Disclaimer: I don't, as ever, own a single thing but the plot bunny that hops here!

A/N: New story idea... been playing with this idea for a while. Hope you like!

Thanks for KricketWilliams and Emzypemzy for giving a little help =)

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She looked at them all laughing and she'd never felt so down in her life. "Forget it. I'm going back to work."

"Penelope," Derek said a little louder, "pump those brakes and come back here a moment, Baby Girl." Penelope hesitantly stopped at the doorway and looked at them as they began to master composure. "Why would a clown be following you exactly?"

"Well I don't know, Agent Morgan; why would a clown be following me?" She asked sarcastically. She was obviously pissed off. "If I knew that I wouldn't need to be asking for help, would I?"

"But why a clown?" Reid asked confused. "Of all things."

"Years ago didn't you say you had a fear of them?" JJ asked as she stood up and went towards her friend; she'd just grasped why Penelope was so fraught by the idea, and Derek's face began to soften with recognition.

"Fear of clowns, known as Coulrophobia, is an exaggerated fear. Usually caused by the use of face paint to create a new face entirely and hide an identity. The over use of pranks and jokes also causes unsettlement in a person."

Hotch could tell Penelope was getting unnerved with the conversation. "Garcia, how long have you had this phobia?"

Penelope looked up and into his eyes. "Uh, since I was twelve." She then felt embarrassed again and crossed her arms across her chest. "I'm going to go back to work."

"What caused it?" Hotch prodded.

"It's stupid," she said with her back to them, she then turned back slowly.

"Garcia what was it?" Rossi asked sternly as he put his hands on the table and leant in.

"A clown groped me at my 12th birthday and made a honking noise." She shrugged a little nonchalantly. "I guess making things funny made it okay." She then left and went back to her office where she decided to work quietly and out of the way until this blew over.

"Should that even cause an irrational fear?" Emily asked as they all took a seat and sat down.

"If it was traumatic enough. If she didn't speak to anyone about it, then it only manifested," Reid pointed out in his usual manner. "Do we believe her that she's being followed by a clown in broad daylight, though?"

"In this job you believe everything you're told until you know otherwise," Hotch said and left the conference room, and heading towards went down to Penelope's office. He went in without so much as waiting for a response to the knock. "I just came to see if you're okay."

"I'm just dandy, Sir," Penelope told him, but didn't detract her eye sight from the computer screens. "It's an irrational fear, one I've gotta learn to get over."

"That's not what I came to hear," Hotch said as he stepped into the room more. "How long have you been seeing this person?"

"The clown's been following me for about 3 months," Penelope replied in her normal tone of voice.

"3 months, Garcia!" Hotch said angrily. "Why the hell did you leave it so long?"

Penelope sighed. She knew full well that wasn't going to go over well. She tried explaining, "Firstly, it's an irrational fear, one I've probably made up on my own or made progressively worse. Secondly, it's never close, always across the street, and thirdly, Kevin laughed his way out of our relationship because of it. That is humiliation at its utmost."

"Anything more to do with this clown business and you call one of us. No arguments until it's sorted out."

"Got it, Hotch," Penelope said and she didn't need to look to tell that he was gone. She then felt guilty for ever doubting them; she felt the realisation sink in that if one of them had said a clown was following them, she'd have laughed too. It was a clown walking the streets of Virginia; the idea was absolutely absurd, almost ludicrous.

Derek walked the corridors until he got to Penelope's office and walked in through the open door. "Yo, Baby Girl." He said and Penelope swung round with a smile on her face. "Wanna head out for a spot of lunch with me? I'm thinking an Italian. How do you fancy it, mamma-mi-ma?" He asked putting on an Italian accent to accentuate his offer.

Penelope swung round with a smile on her face. "Well how can this mamma mia resist?"

"Exactly; she can't," he said as he pulled her up from her chair and pulled her into his embrace. "My bed or yours tonight?" He asked her and Penelope id nothing but pull back.

"Now's not the time to continue our tirade of 'friends with benefits' handsome," Penelope told him and grabbed her purse. "However much fun it is, I'm not in the mood to be fuck buddies tonight."

Derek sighed, ran a hand over his head, and waited for her to turn back to leave. When she did, he just gave her a small smile. "Who's bed tonight? I don't want you to be alone, and what type of best friend would I be if I left you alone?"

Penelope smiled at that. "Can we just go to yours?"

"Sure thing, but I'm thinking let's go get food first," Derek said and let her leave, not touching her; he knew Strauss was onto them and he wouldn't jeopardise Penelope being transferred for it. He'd rather have her in secret and still around, than half way across the country away from him.

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"So you got Punchinello after you, eh?"

"Something like that," she said as she punched her side salad with a fork. "You know what? It's a clown. I take off enough make up nightly with face wipes. I could do the same to him." Penelope said a little amused at her own thoughts. "It's a man in dress up right?" Derek nodded as she continued on. "Clowns can't be murderous. I mean, he stands around in broad daylight, on busy streets in multicoloured clothing looking like a loon. He can't be."

"How about you just don't think about anything beyond he's a clown, eh, baby? Leave the murderous bit to us lot." Penelope smiled at him and Derek allowed yet another of her smiles get imprinted to his memory. "You're beautiful," he told her and leant forward and pulled a bit of salad off her breast. "Even keeping food for later."

Penelope laughed and blushed. "Wow, embarrassing much?"

"If you weren't being so stabby with your salad you'd have been fine. You've nearly fine chopped it all," he teased her and he saw her begin to forget about her whole clown worries. "I'd like to eat it off you."

"Mm, I bet you would," Penelope said and then twisted some pasta around on her fork and stopped and looked up at him. "You know our whole... sleeping arrangement?"

Derek nodded.

"I don't think I want..." Both their phones interrupted her sentence, so Derek was led to believe she didn't want him, but he answered his phone calmly and coolly and she answered hers.

By the end of it, both had different looks. "We got a case." He watched Penelope merely pass her phone over and he took it, keeping her paled features in his sights. Clicking play he listened to the voicemail and then waited for it to finish. "C'mon baby girl, we're getting you to the BAU and we're going to deal with this now."

Penelope didn't answer him back; and just grabbed her stuff and followed him after he paid.

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A/N: Had this idea a while but decided to finally complete it and post it. Garcia's phobia is from episode 1x21, Secrets and Lies but I've just renewed her saying it again

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