Author's Notes: Heeeeyyyy! It's Kuja's Little Mage! Reporting to you live from Cancun where the both of us are!
Not a whole lot to say from either of us, except...Cancun is fun (boring the last few days but fun, an odd sort of peace around here), and that this is strictly a parody, so here are some things to expect:
- Mary-Sue Moments
- Bishies
- Sephiroth jokes
- Kefka jokes
- Vincent jokes
- Masamune jokes
- Old-school game parodies
And any other sort of associated jokes with any other bishies from here on out. Have fun! Just like with Bad Blood, Lomie and I swap writing chapters. I started with the first one.
Shangri-La
A Parody of Epic Proportions
by Kuja's Little Mage and Lomesir22
Tags: Shounen-ai, Het, AU, Parody, Comedy
Fandoms: Various
Rating: PG-13
Disclaimer: Wehereby declare that none of the characters in this story are ours, except for Toshio, Vilium, David, Seth and our two Oc's. This fic is only for entertainment purposes and is not meant for money or distribution.
Summary: Jessie and Ella are two ordinary girls who find themselves stranded on Shangri-La, a dream-like tropical island complete with a resort run by all the hottest bishies ever known. It seems like the best place to be; how could it not? Still, something doesn't seem quite right...
Chapter One
"Dreaming a Reality"
The soothing sound of the ocean was the first thing that confused Jessica and awoke her from an otherwise pleasant sleep. She blinked her brown eyes, bleary and tired, and felt sand underneath her fifteen-year-old form. She was still wearing her Tweety Bird pajamas from last night—or what she could only assume was last night.
Jessie sat up and brushed back beautiful auburn-red hair reaching to the base of her neck. Not beautiful, but not ugly, Jessie walked that thin plank between pretty and average, with a round, freckled face and pale skin belying an outdoorsy personality. She glanced about with puzzlement, noticing the hour appeared to be twilight and that she was just shy of sitting in the tides that lapped the shore. That was in front of her. She stood and turned to look behind her, and saw nothing but tropical forests and the peak of a roof to some sort of building just beyond that.
Exactly where am I, and how did I get here? She wondered. She took some tentative steps to her left along the shoreline in her bare feet, her toenails still painted purple along with her fingernails, which were chipping. Jessica wrapped her arms around her. Not because it was cold—the weather was actually quite pleasant—but because she was feeling a little nervous. She had thought she was in bed, and now it appeared she was in a strange place with no idea of what was going on or how she'd arrived there.
Maybe it was...? Naah...that was just a joke... Jessica paused as she remembered the letter.
...It was a joke...wasn't it?
Ah, who was she kidding? There was no reason to think about such a silly little thing. This was probably just a dream—yeah, that's right. Any minute now, this paradise would end and she'd wake up in bed, at home in Leesburg, where there was nothing but farms and modern life left, and she could hop onto the computer and surf the Internet like she always did.
So if Jessica was so sure that's what was going to happen, why was she feeling the need to reassure herself?
Maybe this is one of those weird lucid dreams, or an out-of-body experience, or something. Thought Jessica. I mean, if I'm not dreaming, what else could it be?
This was beginning to frustrate her. Jessica sighed and stopped in her tracks, her feet making deep imprints in the sand as the water eroded away the layers beneath her feet. She simply stared blankly ahead of her, looking quite clueless and worried. She chewed on her bottom lip and put her hands on her hips, the wheels in her head cranking endlessly. Even if she was sure this was a dream, she was trying to think of an explanation for it all. It just seemed so real. It was a strange feeling—she couldn't quite describe it—but it was a feeling, and she had it, and it wasn't going away.
Jessie turned in circles a few times as she tried to get her bearings on the land. There wasn't much of it to be seen. Other than this place, which she could only think to be an island, there was another islet far out in front of her that seemed much darker and less pleasant than this one somehow. It had a very morbid and sterile-looking building on its grounds, and that was all.
Hmmmm, she pondered. Wait, why was she pondering? Ahh, forget it. This whole thing was making her get a headache. Jessica grumbled aloud, words that even she couldn't understand, and then turned as if to make off for the trees. Hey, there was a building that way. There weren't any other options she had unless she wanted to stay on the shore.
"I wouldn't be going through all that overgrowth alone if I were you, Kairi."
Jessie blinked. "Kairi? Who's Kairi?" But when she turned around, she gasped, shocked at who she saw. In front of her was a boy who was very strangely familiar, and only about a year older than her, with long silver hair and eyes as blue as the Caribbean-colored sea at this beach. He blinked at her, and then he frowned.
"Oh, I'm sorry. I thought you were someone else." He crossed his arms. "Hmm, don't know why I thought you were her. Your clothes aren't anything like hers."
Jessica could only gawk in wonder at this...this...person. This really hot person. There was no mistaking where she'd seen that face before, but she still couldn't believe that he was actually addressing her. Her!
I must be dreaming, she thought, Now I'm sure of it. Otherwise, I wouldn't be talking to...
"Riku."
Her eyes fluttered. "I-I'm sorry?"
"I said, my name is Riku."
Jessica was silent. She just kept looking at him. "Oh," she muttered.
Riku smiled at her, and she thought she'd melt. She wasn't exactly sure why she felt the need to gush over him like Brad Pitt, but again, that feeling of reality was overwhelming her—even despite the fact she still thought this was a dream.
"Confused?"
Jessica was turning as red as her hair now. "A little," she said quietly. She gave a bashful smile. It was every fangirl's dream! To actually talk to the one bishie she'd come to love the best most recently! It was almost too good to be true.
"Don't worry, a lot of the girls are like that when they first come here. You'll get used to it after a while." Riku turned on his heels and held out his hand, gesturing for her to follow. "Come on, I'll guide you through the tropics. It's confusing unless you've got someone with you who knows the lay of the land."
Jessica wasn't complaining, and more than eagerly followed at his heels. "Okay!" she said cheerily, drooling over Riku with her eyes. He was more than used to this by now, and took it all in stride, just letting her stare at him. He was surprised he hadn't gotten any invasive glances from the other girls yet. All of them were totally nuts for the employees here.
"I'm sorry this had to happen to you," he said.
"Don't be sorry," Jessica said suddenly. Her eyes were still on Riku. "This is great..."
Riku didn't let Jessica see his face, but he was frowning a little. He just shook his head.
"Anyway." He pushed back a few trees to reveal a path in the little jungle, and waved her in. "After you. Just keep at my side, and don't wander off the trail. This place seems perfect, but there are still some monsters around."
Jessica only nodded, and let out a very fangirly giggle as she tottered into the forest, a little more gleeful than she should have been. Riku followed behind her and then, walked beside her. After calming herself down (or trying to), Jessie turned to him and said brightly:
"So, Riku," she giggled again when she said his name, "What's this place called?"
Riku glanced at her briefly before his eyes turned forward again. "Shangri-La."
Jessica stopped in her tracks, paling.
The letter.
A couple of days ago, she'd received a letter in the mail inviting her to a place that sounded like paradise. At the time, her parents had been arguing downstairs and she was going to go through a tough divorce on the horizon. She'd been feeling depressed, and the get-away sounded fabulous. Thinking it was a prank, she circled "YES" on the invitation and then tucked it away in her drawer.
Was she so sure it was a dream now? She didn't know anymore.
"Are you okay?"
Jessica nodded slowly, but said nothing. And yet, Riku recognized the look in her eyes very well. He held out his hand to her, and perhaps for comfort, she took it and squeezed. He squeezed it back.
"It's okay. I know you'll probably feel a little homesick. But it's better here, really. I promise we'll make you feel at home."
Jessica only nodded again and followed him the rest of the way, stone-silent. She didn't know how to react and wasn't ready to call it reality, but she didn't want to say it was a dream anymore, either. It was like being in the Twilight Zone. Nothing was real, but nothing was unreal, either.
Very strange, indeed.