The red phone rang loudly in the eerily quiet ward. They had shipped out or onwards as many patients as possible once they had been made aware that a majax was on the way. Fletch answered it, his face set in a grim expression as he listened to the details of what would be coming in, scribbling notes and asking questions when he needed further clarification or information. Replacing the receiver, he announced to the ward, "There's been a mass shooting at the Odeon cinema complex. Multiple casualties on their way in, five critical, another thirteen with potentially serious injuries, around fifteen with minor injuries sustained whilst trying to flee. Three pronounced dead at the scene, the shooter included, but they're not sure if he had help so police are warning staff to be on their guard. The ED are taking those who won't obviously need much more than patching up or sending up to theatre. We'll be getting those who need immediate work to stabilise them and who need close observation."
Bernie sprung into action, organising the staff into teams and assigning each team to an area, making sure everyone was clear about their roles and responsibilities as well as how she wanted patients to flow through the unit. Serena watched the skillful trauma surgeon at work, in awe of how at ease she seemed in her environment, infinitely grateful that they had her on-board with such a terrible tragedy unfolding. That said, she didn't miss the tightness in Bernie's stance or the slightly haunted look in the blonde's eyes as the patients began to arrive.
The rest of the shift whizzed by in a blur of cardiac arrests, complex surgical procedures, losing battles and countless blood transfusions. Bernie hadn't allowed herself a break although she insisted every other member of the trauma team take time out. She knew as soon as she stopped, memories from her former life would try to crowd in and she couldn't afford to lose her focus if she hoped to make it through the day unscathed. She moved from patient to patient, stoic and professional, empathetic but not overly engaging, needing to maintain a distance for her own welfare. She had brushed off Serena's numerous attempts to help shoulder the burden, wanting to protect her as well as she could from the additional strain, knowing that AAU had also been heavily affected by the incident. It was all too brutally familiar to Bernie, although the equipment was more advanced allowing her to save far more than she could have hoped to in the field.
"This must be like groundhog day for you," Fletch commented as Bernie perused the file of her next patient; a 37 year old male with what appeared to be a through and through bullet wound to his right shoulder which needed investigation to rule out any significant neurological or vascular trauma.
"I'm not with you," Bernie muttered, attention focused on the chart in front of her.
"Well I imagine you saw a lot of this when you were out there in the army, in Afghanistan and Iraq. Bet you hoped you'd left it all behind when you came here. " The chatty nurse handed Bernie the patient's most recent results.
"Yes thank you, Nurse Fletcher, it's something I could have gone the rest of my days without having witnessed again. Now if we could just focus on the patient." Bernie sanitised her hands more thoroughly than strictly necessary. "Mr Wahib, I'm Ms Wolfe, trauma surgeon. Is it OK with you if I take a look at your shoulder?" The man in the bed nodded silently, cold, dark eyes fixed on the blonde doctor. "Has he had any pain relief yet?" Bernie asked Fletch, not being able to recall seeing it on the list of medications administered.
The nurse double checked to be certain but confirmed that no, pain relief hadn't been given previously.
"That must be quite a high pain threshold you have, Mr Wahib, I know of lesser men who would be crying for their mothers with an injury like this. Can we get you something for the pain? You needn't be in discomfort."
"I have experienced far worse. No drugs, I do not want your pity." The man spoke for the first time, his voice thick with a middle-eastern accent.
"It's not pity, Mr Wahib, it's the good old NHS. We like to offer our patients a comfortable stay," Bernie stated, tone appeasing, wondering what the man had been through if such an injury failed to concern him. She could only imagine that perhaps the adrenaline from the events had yet to wear off and it was that which was numbing the inevitable pain. Either that or they would uncover significant neurological damage which rendered his arm without any feeling. She hoped for his sake that it wasn't the latter. She probed the wounds front and back of his bicep as gently as she could, watching for any reaction to her investigation. "Ok, we're going to need to get you into theatre to clean that up and see what damage has been done by the bullet. It looks like it's missed the majority of your major vessels on the way through but I'm concerned about muscle and nerve damage. Can you make a fist for me?" The patient did as asked, seeming to have no difficulty with it. "Excellent, now touch each of your fingers to your thumb, like this." Bernie demonstrated what she wanted Mr Wahib to do, watching carefully as he did so with minimal difficulty. "Very good, that's all looking positive for fine motor skills. Lay the back of your hand against the bed and pull your palm up towards your shoulder." That proved to be more problematic, drawing a wince of discomfort from the patient."Are you sure I can't get you something for the pain?"
"It is not necessary, just do your examination and leave me," Mr Wahib replied tersely. Fletch shrugged his shoulders at his colleague, scribbling annotations in the chart before advising Bernie he was needed at another bed.
"Of course," Bernie commented, barely acknowledging his retreat. "Right, just a couple more things to check, Mr Wahib. I'm going to place my hand on top of your arm and push down. I want you to push up against me as hard as you can, try to stop me holding it down against the bed."
"You know what we do with your sort in the homeland, don't you? We film our brothers as they rape you. We slit your throat and part your head from your body. Then we send the footage to your family and your western media to show them what happens when you interfere with our people, our culture." The words sent a chill down Bernie's spine, having seen the aftermath of numerous gang-rapes during her time in war zones. The change in the man's demeanour had occurred without warning once he was alone with her.
"Then isn't it fortunate, Mr Wahib, that we are in my homeland where such things are abhorred and treated as acts of terrorism and criminality? I'm sorry but I think it would be in everyone's best interests to find you a new doctor to continue your care," she stated with more confidence than she felt before turning on her heel and leaving the cubicle, not willing to remain as his physician in the face of such threats. After scrubbing her hands vigorously in an attempt to feel somewhere near clean, the surgeon retreated to the sanctuary of the office she shared with Serena, grateful the other woman was not in residence so she had chance to compose herself in private. PTSD was not something she was unlucky enough to suffer with but that didn't mean that her experiences from her former employment had left her entirely unaffected. She braced her head in her hands against the hard wooden surface of the desk, a reel of disturbing memories flashing unbidden through her mind which made her stomach roil.
"Rough day huh?" the brunette asked redundantly as she entered the office a short while later, finding Bernie still sitting with her head in her hands. "Sorry, silly question given the day's events. Are you OK?" Serena queried, worried that it may be hitting too close to home for the former Major.
Bernie had been debating with herself internally over whether to tell Serena what had been said to her but the lessons learned after 'the Cameron debacle' as she'd come to call it were powerful and she found herself unwilling and unable to deceive Serena by omitting to tell her the truth again. "No, I think I need to speak to the police. I think Mr Wahib threatened me."
"He did what?!" Serena blurted, heart pounding at the very thought of someone harming her friend. "What did he say?" Bernie watched the colour drain from the brunette's face as she recounted what their patient had said to her. Serena felt her jaw clenching more and more tightly to the point she feared she may crack a tooth. "Why the hell did you wait to contact the police?" she demanded, the threat, however veiled, having provoked her ire and Bernie her only safe outlet to vent it.
"Because he didn't directly say that he had any plans to do me any harm, just spouted some sick bull about his comrades. I wanted to know if you thought I was overreacting before I did anything stupid." Bernie squirmed, the intense gaze being levelled at her making her feel naked and exposed.
"Definitely not, he may not have directly said he would do… that to you but the implication was clearly there." Serena was not prepared to wait any longer for the other woman to get over her indecision. She snatched up the receiver of her desk phone and dialled for the police. Spurred into action, Bernie summoned security on her own line, requesting they discreetly ensure Mr Wahib remained where he was until the police arrived.
"Mr Wahib is AWOL," Fletch announced grimly, poking his head around the office door. "And we seem to have security here looking for him. Anything I need to be concerned about?"
"He made certain insinuations towards Bernie. He overheard your discussion with her about her time in the army. Seems he is at the very least a sympathiser with the antagonists of the war if not the active supporter the police were concerned about," Serena informed the nurse manager. "When was he last seen? Could he have gone to the bathroom or outside for a smoke? He can't have got that far, he has a gaping hole in his upper arm!"
"He may not have done but I am!" Bernie murmured, adding for clarification, "heading out for a fag, that is."
"Not on your own, you're not!" Serena objected, placing a firm hand on her friend's forearm to stall her exit.
"Oh for heaven's sakes, he's not going to be lying in wait outside to do me in!" The ex-Major retorted, her tone brusque as she continued to downplay the turn of events.
"You don't know what he might do and I would really rather not risk you coming into contact with him." Serena remained steadfast in her single-handed blockade. "Nurse Fletcher, please ask security to find where Mr Wahib went when he left the ward. If he is still in the building or on the grounds, I want him detained until the police get here." Summarily dismissed, the nurse turned on his heel, closing the office door behind him. "Why are you not taking this more seriously?" Serena asked, exasperated.
"Why are you so worried?" Bernie fired back defensively, lashing out in her frustration and brushing past the other woman, heading for the door. Her breath was stolen from her lungs when she found herself being spun around and roughly pushed back against the wooden surface.
"You infuriating, stubborn, pig-headed woman!" Serena exploded furiously, invading the blonde's personal space, practically yelling in her face. "I worry because, against all my better judgement it would seem, I care about what happens to you. You are my friend, probably the best friend I have ever had, so excuse me if I find the thought of someone raping and murdering you disturbing."
Bernie was stunned into silence by the outburst and unnervingly aroused in the face of the brunette's passionate words. Since Cameron had held a mirror up to her feelings, Bernie had found herself growing increasingly distracted by her attraction to her colleague. "I….Serena…"
"Forget it. Just go, smoke your precious cigarette. If you're not back in by the time the police get here, I'll send Fletch out to get you." And just like that, the fight left Serena. She turned away from the trauma surgeon, shoulders slumping slightly in defeat.
"Come up to the roof with me?" Bernie requested, her tone soft and intimate, knowing she needed to tread carefully if she hoped to avoid another debacle that would set their relationship back again.
"You can't smoke up there," Serena muttered, wondering why she continued to dance this dance with Bernie when it frustrated her so much. Just when she thought they were making progress with honesty and trust, it seemed another stumbling block was thrown in their way.
"I know that but I think you and I need a moment more than I need that fag, don't you?" The question was entirely rhetorical, as Bernie reached out to crook her arm around Serena's elbow, pulling her back towards her. The brunette allowed herself to be drawn in but rather than leaving room for her friend to push off from the door, she folded herself into the trauma surgeon's frame, hugging Bernie tightly. The stoic woman was shocked by the physical display but after barely a moment's pause, wrapped her own arms around Serena's frame, cradling her gently but securely. "I promise to look after myself and to be careful. I appreciate your concern, I really do. This isn't my first experience of threats being made against me so I do know the drill, from a military perspective. But I also know that facing this as a civilian is very different. I'm sorry if you think I'm being glib and not treating this with the gravity it deserves. I'm used to being surrounded by people who are under threat every day, where it isn't worth worrying about or you'd never live your life at all, you'd be a wreck. But this isn't a war zone and you're not trained to expect these things. I'll try to keep that in mind and respect that you have every right to be afraid. And I'm not saying that I'm not concerned by it, of course I am, I'd be a fool not to be but I promise I won't knowingly put myself in harm's way."
"Please don't make me lose you," Serena pleaded sadly into the soft skin of Bernie's neck.
"I promise, you're stuck with me for as long as you want me around," the ex-army medic replied tenderly.
As if realising that they were close to crossing a line, both women drew apart, feigning calm despite their comfort in the prolonged embrace pushing the boundaries of all things platonic. Bernie pushed off from the door, crossing to stand behind her desk. She knew if she stayed within arm's reach of the dark-haired woman, who looked so beautiful in that moment of unguarded concern, she would definitely act in haste and repent at leisure.
"Thank you for, well, all of that really," Serena mumbled, somewhat embarrassed at having launched herself at the usually reserved woman she shared an office with, knowing Bernie's difficulty with physical displays of any kind of affection.
"You're very welcome and I am sorry that I worry you," Bernie replied with a genuine, adoring smile which lit up her eyes and made them sparkle. Serena was struck in that moment by just how attractive Berenice Wolfe was and how much it affected her to be on the receiving end of such a smile from her friend. The shared smiles and physical closeness had been increasing over the months as they grew to know one another better, much of it instigated by Serena herself, but it had never occurred to the brunette until then that it might hint at the possibility of an ever greater closeness. Could Bernie harbour a deeper affection for her or was she flattering herself that anything beyond the bounds of friendship had ever crossed the blonde woman's mind? Even if Bernie was attracted to her on some level, would...could she see herself acting on it, with a woman? Whilst she was certainly no prude, nor a homophobe, loving a woman had never crossed her mind. And yet, here she was at 51 years of age, unable to deny the warmth that spread through her core, the slight tingle generated by the intensity of those deep, expressive eyes. As the two women continued to gaze at one another each lost in their own silent contemplation, they both hoped that their thoughts weren't etched across their faces, plain to see and impossible to retract.
"Sorry to interrupt," Fletch announced, opening the door without announcing his arrival, "but Mr Wahib is with security now in the peace garden. He's refusing to come back into the hospital to be, in his words, subjected to any more racist, Islamophobic abuse. Sorry Bernie, he's claiming you called him a murderer and made remarks about his religious beliefs that he found highly offensive."
If it didn't have the potential to be so catastrophic for her career, Bernie would have laughed at the accusation. "I never said any such thing," she decried hotly.
"Of course you didn't," Serena agreed tersely, "but Mr Hanssen will need to be informed. He will need to speak to Mr Wahib to determine if he wishes to make a formal complaint or if he is just flexing his muscles because he is in the company of our finest security officers. Bernie, in the meantime, I strongly suggest you stay put and record every interaction you have had with the patient since his admission. Make sure his record is immaculately completed. Let's not give him any fuel to pour on this fire shall we?" The assistant CEO in Serena came to the fore, all fanciful thoughts of romance banished in light of the new information.
"Right, and what about my other patients? Am I to be allowed to continue their care?" Bernie asked sullen, slumping into the chair behind her desk, accepting the value in Serena's instruction but feeling like she had already been found guilty all the same.
"Not for the moment, Ms Wolfe," Henrik Hanssen acknowledged curtly, having appeared behind Fletch on silent heels, clearly already aware of a situation developing. "For the interim, you will have no further contact with any of the patients. You will wait here, in this office, for the police to arrive and when they do, you will provide them with satisfactory answers to whatever questions they might wish to ask you. Once you have done so, please have someone inform me and go home. You will be placed on gardening leave until the outcome of the allegation can be determined."
"All this because a patient says she hurt his feelings?" Serena queried incredulously.
"Mr Wahib is claiming that you deliberately withheld pain medication and refused him treatment because of his ethnicity." Hanssen's tone was even more clipped than usual as he shared the full nature of the complaint he had received from an irate patient after having been summoned by security at Mr Wahib's request.
"Well that's utter bollocks!" Bernie blurted out.
"Ms Wolfe!" the tall man retorted in distaste.
"She's right, it is. I saw her attempt to administer him pain relief but he directly refused it on at least two occasions. Come on, Mr Hanssen, he's changed his story already to try and stir up more shit for Ms Wolfe. I recorded his refusal of medication in his notes, and apart from a brief period of maybe two minutes when I had to see to bed five, I was present at the consultation the whole time. Ms Wolfe was nothing but professional and polite and I'd stand up in court and back her if I needed to. His ethnicity was never mentioned, never referred to and certainly never an influence on the way he was treated."
"Yes, thank you Nurse Fletcher, I highly doubt it will come to that," the manager cautioned. "Nevertheless, an investigation has to be conducted but if your notes are as thorough and detailed as you suggest, it shouldn't take long to get this ironed out."
"It's because of my past in the armed forces. Mr Wahib objects to foreigners being involved in the Syrian conflict. He made threats against my life, my well-being, earlier but now I'm the one on trial?" Bernie's voice was laced with abject despair.
"And what threats were those?" Hanssen queried. With a sigh, Bernie recounted once again what Mr Wahib had said to her, her boss giving nothing away with his usual bland expression.
"The police are on their way to speak to Bernie about it," Serena supplied crossing the office to stand beside her friend and resting a supportive hand against the small of her back.
"So we have an allegation against Ms Wolfe and a counter-claim against Mr Wahib. Both will be investigated separately and independently of one another. HR will be in touch with you so please make sure they have up to date contact details before you leave. I would ask that, as this is now an active investigation, you refrain from discussing this matter any further with colleagues, including those present, so to avoid any suggestion of coercion. That will be all, Ms Campbell, Nurse Fletcher. I'm certain you have other patients in need of your attention. The police will find you when they need to speak to you." Hanssen made it clear that he wouldn't leave the office before they did but that didn't stop Serena from protesting.
"I feel that Bernie would benefit from some friendly support when she speaks to the police and since I've not been involved with Mr Wahib's care, there is no conflict of interest. And I can't be involved in the investigation because it involves a member of my team!" The brunette leant imperceptibly closer to her friend, angling her body in front of her in a protective stance.
"Quite but Mr Wahib is still in need of medical attention…" Hanssen began, only to be interrupted.
"So Mr Di Luca can take over his care. He threatened a female member of staff with rape and murder, are you seriously suggesting another woman becomes his doctor?" Serena's incredulous tone reverberated through the office, spilling out onto the ward beyond.
"Ms Campbell, this really is not your concern!" the tall Swede tried again but Serena was having none of it, having found a new, more suitable outlet for her anger.
"Not my concern? A member of staff on my ward is threatened and has spurious accusations levelled against her but you think that I should be able to just ignore that and go about my day like nothing happened?"
"Serena, it's OK. I'll be fine. Look after the trauma unit for me. Mrs Dartford's bloods might need chasing up. Mr Turner is waiting on a CT scan of his abdomen. The rest are mostly obs or waiting on beds on various wards." Bernie appreciated her friend's support but was keen to avoid a suspension for both of them.
"Of course I will. You don't even need to ask but that doesn't negate my wanting to be here for you when the police arrive," Serena advised significantly less aggressively when speaking to the blonde medic who found herself under scrutiny. At that moment, a knock on the door, one of the nurses advising that the police were looking for Bernie. Hanssen ushered the two officers inside, still attempting to oust Serena in the process.
"If Ms Wolfe wishes to have someone present for the interview, as long as that person isn't directly involved and doesn't interfere, we'd have no objection," the young officer who had introduced himself as PC Harker advised as he and his female colleague, PC Tarniq seated themselves on the chairs against the wall just inside the door.
Both dark haired colleagues looked to the ex-army medic for a response, each of them equally invested in her choice. "It would be good if Serena could stay," she admitted quietly, not meeting anyone's eye as she spoke.
"As you wish. Ms Campbell, come and see me once you're finished here." Without further ado, Hanssen turned on his heel and stalked from the office, letting the door close firmly behind him.
"Ok ladies, why don't you take a seat and we'll see if we can get all this ironed out?" Pc Harker stated, waiting for them to do as asked before beginning the questions in earnest.
It was over an hour later when the officers emerged having grilled Bernie about every minute detail from her first meeting Abul Mohammed Wahib through to his comments regarding what recourse he would have 'enjoyed' seeing inflicted on her in his native country. Serena had found it difficult to hear Bernie having to justify her actions and prove her version of events with the records kept by herself and the nurses involved in Wahib's care. Both women were tetchy and craving a large bottle of Shiraz!
"The address we have for you, is this your current abode?" PC Tarniq enquired kindly, appreciating the candour of the stoic medic.
"Umm no, that's my soon to be ex-husband's address. I'm currently staying at the Wyvern Rise hotel," Bernie admitted, shame colouring her tone and her cheeks. She gave them her room number and the full address, nodding in acknowledgement as she was asked to keep them updated if there were any changes to her living arrangements.
The police moved off to interview Mr Wahib, leaving the two women alone in the office once more.
"Thank you, for standing by me. Want me to come with you to see Hanssen?" Bernie asked, her gaze filled with affection as she fixed it on her friend.
"No, let's not poke the bear too much. I'll sweet talk him into forgiving me for making a stand against him on this, don't you worry." Serena replied with a confident smile which seemed to successfully hide her anxiety that she had, in fact, gone too far. "Call me later, if you want to talk or just come over, for wine and good old gripe?"
"Thanks, I might just take you up on that offer. Not like I have to worry about a hangover tomorrow or anything!" Bernie stated, only semi-joking. "Whatever he has to say to you, just take it in your stride and we'll drown our sorrows later," she said with a quick squeeze to her friend's hand.
"Welcome back, Ms Wolfe," Raf greeted the trauma surgeon as she walked through the doors to AAU.
"Bernie, great to see you," Morven agreed, bouncing over and offering a quick hug to the stunned blonde.
"Ms Wolfe, a moment of your time," Mr Hanssen requested, intercepting Bernie on her way to the office she shared with Serena.
"Of course," she concurred. "My place or yours?" she quipped cheekily, relieved beyond words to be back in her comfort zone, the allegations against her wiped from her record following the investigation which proved them to be wholly false.
"I think my office would be best," Hanssen stated, a twinkle in his eyes betraying his humour at the response. "Ms Campbell is in residence in your office and has been quite vocal in her desire to have you reinstated. I doubt I would be able to have much discourse with you if we were to join her." Passing the office doorway, Bernie caught her friend's eye and sent a beaming smile her way, holding her hand up to indicate she would catch up with her shortly. She was rewarded with a smile so warm, so genuine that it made her falter in her steps, wanting nothing more than to envelope the brunette in a bone-crushing embrace.
Serena couldn't help herself as she spotted Bernie being escorted away from their office by the hospital's CEO, she smiled without conscious effort, overjoyed to have the other woman back beside her at the helm. It didn't go unnoticed that Bernie's steps hesitated a little and her eyes betrayed a deep seated longing, though for what Serena couldn't be certain. An image of being swept off her feet, a gentle yet insistent kiss being pressed to her lips leapt into her mind, making her cheeks flush and her heart race. Did she really want that from the blonde woman? She was unaccustomed to second guessing herself when it came to affairs of the heart but this whole thing left Serena uncertain and feeling lost at sea. She brushed it off as curiosity and just a reaction to having missed her friend, nothing more. Bernie was still in love with Alex and Serena didn't find women attractive so she must just be confusing friendship for wanting more because she was lonely and starved of physical affection. Yes, she convinced herself, that's exactly what the issue was, it was too damn long since she'd had sex and it was addling her brain.
It eventually transpired that circumstances conspired against them, much of their shift whizzing by with them having little opportunity to share more than a quick hello and a supportive squeeze to one another's forearms. When they were both finally in the office together, they were disappointingly not alone.
"Ms Wolfe, we are strongly advising that you take adequate precautions. Abul Wahib has significant links to known militant extremist groups and has been on the radar of the intelligence services for quite some time. He has failed to report to the station in accordance with his bail conditions and officers are currently searching his known associate's addresses. Given that we can't account for his whereabouts and you have reported him making direct threats against you, we have a duty of care to offer you protection if you think that you need it," the detective investigating the case against Wahib stated gravely.
Bernie sank into her chair, exchanging a glance with Serena across the office. Hearing that the threat against her could be very real made her blood run cold. She opened her mouth but failed to find any words to utter.
"You can't stay at the hotel, it's not safe for you to be going back there alone late at night," Serena supplied, mind racing with options for alternatives.
"It's fine, there's usually someone on the desk and if it makes you feel better, I'll text you when I'm back in my room each night," Bernie promised.
"And if you don't message me? What do I do then? How late do I leave it before I call the police and report you missing?" Serena asked, exasperation lacing her tone as she glared at the woman across the room, wondering if she had any concept of the real world or just how much her friend cared about her.
"I'd concur with Ms Campbell in this instance. A hotel is not a secure location and the anonymity lends itself to someone being able to approach you easily. Is there anyway you could stay with family or friends until this situation is resolved?"
"Yes, she can stay with me if only she'll stop being so damned stubborn!" Serena offered forcefully with another glare in Bernie's direction.
"Serena, I couldn't. You haven't got the space and Jason would need a lot of preparing before he was ready for another person in your home," Bernie protested.
"Jason adores you and Elinor's room is sitting entirely unused, with a perfectly good bed in it. If you want to use it, you're more than welcome and as long as you can stand a steady diet of quiz shows, historical documentaries and repetitive menus, I'd be glad of the company." Serena softened her gaze, reaching out to the other woman verbally in an effort to get her to see reason.
"It's a lot to ask for you to put up with me at home as well as at work." Bernie continued trying to find fault with the logic of a change in her accommodation but finding her own arguments weak.
"I'll manage, if you think you can cope with that much time with me," Serena replied kindly.
With the first genuine smile the brunette had seen Bernie give since their shared glance at the start of the day, the trauma surgeon conceded, "fine, you win. I'll stay at yours but only on the understanding that if you have had enough at any point or if it disturbs Jason's routine too much or, most importantly, it implicates you in this threat business, I will move out again."
"Deal, we'll pick up your stuff after our shift finishes, get you checked out of that place and you can get settled in at mine this evening." Serena was scribbling furiously on her notepad before handing a slip of paper containing her address and contact numbers to the detective.
Serena staggered through the front door, arms laden with piles of clothes which hadn't fitted in Bernie's modest case. "How on earth have you collected such a vast wardrobe and yet only have one case to put it all in?" she groused for the umpteenth time.
"I just kept taking the same one back whenever I raided the old house, guess I didn't expect to have to move it all again so soon." Bernie dropped the aforementioned case just inside the front door swiping a healthy chunk of the items from Serena's arms to allow her a better view of where she was going. "Just leave those there if you want and point me in the right direction. I certainly don't expect you to heft my stuff up the stairs."
"Nonsense, what kind of hostess would I be if I left you to it?" Serena beckoned for her new housemate to follow her after giving up trying to wrestle any of the purloined clothing back again. She watched with an amused expression as Bernie attempted to juggle the case and loose clothing. "Sure I can't help you with any of that?"
"No, no, I've got it," the proud blonde insisted, valiantly grappling with her luggage.
"Aunty Serena, what is going on? You're both making a lot of noise out here!" Jason grumbled as he poked his head out of the lounge, their chatter having disturbed his enjoyment of his quiz show.
"Sorry Jason, we'll pipe down in a moment. Be a love and turn the upstairs lights on would you? We're going to get Bernie unpacked in Elinor's room, then I'll make dinner for us all. Remember, I told you Bernie would be staying for a while." Serena's expression mirrored the exhaustion she felt.
"I remember. Would you like me to carry your bag upstairs, Dr Bernie?" Jason offered helpfully, depressing the light switch to do as he had been asked.
"That's very kind of you, Jason, but I think I've got it all balanced now thank you," Bernie replied softly, glad that he had greeted her arrival without any fanfare.
"Ok then, I'll go back to my show if you could please keep the noise down and don't be too long with dinner. I need to eat no later than 7.30pm or I can't go to bed on time," Jason advised sagely.
"I promise not to keep your Aunty Serena too long," Bernie assured him before hustling the brunette up the stairs in order to keep her promise.
The two women carried their cargo along the landing with Serena pointing out Jason's room, furthest from the stairs, her own room next to the bathroom and finally Bernie's temporary new home, across the hall from the bathroom. Once inside, Serena tossed her handful of clothes onto the top of the chest of drawers just inside the door, stepping back to allow her friend to enter before retreating to collect clean bedding and fresh towels. On her return, Bernie had already made a start with her unpacking, hanging up shirts and trousers in the built-in wardrobe.
"If you need more hangers let me know, I've a bag full of them in my room," the brunette announced, setting about making the bed. The two of them worked together as fluidly as they did in theatre, Serena finishing marginally before the meticulous Major.
"Team work!" Bernie announced, aiming to share a high five with her friend.
"Girl power," Serena retorted cheekily in much the same way Bernie had weeks before. The two shared a congenial chuckle, gravitating naturally into one another's personal space.
"Thank you, for all this," Bernie muttered softly, sincerely wanting to convey her gratitude.
"It's the least I can do. And it really has been nice having you back on the ward today," Serena replied stepping forward to wrap her arms tentatively around Bernie's slender waist, relieved when the blonde woman sank gratefully into the embrace, gathering her closer.
"I'd have gone insane without you this last week. I really appreciate your support through it all." The words were murmured directly into Serena's ear, sending a shiver through the woman's body that both of them felt but opted to ignore in favour of preserving the status quo. Straightening up out of the embrace, Bernie cleared her throat before asking, "so what's the schedule around here then? I know routine is important and I want to avoid disrupting that for all our sakes."
Serena smiled gratefully, partly for Bernie's concern but also for her ignoring the physical reaction just prior to them parting. "Jason rises at 6.30am sharp and needs to use the bathroom immediately after he gets up. Do not come between Jason and his morning shower! I learnt that the hard way when he walked into the bathroom while I was in there myself shortly after he moved in." Serena paused to allow Bernie to release a deep rumble a laughter at the mental image that statement created. "Breakfast is at 7.30am on weekdays, 9am at weekends unless he's going out for the day then he follows his weekday routine. Lunch at weekends, Jason prepares for himself at noon. Dinner is usually at 7pm unless I have to work late or you insist on a second glass of Shiraz at Albie's! Jason has the television before dinner and for an hour afterwards to watch his shows then he tends to retire to his room to read or go online. He uses the bathroom before bed at 9.45pm so he can settle down by 10pm. Think you can handle fitting into that?"
"Absolutely, I'm an early riser myself - would Jason object to me using the shower before him as long as I made sure to vacate before his time?" Bernie asked, linking Serena's arm and leading her back towards the stairs in order to get the dinner started.
"No, I don't think so but you can ask him. What time do you tend to get up?" Serena asked, realising there was still so much to learn about her friend.
"Years of army life mean I can't generally sleep beyond 5am so I use my mornings to go for a run or to the gym." Bernie was so matter of fact about rising at a time Serena still considered to be the middle of the night, as though it was the most natural thing in the world. "My gym is a bit of a distance from her though so I guess it'll just be the running and my own workout for now."
"Is that wise? I mean I know him finding you would be needle in a haystack sort of stuff but the mornings are growing darker, not as easy to spot someone following you." Serena felt her concern spike as she was reminded of just why Bernie had moved in.
"I can't be a prisoner here who is only allowed out to go to work or under escort. And I'm guessing you're not volunteering to join me on my morning runs so you can chaperone me?" Bernie argued, irritation rising. She didn't handle being restricted well and being told what to do even less so.
"Not really my thing," Serena replied with a tight smile, wondering if they would ever move beyond these moments where they turned on a knife edge, dancing between familiar comfort and adversarial arguing. Opting to attempt to smooth the waters, the brunette cautioned, "just promise you'll be careful and be aware of your surroundings at all times? And leave me a note or something to say what time you left the house so I know to start worrying if you're gone too long."
"I will if I remember. Serena, I'm a grown woman. I've survived multiple tours of duty in war zones. I really do appreciate you letting me stay here but I don't need you keeping tabs on me 24/7. If this is going to work and not destroy our friendship, I need you to trust me to be able to take care of myself."
"I do, I trust you, it's other people I don't trust. And forgive me for worrying but I care about you," Serena barked before stalking off into the kitchen to start dinner. With an exasperated sigh, Bernie followed, unwilling to end the evening with tension between them.
"I care about you too and I promise to tell you if there's anything you need to know or if I'm worried about anything at all, ok?" Bernie assured as she trailed after her hostess, needing to dissipate the tension between them before it festered and drove a wedge between them. She suspected that it would test her in many different ways, being around the dark-haired surgeon so much more than they were used to. She made a mental vow to herself to be respectful and to keep her untidiness in check as much as she was able to for however long she stayed with Serena and Jason, but also to step up her efforts to find a home of her own to rent so as not to outstay her welcome.
A week later, Serena was roused from a particularly steamy dream by the sound of the shower door closing followed by a softly uttered curse, her bedroom separated from the bathroom by only a thin wall. She lay in bed silently waiting to hear if the stubborn blonde needed assistance or if it was just a minor struggle. A large part of her hoped for the latter, wishing to return to her slumber and pick up exactly where her faceless lover had left off, her body primed and ready to be worshipped.
The two women had been treading a fine line throughout the week, each on their best behaviour in an effort to keep the peace and avoid any further quarrels and yet all the while, becoming equally as comfortable operating in one another's personal space as they were in theatre.
"Damned weak back," came a further gripe through the wall. Rising from her comfortable position with a near silent groan of protest, Serena threw on her maroon satin dressing gown and crossed to her own door, aiming to intercept Bernie as she exited the bathroom.
"Everything OK?" she asked quietly, eyes firmly focused on her housemate's face so as not to get distracted by the whole visage of a freshly showered muscular frame barely concealed by a white vest and sleep shorts.
"I slipped getting out of the shower, just tweaked something in my back again. I'll be fine, I'll get it looked at later in the week if it doesn't settle down." Bernie attempted to brush off the concern and walk past the brunette, her progress stunted by her back's refusal to allow her to take more than short, shuffling steps.
"Nonsense, get in here and let me take a look." Serena stepped aside, holding the door open for her friend to enter. "Don't make me drag you in," she warned as the trauma surgeon hesitated. Bernie grudgingly allowed herself to be guided to the other woman's bed, heart pounding with anticipation even as the pain reminded her that the reason for her being in the bedroom was purely platonic. "Mind if I lift your shirt up so I properly assess the damage you've done to yourself?"
"Nuh...no. I mean, if you need to, that's fine," Bernie rambled as she settled herself on her stomach amidst the duvet, still warm from Serena's recent departure. She felt the cotton material being pushed upwards, deft hands tucking it over Bernie's shoulders to allow her access to the length of her spine. Gentle fingers began to probe, tentatively at first but becoming bolder, more confident as Serena continued her examination. Bernie sucked in a sharp breath as the brunette's hands touched upon a troublesome area.
"Sorry," Serena apologised. "Can you stand me working on that to loosen the knot a bit?"
"You don't need to do that," Bernie argued but made no effort to rise from her prone position.
"Let me help you, please," the vascular surgeon pleaded, placing a warm palm against the sore, tight area as she reached for some lotion to use as a lubricant in lieu of massage oils. The blonde's only response was to relax further into the bed. Tension in the minute muscles increased as Bernie felt the bed dip where Serena moved to kneel beside her to gain a better vantage point for the impending massage. "It's ok, it's just me" she murmured softly, reassuringly as she began to smooth the lotion into the freshly showered skin. At first her strokes were broad and superficial, warming up the musculature beneath the membrane in preparation for her deeper attention. Bernie allowed herself to relax, the sensation pleasing, comforting and heartwarming. As the focus of the massage became more pronounced, the blonde woman felt the tight knot around the centre of her thoracic spine begin to melt away, skilled hands encouraging looseness where tightness had taken hold. It began to create a spread of sinful pleasure throughout Bernie's core to the point she had to bite her lip and physically focus on not rocking her hips in order to create delicious friction in a more southerly area. A quiet moan slipped out and Serena's hands dipped lower, following the path of Bernie's spine to the dip just above her buttocks.
"Is that tender too?" Serena asked breathily, not fully able to mask the effect touching Bernie so intimately was having on her either and grateful the other woman couldn't see how flushed her face was followed the groan which had been released. Still unsatisfied and aroused from her dream, the brunette found herself imagining allowing her hands to roam further, certain that together they could achieve mutual satisfaction.
"It's fine, actually that feels much better now, thank you," Bernie advised, somewhat urgently needing to regain some distance before she made a fool of herself and destroyed their friendship in her forwardness. She propped herself up on her elbows hurriedly tugging her top back down from where it had ridden up at the front, threatening to expose her breast to her friend, nipple straining and erect. "Much better, thank you," she confirmed, relieved to find herself in significantly less pain from her back although other areas now throbbed with a desperate need for attention.
Serena was taken aback by the rush of disappointment which flooded through her at the withdrawal of an excuse to touch the blonde's heavenly skin. Skin which was now covered once more by the flimsy cotton vest, the body it contained twisting and growing closer. So lost in her own mind was she that Serena didn't realise she had been caught staring until a nervous chuckle broke her from her reverie. Her eyes swam into focus, instantly wishing she had moved her gaze before allowing them to do so as the first thing she noticed was the definite outline of a nipple, a very prominent nipple straining against its cotton containment. Secondary to that, Serena also noticed that she was practically trapping Bernie on the bed, having failed to rise and allow her space to climb off. The two women were closer than standard decorum should allow and in ordinary circumstances both would have laughed it off, but with Serena still affected by her dream and Bernie fighting a losing battle with her attraction towards her friend, the air grew charged and awkward.
"Serena…" Bernie murmured, voice deeper and more gravelly than usual, further heightening Serena's arousal. The brunette felt a momentary pull, beginning to lean into her friend before realising what she was about to do and springing to her feet, putting a suitable distance between them.
"Sorry, I was miles away," the vascular surgeon lied, clearing her throat and avoiding eye contact. "Does that feel...I mean, is your back easier now?"
"It does, thank you. You'll have to let me return the favour sometime," Bernie responded huskily, amused by Serena's embarrassment at having been caught ogling her. "You're looking a little tense there yourself," she quipped, before continuing flirtatiously, "I'm sure I could help you with that."
Serena looked at with a scandalised expression before realising the humour in the situation and joining Bernie in her laughter. When the mirth subsided, the brunette acknowledged her overstep. "Sorry about that, it's umm, it's been a while since…"
"Serena, relax, I'm pulling your leg. It was actually quite flattering," Bernie replied with a wink before taking pity on the other woman and leaving the room, but not without adding an extra sway to her hips for good measure. She clung onto the tiny shred of hope that maybe, just maybe, Serena's reaction was borne out of something more than just sexual frustration.
"I'm here to speak to my mother, reception said I'd find her here," the young blonde haired woman announced firmly as she approached the nurse's station.
"What's her name?" Lou, one of the nurses asked, ready to check the patient list.
"Major Berenice Wolfe," came the curt reply.
Serena's ears pricked up from where she sat at the nurse's station and she spun around, intrigued to put a face to Bernie's other offspring. "Ah you must be Charlotte. Bernie's just nipped to get a coffee, she should be back in a few minutes. You can come and wait in our office if you'd like?" The brunette rose from her seat, ushering the young woman, who on closer inspection bore a striking resemblance to her mother, towards the office she shared with Bernie.
Charlotte stalked after the other woman glancing around the ward as she went as though she might spot her mother hiding from her. On entering the office, Charlotte watched her mother's colleague cross to what was obviously her own desk, indicating that she was welcome to take a seat also.
"I'm Serena Campbell, co-lead of AAU and the Trauma Unit with your Mum."
"You're Serena?" Charlotte scoffed.
The former assistant-CEO offered a wary, "yes" wondering what the tone meant.
"Seriously? Stay away from her, ok? You stay the hell away from my mother and leave her to realise what a monumental mistake she's making walking away from her marriage. She's not gay! She can never love you like she loves my dad." Confusion reigned in Serena's mind as she fought to grasp why she should be on the receiving end of such vitriol given that no one knew of the two women's internal battles with myriad feelings.
"Charlotte, that is enough," Bernie growled menacingly from the doorway, having arrived unnoticed by either party.
"Mum!"
"Bernie!" Both women spoke simultaneously, Serena rising to her feet and crossing the room hurriedly. "I'll leave you to it. Maybe you'd like to clarify a few things for your daughter," she muttered through gritted teeth, unsettled for reasons she couldn't quite pin point.
"Don't go home without me, please?" Bernie murmured, her hand resting gently against the brunette's forearm.
With a glance towards the clearly disgruntled daughter of her friend, Serena merely shook the hand off and walked briskly from the room.
"What was that about? Why are you here?" Bernie asked wearily.
"I went to the hotel, they said you'd checked out over a week ago so I figured I'd need to find you here since you clearly had no intention of letting us know you'd moved."
"Your brother knows full-well how and where to find me. You had rebuffed my every attempt at contact so I didn't think you were interested." Bernie sank into her chair sliding the two coffees she had purchased onto the desk, frowning at the realisation that Serena had left without hers.
"I was angry with you, I still am, fuming in fact. Dad says you're threatening to make him sell the house so you can get your grubby hands on half the money. It's bang out of order, Mother. That's our home, our history is all tied up in that house. Of course you wouldn't know, you were barely ever there, too busy off shagging your way through the army apparently. And now you're at it with that woman here too. Cameron told me he'd seen you with another woman. How could you? Did Dad mean nothing? Did you ever love him at all? Or us? What was it, lie back and do your duty as a wife? Produce the next generation of army recruits to be sent as cannon-fodder for the next war cooked up by the next bunch of corrupt politicians?" Charlotte looked as though she could continue her rant for quite some time until Bernie spoke up.
"I'm not listening to this! If all you came here for was to launch a character assassination, I'll pass until you're in a more amenable mood and willing to listen to something other than your father's propaganda. Believe it or not, I have no interest in making Marcus sell the house. All I'm asking for is a fair settlement which reflects what I have contributed financially over the 25 years of our marriage. I may not have been present as much as any of us would have liked, my salary for the army went a long way to providing those luxuries you take for granted! As for Serena, I will tell you the same as I told Cameron, she is just a friend. Yes I am very fond of her and were circumstances different, I might consider seeing if there was any potential for anything more but she is too good a friend for me to risk screwing it up and I'm fairly certain she's as rigidly heterosexual as you are. You were wrong to berate her and so very wrong about me not being interested in women. I loved Alex dearly, what we shared was real and it was important to me but she was the only affair I ever had during my 25 year marriage to your father. In all that time I can't imagine he hasn't at least been tempted by another woman and if he hasn't acted on that then credit to him for being stronger than I. So if that's all you came here for, I'm afraid I'll have to ask you to go. I have patients who need me and some damage to repair with my friend." Bernie rose from her seat to open the door and usher her youngest child through it, marching her down the corridor until they reached the ward entrance.
"I just want things to go back to how they were," the younger blonde whined.
"But they can't and they won't, no matter how much time passes because that's not who I am any more. It doesn't mean I love you any less or that I don't want to be in your life but I need to do this to be fair to both Marcus and myself. When you're ready to accept that, Cameron knows where to find me and my mobile number hasn't changed." Bernie risked pushing a stray strand of hair, so much like her own, back behind her daughter's ear, cupping her cheek gently. "I do love you. I always have and always will, no matter what you think of me." Without returning the sentiment or any further discourse, Charlotte turned on her heel and walked away without a backwards glance. Bernie watched her go dejectedly before spinning around, determined to find her closest friend before the day's events drove a wedge between them. Collecting the abandoned coffees, the ex-army medic collared Fletch, enquiring about Serena's whereabouts.
"Last I saw, she was headed towards the locker room, looking none too pleased either. You two had words again or something?" the kindly, if gossip-hungry, nurse asked.
"Or something covers it. My daughter got the wrong end of a very big stick and decided to beat Serena with it. I need to do some damage limitation. Are you ok to cover for us for a bit? Any emergencies, come and get me." Receiving an affirmative nod and sympathetic look from Fletch, Bernie raced off to find her friend, desperately hoping not to be intercepted or that she would arrive too late.
Crashing through the locker room door, Bernie was initially concerned that the moment had gone and Serena had already left but as she stood in the quiet room, she caught an almost silent sniffle. Narrowing her eyes, the blonde strode round the end of the lockers towards where the showers were located. Her heart plummeted at the sight which greeted her: Serena dabbing at her watery eyes, her mouth set in a solemn line.
"Serena, I'm so sorry! My daughter…"
"Loves you and her father very much," the brunette interjected.
"That doesn't excuse her behaviour or the way she spoke to you, what she said. She was wrong to do that and I've left her in no doubt about that." The blonde crossed the room in long, loping strides, sinking onto the bench beside the distressed woman.
"How much did you hear?" Serena questioned, not really ready to address the accusation that she was in a relationship with Bernie.
"Enough to know I owe you a month's worth of apologies!" The trauma surgeon stated.
"No, you don't. I'm just being silly," Serena deflected. "To have someone defend your honour, even if it was a misguided attempt, especially as passionately as Charlotte was, that's a precious thing. I'm certain that Elinor wouldn't do the same for me, and that thought makes me a little disappointed if I'm honest."
"Nonsense, I can't imagine that being the case at all. Why would anyone who cared for you not go to bat for you? I would. If I even suspected someone was overstepping the mark with you or about you, I would defend you with everything in me." Much as she had in the peace garden after Arthur's death, Bernie placed a supportive arm around her friend's shoulders. Passing the coffee she had brought her to Serena, she stated, "hopefully it'll still be drinkable."
After a healthy swig of the tepid foamy concoction, Serena attempted to think of a subtle way to broach the subject of Charlotte's misunderstanding about the nature of their relationship but Bernie beat her to it.
"You needn't worry about what she said, I set her straight, if you'll pardon the pun, that we're just friends. When Cameron was here, he saw us together and to him, it looked like there was more to us than friendship. He spoke to me about it before our shift finished that day and I told him the same, that you are my colleague and a good friend. I have to believe that he mentioned it to Charlotte but she didn't accept it from him. Maybe she will from me."
"Why did Cameron think we were more than friends?" Serena probed, noticing Bernie physically retreating as she withdrew her arm from where it had still rested around the brunette's shoulders.
"Mostly because I allow you to initiate physical contact, I let you stand right beside me. I don't feel the need to maintain a perimeter with you, because I know I'm safe. He knows that's unusual for me, I'm naturally more inclined to keep my distance, even with the kids to a point." Bernie drew in a shaky breath as she prepared to admit that it was more than that. "He also said that I look at you the same way he saw me look at Alex when she came to the house one time we were on leave at the same time. It was early on in our friendship though, we hadn't yet become anything more…"
"But you wanted to... and you did," Serena provided, a little startled by the honesty of the confession even as her stomach gave a swift leap at the thought of the other woman admitting being attracted to her.
"Yes, but I didn't know that then. As far as I was concerned, I cared about her deeply, as a friend, just as I do you. Had Alex not made the first move, I doubt I'd have ever had the courage to act on any attraction I felt towards her, not when I was certain it wouldn't be reciprocated. It would just have been a silly, fleeting crush which I would have moved on from without it needing to affect our friendship. Just like my feelings for you."
"Is this your way of admitting you are attracted to me?" Serena queried, mind twisting and turning over how she felt about the prospect of them confronting what she had long suspected lay beneath their easy camaraderie.
Bernie steeled herself for the backlash before she spoke, more certain than ever that their friendship would be forever changed regardless of the outcome. "How could I not be? You, Serena Campbell, are a truly beautiful woman and a shameless flirt but your friendship is important to me and I'm no fool, I know that any advances I made wouldn't be welcomed so you don't need to fear me throwing myself at you. I am capable of restraint and would never wish to do anything to make you uncomfortable." The enigmatic blonde fought to remain where she sat, not to give into her natural instincts to physically retreat to protect herself.
"I've never….been attracted to women," Serena stated carefully, her traitorous mind unhelpfully adding a silent 'until now'. "I have no problem with it, I'm not homophobic, it's just...never been something I have experienced before."
"Not everyone does. I didn't, not really until Alex. There were crushes in my early years but that was just hormonal teenage stuff. Then Marcus came along and I focused all my time and attention on loving him. Thoughts of being with a woman rarely ever crossed my mind again until I met Captain Dawson. Some people, like Alex, know early on that they prefer the company of their own gender, some later in life and some never feel any compunction to date anyone of the same sex. It may be all the rage these days to be open to anything but there's no shame in knowing that something won't work for you without having tried it." Bernie spoke softly, intimately, as she fought not to startle Serena any further, worried that the brunette would bolt. The two sat in contemplative silence for long moments, not entirely at ease but not significantly uncomfortable either. "If you want me to find somewhere else to stay, I'll understand," Bernie mentioned at length.
"Nonsense, that won't be at all necessary...unless you'd prefer not to be at my house?" Serena replied, her initial confidence fading as she began to second guess herself.
"If you're happy for me to stay, I'd love to. I don't want this to change anything between us. You're my best friend." Bernie allowed herself to relax a little, nudging the other woman playfully and relieved beyond words when the brunette responded with a mock slap to her scrub-clad thigh.
"Well that's settled then. Get your paperwork done and meet me at the car in about half an hour?" Serena rose from the bench and tossed her coffee cup into the bin. "Bernie, thank you, for being so open and honest with me. I wish...I wish that I could return your affection, because I happen to believe you are a wonderful woman who would make a lovely partner. I wish I was braver, for you."
"Maybe that might be true one day but, at the moment, I'm too much of a screw up to inflict myself on anyone," Bernie replied tenderly, heart aching at Serena's rejection despite her rational mind knowing it was inevitable. "You deserve far better than I could ever hope to give you," she stated with soft conviction, offering a brief sad smile before taking her leave, grateful for once to have a mountain of paperwork which gave her the perfect excuse to hide from prying eyes. Despite knowing anything more than friendship was off the table before they had confirmed it, Bernie hadn't been able to help allowing her imagination to wonder what might happen if Serena had been open to the possibility. Now that vague glimmer of hope had been extinguished, she needed time to herself to re-build her protective wall around her heart so she wouldn't act in a foolish manner and destroy the friendship she was working so very hard to protect.
Serena, for her part, remained in the locker room, sinking back onto the bench as she took stock of what had just happened. Bernie had admitted to her attraction, had been brave and honest and noble when Serena couldn't return the affection. Not that the brunette was blind to her own body's reactions to her friend, whenever they casually touched or entered one another's personal space, the flutter in her stomach when Bernie really smiled at her or gazed at her for a little longer than was strictly necessary. And she had found herself encouraging these things, welcoming them and therefore undoubtedly sending mixed signals to the former army Major. It was high wonder that the blonde hadn't called Serena out on it but then that wasn't her style, she was far more likely to assume full responsibility and try to shield Serena from what she saw as her failings.
"Damn you Berenice Wolfe, why do you have to complicate things?" Serena muttered before gathering herself together and making a final round of her ward, checking her patients were successfully and thoroughly handed over to the next shift of staff before making her way to their shared office to gather her belongings. She was shocked to find the room empty, Bernie's desk far tidier than it had been in quite some time. Her heart dropped into her stomach at the thought that maybe Bernie had opted to tender her resignation and run away rather than face the aftermath of their previous conversation but she shook off the possibility as utterly ridiculous. Making her way to her car, the notion faded entirely as she saw Bernie striding from the peace garden and heading towards the same destination. They convened at the spot Serena's car was parked in, making eye contact over the roof, relief flooding through each of them as they shared a familiar, warm smile. Maybe honesty really was the best policy, even when it complicated things.
They soon realised how wrong they were to think that Bernie's admission wouldn't change anything between them. Serena watched with disappointment as her friend gradually closed herself off over the next few weeks, avoiding after work drinks at Albie's, swapping shifts to work opposite Serena whilst offering flimsy excuses for doing so, spending more and more time away from the house and returning after she was certain that Serena would have already retired to bed for the night. The brunette had consistently tried to break through the barriers the medic was erecting but for every attempt she made, she found herself being greeted with increasingly forced politeness and rebuffed invitations. They still talked amicably enough and shared coffee occasionally in their shared office but such was the extent of Bernie's withdrawal that even Jason, wonderful but socially awkward Jason, had commented on it. Serena had waved away his concern, citing the divorce and the blonde's estrangement from her daughter as the cause for the trauma surgeon's change in demeanour.
But then came the day Serena had dreaded. Bernie announced she was going out on a date, with a woman she had met in a bar that wasn't Albie's. They argued about whether it was safe, with more harsh words flung around than either of them intended, accusations of cowardice, selfishness and hypocrisy amongst them. Bernie had returned home later than she ever had before, having ignored Serena's texts asking her to confirm that she was safe. She at least had the good grace to look sheepish when she was intercepted by Serena more or less as soon as she set foot through the front door.
"I was on the verge of calling the police!" Serena whispered harshly, not wanting to wake her nephew and upset him.
"I'm sorry, honestly I am. I lost track of time, it was selfish of me given the circumstances." Bernie sounded genuinely apologetic as she spoke, softening Serena's ire just slightly.
As much as she found it pained her to, the brunette asked, "it went well then, your date?"
"No! Oh God Serena it was pathetic, I was pathetic. I never should have gone in the first place. We didn't even make it to dinner, after one drink we both knew I wasn't ready for any kind of relationship with anyone else and I'm not in the market for a fling, just quick casual sex." Bernie headed for the kitchen, pouring herself a generous tumbler of whiskey, not that she really needed any more alcohol.
"I'm sorry to hear that but if it broke down so early, where have you been all this time?" Serena queried, steadfastly ignoring the thrill which raced through her at the news of Bernie's failed date. It was none of her business really, she herself had had the chance to explore the unresolved tension between them but had been too timid to accept she might be attracted to another woman. Now that Bernie was trying to move on, she couldn't very well object to that on the grounds of hurt feelings and jealousy without looking like the coward she felt she was.
"I met up with Cameron, he was out with Morven and that new girl, Jasmine. And when I started cramping their style, I found a quiet little bar to drown my sorrows in. I didn't mean to worry you and I did start to reply to your message but I got distracted and let my stubborn nature rule my rational mind. I think that has been true for the last few weeks really. I've acted like a complete ass. I was sorely disappointed but I shouldn't have taken that out on you at all. You can't help how you feel any more than I can. We're not hormonal teenagers but I didn't do a very good job of handling it like a mature adult. For that, I also apologise." Bernie found herself being swept up into a warm embrace, further words redundant as Serena uttered her own reassurances into incredibly soft, wavy blonde hair.
"I'm sorry too, for not trying harder and letting this come between us. Let's both agree to try harder to work through this together, we know we do our best work as a team," Serena offered sincerely, heart filling with warmth at the physical contact, not having realised just how much she missed it.
"I'll try but for now, I'm afraid that's as much as I can promise," Bernie replied sadly, squirming free from the loose hold around her waist lest she lose her restraint with so many drinks inside her.
"That's enough for me...for now," Serena advised, letting her friend retreat whilst plastering on a tight smile to hide her disappointment.
Bernie wandered across the car park oblivious to her surroundings, her mind in turmoil after another difficult shift. More than anything she wished she could properly bridge the gap between her and Serena, desperately missing being able to unwind with the brunette over a bottle of wine or two without there being any underlying tension and to sink into her unflinching embrace without second guessing her own motivation for doing so. There had been improvements since the night of her failed date but there was still a chasm between them in comparison to how easy their closeness had been before Bernie's confession. A sharp pain ripped through her head interrupting her thoughts and before she could begin to comprehend what was happening, the trauma surgeon found herself being pushed into the side of the nearest vehicle, forcibly bent at the waist by strong, determined hands. Dazed and disorientated, Bernie couldn't fight back as the hands roamed her body, searching for intimate places to squeeze and pinch before a familiar voice rang out in alarm. Bernie couldn't discern the words initially but she recognised the tone instantly. Serena. Beautiful, wonderful Serena was there and with that realisation, Bernie allowed herself to relax momentarily, knowing that she was safe, no matter what. Her protective instincts kicked in mere seconds later however and she began to fight only marginally successfully against the fog which was crowding her brain, darkness blurring the edges of her mind.
"Get the hell away from her!" Serena growled menacingly, rapidly closing the distance between herself and her stricken colleague. "You rancid excuse for a human being, take your filthy hands off her and be thankful I'm too much of a lady to rip you limb from limb!"
"You couldn't harm me if you tried but I'd like to see you try. And then I would very much enjoy watching the fire fade from your eyes as I enjoy my time with you," Bernie's attacker sneered, leering at Serena lustfully.
"You'd have to get through me and these guys first. And I have to warn you, since that is my mother you are currently mauling, I have no intention of being polite. Let go of her now or I will make you regret the day you were born." Cameron's voice echoed from behind Serena, his own tone one of quiet fury as he stepped into view alongside the brunette.
"If you want her, come and get her," Wahib taunted as he withdrew a wicked looking knife from his pocket, moving it towards the still semi-conscious medic.
"No!" Serena cried, launching herself forward and rugby tackling her friend's attacker with little care or concern for her own safety. The element of surprise worked in her favour, the knife clattering to the ground harmlessly, spurring Cameron and the security guards into action. They wrestled Wahib from Serena's surprisingly firm grasp and held him securely. As soon as the former patient was subdued, Serena surged forward to catch her friend and guide her to the safety of the hospital building. Cameron trailed behind them, wondering how his mother could be so dim as to believe her colleague held no deeper affection for her than friendship. From what he had just witnessed, nothing could be further from the truth! Serena bundled Bernie into a wheelchair, which she snagged from a passing porter, her expression daring the young man to object. She adopted the same approach to anyone who tried to caution her against treating someone she was obviously so close to, growling and snarling until the message to back off had been received loud and clear. Only when all test results had come back clear and the diagnosis was nothing more than a mild concussion did the brunette allow herself to relax slightly, collapsing into the plastic chair beside the sleeping patient's bed.
"Oh Bernie, I've been such a foolish, cowardly old woman. How could I not see how much you mean to me, how much I care about you? I heard a song on the radio this morning on my way into work, from Carousel, and I couldn't stop myself from thinking about you. I should have been as brave as you and admitted to you so much sooner that your attraction isn't unrequited. These past weeks, watching you pull away to protect yourself, it's damn near broken me. I wish I could tell you just how much you do mean to me." Serena found herself humming softly, the melody of the song floating effortlessly from her. Keeping the volume low in the quiet, dimly lit ward, the brunette dared to sing to the slumbering woman beside her, lying so peacefully on the bed.
"If I loved you,
Time and again I would try to say
All I'd want you to know.
If I loved you,
Words wouldn't come in an easy way
Round in circles I'd go!
Longin' to tell you,
But afraid and shy,
I'd let my golden chances pass me by!
Soon you'd leave me,
Off you would go in the mist of day,
Never, never to know how I loved you
If I loved you."
The final line came out barely more than a whisper. "I have been so foolish to try to convince myself that I don't love you and now, the moment has passed and I've missed my chance to say anything without worsening this void between us."
Bernie stirred, drawn from her sleep by the soft lilting voice, eyes flickering open and squinting as she tried to focus on the person sat by her bedside. "You lied to me," she croaked as she managed to discern that it was Serena. The brunette's face dropped, her expression one of panic at the words, wondering if her confession had been overheard and was about to be thoroughly rejected. "You told me you were no action woman and yet I hear rumours that you rugby tackled a knife wielding extremist to protect me." Cameron had explained what had happened in a brief spell of time alone with his mother when Serena was harassing the lab for Bernie's results. He had also made it clear to the blonde just how frantic her colleague had been to be sure she was safe and as healthy as could be, strongly hinting again that what they shared was,significantly deeper than friendship.
"I could hardly leave you to his mercy could I, not when he had already threatened such a horrific attack on you. I'd never have forgiven myself if I hadn't done what I could, when I could." Serena felt in equal parts relieved and disappointed that her confession had gone unheard, a strange clash of emotions dancing within her.
"How can I ever thank you?" Bernie asked, her voice and eyes filled with an inordinate amount of affection, beckoning Serena in and willing her to be brave enough to repeat her declaration to a conscious audience.
"No thanks needed, it's what any friend and decent human being would do," the brunette replied picking up the prone woman's hand and toying idly with her fingers. "Although, if you'd allow me the honour of taking you out to dinner, I have missed sharing a bottle of Shiraz with you. I'm sorry I let you believe what you were feeling was unrequited. It was silly of me, I should just have been honest with you at the time but I was scared. I liked it too much, the flirting and the tension between us and I didn't know how to reconcile that with who I thought I was."
"You don't have to explain anything, Serena. When Alex first kissed me, I slapped her and refused to speak to her about anything but work for a whole month. It's scary as hell having the rug pulled from under you, when you've gone your whole life confident you know who you are and what you want." Bernie's voice was laden with sleep, drowsiness still clinging about her like a blanket of fog. She tried to catch fleeting flashes of thoughts, unclear as to what was real and what was her concussion addled brain playing tricks on her.
In lieu of a verbal response, Serena reached out to the blonde woman, stroking a hand through her hair, cautious to avoid the area of her injury. Leaning closer, Serena murmured, "And what about if I know what I want now? Is there...do you...do I have any chance with you?"
"My feelings haven't changed. But I do need you to be certain that this, a relationship with me, is what you want before we go any further. Right now, we can still pull back and salvage our friendship but I can't promise I can do that if you get cold feet again because to know what it is to kiss you and hold you in my arms only to have it snatched away, that would hurt beyond anything I've ever known. I can't go through that and stay here, seeing you every day. It would never be enough and yet would still be too much to allow the wounds to heal."
Tears coursed over Serena's cheeks as she listened to the damage her fear had done to her fragile friend. "Oh Bernie!" she gasped, squeezing the prone woman's hand tightly, grateful to feel the firm grip returned. "I am more certain of this than I have ever been about anything since I chose a career in medicine. Seeing you being attacked this evening, I felt like a part of me would be forever lost if I didn't save you. I couldn't bear it, seeing you hurt. It made me realise that I'm stupid to think I can ignore how important you are to me, how much I love you. I can't remember a day since we became friends when I didn't want to share something with you. I have no idea when I fell for you but somewhere along the way, my affection deepened into much, much more. I'm just sorry that it took something like this for me to realise it and to find the courage to tell you."
"We have the rest of our lives ahead of us, we may be no spring chickens but I'm hoping for quite a few years yet. Years which I'd be honoured if you'd share them with me." Bernie tugged on the joined hands, beckoning Serena closer still, trying to stifle a yawn as the need to sleep threatened to overwhelm her again.
"You should rest," Serena protested, albeit half-heartedly.
"Kiss me and I'll be sure to have the sweetest of dreams," Bernie bargained. With a relieved chuckle, Serena leant closer still, cupping Bernie's face between her warm palms. As their lips brushed against one another, they each released a quiet sigh of contentment, the missing pieces slotting into place and leaving them with a sense of being home at last.