Originally this was part of a chapter in one of my other stories, but I decided it was just too long and not very pertinent to the particular story I was working on so I decided I should post it as a one-shot. Hope you all like it. And for all of you waiting patiently for the next chapter of Shades of the Heart, I apologize for the long wait and promise that it will be posted soon.
Love you all,
Ecanus
Aang stood silently on the balcony of the Southern Air Temple, gazing out over the beautiful valley below. The sun was just beginning to set over the distant horizon, bathing the valley in bright orange and pink light. As he took in the beautiful sight before him, he found himself filled with many mixed and conflicting emotions, as he did whenever he came back to his childhood home.
The sacred walls of the southern temple held within them treasured memories of his friends and family and his beloved mentor, Monk Gyatso. Though most of the memories were of good times, Aang couldn't help but to feel sad. Never again would the laughter of his people echo through these now empty halls and never again would the temple be as alive with life as it had been so many years ago. This place was a relic now, nothing more. The temple was merely a sad and lonely reminder of a time long past, a time now that only he could remember first hand. It stood now as a monument to the lost souls of the people whom he loved so dearly and whom he had regrettably left behind. It seemed the guilt and sadness that he felt for his long-lost people had never truly healed. Whenever he found his way back to his former home the pain bubbled to the surface of his wounded heart, leaving him restless and haunted.
Today seemed no different from any other time before. The pain revisited his heart as it always did when he was here, but for the first time in what seemed like forever he had hope for a new start. Little by little, with the help of his new-found friends and family, it seemed Aang had begun to put his past to rest. Finally it had begun to feel as if his life had taken a positive turn and he found himself often looking forward to whatever the future had in store for him.
Aang sighed softly as his mind drifted once again to Monk Gyatso. He wondered what Gyatso would think if he could only see the man Aang had grown into, or the type of avatar he had become. Aang wondered what Gyatso would think about his friends, Katara, Sokka, Toph and all the other people he had grown close with during the war. He wondered often what Gyatso's opinion would be about all the choices that Aang had made over the years since the war had ended. But most of all Aang wondered what his old master would think of the choice he was about to make now, a choice that would go slightly against the monk's teachings.
He sighed heavily as he continued to gaze intently up at the setting sun, his heart beginning to pound in his chest as the thought of what he was about to do swirled through his anxious mind. He silently pulled a small black silk bag from his pocket and began to anxiously fiddle with it as he thought about the true reason for this visit. The black bag contained a necklace that Aang had meticulously carved by hand, a betrothal necklace made specifically for the only woman he had ever loved.
Aang had been planning his proposal for months; he wanted everything to be perfect. He and Katara were in route to the fire nation capitol for Fire Lord Zuko's wedding celebration, and it just so happened to be the couple's very first trip alone together. The journey from the South Pole to the Fire Nation capitol was long so the two had planned to leave a few days ahead of schedule to allow for plenty of time for a rest stop. Since it was on the way, Aang thought that the quiet and remote Southern air temple would make the perfect rest stop. However, a quiet place to spend the night was only part of the reason for their visit. In truth he had secretly planned this alternate route purposely, and had chosen the Southern air temple specifically with his proposal in mind.
To Aang the temple had always been his home, and though it held happy memories within its thick stone walls, it now also harbored painful and haunting memories as well. Now, because of Katara and the rest of his friends, Aang had begun to think differently about the sad and lonely temple. Perhaps instead of living in the past and wallowing in what could have been he should be looking forward to what could.
Though his lost people would no longer roam the halls, that didn't mean the temple would never again echo with the sounds of life. The temple would always stand as a monument to the air nomads but Aang had begun to think of it as something more; a place where he could make new memories and perhaps start a new life. What better or more special way to start than by choosing this place to finally ask the woman he loved to be his wife.
He and Katara had arrived early that day and Aang had just finished getting Appa settled before he made his way back up to the room that he would be staying in. He stepped out onto the balcony to get a little air. The moment he stood still long enough to think about his proposal, he began to pace. Although he had practiced for months, he seemed to have forgotten his carefully chosen words in his intense nervousness. It seemed now that the moment had nearly arrived, he found himself suddenly more petrified than he when had faced the fire lord in battle. He did not feel that she would turn him down, but the idea of taking such a monumental step in their relationship was nerve-wracking to say the least.
Suddenly a knock at the door interrupted his thoughts. The unexpected sound nearly made him jump. He paused in his pacing and looked up at the door.
"Aang," Katara's bell-like voice echoed from the hall way, "Aang are you in there?" Aang quickly stuffed the black bag back in his pocket and adjusted his robes.
"Yeah," he called out as nonchalantly as possible. He quickly made his way to the door. He paused a moment with his hand upon the knob he could feel butterflies fluttering in his stomach and his heart begin to race. He took a deep breath and then opened the door quickly. Katara smiled up at him lovingly. He smiled back at her without a word. The two stood for a long moment just gazing at each other in a slightly awkward silence.
"Uh, can I come in," Katara questioned as if suddenly remembering why she was here. "Yeah," Aang replied awkwardly as he realized he was still standing in the door way. He quickly stepped to the side and opened the door wider for her to enter.
"Wow," she sighed, "this room is even prettier then mine," she said as she took in the ornately decorated walls. Aang smiled slightly as he watched her examining every detail of the room.
"I have to say I am impressed," Aang replied, "The air nomad acolytes really did a beautiful job with the restoration."
"Of course they were under your direct supervision," she replied with a casual smile as she tucked a loose strand of hair behind her ear. Aang shrugged in response.
"So," Katara sighed as she walked casually around the room, "this is our first trip without Sokka or Toph, I have to say it's very….quiet." Aang smirked at her witty comment.
"Yeah, and you have to admit it is a nice change," Aang replied, "Don't get me wrong, I love those two but I don't really miss them or their incessant arguing." Katara giggled slightly.
"Tell me about it," Katara replied, "I'm still pretty amazed that you actually talked Sokka into letting us take this trip alone though."
"It wasn't easy," Aang admitted, "but I think Sokka is finally ready to accept that we aren't kids anymore and he doesn't have to chaperone." He smiled slightly as his mind drifted briefly to the day he had asked Sokka for his blessing to marry Katara, a moment that he was glad was now behind him.
"Thank goodness," Katara sighed slightly. Her smile slowly faded as she continued to walk around the room taking in every detail. Aang just watched her in slight apprehension as he awaited the perfect moment that seemed to never come.
Katara stopped and gazed up at a particular painting that caught her eye. The painting depicted a man and a woman in air nomad garb holding hands. Aang came up beside her and gazed up at the painting as well, glancing in her direction nervously from the corner of his eye.
"What is this painting about," she asked suddenly without taking her eyes away from the detailed artwork.
"Oh um," Aang stuttered slightly as he nervously rubbed the back of his neck, "it's uh depicting an air nomad…uh…wedding ceremony." She turned to him and smiled in slight nervousness.
"Was it common for air nomads to get married," Katara asked nonchalantly, "I mean, uh, I thought air nomads were monks." Aang smiled slightly in amusement.
"Not all nomads chose to become monks," Aang replied with a smile, "many of them got married and h…had…children." He quickly turned his eyes back to the painting trying his best to hide his nervousness.
"Oh," she replied softly, "but…monks…don't get married?"
"W…well, typically…no," Aang replied. Katara gazed at him with a hint of disappointment on her face.
"So…you chose to become a monk," Katara questioned, "I mean you chose to lead that kind of life."
"Well no, I didn't actually chose, I…I mean…uh, it's a little more complicated than that," Aang sighed. Katara turned her eyes to him and gazed at him in curiosity. It was rare that he spoke about his past life but when he did it always intrigued her. Aang glanced back at her for a moment when he felt the weight of her stare.
"See, uh, my parents gave me up to the temple when I was just a baby," Aang sighed, "they wanted me to become a monk." Katara gazed at him with an expression of surprise and slight sadness.
"Wait a minute," she replied, "your parents just gave you away…they didn't even wait to let you decide what you wanted for yourself?"
"It wasn't like that exactly," Aang sighed, "I mean…my parents, uh, they already knew that I was the Avatar when they gave me up…I was trained as a monk because I am the Avatar. Besides most kids are given up to the temple at a young age, it's not like I was the only one. Normally we are…uh…were all trained as monks and then when we turn sixteen we have the choice to continue to live as a monk or to leave the temple."
"Normally," Katara questioned.
"Yes…well, normally, if you're not the avatar," Aang replied, "For me turning sixteen only meant that I would have just begun training for my avatar duties and live as a monk. Of course the elders planned to start training me as the avatar much sooner…if I hadn't…well you know the rest." Aang dropped his eyes to the floor as the memory of the night he ran away from the temple once again played through his mind.
"Oh," Katara gazed at him sympathetically, "well…it must have been so hard on you to grow up without parents. I couldn't imagine never knowing my mom or my dad; you must have missed them terribly."
"Not really," Aang replied with a shrug, "I…I mean, I guess I thought about them sometimes, you know what they were like and all but I never really knew them. I didn't really feel like I was missing out on anything because life in the temple was all that I ever knew." Katara nodded in slight understanding as she turned her eyes back to the painting.
"Well I guess that makes sense," she replied. She turned and glanced at him curiously once again. He stood beside her silently, staring blankly at the painting.
"Aang," Katara pressed on, "do you ever wish that the elders would have let you stay with your parents?" Aang turned and gazed at Katara a weak smile forming upon his face.
"Sometimes I think about what it would have been like," Aang replied in a slightly sad tone, "but then, there are a lot of what-ifs that I think about sometimes."
"Like what," Katara asked gently. Aang shrugged as he turned from the painting and began to walk aimlessly around the room.
"Like…what if the elders hadn't chosen to take me away from Monk Gyatso, or what if I could have saved my people from the fire nation, or what if I hadn't…run away?" Aang paused when he felt a hand rest upon his shoulder. He turned in Katara's direction to see her gazing at him sympathetically. He smiled slightly.
"It's okay you know," he replied, "I mean I will always be sad that my people are gone and about all the chances I missed with Gyatso and my friends and my parents, but I truly believe that everything is as it should be." Katara returned his smile with a sympathetic one of her own.
"I'm so sorry Aang," she whispered back, "I know how hard it is to let go of the ones you love and to always have those what-if's in the back of your mind."
"You don't need to feel sorry for me," Aang replied, "yes I will always miss my people but if all of that hadn't happened, I wouldn't be here today, I wouldn't be who I am right now, I wouldn't be with you…and believe me, I wouldn't trade that for the world." Katara smiled slightly, her cheeks turning a light shade of pink, but her blue eyes remained slightly distant.
"Although that may be true," she replied in a slightly sad tone, "it seems like no matter how happy you are the what-ifs never quite go away, do they?"
Aang dropped his gaze from hers for a moment as he processed her words. She was right of course. It seemed that no matter how happy they both were now, there would always be those unanswered questions nagging at their very souls. They would always be haunted by the memories of the loved ones who had been torn from both their lives and the possibilities that could have been. It seemed nothing, not even happiness or love could keep the unending scenarios and what-ifs from playing through each of their minds; nor stop the guilt that often followed. Aang turned his eyes back to her. She stood with arms crossed gazing blankly at the floor, her moment of happiness briefly lost. He silently reached for her arms and gently pulled her into his. She laid her head upon his chest and allowed him to encircle her in his comforting embrace.
"Its okay," he cooed, "its' okay to be happy even though they are gone." A single tear spilled from her eye and she quickly wiped it away.
"I know," she replied, "I know…and I am happy…really, it's just sometimes I can't help but to think about mom, I just wish she knew how happy I am."
"She does know," Aang replied softly. Katara looked up at him and smiled slightly.
"Do you really think so," Katara asked with a hint of hopefulness in her voice. Aang nodded in reassurance.
"Your mom will always be with you," Aang replied. Katara smiled slightly.
"There are a lot of things that I wish I could have shared with my mom," Katara went on, "things that she and I both missed out on."
"Like what," Aang questioned in interest. Katara lifted her head from his shoulder and gazed up into his gray eyes.
"Oh I don't know," she sighed as she pulled away from him and meandered randomly around the room, "mother daughter stuff, you know like…talking to her about a boy I like or getting ready for a first date, and…she won't be there when I get…w…well…if I get married or…if I…"
"If," Aang questioned suddenly at her unexpected words. Katara turned to him instantly.
"Well…I…I always thought I would get married someday," Katara replied with a shrug, "but I..."
"What do you mean," Aang questioned, "you don't think you will now?"
"Well I don't know," Katara replied, "maybe I'm not supposed to get married, I mean, uh…your not getting married because you are a monk…I guess it's just not a big deal, is all." Katara blushed slightly and turned away from him. Aang snickered slightly, now realizing what all her previous questions had been leading up to.
"Well," he sighed with a shrug, "my people believed that any monk, especially the Avatar, should not become too attached to any one particular individual. We are supposed to love all mankind equally. But it is especially important for me because the Avatar is supposed to put all others before themselves and be impartial. I guess the elders felt that if the Avatar married it would affect his or her duties negatively."
"But other Avatars got married," Katara stated inquisitively, "like Roku and Kuruk." Aang nodded in agreement.
"I guess other cultures have different beliefs," Aang replied with a shrug, "but technically, if you think about it both Roku and Kuruk's personal relationships sort of resulted in their demise." Katara turned and gazed at him for a long moment as if trying to decide what to say to him.
"What did either of those stories have to do with getting married?" Katara asked pointedly, "Roku was killed by his best friend because he was not decisive. I don't even think his wife entered the story at all. As for Kuruk…well okay I can see that having something to do with it, he did lose his love to that Koe spirit; but even so two out of how many avatars?"
Aang chuckled slightly, "I'm sure the elders of my tribe had perfectly valid reasons for forbidding the avatar to marry."
"Okay so you are not allowed to marry," Katara replied in a slightly frustrated tone, "what about having a girlfriend is that not allowed too…aren't we breaking some nomad law being together?" Aang could tell she was getting discouraged because he was not giving her the answers she wanted so desperately to hear. Her frustration slightly amused him, so he decided to keep the act up a little longer.
"Actually," Aang sighed, "we kind of are, the only reason we have gotten away with it this long is well…because I am the only one left and all."
"Well that's just perfect," Katara huffed. She crossed her arms over her chest and began to walk away from him. Aang could feel his pulse race as he ran to stop her, knowing full well that he had gone too far.
'Way to stick your foot in your mouth Aang,' he thought to himself, 'she'll definitely kill me for this later.'
"Hey Katara, hold on," Aang replied remorsefully, "don't be upset…please just come back okay." Katara paused for a moment and then turned slowly back in his direction. An expression of frustration and disappointment covered her face.
"What's wrong Katara," Aang questioned, "why are you upset?"
"Upset," Katara replied in a slightly flustered voice, "I just found out that being in a relationship with you is breaking your peoples laws; why would that make me upset…I'm not upset at all."
"Katara," Aang went on, "it's not that big a deal; I promise you…it's not."
"Of course it's a big deal Aang," Katara replied tearfully, "this is a very big deal."
"No, you don't understand," Aang went on.
"What don't I understand," Katara replied, "I mean is it a rule that you can't be with me of is it not?"
"Yes, it's a rule that monks remain celibate," Aang replied, "but…"
"Seriously, Aang," Katara replied, "When were you going to tell me about this? I mean do you…," she started and then stopped. She huffed slightly in frustration as she tried her best to find words that would not give away the reasons for her curiousness.
"What exactly do you believe Aang," Katara questioned. Aang turned his gaze to her, a nervous smile forming upon his face.
"I…I believe that the elders had the best of intentions," Aang replied in a soft tone, "but personally, I think that forbidding the Avatar to get too attached is…well…wrong."
"Because of Gyatso," Katara whispered as she turned back to the painting. Aang dropped his eyes to the floor as his mind drifted back to his old mentor.
"Well…yes," he replied, "and…." Aang paused as he silently remembered being faced with the choice to let go of Katara to attain complete control of the Avatar state. A choice he had never been able nor willing to make.
"And you," he continued as he turned his gaze back to her. Katara turned to him once again and smiled softly her blue eyes remained wide and unfaltering.
"Me," she replied in a questioning tone."
"To be honest," Aang sighed, "you are my proof that the elders were all wrong." Katara could feel the flush of her cheeks as he spoke.
"If it were up to the elders," Aang went on, "I shouldn't have ever had the opportunity to love you the way that I do, I should have left you behind to master the elements and attain ultimate control of the avatar state. They would say that you are a distraction and that I could never truly embrace my birth right if I ever were to put you before any other person in the world." Aang stepped closer to her and gazed lovingly into her shining eyes.
"The truth is….if it wasn't for you; I wouldn't be who I am today. If it wasn't for you…well." Aang paused a moment as he tried to put his feelings into words, a feat that proved more difficult than it seemed, "you know that I never wanted to be the avatar." Katara nodded.
"When I met you, I didn't know what it meant to be the avatar. You helped me believe in myself for the first time, you gave me the strength to live up to my potential. You made me see how important being the avatar really is. If it wasn't for you, I would have just kept running away from who I am. For the first time in my life I had a reason to stop running." Katara gazed at him lovingly a small smile forming upon her face. He reached to her and grasped her hand, gently intertwining his fingers with hers.
"You are not a distraction," Aang replied with a smile, "well…most of the time anyway." Katara giggled slightly at his comment.
"What exactly is that supposed to mean," Katara replied as she gently slapped him on the arm.
"Let's just say, water bending took me a little longer to master because I couldn't keep my eyes off my beautiful teacher," he smiled. She smiled back at him in amusement.
"Oh really," she sighed. Aang nodded with a smile on his face.
"Seriously though," Aang went on, "you are not a distraction, you are more like…an anchor." Katara looked at him in confusion, clearly not getting the comparison.
"Thanks for the compliment…I think," Katara replied. Aang couldn't help but to laugh at her witty comment.
"What I mean is…you keep me grounded," Aang replied, "you are the one I count on for advice, you help me focus on my duties, and you won't ever let me forget who I am or what's important. I am a far stronger and more focused avatar with you then I ever was without you." Katara could feel her face flush as Aang spoke.
"I guess what I am trying to say is," Aang paused for a moment as he silently gathered his courage, "I love you Katara, more than you will ever know, more than I ever thought possible."
"I love you too Aang," Katara replied emotionally. Aang smiled widely in her direction. He gripped her hand a little tighter as he reached his opposite hand into the pocket of his robes and pulled out the small black silk bag. He could feel butterflies swirling in his stomach and nervous knots forming in his throat.
"I can't picture my life without you being a part of it," Aang went on, "I want nothing more than to spend the rest of my life with you." He paused once again as he slowly kneeled down on one knee and looked up at her hopefully. He pulled the medallion out of the bag and held it out before her. Katara's breath caught in her throat as she gazed in disbelief at Aang and the intricate medallion he was offering her.
"Katara…will you…will you marry me?" Katara could feel tears welling up in her eyes and her heart rate began to race.
"Oh Aang," she cried, "are you serious…you want to marry me?" Aang nodded with a smile.
"I love you Katara," Aang replied, "There is nothing I want more."
"Oh Aang," Katara replied excitedly, "yes, yes I will marry you, yes!" She immediately fell into his arms and kissed him passionately. Aang eagerly wrapped his arms tightly around her thin frame and held her close to him.
"I love you so much Katara," he whispered in her ear, "You don't know how happy you just made me."
"I love you too Aang," she replied. Then suddenly she pulled back from him and gazed at him in concern.
"But what about your air nomad rules," she stuttered, "I…I mean you're a monk, I..I thought…"
"I may be an air nomad…and a monk," Aang replied, "but I am also the last of my kind…I really don't think the elders will mind if I change a rule or two." Katara smiled brightly at him. He placed his hand softly upon her cheek and gently drew her to him.
"But even if I couldn't change the rules," Aang went on, "this would be the only one I would be guilty of breaking because I wouldn't give you up for anything not for all the power in the world." Katara smiled at him with tears in her eyes.
"Really," she asked happily. Aang nodded as he leaned closer to her, resting his forehead softly against hers.
"Really," he answered truthfully, "you are everything to me." She stood up on her toes and wrapped her arms around his strong neck as she gazed into his warm gray eyes.
"I love you Aang," she whispered. The two leaned slowly toward each other until their lips nearly touched. Aang could feel her warm breath on his face.
"I love you too," he replied against her lips and then he leaned in once more closing the gap between them.