SEVERUS SNAPE: User Guide and Manual

CONGRATULATIONS! You've just purchased a SEVERUS SNAPE unit of your very own! To ensure that you use your new buy to the very best of his abilities and that you avoid painful, unexpected brushes with death, we've provided you with this manual.

Name: Severus Snape. Will respond to "Severus" "Snape" "Professor" and "Sir". Will respond positively to "Sev" or "Sevvy" if called so by a LILY EVANS POTTER Unit, and negatively to "Greasy Git" "Snivellus" and "Grease Bat"

Age: 37

Place of Manufacture: London, England

Height: 5'10"

Weight: 185

Your SEVERUS SNAPE unit comes with the following accessories:

One (1) Set of black casual robes

Two (2) Standard black teaching robes

One (1) black Cashmere turtleneck sweater

One (1) pair of kaki pants

One (1) wand

One (1) Advanced potion making kit

Two (2) Glass vial sets

Three (3) Cauldrons

One (1) Potions bag

Programming

Your SEVERUS SNAPE unit is equipped with the following traits:

Potions Master: In need of cash? Well, here's your answer! SEVERUS SNAPE is definitely our most skilled unit when it comes to potions, so go right ahead and sign him up for an job at your local apothecary or potions shop. Money'll be flowing to your pocket within the month!

Double or Secret Agent: He's so skilled that not even the most up-to-date equipment can detect him, making him perfect for sneak jobs, spying, and heists. His spell work is top notch, and SEVERUS SNAPE is also wonderfully versed in the mind arts.

Blackmailer: Nobody notices him, and when people are alone they tend to take liberties that they otherwise wouldn't have! Need to catch your neighbor's kid smoking, or want to prove that your bitchy sister-in-law is cheating on your brother? Just set SEVERUS SNAPE to work and he'll have you first-class material in a matter of hours!

Removal of your SEVERUS SNAPE from Packaging:

SEVERUS SNAPE is one of our more temperamental units, and can react violently, We urge you to take extreme caution when trying to reprogram or unpack him; to avoid any unfortunate injuries, we have compiled a list of ways to wake your unit up.

1. Bring a LILY EVANS POTTER Unit by the box. He will wake happily, and after the LILY EVANS POTTER Unit insists that she is not angry at him, he will be so ecstatic that you can reprogram him directly.

2. Open the potions kit. Your unit will respond immediately. While he brews, you can reprogram him

3. Blow something up. Make sure there are no NEVILE LONGBOTTOM Units nearby before hand. Your unit will respond immediately and most likely call you something along the lines of "idiot" or "dunderhead". It is safe to open the box at this point. Once he realizes you are not a NEVILE LONGBOTTOM, he will grumble, grab his wand, and clean up the mess, (depending on how bad the explosion was, you may have to reprogram him quickly before he goes in serch of the nearest NEVILE LONGBOTTOM unit) He won't hurt you, though your unit will most likely still be a bit grumpy when he gets up.

4. Start playing the first episode of 'Harry Potter Puppet Pals' SEVERUS SNAPE will get up immediately and break open the box to turn of the music.

Reprogramming

After successfully waking your unit, you may reprogram him to any of the following settings:

Stern (default)

Snarky (default)

Happy

Professor

Workaholic (locked)

Wizarding War 1&2 era (locked)

SEVERUS SNAPE comes, by default, in Stern and Snarky. These modes entail that you will either ignore or simply not respond to several witty comments which would have had you bursting with laughter;

Happy is unlocked by either giving him potion ingredients and supplies and/or giving him money to buy potion ingredients and supplies. Another way to unlock it is to leave him with a LILLY EVANS POTTER Unit. This mode means exactly what it says; your unit will be happy and much more easier to work with. Getting him out of this mode is easy; keeping him in this mode is the hard part.

Another unlockable mode is Professor, which is really little else than your SEVERUS SNAPE unit going into a teacher like mindset. This mode is unlocked at random - sometimes, leaving him with an NEVELE LONGBOTTOM or FRED AND GEORGE WESLEY unit does the trick, but other times it doesn't. It depends on how SEVERUS SNAPE feels, and be warned that lapses into this mode can be extremely frightening.

One of the locked modes is Workaholic, which is hidden for a good reason. In this mode, SEVERUS SNAPE is so caught up in his work that it hurts. He will want to go out more and brew some potions or gather ingredients while in Workaholic mode, and yells a lot more than normal. He also speaks in a highly sarcastic tone, and will threaten you for small offenses. It can be obtained by reminding him that he is a Death Eater, or by leaving with one or more of the Marauder units.

SEVERUS SNAPES' last mode is Wizarding War 1&2-Era. This is also locked, and can be unlocked by putting him together with a LORD VOLDEMORT unit or any unit in their wartime/uncommonly serious mode. To get him out of this mode, leave him with an Overprotective LILLY EVANS POTTER unit .

Relationships with Other Units

LILY EVANS POTTER: She's your unit's best friend, so they're already pretty close. You can interpret that any way you want to, though remember that she is married. The two of them get together to game every weekend, and LILLY EVANS POTTER is one of three units who always recognizes SEVERUS SNAPE.

LUCIUS MALFOY: Your unit's father figure (and potential love interest; hey, with these units anything is possible!), LUCIUS MALFOY is SEVERUS SNAPE'S best friend - when he can see him - and usually speaks to him when they are alone. He also chastises SEVERUS SNAPE for his hair and appearance all the time.

The Marauders: A bad combination to have if you don't own a LILY EVANS POTTER unit, the JAMES POTTER, REMUS LUPIN, SIRIUS BLACK, and PETER PETIGREW, units tend to make SEVERUS SNAPE'S life miserable.

ALBUS P.E.B. DUMBLEDORE: They are neutral to each other most times, however, he can be a bit to manipulative for your SEVERUS SNAPE unit at times.

Cleaning

Your unit is perfectly capable of cleaning himself, and he will threaten to kill you if you attempt to help him.

Feeding

SEVERUS SNAPE isn't a picky eater, unless it's unhealthy, but will eat anything if hungry; he also loves chicken pot pie. He can cook for himself as well.

Rest

The SEVERUS SNAPE unit is generally late going to bed and early riser, though if you ask nicely, he will go to bed earlier so as not to keep you up.

Troubleshooting

Problem: You opened the box and found, instead of your normal potions master, a SEVERUS SNAPE who looks about sixteen years old or so. He doesn't respond to you and glares off into the corner, drumming on the table with his fingernails and storming around the house. He also refuses to do anything you ask, and basically acts like an angry, angsty teenager.

Solution: Oops! We've gone and sent you a Post Lilly!SEVERUS SNAPE. If you don't want him shouting at you for trying to order him around, just call Customer Services and send him right back!

Problem: Your unit is twitching. Like massive shoulder jumps and neck snaps. He looks like he hasn't slept in ages, doesn't eat more than a few bites, and seems about to stab you with his toothbrush; he also looks over his shoulder every five seconds and mumbles to himself, and sometimes scratches at his inside of his left forearm hissing about "those damn Dunderheads".

Solution: Congrats! You've managed to unlock SEVERUS SNAPE's Paranoia mode! The way he acts was brought on by the Wizarding wars and the tension between the two sides; how he gets into this mode is not yet known, but you can get him out of it by leaving him with a Carefree!LILLY EVANS POTTER unit for long enough.

End Notes

With proper care and treatment of your unit, SEVERUS SNAPE will become a great companion. There is a lifetime warranty on him, so if there are any problems that Customer Services cannot help you with, send him back and tell us what went wrong. Good luck!