AUTHOR: Jessspider aka Spidereyes
RATING: PG, no explicit sexual acts
CATEGORY: Angel POV, Buffy POV
TIMELINE: After the episode LOVER'S WALK, kinda around the time
it snowed in SUNNYDALE
AUTHOR'S NOTES: This piece was written on account of the fact
that I was feeling too emotionally stressed to continue my
existence without expressing into words what it is that Buffy and
Angel truly feel for each other. It's based on the episodes
previous, mostly when Angel got his soul back and he returned
from hell. We're assuming here that Angel has regained his
humanity, that he recognises Buffy and what she means to him (and
speaks English of course), but that Buffy and Angel don't trust
themselves enough to be with each other again. So here, they're
pretty much wanting each other badly but unable to have each
other as much as that. It's my first Buffy/Angel fic, but not my
first attempt at writing or posting. I hope that it agrees with
most of you, all I know is that if I hadn't written this,
would've died lol!. ( I wrote this a very long long time ago, back in my baby days)
DISCLAIMER: I do not own Buffy, or Angel (though I wish I did).
They belong to Joss Whedon, Joss Whedon Productions, etc.
I can smell her. The sweet scent that is Buffy. I know that she
is here, before she is here. I am glad that she has arrived. I
was missing her. Her beautiful face, those crystal blue eyes.
Eyes I have seen a thousand times, eyes that reveal the hurt and
pain she has felt because of me. Whenever I see those eyes, I
see the truth revealed within, and like a thousand times before I
wonder why she stays. Buffy deserves more in her life than an
eternity of sadness. Maybe, although the selfishness within me
would argue otherwise, she deserves someone better. It almost
goes without saying. Vampire versus slayer, slayer versus
vampire. Who ever heard of a vampire in love with a slayer. It's
the law. A basic fact of our reality. Vampires and slayers do
not associate in any other way other than to kill each other. So
what then of those who oppose that? Who live in the name of love?
I cannot harm her. I would never wish touch her in that way.
Intentionally injure her.
I see the way her shiny, silky blonde hair falls gently around
her lovely face, its ends teasing the broad expanse of soft,
creamy skin exposed just below her neck. Her pretty little
shoulders round and smooth, just waiting to be caressed. I want
her so badly. I want to take comfort in her so much. Sometimes
the urge to kiss and love her is so great I feel like I could
collapse under the weight of it all. I picture her cherry
pillowed lips and feel the need to consume her whole, drawing
strength from the beauty that is Buffy Summers. I need her so
much. Like parched land needs the young rain. . She is my
guiding star. I'd be lost without her. Dependent, like the earth
needs the sun. I want so badly to cup her face, caress that
fine, baby skin in mild strokes with my thumb. Brushing against
her lips and watching her close her eyes in response to the
sensitivity that touch brings. Feel the emotions rushing in her,
of memories we once had, before I lost my soul. I lose my breath
every time I see her. The exertion alone to look in her direction
is incapacitating. Buffy I love you. You are a part of me and
always have been. It sounds implausible, but I believe that with
all my heart and the soul that I do have. Buffy, I am so sorry
for all pain and grief that I've put you through. My apology
probably isn't worth anything. But please believe me when I say
this, I really am truly sorry. I love you so much, hurting you
hurts me so much more. I know it's all my fault. I think I knew
that before it started. Your eyes reveal it all. I remember the
very first time I saw you Buffy. So pretty. My heart was yours
before you knew it.
Angel. That one single word has the power to knock all the
strength out of me, weaken me at the knees and send a storm of
seriously flapping butterflies in my abdominal region, all in one
go. I sigh. That one action in itself does not benefit me in
recovering from my condition other than to provide me with the
necessary breathing air to continue the journey that is so called
life. Angel. Such a contradiction in himself. My love, my
vampire, my heartache, my heartbreak. I make my way to the place
he's been living in for the recent months. I love you Angel. I
want to take you into my arms when you look so forlorn. I just, I
don't let that happen. I can't let that happen. Because we are
like two headlong, speeding-bullet trains on a dead straight
track for head-on collision. And when we do collide Angel, it
will be the biggest TNT explosion I have ever seen. We can't go
that way. Oh Angel, we cannot go that way...oh! as much as
I really want to. Angel the urge is so great. Every time I see
you, I just want to kiss you so hard, hard enough for my lips to
start bleeding. I want to touch your beautiful skin and feel
your warmth against the palm of my hand. I want to run the
length of my nose along that firm, sturdy jaw of yours. I want
so badly to plant a kiss, the gentlest of kisses on that strong
nose I want to call mine. I want to drown with you in your soul,
your eyes, remove the hurt we both feel. I want to brush my
fingertips over your lips and feel you respond. I want to study
your face in the loving way I know how. Oh Angel I want to love
you so much that it hurts. Sometimes I can't...I can't go on.
Why does it have to be so hard? I feel the first mist of tears
welling in my eyes. I want to remove that invisible burden of
guilt you place so high and heavy on your broad shoulders. You
never raise your head higher than necessary do you Angel? Always
so humble. I want you and it's so hard not to have you. It's so
hard to give you up. Why Angel? Why so hard? I need you now in
my life. I need to bury myself in your embrace, lie my head
against your chest, over your non-beating heart, feeling you breath,
the place I call home.
THE END