One day in the universe of Hetalia, Canada was sitting on his bed reading copious amounts of Prucan fanfiction. He said to himself, very quietly.
"I feel rather hungry." So he got up, and slowly loped to the kitchen. Everything felt incredibly calm and drowsy, and his windows were caked with frost. He curled up in front of the crackling fire, holding a chai latte and reading more smut. Then suddenly, out of the fire came England. He was wearing a gothic robe and had pentagram drawn all over him. He looked up at Canada and said.
"America? Are you being quiet? Wait, wait, nope. That other guy. Maple moose or some shit."
"my name is not maple moose." Whispered Canada, guiltily hiding his Prucan smut.
"Yes yes, okay, I'm just here cause that BLOODY WANKER RUSSIA FUCKING PUSHED ME IN A FIRE! I don't know why, I think it was a joke or something. There's no way he actually wanted to kill me."
Canada agreed whole-heartedly. Then he tore off all his clothes and started doing the helicopter. France ran in and joined him whilst singing acoona matada.
"What the bloody hell is going on here?!" There heard some scuffling so Canada rolled into the kitchen. There they found Russia stealing a bunch of frozen sausages for classified reasons.
"Not again!" Canada shouted. France was wiggling his eyebrows and shouting so hard he died.
"hoh hoh whore hoh hoh hoh hoh." He said with his last breath. Then Switzerland came in, beating everyone but Canada with his peace prize. They all died of blood loss and Canada died of FOMO. Then Switzerland started fondling a seal called Ciel. Because reasons. Then h shat on his head and ate his face. Switzerland missed his face very badly. So he handed in his homework to mr slightly mucus covered cookie, and flew away on a mermaid rainbow dog-fish crustacean. When they had all left, Canada's house was filled glittery semen, shit, frozen sausages, corpses, Satan, and a seal happily munching away at all the faces of previously mentioned corpses. Japan walked in. He took one look. He shoved a finger up his vagina and walked away. He didn't want to me involved, he just wanted to steal the Prucan smut.
after this experience, they were dead so nothing happened. Canada's house was soon filled with zombies countries, strange white blobs, cats, and dwarf versions of all the 2ps. They made country pyramids to represent statistical information. For some reason beyond even my ultimate understanding, 2p Italy was fucking Jesus in a corner, and goats were humping the house. The goats humbled the house so hard it fell off if the floating island and into a place of rainbow piss, Russia's head was floating around drinking the rainbow piss, saying it tasted like vodka. All the dwarf 2ps swam around, having a massive orgy right there. 2p Romano and 1p Italy were raucously making out. Adjectives. Heh. Italy whispered to him.
"I wanna fuck you so hard your soul falls out through ur mouth, then my dick follows cause science."
2p Romano replied with.
"Nah." Then Richard Dawkins appeared because the author is hoping for people to hate on her in the comments. He didn't really do anything. He just waded around in the piss. Spouting sciencey things.
Becuase this station was much to normal they went to imaginationland with the powner of their imagination. When they got there that saw some boy lick another boys balls.
"What a wonderful idea!" Shouted America somehow not dead. But he wasn't the first to think that. Austria already had his sadist instruction manual and Japan was running away. After that, a series of events I do not wish to describe occurred, including but not limited to... Bondage, tentacles, roses, Chris Hansen, poop, ponies, candles, semen, crazy yanderes and strangely enough, the devising of a new secret handshake. That's just what happens when you eat ice cream unde bed covers making strange noises in the, 'making sexual noises and eating ice cream and not at all touching each their game.' Japan was happy. But he wanted to go back to his house and jack off to onision. He saw France's eyebrows running past, they had completely abandoned their master, because he worked them too hard. But not as hard as Japan was right now. After all, he was completely frozen so the surface of his skin was quite hard. Also he had a boner.
Then you come in and bash his face in, he is pleading for you too let him live but you resolutely smash him time after time. There is blood and pisspouring from his mouth and face and he is talking abut smutty manga and you kill him. You killed Japan. All the cats in the world shout at you and claw out you r eyes and now you are dead, suddenly aliens come and blow up the world and everyone except Russia dies because he is secretly and alien is disguise and was just a spy to see Howe very thing works here on earth and frozen sausages were actually batteries for his butt because aliens.
JOIN MOTHER RUSSIA
The end. You killed japan ( you bastardo)
authors note: hah, I don't think crack is my forte so much. If you read this because you read my Kuroshitsuji fan-fiction, and wanted to look at this. ( unlikely since I Have Like 2 followers on that's)
Well sorry that it is very different from that. But this is my crack self. Not that funny and kind of gross.
Review if you regret reading.