I have no idea where this came from. Guess I need to stop watching commercials...
I don't own Lord of the Ring.
Have you ever been in the pit in your life where everything you do makes you look old and feeble? Where people are afraid to look at you for fear you'll turn to dust, just from their gaze? Where everyone thinks you need to go into a retirement home? If you answered yes, to even on of these questions, you need a Hobbit-Whacker staff!
Yes, sir! With this bad boy, you'll look cool in front of all your friends. You get to hit the ground and shout famous lines, fall into a dark abyss, turn out to be alive, and help a friend look younger. No one will think of you as old with this awesome weapon. In fact, they will tell you to lighten up, and even attack you (claim you be someone else of course).
Plus, with this special offer, you get a creepy ball that some power hungry eyeball can talk to you through! And even read you mind! Who doesn't want that? Keep out of reach of: small children, soon to be kings, Hobbits, and other mischief-makers.
Warning having this cool staff and moves may cause other wizards to become jealous and turn on you.