore?

But…

I'm somewhere.

XXXXXX

A/N:

Early birthday present for myself. Yippee. Let know through REVIEWS if you want another chapter. Because honestly, Luka did say that 'we'd have to wait and see' about this Limbo like place, right? Erm, by the way, Rin's ability stemmed from her creativity; and everyone knows nothing is impossible so long as you think. I feel as if Len was kind of a dweeb… Maybe I shoulda made him a playah. Or something. This story seems a little rushed…Oh well.

I really needed to put something out there. I have been inactive for soooo long. I am so sorry to the following : MochiJunFan and Clavemien. I love you guys~~. I honestly need to get my groove back on for PH. I'll probably post the sequel on the anniversary of Darkness. Because I friggin swear…I am so fracking lazy.

But, alas, I already have two series now for Vocaloid that need to be published. One is dark and mysterious and the other is crack and has drama. Both are M-rated~~. If anyone has ever watched the mentioned anime, you should be able to understand the story line. If not, WATCH THE ANIME. It will leave you crying; I didn't cry- -or else my parents would have looked at me weirdly. But, of course, you can always ask questions~~. The anime is amazing.

Again, if you want another chapter; please review~~. My goal is to at least reach ten reviews of this. Maybe. My works aren't very popular to be truthful. But, ten would be nice. Also, it'll probably be a while before I post it up… SO DON"T COUNT ON ANYTHING: BUT I WILL TRY. Less than three ya suckas!

PLEASE LET ME KNOW IF YOU WANT ME TO POST UP THOSE OTHER TWO STORIES? 0u0

Ahem. Anyways, bye!